


Model Men

by TheGoodShip



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Bottom Robert Sugden, Clothing Kink, Coming Out, First Time Bottoming, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jack Sugden is a dick, M/M, Model AU, Model! Aaron, Mutual Masturbation, Original Character(s), Overdosing, Robron AU, Sad Aaron, Self-Harm, Smut, alternative universe, eating disorder behaviors, fame au, internalised biphobia, supportive robert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 109,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24521014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoodShip/pseuds/TheGoodShip
Summary: Robron AU. Aaron's a model, trying to prove that he's moved on from his criminal teenage past. Robert's the socialite son of author Jack Sugden, trying to prove himself worthy of his father’s approval.They're both trying to prove something to the world but can't help but be distracted by one another when their paths cross...
Relationships: Aaron Dingle & Robert Sugden, Aaron Dingle/Ed Roberts, Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 679
Kudos: 817





	1. The Shoot

In the five months that Aaron's been back in the UK he's realised two things: there's nothing quite like an early morning in London, and he misses Emmerdale more than he cares to admit. It's 6am when he leaves his ( _their_ ) apartment and starts on his walk to Kings Cross station, past Regent's Park, watching the jogger's whom he usually joins for his daily 5km run, and through the weaving streets of the city he now calls home.

He still can't quite believe that he's here. He lives in London now. In an apartment of sharp-angled furniture and expensive art, with a concierge and never-ending views across the city. He's traveled across the world more in the past year than he thought he ever would in his lifetime. He has more money than he had thought was possible at the age of 22. What he's done to deserve this he doesn't know. Having your photo taken and walking down a catwalk shouldn't bring such happiness. _He doesn't deserve it._

He's Aaron Dingle, the so-called 'mechanic turned model', the 'bit of rough' as his boyfriend so affectionately likes to call him, with a cheeky wink. He has brands and designers paying him quite frankly stupid amounts of money to wear their clothes. He's not complaining, because who would, really? But he still has to pinch himself on a near-daily basis when he thinks about the whirlwind 18 months that he's had. 

As he settles himself in for the two-and-a-half-hour train journey up to Leeds, he feels himself smile at the thought of returning to his roots, to where it all began. As much as he loves the excitement and buzz of London life, he knows that there will always be a part of his heart that belongs in the rolling hills of the Yorkshire Dales. That fresh countryside air and the laidback warmth of the people who live there was unrivalled. 

He pulls out his phone to look at Instagram, liking the latest posts and some of the comments below his own. Despite being paid literally just for looking the way he does he still sometimes struggles to believe that others actually believe he looks good and he rolls his eyes at some of the complimentary comments below his posts. His manager's told him that he needs to engage with people online more, to become a more likable presence and continue working to change the opinion of a few too many people who think that he's nothing more than an ex-con who just got lucky because of who his boyfriend is. 

There's nobody else in the First Class carriage yet so he takes a selfie to add to the hundreds of photos already on his profile. After several failed attempts and lots of internal critique about the way he looks, he finally settles on a photo that he doesn't dislike too much. It's one of him nonchalantly looking out of the train window, with a slight pout and his cheekbones on display - _"They're your best feature, Aaron. They may as well pay your mortgage!"_ \- and he adds a black and white filter before hitting 'post'.

 **the.aaron.dingle** Back to Yorkshire today. Looking forward to a shoot in the Dales 📷✌️ 

~~~~~

Robert hates mornings. No, more accurately, he hates mornings in Home Farm. Despite not being a farmer for over 15 years, Jack Sugden still wakes at the crack of dawn every day, no consideration for anyone else as he stomps around the house, voice booming as he speaks to the staff and takes phone calls. Robert buries himself under the covers, hoping for another few minutes of sleep before he's dragged from his bed by his father's voice shouting up the stairs.

He looks at his phone to check the time, then feels his eyes widen as he sees the calendar notification which pops up on the screen. ' **Shoot day - DO NOT MESS THIS UP!!** ' and immediately shoots out of his bed. Today is the day that he must prove to his father that he’s capable of playing a significant role in the running of Home Farm. With Leyla on holiday, his father has _graciously_ offered him the opportunity to manage a photo shoot for some designer's fragrance advertisement. Robert had almost bitten his hand off, desperate as he was to prove himself as more than just the socialite son of famous author, Jack Sugden, who does nothing but go to parties and hang around with similarly wealthy individuals.

Robert’s determined to make a good impression today, so he dresses in one of his favourite suits: navy blue with a subtle chequer pattern and a white shirt underneath. It’s designer, expensive. He styles his blonde hair so that it looks effortlessly coiffed and finishes off with his favourite cologne, before heading downstairs to make himself a double-shot coffee to kick start his day.

His father is sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen and he raises his eyebrows in what Robert hopes is approval as he looks at what his son’s wearing.

"Very smart, son. You've got an hour before they're due to start arriving for this shoot. Have you got the plan that Leyla left for you?"

Robert holds back an eye roll and feels his jaw tighten. "Yes, dad. I don't think it's going to be that difficult. The director's already been here with the photographer. They know where they're doing the shoot. I've just got to give them anything they need and make sure they get lunch on time."

"You see son." His father sighs with disappointment that Robert swears is only reserved for him, as he puts down the paper he's been reading. "That's the difference between you and someone like Leyla. She always makes a good impression and shows that Home Farm is more than just an estate which looks good in photos. Sell yourself. Sell Home Farm. Try to secure us some more shoots, more events. I'm trusting you today. Don't mess this up."

Robert feels his shoulders drop as his father’s word chip away at his confidence. "Please try to trust me, dad. I've seen Leyla in action enough times. I know what I'm doing."

"I'll be the judge of that,” his father says, puffing out his chest in the signature Jack Sugden style that Robert fucking hates. “I'm going to write. Try not to disturb me today."

With that, Jack gets up and heads to his study, leaving Robert to lean back against the kitchen counter and wait for the coffee machine to finish making his drink. He’s going to do everything he can to ensure that today goes without a hitch.

~~~~~

As his taxi pulls up outside Home Farm, Aaron feels the familiar sense of nervous anticipation wash over him. He almost always feels this way before a shoot, expecting the director to be waiting for him, ready to tell him that he’s not good enough, that they've made a mistake and his replacement’s already on set. Fortunately, there’s no director waiting for him. In fact, nobody’s there at all. He assumes that they’re all inside or setting up in the grounds.

After paying the taxi driver, he approaches the entrance of the main building and rings the bell. It takes 30 seconds before he hears movement behind the door, what sounds like something being dropped and then a panicked muttering of "shit, shit, shit". 

A blonde, and rather attractive, man who looks incredibly flustered pulls the door open.

"Hi, I'm-"

"You here for the-"

They both speak at the same time, making Aaron laugh lightly. "Sorry, I'm here for the photo shoot."

"Of course, of course. Please, come in." the man in the suit looks Aaron over as though he recognises him from somewhere before stepping aside. "Ignore the mess. I just dropped a folder and it decided to explode all over the floor."

As he steps inside, Aaron looks at the floor of the hallway which is covered in papers. "Want some help?" he asks as he watches the blonde man trying to gather everything up and put it back into the folder he's carrying. 

"Thanks," the blonde man looks stressed as he sighs deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose, holding out a hand as Aaron passes over the last of the paperwork. "I'm Robert Sugden, by the way. Home Farm's acting estate manager for the shoot. First time doing this on my own. As you can probably tell, it's um, well it's not going as smoothly as I was expecting it to. And it's only," he looks at his watch, "9am. Great. I need another coffee. Can I get you anything?"

"Nah, you're alright, thanks. I should probably go and join the crew," Aaron offers, as Robert looks at him somewhat blankly. "I'm Aaron Dingle. The model."

"Oh, right." Robert clears his throat. "Makes sense. The photographer was stressing that you hadn't arrived yet. They're just in the grounds, setting up and trying to calm down the horse. Come this way." Robert gestures Aaron through a set of double doors towards the back of the building, leading outside.

"Oh god. The horse." Aaron groans as he follows Robert. He's somehow managed to forget that part of the shoot was going to involve him on horseback.

"Not a fan of horses then?" Robert asks as they stepped outside.

"Nearly got thrown off the last one I was on." Aaron shudders at the memory. "They don't say never to work with children or animals for no reason. I best head over," Aaron gestures over to the crew and smiles shyly at Robert as one of the stylists calls out to him. "Wish me luck!"

Robert nods at him before heading back inside.

~~~~~

After the rather manic start to the day, Robert was finally starting to feel a little calmer and more confident. Despite starting off feeling surprisingly out of his depth, everything was going a lot more smoothly now.

Lunch is due to be served in half an hour and he’s just finished up discussing the arrangements with the caterer when he steps outside for a breath of fresh air. The sight that greets him causes him to do a double take. When Aaron had arrived, he'd been dressed entirely in black and given how stressed he'd been, Robert hadn't taken the time to get a good look at him. But now, well, Robert can’t help but lean back against the wall and feast his eyes.

Aaron’s wearing an incredibly well-fitting racing green coloured tweed suit, his hair perfectly styled in soft waves, and he’s sat astride a large brown horse, his shoulders high and back straight as he looks stoically into the distance, whilst a photographer takes a series of photos. The slight shyness he'd shown earlier has all but disappeared and now he looks entirely confident. A good suit always did it for Robert, but Aaron was taking that attraction to a whole new level. Robert couldn’t help but let out a low whistle in appreciation.

As the photographer finishes up with a nod to Aaron and the director calls for everyone to break for lunch, Robert watches as Aaron's bravado disappears like the flick of a switch. He rubs his eyes and scrubs his hands over his face, before an assistant comes over and offers a hand to help him off the horse. Aaron all but ignores the hand, swinging his leg over and jumping from the animal before giving it a gentle pat and heading towards Aaron. He looks visibly agitated as he approaches.

"Any rules about smoking here?" Aaron gestures over the grounds, before biting his lip impatiently.

It takes Robert a second to realise that he’s still checking Aaron out and compose himself. "No-" his voice is tight as he speaks, and he clears his throat before continuing with a smirk. "Not whilst I'm in charge, but there's a smoking area just round the side if you want to play by the rules."

"Cheers." Aaron nods and heads back inside before emerging a minute later with a packet of cigarettes, lighter and can of light energy drink. He looks at Robert for a second, as though considering his next words, before gesturing to the packet. "You smoke?"

"Usually only when I'm drinking." It’s not technically true, it’s been a couple of years since Robert last smoked. However, he now has a sudden desire for a cigarette – unsure if it’s the nicotine or the chance to spend a few minutes in the company of a fit bloke, a model no less, that he’s craving. "Go on then, might help chill me out a bit."

Aaron nods and they walk the short distance towards the smoking shelter in silence. Robert watches as Aaron pulls a cigarette from the pack and places it between his lips before holding the pack out to Robert.

"Thanks," Robert waits as Aaron lights his own cigarette, before cupping his hand close to Robert's face in a gesture that feels strangely intimate as he holds the lighter to Robert’s cigarette. He smells amazing, like a forest after the rain mixed with a touch of spice and something so distinctly masculine.

Aaron inhales deeply and closes his eyes, relaxing as the nicotine takes effect. "I should really give up," he takes another drag. "My boyfriend's always nagging at me to stop."

The word 'boyfriend' both disappoints and pleases Robert. Not that he thinks he has a chance with Aaron, _he’s a model for god’s sake_ , but it’s good to know that a bit of harmless flirting won’t be taken entirely the wrong way. "Oh yeah? Is he a model too?"

Aaron laughs and shakes his head. "Who Ed? No. He's a rugby player. Very clean living the majority of the time."

Realisation dawns on Robert as he remembers an article he'd read, and it suddenly twigs where he recognises Aaron from. "As in Ed Roberts? The England rugby player?"

Aaron nods. "Yep, that's him."

"So, you're-"

Aaron interrupts. "The bloke who went to prison for ABH and got lucky when he was scouted at one of Ed's matches? That's me!" He continues defensively, like this isn’t the first time he’s had to say all of this. "Look at me now,” he scoffs. “Wearing a designer suit that costs more than most people's rent and being paid a ridiculous amount of money to have my photo taken."

"Well,” Robert tilts his head to one side and runs an appreciative look over the suit, over Aaron. “It is a _very_ nice suit. Not your fault if you wear it so well, is it?" He meets Aaron’s eye and smiles in an attempt to break the tension.

Aaron looks away quickly, then responds with bemusement. "You can talk. You look like a man who knows his way around a suit." He pauses for a moment and casts his eye over Robert's suit jacket. "I'm pretty sure I modelled that jacket you're wearing during Paris Fashion Week last year. It's Ford right? Looks a lot better on you than it did on me. Navy suits you."

“Oh, thanks.” Robert feels himself blush, not sure what to say to such a compliment. "Stylist _and_ model, eh? Check you out."

Aaron laughs back. "Trust me, mate. Never thought I'd have any interest in fashion. Still don't a lot of the time. I just get told what to wear and how to stand and pose. But you just kind of pick things up along the way. I mean, I've got eyes, I can see when something looks good on someone, but now, I understand. Does that make sense?"

"Definitely." Robert smiles warmly at him. 

"Anyway," Aaron cracks open the can of energy drink that had been sat on the bench next to him and takes a large sip. "Sorry, I'm probably keeping you from something important. No offence mate, but you seemed well stressed this morning. Haven't you got an office that you need to get back to?"

"I’m allowed a lunch break, aren’t I?” Robert takes a final drag of his cigarette before flicking the stub into the bucket of sand at his side. “Although my father probably wouldn’t say so. That’s why I was so stressed earlier,” he offers. “Trying to impress him. He’s finally letting me have a go at running an event all by myself and lo and behold, nothing seemed to be going right. Although, touch wood,” he pats the space on the bench between him and Aaron, brushing the warmth of Aaron’s thigh slightly, “it all seems to be going okay now. Anyway, you’re one to talk! Where’s your lunch?” He indicates to the can in Aaron’s hand. "Don't tell me you're a model who doesn't eat?!"

"Do I honestly look like I don't eat?!" Aaron scoffs. "Nah, it's the interior shots after lunch and I've got to be sort of topless in them. I'd rather not load up on carbs beforehand. I'll just have something when we're done. I'm used to not eating during shoots. Doesn't bother me."

"Fair enough, I’ll make sure something gets packed up for you to have after." Robert turns towards Aaron, considering whether to ask his next question. "You're doing the shoot in the drawing room, right?"

“Think so, why?”

“Well.” Robert pauses, looking uncertain all of a sudden. “I was going to mention to your photographer that the light that comes through at about 3pm is good, like really good, for photos.”

“Sure it shouldn’t be you with the camera?” Aaron teases. “How’d you know so much about it?”

“I did photography at A-Level. Still have my camera and like to take photos sometimes,” Robert blushes, then shakes his head. “Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say. Just part of me trying to make a good impression. I’m sure your photographer knows exactly what she’s doing.”

“Don’t be silly. I’ll mention it to her. Hey, you’re welcome to sit in and watch, if you like? Might pick up some tips.”

“Really? Is that allowed?”

“Don’t see why it wouldn’t be. Might pick up some tips, eh?”

“Thanks, Aaron. I’d really like that, only if you’re sure though?”

“Yeah, course. As long as you don’t mind watching a half-naked man having his photo taken?”

~~~~~

It was almost unbearable. _Almost_ , because it was also something that he had committed to his memory a hundred times already. He’s only been in the room for five minutes and he’s had to think about spiders crawling all over him twice in that space of time just to prevent himself from getting noticeably turned on. Aaron’s in his line of sight, being fussed over by a stylist who’s applying powder to his face – something that he’s not particularly enjoying if the look on his face is anything to go by – whilst the photographer takes random photos of the room to test out the lighting.

Aaron’s already introduced him to the photographer and Robert’s mentioned the lighting suggestion to her, although he cannot imagine anything making Aaron look better than he does right now. Robert thought that Aaron in a suit had done it for him but that’s nothing compared to the sight in front of him now.

He doesn’t frequent the drawing room much but he’s pretty sure that it’s now his new favourite room due to the vision of Aaron reclined on the chaise longue in the corner being forever burned into his brain. Aaron’s leaning back on his elbows now, looking like he owns the place, shirt still tucked into his trousers but unbuttoned down to his naval, revealing his sculpted chest. Robert wants to lick all the way down it. Then keep going. He’d never seen a man look so fuckable.

“Chin up, just slightly,” the photographer encourages Aaron. “Bit more. Perfect.”

Robert curses a god that he doesn’t even believe in as Aaron’s piercing blue eyes meet his. Of course, Aaron has to be looking in his direction, continuing to hold his gaze whilst the photographer snaps away. And that’s it. Robert’s gone. He’s not sure exactly what it is about Aaron that’s turning him on more than any man ever has before, but he knows that no man will ever do it for him in the same way that Aaron is right now.

“Aaron, you’re a dream. As always. I think,” the photographer pauses to look at the last few shots on her camera. “Yep, I’m happy. That’s a wrap!”

There’s a chorus of ‘woos’ and clapping from the rest of the team and Aaron gives them all a small smile and he sits up on the chaise longue.

“Good shoot. Cheers, everyone.” Aaron thanks the team as they start to pack everything away.

And of course, it’s at that moment that Jack Sugden decides to walk in and ruin everything. Perfect. Fucking. Timing.

“Robert. I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Slacking off and bored after less than a day, are we?” His father sounds gleeful, like he’s proven a point that’s clear to anyone who knows how unreliable and irresponsible Robert is.

But then comes Robert’s saviour in tweed armour, refastening his top button with one hand whilst fiddling with his phone in the other.

“Robert,” Aaron gives a curt nod to Jack before focusing his attention on Robert. “Thanks for waiting for us to finish. So, my mum’s birthday party. You, er, you free to talk about that now?”

If the raise of Aaron’s eyebrows is anything to go by then Robert must look more confused than he feels.

“Yeah, sure.” He quickly composes himself before going along with Aaron’s inspired lie. “You can come through to the office, if you like?”

“Great, I’ll just grab my stuff,” Aaron pauses for a second, looking at Jack and holding out his hand. “Jack Sugden, right?”

Jack nods and shakes Aaron’s hand. “That’s right.”

“Well, can I just say, your son has done a fantastic job today. One of the smoothest shoots I’ve done in a long time.”

Robert’s half-tempted to pull out his phone and take a photo to capture the surprised look on Jack’s face. Either that, or kiss Aaron.

“Well,” Jack smooths down his shirt before looking at Robert and starting to back out of the room. “I’m very pleased to hear it. Robert, we’ll catch up later.”

Robert can’t help but smile broadly at Aaron as they both watch Jack leave the room. “You really didn’t have to say that.”

“No, I did. No offence, but your dad seems like a dick. And anyway, I wasn’t lying. It’s been a really good shoot. Wouldn’t have known this was your first time running something like this all by yourself.”

Robert feels genuinely humbled by Aaron’s comment. “Thanks, Aaron. That means a lot.”

Aaron scoffs.

“No, seriously. I swear, my dad wanted me to fail. Thanks to you, he might actually give me the opportunity to do more of these.”

“You can start off by helping me to organise my mum’s birthday party. I meant that bit too. I haven’t really seen her much recently and I know that she’d love this place. Tell you what,” he holds his phone out to Robert. “Put your number in there and I’ll give you a call. Get something properly sorted.”

“Seriously?”

“Definitely.” Aaron smiles.

“There you go,” Robert hands the phone back and can’t help but feel a jolt of excitement at his hand touches Aaron’s.

“Got a taxi waiting or I’d stay a bit longer.” Aaron gives a small wave as he leaves the room. “I’ll be in touch.”

~~~~~

Robert’s laying in bed, half an hour in to scrolling through Aaron’s Instagram and feeling himself get increasingly turned on when a text comes through from a number he doesn’t recognise.

**_“Hey, it’s Aaron. Thanks again for a great shoot. I’ll call you soon.”_ **

For some reason, it feels like the start of something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this idea in my head for ages but I'm not sure if it's the kind of thing that people actually want to read. Any kudos/comments/feedback would be so appreciated - please let me know if you'd like to read more!


	2. The Launch Event

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert grow closer at an event, leading to an unexpected ending to the evening.

**Ex-con boyfriend of England rugby player Ed Roberts signs modelling contract**

_The famously photogenic boyfriend of England rugby player Ed Roberts has signed a contract with modelling agency OLTA Talent. Aaron Dingle, 22, was sentenced to 18 months imprisonment following an attack on a clubgoer in a Leeds nightclub._

_First rising to public attention after Roberts' announced their relationship, Dingle quickly garnered a large following on Instagram and was reportedly scouted at one of rugby player's matches back in January._

Robert clicks off the article as soon as he scrolls down to the photo of Aaron and Ed at some fancy sporting event. He’s reluctant to admit it but they make a good-looking couple. Ed is fit, he supposes, if you like the muscly type. Robert doesn’t. He wouldn’t usually go for someone like Aaron either, preferring a more polished and professional look, someone more like himself. But there’s something about Aaron’s rough and rugged look that’s lit a fire inside him.

Despite the photo of Aaron and Ed messing with his fantasy of sleeping with Aaron, it’s not just that which he doesn’t like. It’s seeing two men so apparently confident about being in a relationship together. He can’t imagine how that must feel.

His sexuality has confused him ever since he was 15 and his dad caught him snogging one of his mates in his bedroom during Andy’s birthday party. At the time he’d told himself it was nothing more than a curiosity – he’d kissed a few girls so why not see what it was like with a guy?

_“What the hell are you playing at Robert? My own son… Why are you always so damn determined to wind me up?”_

His father’s words echo in his head whenever he finds himself attracted to another man or dares to think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with one. It’s part of the reason why he only ever sleeps with guys when he’s had so much to drink that he doesn’t care what his father would think of him if he knew what he was up to.

He’s 27 years old and he still hasn’t figured out his sexuality. The ‘B word’ is something that he thinks about often. But then he’ll go through periods of being attracted exclusively to women and try to convince himself that he’s just a straight bloke who occasionally likes to dabble in something other than soft curves and femininity. It’s not something that he’s particularly comfortable with but it’s preferable to having the thought of his father hating him chiselling away at his brain.

Thanks to Aaron, however, he’s once again found himself unable to ignore the fact that’s genuinely attracted to men too. He only met Aaron four days ago and in that time he’s read fourteen articles about him, watched six interviews with him on YouTube and fallen asleep scrolling through his Instagram twice. ‘ _Obsessed_ ’ might be an appropriate word to use, although Robert prefers to think that he’s just taken a curious interest.

“Robert,” his father entering the office breaks him out of his reverie about Aaron. “What time are you heading down to London?”

“Hmm?” Robert rubs his eyes before remembering the event that he’s been invited to tomorrow. Some fashion event that his agent has persuaded him to go to. It all sounded rather boring, but Robert could never resist the lure of free champagne and chance to get away from the mundanity of life at Home Farm.

Robert checks his watch then answers his father. “Going to head to the station at 5pm. Vic doesn’t finish work until late anyway so there’s no point getting there any earlier.”

“Okay, well give my love to Victoria. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

His father leaves before Robert can say another word. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised. Of all of Jack Sugden’s children, Robert seems to be his least favourite, which is ironic considering that he’s the only one who’s stuck around and still lives with him.

Top of the list is Victoria - Robert’s favourite sibling but also the one he’s most jealous of. She managed to get away three years ago, securing a position working in one of the best restaurants in London. Jack likes to boast about Victoria’s success to anyone who’ll listen. Robert understands it, to some extent, but hates that his father never seems to think him worthy of similar praise, despite his own achievements.

Then there’s Andy – Jack’s favourite (adopted) son. He and Robert have never gotten along, and Robert cannot imagine that they ever will do. Andy valiantly took up the mantle of being a farmer after Jack retired to focus on his writing, much to Jack’s extreme pride and Robert’s extreme distaste.

The thought of Andy makes Robert even more keen to spend the weekend in London. Vic has an apartment just down the road from the restaurant that she works in and Robert never feels as relaxed as he does when he spends time there. London’s a place where everyone seems more carefree and Robert isn’t stifled by the constant need to prove that he’s somebody who he doesn’t really want to be.

Robert sends his final email of the day, then has a cursory check of his phone and Aaron’s Instagram. Aaron still hasn’t contacted Robert about his mum’s party and he’s not posted in a few days, much to Robert’s disappointment. His last post is one that Robert’s looked at an unhealthy amount of times. It’s a selfie of Aaron taken on the train on his way up to Yorkshire. He looks untroubled, yet serious, and perfect in his own way.

Every time Robert looks at the photo he’s tempted to double-tap and like it. He still hasn’t though. For some reason he feels that it would cement his attraction. Like Aaron would then know how he feels about him.

It’s ridiculous, Robert thinks, he’s barely spent an hour in Aaron’s presence and he already feels like he’s fallen for him. He shakes his head and packs away the thought for now. Maybe he just needs to get laid. Maybe London will prove to be the perfect distraction.

~~~~

“So, you’re not coming then? Again?” Aaron says pointedly, although he’s not sure why he’s bothering. Ed’s already told him that he’s going out with some of his teammates tonight and Aaron knows that nothing will change his mind about that.

“Babe, I told you I’m sorry.” Ed rests his hands on Aaron’s hips and looks at him with a sad pout, looking _almost_ sorry. “We’ve had this planned for ages.”

“You could just come for an hour…” Aaron raises his eyebrows hopefully.

Ed sighs. “I really couldn’t. You know that. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He winks suggestively as Aaron removes his hands from his hips and folds his own arms across his chest.

“Fine.” Aaron can’t hold back the disappointment in his voice. “Just promise me you’ll be quiet when you come in. You’re always so rowdy after a night out with the team.”

“I promise.” Ed kisses his forehead and turns on the shower, leaving Aaron to get changed into his suit.

There’s something off about Ed at the moment and Aaron can’t place exactly what it is. He knows that they’ve not spent much time together recently, what with him travelling for modelling jobs and Ed competing in the Rugby World Cup, but now that they both have a weekend free Aaron was really hoping that he and Ed would be able to spend some quality time together.

They’ve not had sex for three weeks, despite Aaron making multiple moves. Ed always seems to have an excuse – _too tired, headache, pulled a muscle_. Aaron’s beginning to feel like he’s stuck in some kind of a loveless marriage. He misses the spark that he and Ed had when they first started dating. To the outside world, they have a perfect life, but behind closed doors it’s like a completely different story. 

Rather than dwell on it too much, knowing that he’ll end up stuck in a hole of his own negative thoughts and end up doing something stupid, Aaron decides to push all relationship concerns to one side and try to enjoy the evening that lies ahead. He’s not a huge fan of launch events but he always gets a boost when he reads the complimentary comments on the articles which are posted about him after he attends them. That’s what he needs right now, to feel worthy and appreciated, even if only by a bunch of journalists and faceless strangers online.

He takes a final look over himself as a notification pops up on his phone to let him know that his Uber has arrived. Ed’s also giving himself the once over and Aaron can’t help but smile as he checks out his boyfriend. He really does love Ed and he hopes that the other man feels the same about him.

“Will I do?” He asks, as Ed meets his eye before quickly looking away.

“You look great.” Ed smiles weakly at him and looks almost sad, before he composes himself and smiles broadly. “Gorgeous,” he says, genuinely.

“Don’t look so bad yourself.” Aaron moves across the room to kiss Ed goodbye, trying to deepen it but stopping when Ed doesn’t respond. “You okay?”

“Yeah fine. Perfect. Have a good night, you. We’ll spend the whole day together tomorrow, yeah?” He asks hopefully.

“Sure.” Aaron replies, but can’t help the annoyance in his voice. “See you later.” He leaves the apartment without a look back at Ed.

~~~~

“Roberto!” Robert turns at the familiar voice before a hand slaps him on the shoulder. “Wasn’t expecting to see you here. You should have text me.”

It’s Mike, one of Robert’s oldest friends. They’ve known each other ever since they were teenagers and are both part of the famous boarding school elite who the media have taken a shine to due to their famous parents and often scandalous antics.

“Mike,” Robert beams, reaching out to hug him. “Didn’t think you’d be here. How are you?”

“I’m good, chap. All the better for seeing you though.” Mike kisses him on the cheek and Robert rolls his eyes. The other man catches the look and laughs, before pulling him towards the bar. “Let’s get you a drink.”

Robert smiles as he stands at the bar with Mike. The other man never fails to cheer him up and always proves to be a good distraction when Robert’s feeling down, regaling him with tales of his crazy London life, business successes and failed relationships.

They slept together once, after a tequila-fuelled night out, but put it down to being drunk, lonely, and curious. If Robert’s honest, he can’t really remember much of it, but he’s relieved that it didn’t spoil their friendship.

Mike hands him a drink and Robert holds it up to take a closer look. “Old fashioned.” Mike tells him and Robert takes a sip, enjoying the burn.

“It’s good. Cheers.” He clinks his glass to Mike’s and looks around the room, seeing if there’s anyone else he recognises. He’s taken aback when he sees a familiar face talking to a woman in the corner. It’s Aaron.

“He’s nice.” Mike says in his Irish lilt and Robert realises that Mike’s followed his look over to Aaron. “That’s Aaron Dingle, right? He’s fit.”

Robert nods. “Met him last week. Doing a shoot at Home Farm.”

“Was he now?” Mike raises his eyebrows suggestively. “And did you and he?” Mike wiggles both of his pinky fingers together.

“God, no!” Robert answers defensively, before remembering that Mike doesn’t care about his sexuality and he doesn’t have to pretend that he’s not interested in men. He takes another sip of his drink. “Wouldn’t say no though. Shame he’s attached.”

“Still with that rugby player, is he?” Mike asks, as Robert drains his drink and turns back to the bar to order another, needing to try and erase the image of Aaron reclined back on the chaise longue at Home Farm out of his head.

“Hmm,” Robert replies.

“They make a good couple.” Mike adds and Robert feels bitter about it. “Shame that Ed- Ooh,” Mike puts both of his hands on Robert’s shoulders and whispers in his ear. “He’s heading over. Look sharp.”

Robert turns around and stands up straight as he sees Aaron coming towards him, a look of recognition in his eye as he gets closer and sees that it’s definitely Robert in front of him. Aaron smiles and Robert can’t help but return it.

“Hey,” Aaron says. “Wasn’t sure if it was you.” He turns towards Mike and holds out a hand in greeting. “Aaron Dingle.”

Mike returns the handshake. “Pleasure. You’re fitter than you look in the photos.”

Robert can’t help but be jealous at the carefree way Mike says it, like he doesn’t care whether anyone knows that he likes men.

“Thanks, I think.” Aaron laughs.

The three of them stand awkwardly for a few seconds before Mike pulls out his phone. “Best take this,” he says, although Robert’s sure that his phone isn’t even ringing. “Catch you later, Rob.” He nods at Aaron as he leaves and Robert rolls his eyes as Mike winks suggestively at the pair of him as he walks away. 

“Can I get you a drink?” he asks Aaron as they’re stood alone at the bar together.

“Sure,” Aaron smiles. “What are you drinking?” He gestures towards the drink in Robert’s hand.

“Old fashioned.” Robert replies, surprised when Aaron pulls the glass from his hand, unable to resist watching his throat as he takes a sip.

“It’s good.” He turns to the bar and orders two more, one for him and one for Robert. 

Robert takes the opportunity to look at Aaron. As expected, he looks gorgeous tonight, wearing a slim-fitting charcoal grey suit with a black shirt underneath. He looks up at Aaron’s face and notices that Aaron’s watching him from the corner of his eye. _Shit._

“No Ed tonight, then?” He regrets the words as soon as he’s said them, noticing a look of sadness pass over Aaron’s features.

Aaron laughs then rolls his eyes. “No. Out with the team… again.” He adds bitterly.

“Oh.” Robert doesn’t know what to say to that. Now he’s up close, Robert can see that Aaron’s eyes are blurry and he’s somewhat unsteady on his feet. He’s clearly had a bit to drink. “Are you okay?”

Aaron scratches his eyebrow and passes Robert his drink. “Need a smoke. Come with me?”

~~~~

They’ve been in the smoking area for 10 minutes now. Aaron’s already finished his drink whilst Robert has been slowly sipping at his, neither of them really saying anything.

Aaron’s not sure whether it’s the alcohol but he can’t help but notice that Robert looks striking. He’d found the effortless way that Robert carried himself when he’d been at Home Farm attractive, but Robert’s apparent confidence is even more appealing to him now.

He lights a cigarette and takes a drag before holding it out to Robert, but when Robert goes to take it from his hand then something comes over him and he holds it to Robert’s lips instead. Robert looks perplexed for a second before moving forward slightly to allow Aaron to place the cigarette between his lips.

Aaron tilts his head to one side as he watches Robert take the tip between his lips and gently suck the smoke into his lungs. The whole thing feels strangely erotic and he looks up to see Robert watching him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He hears Robert ask.

For the first time, Aaron looks at Robert’s eyes. Even in the dull golden light of the smoking area, he can see that they’re the most intriguing shade of green and blue. He’s never seen eyes like them before. He thinks about getting lost in them, watching Robert’s pupils dilate as he brings him to ecstasy. For a moment, he forgets all about Ed. It’s just Robert, Robert, Robert. 

Robert licking his lips is enough to break the trance that Aaron’s in. He realises what he’s doing all of a sudden and answers Robert’s previous question. “Yeah,” he nods, waving his hand vaguely around. “Sorry, I should g-”

Robert grabs Aaron’s hand as he gets up to leave. “Aaron, Aaron, stop.”

Aaron’s not sure what’s come over him but Robert’s hand in his sends a sudden jolt of electricity through him and it’s enough to get him to pause. He finds himself feeling stupid all of a sudden, overwhelmed by an unexpected emotion that he cannot place, as he turns to look back at Robert. He can feel tears threatening to spill and wants to slap himself, to tell himself to stop being so ridiculous.

“Look, I know that we barely know each other but I can see that you’re upset. Stay. Talk to me.” Robert pats the bench and Aaron reluctantly sits down next to him before taking a deep breath.

“What’s going on?” Robert speaks again.

“Dunno.” Aaron shrugs his shoulders and wipes at his eyes. “It’s just- Have you ever been in a relationship with someone where it feels like they’re not interested in you anymore?”

“Are you talking about Ed?”

Aaron nods slowly and can feel Robert’s eyes on him. “Just feels like something’s missing, you know?”

“Can’t say I do, I’m afraid. I’m not really one for relationships.” It feels like Robert’s holding something back.

“Probably for the best. Relationships are shit.”

“You don’t mean that!” Robert scoffs. “You and Ed are basically a power couple, aren’t you? I’ve read the articles.”

Aaron looks up at that. “What, you been reading about us?”

Robert blushes. “Not exactly. Just interested, that’s all.”

“What, in me?” Aaron feels a spike of confidence thinking of Robert looking him up. It’s shattered when Robert replies.

“No.” Robert squirms uncomfortably. “Just like to know who I’m potentially going into business with?”

“Into business?” Aaron’s not sure what Robert means.

“Your mum’s party, remember?” Robert knocks his shoulder against Aaron’s. “You still haven’t called me about that. I was expecting to hear from you.”

“Oh, that.” Aaron suddenly remembers and feels guilty about not calling Robert. Just another thing to feel shit about. “Sorry, it’s been a crazy week.”

“It’s fine, just thought you weren’t interested any more. I wanted to thank you again, actually, for what you said to my father about me doing a good job. It, well, it meant a lot to me.” Robert blushes and Aaron sees a hint of vulnerability. It’s oddly endearing.

“Well,” Aaron shuffles closer to Robert. “Like I said, I meant it. I take it that you two don’t get on?”

“That’s an understatement.” Robert laughs bitterly. “He doesn’t really like anything about me.”

It’s Aaron’s turn to scoff now. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

“No,” Robert looks serious now. “It is. Nothing I do is ever good enough.” He shakes his head. “But I came here to get away from him for the weekend. No more talking about him.”

He smiles sadly and Aaron wants to hug him. He opts for an arm around Robert’s shoulder instead. “Okay, no more talking about dads or boyfriends, eh?” He says, feeling Robert’s shoulders relax as he sighs deeply.

“Deal,” Robert says his face now dangerously close to Aaron’s. “You know,” Robert speaks deeply, his voice now smooth like caramel, “Ed’s an idiot for not being here with you. If you were my boyfriend, then I wouldn’t leave your side.” He pauses, as though he’s spoken out loud when he didn’t mean too.

“Really?” Aaron whispers back, eyes meeting Robert’s.

Robert gulps and looks at Aaron’s lips. “Yeah,” he says breathlessly.

And just like that, Aaron can’t resist the pull. He knows that he shouldn’t, that what he’s about to do is dangerous and reckless, but he feels powerless under Robert’s gaze. For a crazy second, all thoughts of Ed leave his head and he’s surging towards Robert’s lips, their mouths meeting in a kiss which feels more passionate than any that he’s ever shared with Ed.

The flash of a camera pulls them both apart and Aaron looks up to see that a photographer has entered the smoking area, taking photos of the party revellers. All feelings of lust towards Robert dissipate as he remembers that Ed will be coming home to him later, back to the life that they’ve both worked so hard to build. He needs to work on that, not destroy it with some worthless one night stand that probably won’t mean anything to Robert.

“I’ve got to go.” He doesn’t even look at Robert as he scrambles away from him, not noticing that his wallet has fallen from his pocket. “I’m sorry.”

Aaron takes a deep breath as leaves the smoking area, touching his fingers to his lips and still feeling Robert’s kiss on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait for a bit longer until anything happened between the boys but what can I say? They just can't resist each other!


	3. The Photos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after the night before and Aaron and Robert are both shocked by some photos that are released.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your lovely comments on this so far. Sorry for the delay in uploading this chapter - I'm not too happy with it but I wanted to get something up. There's lots more to come!

Robert hasn’t slept well. After Aaron fled the party last night, Robert had grabbed his abandoned wallet and tried to follow him, pushing through the crowds and out onto the street where Aaron was nowhere to be seen. He’d remembered that he had Aaron’s number from the text he’d sent to Robert the week before and tried calling him a few times but after several attempts the calls started going straight through to voicemail.

So, Robert had returned to Victoria’s apartment, grateful that she wasn’t yet home, and sent Aaron a brief text, making no mention of their kiss, but telling him that he had his wallet. He’d then laid down on the bed in Victoria’s spare room – his adopted London bedroom – and tried to process what had happened.

If someone had told him at the beginning of the evening that it was going to end with him and Aaron kissing, then he wouldn’t have believed them. He knew that Aaron was attached and had no intention of getting involved with someone who was already in a relationship.

But then they had been sat together, both feeling vulnerable in their own ways with barely a breath between them, and in that moment, it was like they were opposite poles of a magnet, destined to be drawn together. The kiss had been electric, and despite not wanting to read any further into it, Robert can’t help but smile now as he thinks about it. 

He knows that Aaron would say that it had been a mistake – the way that he’d jumped away from Robert as though he’d just been burned confirmed that. Robert feels guilty now, like he’d taken advantage of Aaron last night when he was clearly feeling low and insecure about his relationship with Ed. All Robert wants to do is apologise and reassure Aaron that they can both file the kiss away as a moment of madness on both of their parts.

~~~~

The kisses are hot and wet on his skin, each one sending a spark down his spine and straight to his groin. The breath in Aaron’s ear makes his hips buck forwards and he can feel himself getting hard, the sensation bringing an anticipatory thrill. A hand strokes down his front and palms at his underwear and he groans lightly, moving his own hand to join the one now gently massaging him.

Suddenly, there’s a buzzing sound penetrating his thoughts. The image of green eyes, messy blonde hair and freckles fades into black as Aaron squints and open his eyes, looking around at the bright bedroom. It’s his own bedroom, in the apartment that he shares with Ed, and he startles as he realises that he’d been dreaming of Robert’s touch on his body.

It takes Aaron a few more seconds to realise that Ed’s not in the bed next to him before his phone starts buzzing again. He looks at the screen and is surprised to see that his agent is calling him.

“Lou?” Aaron groans. “Did you have to call me so early-”

“Robert Sugden?” Louise cuts him off, sounding annoyed. “For God’s sake, Aaron. What were you thinking?”

“W-what are you talking about?” Aaron asks, alarmed at the mention of Robert’s name.

“Check your messages. I’ve just sent you the article.”

Aaron feels his stomach drop as he reads the headline of the article that Louise has sent to him.

**Jack Sugden’s socialite son gets close to model Aaron Dingle in London**

“Have you read it yet?” Louise asks impatiently when Aaron doesn’t reply.

Aaron scrolls through the article, skimming over the words and looking at various photos of him and Robert which look like they were taken on someone’s phone, relieved when he realises that there aren’t any of him and Robert kissing. Aaron composes himself before replying.

“What’s the problem?” He asks as nonchalantly as possible.

“What’s the problem?” Louise scoffs. “Look at the pair of you! This looks really bad, Aaron. Is there something you need to tell me?”

“What do you actually see in those photos?” Aaron replies, struggling to hold back the irritation in his voice. “What does that article actually say?”

He knows that he has no right to sound annoyed. Louise is right, him and Robert look incredibly close in the photos. He lingers on a photo of Robert with his arm around him, whispering in his ear whilst Aaron listens intently and smiles. He can remember how Robert's breath was warm in his ear and tickled his neck, and he tries not to focus on how good they look together. 

“It doesn’t matter what it says. You know exactly what it looks like!”

“It looks like me talking to another man.” Aaron tries to keep his voice calm. “It was loud! Or am I not allowed to talk to other blokes now?”

“What would you possibly have to talk with Robert Sugden about?” Louise sounds concerned now, using the same tone that she always uses when she thinks that Aaron's done something wrong. Aaron knows that his past actions are to blame, getting into scraps and not behaving _appropriately_ , but he still feels hurt by it.

“My mum’s birthday.” Aaron thinks suddenly, pleased at his own quick-thinking. “I met him during the fragrance shoot. He runs the place, sort of… I thought it would be perfect for her party next month.”

“Right…” Louise lingers, like she’s trying to figure out whether Aaron’s telling the truth or not.

“Seriously, Lou. I know we look,” he searches for the right word, “close, but we were just talking. I left, like, five minutes after those photos were taken.”

“Alone?” Louise asks, and Aaron can almost hear her eyebrow raise.

“Of course, alone!” Aaron snaps back.

“Well, we need to do some damage control on this. I’ve been getting calls all morning, asking for comments, asking if you’re cheating on Ed. You know that some of the tabloids will be loving this. They’ll look for any excuse to knock your image.”

“I know,” Aaron says bitterly, running his hands through his hair and sitting up in bed. “What do you suggest then?”

“Have you got Robert’s number?”

“Yeah. Why?” Aaron replies, uncertain about where this is heading.

“I’ve got an idea…”

~~~~

Robert can hear Victoria moving around in the kitchen, up early despite getting in from work a couple of hours after him last night. He’s still lying in bed, willing himself to get up when there’s a sudden squeal and quick footsteps coming towards his bedroom. The door bursts open, and Victoria’s throws herself onto his bed before he can even get a word out.

“Aaron Dingle?” Victoria shrieks. “You and Aaron Dingle?”

Robert freezes, wondering how Victoria could possibly know. “What the hell, Vic?”

“This!” Victoria passes him her phone and Robert feels sick as he reads the article. He’s surprised he’s not had any missed calls from his agent before he remembers his phone’s still on flight mode. A wave of nausea passes over him as he thinks of the missed calls and messages he’ll have received during the past few hours. It’s not the press he’s worried about right now, it’s his father. If he’s seen the article, then he’ll be furious. Again…

“It’s not what it looks like.” He says quickly. _Denial mode engaged_.

Victoria’s the only person who Robert’s ever really spoken to about his sexuality. He’d been caught out by the press once before, a blurry photograph of him with his hand pawing at another man’s arse posted online two years ago. It had led to a drunken confession to Victoria that he thought he might like men as well as women. However, once he’d sobered up the next day then he’d denied it once more, telling her that he hadn’t meant what he said.

_“Vic, I’m straight. I like women.”_

_“This week.”_

_“No, always.”_

Some of his friends in London know that he likes to sleep with men. But a lot of them do too. Whenever he’s in London it feels like he’s in an impenetrable bubble – like nothing’s quite real or means anything. Nobody really cares. Sex is nothing but a bit of meaningless fun with someone you find attractive. A photo makes things real though...

“How’d you explain this then? Robert!” Victoria punches him on the arm, breaking him from his trance.

“What?” Robert shouts back angrily. “We were just talking!”

“It looks like you were about to do a lot more.” Victoria says matter-of-factly.

“No, it doesn’t!” Robert says incredulously, looking through the photos and fighting the gnawing feeling that Victoria’s right. He tries not to think about what would have happened if Aaron had stayed, where they would have ended up and how he would probably be in bed with Aaron right now… 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Victoria adopts her mum voice, the one she uses when she's trying to get Robert to open up to her. 

“There’s nothing to talk about!”

Victoria raises her eyebrows in disbelief. “Seriously Vic, I met him last week at a shoot he was doing at Home Farm and we were just catching up.” He hopes that his tone sounds convincing but can hear a quiver of nervousness in it. “That’s all there is to it.”

“Fine,” Victoria resigns, but Robert knows that she can tell that he’s holding something back.

Victoria takes a deep breath before continuing. “Dad’s been on the phone,” she says slowly. “He saw the article before I did. He’s not happy… he asked me to tell you to call him as soon as you were awake.”

“Fuck him,” Robert spits bitterly, picturing Jack's reaction when he saw the article. 

“Robert!”

“No, Vic! We both know exactly what he’ll be thinking. It’s alright for you. You could be caught with a needle in your arm and he’d still defend you. You know what happened the when those other photos got published.”

Robert can remember it like it was yesterday, the way that his father had accused him of trying to destroy the family reputation, of sabotaging his latest book release, of being a general disappointment.

_“My son in a sex scandal! How am I meant to explain this?”_

_“Explain what, exactly? Not that it’s anything to do with you, but nothing happened. Funny how you’ve never complained when it was photos with women.”_

Robert tries not to think too much about Jack had looked physically repulsed at the idea of Robert being with a man. It had taken months for them to start talking normally again, after multiple denials from Robert that anything had happened. Things had only really returned to normal when Robert had dated a woman for a couple of months. He hates the way that it had appeased his father.

It seemed that Jack, like the majority of the public, were only able to see things in black and white, as though Robert being with a woman automatically made him straight. Most of the time, Robert felt relieved by that assertion, relieved that he hadn’t been forced to label himself and _come out_. Other times, usually when he was drunk and alone with his thoughts, he hated the fact that it felt like he couldn’t just be honest with himself and the rest of the world.

Robert shakes his head and tries to rid himself of his memories of his past, not wanting to give in to the negativity. He blinks as he realises that he’s been staring at the wall, lost in his thoughts. Victoria’s left the room, seemingly given up on trying to have a conversation with him.

Reluctantly, he turns the flight mode off on his phone and waits for the stream of missed calls, texts and emails to appear. He’s beyond shocked when the latest text is from Aaron.

 **Aaron Dingle:** Hey could you bring my wallet over? Need to talk.

~~~~

Aaron’s relieved when he tiptoes past the living room and sees Ed asleep on the sofa, having apparently passed out there when he came in last night. It's not unusual for Ed to do that after a night out, although Aaron doesn't like waking up without him when they're both at home together. He wanders into the kitchen and fills the kettle, standing against the worktop as he waits for it to boil. His phone pings with a text.

 **Robert Sugden:** Sure… what’s your address? Everything okay?

Aaron texts back his address, with instructions for Robert to get in via the discreet service entrance. He’d call down to the concierge to see if there were any photographers outside, who told him that there were a couple hanging around. The last thing he needed now was for Robert to be photographed visiting his apartment.

Robert’s reply came back seconds later.

 **Robert Sugden:** I’ll be there in 15 minutes.

 **Aaron Dingle:** K, text me when you get here. Don’t ring the bell!

There was enough distance between the kitchen and living room that Aaron hoped he’d be able to speak to Robert without waking Ed up. He only needed five minutes with Robert to tell him what he needed him to do, then they could put everything behind them.

He contemplates making himself look more presentable, realising that he’s still wearing his pyjama t-shirt and a pair of old joggers, but then thinks that there’s no need to. He doesn’t need to make an effort for Robert. Robert’s nothing. Robert’s going to be out of his life after today.

Aaron makes his tea and stares out of the window, looking across the city and trying to clear his head. He knows that he loves Ed with his whole heart, or at least he thinks he does. They’ve been together for almost three years, through so many highs and lows, and Aaron feels like he owes Ed a lot.

They’d met a few months after Aaron had left prison, when he’d felt hopeless that he’d never amount to anything and was destined to be a mechanic in his uncle’s garage for the rest of his life. He’d been swept up by Ed’s charm and confidence, the carefree way that he didn’t care what anyone else thought of him. He'd helped Aaron fully come to terms with his sexuality and Aaron had never felt as happy as he did when he and Ed eventually began dating properly. There was a time when he couldn’t imagine a future without him.

Now, although he misses Ed when they’re apart and is always excited for them to be reunited, once they are then he feels an emptiness inside him. He sometimes feels that they’re like a puzzle with once piece missing, almost complete but not quite. He’s spoken to Ed about it before, when he’s been feeling low and hopeless, but Ed’s always managed to reassure him that it’s all in his head.

Aaron’s put it down to his own insecurities and fears that he’ll be abandoned again, just like he was when his mum left him when he was a child. It exhausts him if he thinks about it too much, so he tries not to dwell on it. There’s still an almost constant niggling doubt there though, like everything could fall down around him in an instant.

He feels a tear roll down his face and wipes it away quickly, chastising himself for being so silly. He knows that what he needs right now is to spend a few days with Ed, just the two of him. He’s thinking about kissing him awake and spending the rest of the day in bed with him when Robert texts to say that he’s waiting outside. He takes a deep breath and prepares himself to face Robert, looking forward to being able to put last night behind him.

~~~~

Robert was surprised to find out that Aaron only lived five minutes away from Victoria. He turns into the road that Aaron’s apartment on and realises why Aaron told him to use the service entrance to get in. There’s photographers waiting on the street outside the entrance to Aaron’s building and Robert quickly darts down the alleyway Aaron had directed him to to avoid being seen, entering the code on the door to get inside.

It’s a nice building, clearly expensive, the entrance hallway lined with shiny tiles and mirrored walls. There’s a concierge desk to the right of him, and lifts to his left. The concierge looks up as Robert approaches.

“I’m here to see Aaron Dingle,” Robert tells the concierge who looks at him blankly. “I’m Robert Sugden.”

“Ah, Mr Dingle let me know you were coming,” The concierge smiles, apparently used to random people turning up when they haven’t been invited. “Tenth floor, apartment 106.”

Robert chooses to take the lift, not wanting to turn up at Aaron’s front door out of breath. He sends Aaron a text to let him know that he’s outside and Aaron opens the door thirty seconds later, immediately holds up his hand when Robert goes to speak, gesturing at him to be quiet and encouraging him into the kitchen. Robert looks at him, puzzled.

“Ed’s sleeping,” he says in explanation, closing the kitchen door and turning to face Robert. He looks tired, like he’s only just woken up. Robert tries not to think of how he would look in bed in the morning, all soft and cosy, and has to remind himself of the reason he’s been invited over. He's not here for some early morning dalliance with the most attractive man he's ever met. They've got to clear up the mess that they've made.

“Oh,” Robert nods and pulls Aaron’s wallet from his pocket and places it on the kitchen island.

“Cheers,” Aaron picks up the wallet, hand closing around it like he’s trying to absorb the warmth from where it’s been resting in Robert’s pocket, against his thigh.

Robert bites his lip nervously. “I’m guessing that you didn’t just ask me over to bring your wallet over. The article-”

“That fucking article.” Aaron swears and Robert’s taken aback at how angry he sounds. It's kind of attractive... “I’m so bloody stupid. Why would someone even take those photos anyway?”

“Who knows. Money, I guess,” Robert shrugs, thinking that there's no other logical reason, before trying to lighten the mood and immediately seeing from Aaron’s expression that it’s the wrong thing to do. “At least they didn’t catch us kissing.”

“Is this all a joke to you?” Aaron asks harshly, coming towards Robert and grabbing hold of Robert’s shirt. “Hmm?” It's clear that he's panicking about the implications of the photos, his eyes darting across Robert's face as though he's trying to read his thoughts.

“Of course not,” Robert’s expression is serious now, although he’s struggling not to feel turned on at being trapped between the wall and Aaron’s body. He thinks how easy it would be to kiss Aaron again, to turn him round and press him against the wall, stealing his breath whilst grabbing his hair. “Look, we were both drunk and depressed. It was a mistake, right?” There’s something in him that hopes Aaron will tell him that it wasn’t.

“Definitely.” Aaron sighs, looking relieved before letting go of Robert. Despite expecting his answer, Robert can’t help the fleeting feeling of disappointment. 

Aaron backs away from Robert and slides open a glass door onto a balcony that Robert hadn’t noticed when he’d first walked in. He follows Aaron outside and sits opposite him at a small patio table, admiring the view. Aaron doesn’t say anything, so Robert's says the only neutral thing that comes to mind and decides to comment on the apartment.

“It’s a nice place you’ve got here,” he says simply, but Aaron just frowns at him and shakes his head.

“My agent’s been on the phone." Aaron says, fiddling with the watch on his wrist. "She said that I need to ask you to issue a statement or something. Nothing serious or anything, just something on your Twitter or Instagram or whatever, saying that we’re just friends and the press are vultures. You know, the usual bullshit.”

It makes sense, Robert thinks, and he nods his head slowly. “Sure, I can do that. I’m not on Twitter though.”

“Instagram, then!” Aaron raises his voice, apparently perturbed at the ridiculousness of the situation, hands waving around. Robert can’t help but feel guilty about how stressed out Aaron seems. He didn't have to give in to temptation last night, if he'd only left Aaron alone then neither of them would be here right now.

“Might help if we follow each other first though,” Robert says teasingly, trying to lighten the mood whilst not wanting to wind Aaron up further.

Aaron swears under his breath as he grabs his phone and searches for Robert’s name on Instagram. Robert does the same, quietly pleased that he now has a legitimate reason to be following Aaron.

“Done,” Aaron states, placing his phone back down on the table.

“Same… half a million followers, eh?” Robert whistles, trying to sound surprised and like he’s not looked at Aaron’s profile a hundred times before.

“God knows why,” Aaron says casually, and Robert can’t believe how unphased he seems by it. He barely knows Aaron but he’s quickly beginning to realise that he doesn’t seem to think much of himself. Robert's surprised when it makes him feel sad.

“Do you want me to post it now? I’ll put it on my stories. You can check you’re happy with it before I post?”

“Whatever,” Aaron folds his arms across his chest and closes his eyes against the sun, seemingly bored by the whole thing, whilst Robert thinks of what to say.

Robert re-types the post several times before he’s finally happy. Aaron’s still got his eyes closed when he looks up from his phone and he enjoys staring at him for longer than necessary, admiring the way the sun is catching his face. He feels lust pulse through him as it reminds him of how Aaron looked during the shoot at Home Farm.

“Stop looking at me,” Aaron cracks open one eye but Robert’s relieved when he doesn’t sound too annoyed.

“Sorry,” Robert coughs to try and cover his embarrassment at being caught out. “Can’t help it if I think you’re fit though…” He says it quietly, but deliberately so that Aaron will hear him.

“And that’s why we’re in this mess, isn’t it?” Aaron sounds irritated but there’s a playful smile on his face when he looks at Robert, like he’s not trying to deny that he at least felt the same way at the time. “What have you written then?”

Robert reads the post out to him and Aaron nods in approval. “Post away then.”

“All done.” Robert says encouragingly, hoping that there'll be no need for any further comment from either of them and the internet will stop buzzing with speculation within a few days. “I’m guessing you don’t want anything more to do with me once all of this has blown over?”

“I’m in a relationship Robert,” Aaron says it incredulously, like Robert’s just suggested they have sex on the balcony. His groin stirs at the thought and he can’t help but think about how much he’d enjoy it, holding Aaron close and taking him whilst looking out across the city. 

“Woah, hold on.” Robert raises his hands. “I wasn’t suggesting-”

They both pause and Aaron’s eyes widen as they hear movement in the kitchen. The balcony door slides open and Robert’s taken aback to see Ed’s stood in the doorway.

“Hello Robert,” he sounds annoyed as he folds him arms across his chest and looks between Robert and Aaron. Robert knows immediately that he must have seen the article. 

“Listen Ed,” Aaron starts defensively, and Robert wants the ground to swallow him up. He’s only ever seen Ed in photos but he’s imposing in the flesh, he broad shoulders and muscular arms filling out the navy-blue t-shirt that he’s wearing. He looks like he could throw Robert over the balcony as easily as Robert could throw over a stone. For a brief moment, Robert's scared that he'll do just that.

“Relax.” Ed smiles in a way that doesn’t seem quite genuine, although he sounds surprisingly calm. “I’ve seen the article. I take it I’ve got nothing to worry about though?” He addresses the question to Aaron, who looks impossibly more uncomfortable that Robert feels.

“We were just talking.” Robert says when Aaron doesn’t speak immediately. He feels like a child being forced to explain his bad behaviour to a teacher.

“Right,” Ed says, but he’s still looking at Aaron. He steps out onto the balcony and places a gentle hand on Aaron’s shoulder. Robert prickles with jealousy when he sees how the gesture relaxes Aaron slightly, although he still looks as though he's expecting Ed to start shouting at him.

“Babe,” Ed laughs lightly and crouches down to speak to Aaron. Robert feels like he’s intruding in a private moment and wonders whether Ed’s intentionally trying to make him feel uncomfortable. It wouldn't surprise him, he'd be doing the same if he was in Ed's shoes. “It’s fine, I know what the press can be like. I’m not annoyed, I promise.”

“We really were just talking,” Aaron confirms quietly, shaking his head. “Sorry Ed, I know how it looks.”

Ed takes Aaron’s face in his hands and kisses him gently but for a few seconds longer than necessary. Robert looks away. _Definitely trying to make me feel uncomfortable_ , he thinks.

“Like I say, I know what the press can be like. They’re always trying to stir things up and create drama. Although,” he pauses. “I’m not going to deny that the two of you didn’t look pretty close. I didn’t realise you even knew each other.”

 _Shit, here we go_. Robert’s brain begins scrambling to come up with some kind of explanation as to why him and Aaron were talking. 

“My mum’s birthday,” Aaron says it instantly and easily, like he’d already come up with the excuse hours before. “We met at my shoot in Yorkshire. Robert runs Home Farm and I thought it would be ideal for mum's party next month. It’s a really great place, Ed, you should see it. You’d love it too.”

Robert blushes slightly at Aaron’s words and can’t help the pride he feels at Aaron’s praise, wondering if Aaron deliberately told Ed that he runs Home Farm, rather than saying that he just works there.

“Right, that makes sense.” There’s still a little bit of doubt in Ed’s voice and it makes Robert nervous to think that he might suspect that there was more to the photos than either of them are telling him. “I’ll have to come and check it out with you then, won’t I? That alright with you, Robert?”

“Of course,” Robert goes along Aaron's lie, although he wishes that he didn’t have to when he realises that it means he’ll have to see Ed and Aaron together again. “I was just telling Aaron that he can come and have a proper look around next week.” 

“Sounds great. We’re both free until Wednesday, aren’t we?” Ed asks Aaron, hand once again on his shoulder, clearly possessive now. Robert almost rolls his eyes at the gesture, thinking that it probably wouldn't go down very well if Ed caught him.

“Yep,” Aaron smiles tightly, although when his eyes meet Robert’s then Robert can tell that they’re both now thinking the same thing. They’re about to get a lot more involved with each other after today than they ever intended to.


	4. The Home Farm Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the publication of the photos, Robert returns to Home Farm to face his father. Aaron remains intrigued by Robert and Ed's well... still being a bit of a dick.

“No,” Robert sighs deeply and rolls his eyes mock-seriously, reading through the flurry of questions that are appearing at the side of his screen as he does an Instagram Live. “Like I said on my stories earlier today, Aaron Dingle and I are just friends.”

He’s sat in his bedroom at Home Farm now, having left London five hours before. He’d left Aaron and Ed’s apartment swiftly after agreeing to meet the pair of them at Home Farm next week to make official plan’s for Aaron’s mum birthday. He’d shown himself out, feeling a now familiar sting of jealousy as he’d heard Aaron giggle from the balcony at something Ed had said or done.

After returning to Victoria’s he’d barely said a word to her, desperate to get away from her looks of suspicion and anticipating that she was about to start a conversation with him that he had no desire to have. He’d gathered up the few items of clothing and toiletries that he’d brought with him and made an excuse about needing to get back to Home Farm to do some work before the week ahead.

Victoria had looked _annoyed, sad, disbelieving_? He couldn’t place which one, or whether it was all three. He’d spent the entire train journey home justifying his sudden departure. Okay, so he and Aaron had kissed. Neither man was going to be able to escape that fact. But as far as the rest of world, _including Victoria_ , was concerned, two friends had been photographed together. There was nothing more to be discussed. All he and Aaron needed to do now was keep up the pretence that they were friends and wait for everything to blow over. 

Robert’s fans had coined his weekly Instagram Live as #SugdenSunday. It was an hour where Robert could connect with his fans on a personal level, answering their questions and occasionally discussing important things going on in the world. He knows that he’s only famous because of his surname but he’s always been determined to use his profile for good as well as enjoying the benefits that come with being a well-known face and name.

As expected, today’s #SugdenSunday is initially filled with questions about the photos of him and Aaron. He’d been fully prepared for it and hoped that in addition to the statement that he’d posted that morning, answering any questions live on camera, where the public could see his reaction to them, would be sufficient to convince everyone that the photos were completely innocent.

“Come on guys,” he laughs somewhat uneasily as he sees questions start appearing about his sexuality, knowing that he’ll never answer those. “I’ve said all I’m going to say on the photos; let’s change the subject. It’s not fair on Aaron. Or his boyfriend!” He plasters on his best fake smile, hoping that the bitterness he felt as he said the word ‘boyfriend’ didn’t come through in his tone.

He signs off half an hour later, thankful that the subject had indeed been changed when someone had asked a question about Robert’s opinion on a report which had been published on the inequality of boarding school admissions and whether he agreed with it given his own experience at one. It had been a surprisingly heated topic, but Robert feels fortunate for the way that it had distracted everyone from questions about him and Aaron.

After talking for nearly an hour, he’s desperate for some water now. He searches through his bag and is annoyed with himself when he remembers that he threw his empty bottle into the recycling bin outside. He was hoping that he’d be able to avoid going downstairs and seeing his father for a few more hours yet, imagining Jack greeting him with a look of disdain and going on to berate him for hours.

There’s a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach whenever he thinks about even having to be in the same room as his father and he debates drinking water straight from tap in his en-suite before he reminding himself that he’s a 27-year-old man who really shouldn’t give a shit about what his father thinks of some photos of him _talking to another man_.

He spends a few seconds psyching himself up and thinking about what he’ll say to his father when he sees him before throwing himself off the bed and running down the stairs before he can think twice about the decision. _Be confident and act like nothing’s happened_ , his brain supplies as he enters the kitchen to see Jack walking in from the door that leads to his office, like he’s been listening out for any signs of movement from Robert.

“Alright, dad?” He starts simply, taking a glass from a cupboard and filling it with ice and water from the fridge. He turns around when Jack doesn’t reply, observing him as he stands with his arms folded across his chest, expression unreadable.

“I asked whether you were okay,” he says again, knowing full well that his father heard him the first time.

“Okay’s probably not the most appropriate word,” Jack says, taking a step closer to Robert. “I’ve just been wondering what I ever did to make you so determined to ruin our family’s reputation.”

Even knowing his father as well as he does, Robert’s taken aback by his comment. “I’m sorry?” He laughs, because really, this is unbelievable. “You are still talking about those photos of me and Aaron, aren’t you?”

“Why? Are there more of you and other random men out there?” Jack asks the question as though he’s disgusted by the thought and Robert has to bite his tongue before he says something that he knows he’ll regret.

“Would it be such a problem if there were?” Robert asks somewhat smugly, knowing exactly what buttons to press with his father.

He revels at the look of fear that passes over Jack's face but then feels despondent as he remembers what they’re talking about and how the thought of Robert being with a man seems to appal his father so much. He can’t be bothered with this right now ( _or ever_ ), it takes too much out of him mentally and makes him feel like there’s part of him that he should be ashamed of. His father doesn’t have the right to make him feel that way.

“We were talking about a party that he wants to host here,” Robert says resolutely, observing as his father’s expression changes to one of relief, with a hint of what some would probably call pride at the thought of Robert using a social event to network rather than flirt with strangers.

“He’s visiting with his boyfriend next week.” Robert feels like he’s got the upper hand again as Jack’s eyes widen at the word ‘boyfriend’ and he’s happy about Ed’s existence for a split second. “I’m going to show them both around, get something properly booked in. Should be pretty lucrative.”

“Oh, okay, well-” Jack seems to be at a loss for words, but Robert knows that his father will never apologise for jumping to the wrong conclusion, so he decides to end the conversation for them both.

“Funny how you always like to think the worst of me, isn’t it?” He raises his voice slightly, leaving Jack in no doubt of his annoyance as lets the kitchen door slam behind him.

~~~~

_‘Robert Sugden girlfriend’_

_‘Robert Sugden boyfriend’_

_‘Robert Sugden gay’_

Aaron rolls his eyes at himself as he looks at the tabs he has open on the Incognito browser on his phone. He’s woken up two hours before he needs to, but his brain won’t let him go back to sleep. Ed’s still fast asleep next to him, limbs spread out as usual so that Aaron has to keep shuffling himself backwards to avoid falling out of bed.

They’re in Ed’s mansion on the outskirts of Leeds at the moment, having decided to escape London for their few days off together. Ed calls it a house but Aaron’s insistent that it’s a mansion. No normal house has seven bedrooms and a swimming pool.

As much as he sometimes hates the unnecessary extravagance of the place, Aaron can’t deny that he’s felt a lot happier since they arrived. There’s been little to no press attention following Robert’s addressal of the photos and Aaron feels that he and Ed have been closer after a couple of days of relaxing together than they have been in months.

However, for some reason he keeps thinking about Robert. After they had followed each other on Instagram, Aaron had spent a couple of hours looking through his profile, intent on finding out more about the man who he had kissed. Even now, he had no idea why he cared. There was just something mysterious about Robert that made it seem that there was more to him than first met the eye.

There were no photos on Robert’s Instagram that gave anything away about his previous relationships or his sexuality, it was mainly just the usual photos of Robert and his life. He’d spent a bit longer than necessary looking at a couple of them. There was one of Robert on a beach somewhere, shirtless with the sun casting golden shadows on his skin, and another of Robert in a very well-fitting burgundy suit, winking at the camera. It was that one that Aaron has a particularly hard time not thinking about regularly.

It was a throwaway comment made by Ed that’s really driven Aaron to his Google searches. They’d been talking about how the press had so easily accepted Robert’s defence of the photos when Ed had casually stated: _“I don’t know why anyone cared in the first place. Robert’s straight, isn’t he?”_

There was definitely something about that comment that didn’t sit right with Aaron at all. He wouldn’t say that his gaydar had 100% accuracy, but he always knew when someone was interested in him and Robert definitely had been. It wasn’t like Robert had anything to gain from kissing Aaron either. If anything, the opposite seemed to be true.

His online searches are inconclusive. All he manages to find are numerous photos of Robert with different women, a blurry photo of him touching a nameless guy’s arse, and an interview with Robert where he had explained that he prefers to keep his private life private. There’s a few threads on some gossip forums too but they’re just the usual baseless speculation about Robert being gay and in the closet.

Aaron considers asking Robert next time he sees him but then thinks it would be inappropriate. There’s no justifiable reason for Aaron to need to know that little nugget of information. He shouldn’t care whether Robert’s straight or gay, _or even bi?_ Aaron locks his phone and places it back on the bedside table, then spends the next hour staring at the ceiling and willing his brain to think about something other than Robert Sugden.

~~~~

Robert’s stood at the entrance to Home Farm, waiting patiently for Aaron to arrive. _And Ed_ , his brain obstructively supplies. He’s not exactly dreading seeing Ed again, but he’d prefer it if he didn’t have to. He’s been thinking a lot about how easily Ed had accepted Robert and Aaron’s explanation of the photos.

He’s relieved, of course, but he can’t imagine himself being so calm if he found himself Ed’s position. He supposes that it’s a reflection of how trusting Ed and Aaron’s relationship is, and he can’t help but feel jealous when he thinks about how he’s never experienced that.

Robert’s still lost in his thoughts as he hears the crunch of gravel in the distance and looks up to see a large black Range Rover Evoque rolling up the tree-lined driveway of Home Farm. The personalised number plate tells him that it’s Ed’s and his tongue plants itself firmly in his cheek as he thinks about how predictable – _and boring_ – Ed’s choice of car is. 

Aaron looks at him from the passenger seat as the car enters the parking area and Robert gives him a small wave, happy when Aaron returns a friendly smile. As much as Robert believes that everything would be a lot easier if he didn’t have to see Aaron again, there’s another part of him that actually quite likes the bloke and would like it if they were eventually able to be more than just pretend friends.

He doesn’t have many people in his life who he would consider genuine friends. There’s an endless number of acquaintances and a few old mates from boarding school who he enjoys spending time with, but the majority are all vacuous and self-obsessed, only interested in people who’ll benefit them in some way. Aaron seems different. Despite his fame and wealth, the only impression that Robert’s ever gotten from him is that he’s incredibly down to earth and genuine.

The car parks up and Aaron gets out first, shortly followed by Ed, who Robert can’t help but notice looks considerably more stressed out than he did last time Robert saw him.

“Morning,” Robert nods at them both, holding out his hand to shake Aaron’s.

He’d decided earlier this morning to try and keep things as professional as possible. Aaron frowns for a second before returning the handshake and Ed does the same, grasping Robert’s hand slightly tighter and longer than necessary, as though trying to assert his dominance. It makes Robert wonder if Ed feels more threatened by him than his cool demeanour would otherwise suggest.

“I was thinking that we could start off with some coffee in the office, so I can talk you through these,” Robert holds up the brochures in his hand. “Then I’ll show you around properly.”

“Sounds good to me,” Aaron replies, biting his lip and looking to Ed to confirm that he thinks the same.

“Whatever.” Ed says flatly, as though Aaron’s just suggested they watch some paint dry.

Robert’s used to dealing with difficult clients, so Ed’s disinterest doesn’t bother him in the slightest. He plasters on his best fake smile and starts off towards the side entrance of the office. He’s a few steps ahead of Aaron and Ed when he hears Aaron mutter under his breath.

“If you’re gonna be miserable, you can just wait in the car.”

“Yeah, he’d love that wouldn’t he?” Ed says, just loud enough for Robert to hear him.

He hears Aaron scoff and can only imagine the look on his face right now. All moody and annoyed… _sexy_. Robert shakes his head and chooses to pretend that he’s not heard either of them, holding the door of the office open as they pass through. As they all take a seat at Robert’s desk there’s an undeniable tension in the air and Robert wonders what’s changed since they were in London.

“Leyla will be through with the coffee in a moment. Unless I can get either of you anything else?”

“Coffee will be fine, thanks.” Aaron smiles tightly.

“Okay,” Robert links his fingers together and rests his elbows on the desk, debating whether to ask them both if everything’s okay. He decides against it and acts as though they’re any other clients. “Just a few questions to start with then. How many people are you expecting at the party?”

“Forty, fifty tops.” Aaron replies whilst Ed looks at his phone, lazily scrolling.

“Any kind of budget?”

“I’m not bothered about how much it costs-”

A door bursts open behind Ed and Aaron and Leyla’s almost falling through it with a tray of cups and a cafetière of coffee. She’s wearing one of her famously garish suits, magenta-coloured with matching heels. Robert smiles gratefully at her as she places the tray down on the desk and offers to get some biscuits.

“We’re fine thanks.” Aaron says, offering a polite smile.

“I’m good, cheers.” Ed actually smiles now, apparently able switch on the charm when he needs to. “Nice suit.” He adds.

Leyla blushes. “What? This old thing?” She picks an invisible thread from her shoulder and begins walking towards her own desk before turning on her heel and addressing Ed. “Can I just say,” she starts coyly. “You’re my favourite rugby player.”

Robert laughs at that. “Leyla, since when have you been interested in rugby?” 

“Oh, I dunno.” She replies, hands on hips whilst casting an appreciate gaze over Ed. “Probably for as long as you’ve been interested women’s fashion. Or do you just watch clips of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show with your lunch for business purposes?”

Ed just looks bemused, but Robert sees Aaron’s eyebrow quirk at Leyla’s comment and he quickly defends himself.

“Thanks for making me sound like a perv in front of potential clients.” He says deadpan. “It was a recommended video. And it was just the one time!” He shouts at Leyla as she sits down at her desk. She just laughs in response.

“You can deny it all you like. I know you, Robert.” She winks flirtatiously at him, part of the easy banter that they have between each other.

“Thank you, Leyla. That will be all.” Robert says it like a teacher dismissing a pupil.

He turns back to Ed and Aaron apologetically and notices that whilst Ed now looks considerably happier, Aaron looks distinctly annoyed. Robert wonders whether Leyla’s comment has sparked a thought in Aaron about his sexuality. He’s never told Aaron that he’s interested in women. _Why would you need to though?_ his brain questions.

Robert opens up a couple of brochures on some pages that he’d bookmarked and spreads them out on the desk whilst he pours the coffee. He places a cup down in front of each of them and starts talking through the various party packages that Home Farm offers. The atmosphere’s lighter now but there’s still a stiff undercurrent of tension that he does his best to ignore.

Fifteen minutes later they’ve finished up their coffees, both Aaron and Ed making various comments, Aaron more so than the other man, and Robert’s getting ready to show them both around the function rooms and bedrooms.

“Unless you have any other questions at this point, I’ll show you round.” Robert starts.

Ed’s phone rings and he sighs annoyedly before answering it. “I’ll call you back in two minutes,” he says dismissively to whoever’s on the other end of the phone, before turning to Aaron. “That was Mark, he needs to speak to me again.”

“Fine,” Aaron shakes his head. “Why don’t I just meet you in the car?”

“You can go and sit in the garden room if you like?” Robert offers, pointing towards the door they entered through. “It’s just out of that door and round to the side. I’ll show Aaron around and we’ll finish up in there.”

“Sure, thanks.” Ed says reluctantly, like Robert’s just told him to go and wait in the toilets, scraping his chair back and leaving the room.

“Shall we?” Robert holds out his hand and gestures to Aaron, who nods before standing up himself.

Robert tells Aaron that he’ll start off by showing him around the rooms. “We’ve got six standard bedrooms and two suites,” he says as they walk up the stairs, stopping at the top to see that Aaron doesn’t look happy at all.

“Are you okay?” He asks Aaron as he joins him on the landing. “Is everything okay between you and Ed after the-” Robert stops himself as he almost says ‘kiss’. “After the photos?”

“It was. We were really great, actually.” Aaron says matter-of-factly. “That was his agent on the phone just then. He called him this morning and he’s been in a mood ever since. Won’t tell me what it’s about though. Probably something to with this weekend’s match. I dunno.” Aaron shrugs like he’s already worn out by talking about Ed.

“Well I’m pleased that it’s nothing to do with me.” Robert smiles weakly, although he’s doubtful about whether what he’s just said is actually true.

He wants to address Leyla’s earlier comments and reassure Aaron that their kiss wasn’t him being some kind of straight dick who enjoyed messing around with gay guys. But as much as he wants to say something his brain won’t let him formulate anything into actual words.

“Nothing to do with you.” Aaron says, seriously. “At least, I don’t think so. Although, Ed just blows so hot and cold sometimes, so who knows. He’s not happy about me going away for work next week either- Sorry,” he shakes his head. “You don’t wanna hear about all this.”

“No, I do.” Robert says honestly. “We’re meant to be friends, remember?”

“Yeah, fake friends.” Aaron replies pointedly.

“Well, even better then.” Robert says, trying not to be offended by the way that Aaron doesn’t seem interested in being actual friends with him. “Just think of me as some anonymous advice column or something.” _Just stop talking_ , Robert thinks, knowing that he’s rambling and making an idiot of himself. It seems that there’s something about Aaron that has the ability to turn him into an incoherent mess.

“Nah, you’re alright. I can’t be bothered. Thank you for the offer though.” Aaron says shyly. “Show me these suites then.”

“Of course,” Robert jostles the brochures and notebook that he’s carrying and proceeds to lead Aaron down the hallway and into the first of the two suites.

~~~~

Robert finishes showing Aaron around forty-five minutes later and they depart with another slightly awkward handshake and the promise of a call tomorrow to finalise the details of Aaron’s mum’s birthday party. By the end of the tour Aaron had seemed genuinely excited about the party and the conversation between him and Robert had become a lot less stilted, leaving Robert hopeful that there was a chance of them forging a genuine friendship after all.

They hadn’t looked around the garden room in the end, as Aaron had told Robert that one of the other function rooms was exactly what he had envisioned as being perfect for his mum. Robert had told Aaron that he’d let Ed know that they were finished, and that Aaron was waiting in the car for him.

As he gets closer to the garden room, Robert sees Ed pacing back and forth through the slightly frosted glass, looking stressed as he talks to someone on his phone. For some reason, Robert feels that something’s not quite right and he stops at the door, hidden from sight whilst he listens in on the conversation. Whoever Ed’s talking to, it doesn’t sound like a pleasant conversation.

“You need to put a stop to this. It’s what I pay you for, isn’t it? Nobody can find out about this, especially not Aaron.” He growls angrily at whatever the person on the other end of the phone says. “Well, pay them more then! And call me when it’s sorted.”

Robert backs away quickly as he hears Ed hang up and pace towards the door.

“What?” Ed shakes his head accusatorily at Robert standing there with a dumb smile on his face, trying to look like he didn’t just hear what sounded like a very serious discussion. “Were you just listening to a private conversation?”

“Er- no… I was just coming to let you know that we’re all done. Aaron’s waiting in the car-”

Ed cuts him off. “Right, thanks. Guess I’ll see you at Chas’s party then.” Ed walks off in the direction of the car park before sharply turning back on his heel and towards Robert. “No, actually.” He says, coming into Robert’s space intimidatingly. “I wasn’t going to say anything, because I trust Aaron. But I don’t trust you. Just stay away from him. I don’t know what your game is but once this party’s done with then I don’t want you two having anything else to do with each other. You got me?”

Robert raises his eyebrows, dumbfounded at Ed’s sudden outburst as he tries to think of an appropriate response. Ed doesn’t give him a second though as he shoots a filthy look in his direction and storms away.


	5. The Italian Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's in Italy, battling with his guilt about the situation with Robert. But fate's about to step in and cause more problems...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self-harm. Nothing graphic in this chapter. Also, just to clarify that in this universe Aaron's abuse didn't happen, at least not the r*pe, and Jackson doesn't exist. Aaron's reasons for self-harming therefore won't be exactly the same as they were in the show and will be explored more in later chapters.

Even in the early morning, the Italian sun gives out an irritating heat that fills Aaron with deep satisfaction as he runs by the waterfront. He’s still got two miles to go before he’ll have fulfilled his self-imposed target and feel like he’s run enough for the thoughts in his brain to quieten sufficiently for him to get through the rest of the day.

Aaron’s chest is tightening, and he feels his throat burning as his muscles work hard to propel him forwards. But he loves this feeling. He’s never taken heroin, but he’s heard people say that it numbs them and makes them feel safe and warm. Running is his heroin and the ten miles he’s been doing every morning since he arrived in Italy four days ago is his daily fix.

Some would say that he’s pushing his body too much, but Aaron knows himself better than anyone else does. He knows that if he wasn’t running then he’d be teasing his skin with a razorblade. He knows this because he spent the first fifteen minutes after he woke up playing with the blade that he brought with him, the one that he always has close by, the one that grounds him just by its very feeling in his hand.

It’s becoming part of his daily routine now. Wake up. Get up. Look in mirror. Think of Ed. _Think of Robert_. Feel guilty. Feel angry. Feel sad. Clench fists. Tell himself he’s useless. See the glint of metal on the bathroom counter. Hold the blade in his palm. Squeeze gently until he feels its sharp edges softly against his skin. Breathe deeply and release. Throw blade down. Run until his lungs feel empty and his body is pulsing with endorphins. Feel calm and get through the rest of the day.

As he continues to run, he thinks of the day that lies ahead. He’s in Naples for a fashion shoot and today is the final day. Truth be told, he’s enjoyed it so far. It’s been good for him to get away from London and to be able to channel his energy into work. He’s working with one of his best mates too, and Adam has been the breath of fresh air that he didn’t realise he was in such desperate need of.

In just over forty-eight hours, he’ll be back home with Ed. Ed who’s been texting him several times a day to tell him how much he’s missing him and how he can’t wait for them to be reunited. They’d spoken just before Aaron had left and Ed had apologised for how volatile his mood had been recently, all hugs and affection one minute, then harsh words and distance the next.

Aaron had noticed a distinct shift in Ed’s mood in the car on the way back from Home Farm. Ed had been silent for the first ten minutes before something had snapped and he was hitting the dashboard and swearing angrily at another driver who’d pulled out in front of him. It was so unlike Ed that Aaron had bitterly asked what the hell was wrong with him. 

_“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?!” Ed had sniped._

_“What the hell are you talking about?”_

_“You and Robert. You don’t want to be associating yourself with someone like him.”_

_Aaron had clenched his fists, annoyed at the way he immediately wanted to defend Robert._

_“You don’t even know him. And since when did you get to decide who I’m friends with?”_

_“Friends now, are you? He’s an arrogant dick, Aaron!” Ed had shouted and Aaron had known that the argument would get out of control if he didn’t try to get a handle on it._

_“He’s not, actually.” Aaron had said more calmly, sighing deeply. “Look, if this is still about those photos then I’ve already apologised and explained. Robert’s set the public straight. They’ll be forgotten soon enough.”_

_Aaron looked at Ed and saw his cheek twitch, before he smiled ruefully._

_“Is that right? I guess that’s why I’ve been on the phone all morning to my agent trying to stop one of the tabloids from publishing some sort of bullshit expose on you and him.”_

_“You haven’t?” Aaron had been shocked at that. “There’s nothing to tell!”_

_Ed had remained silent for longer than Aaron was comfortable with, staring straight ahead at a set of traffic lights and waiting for them to turn green._

_“Well, try getting the press to believe that.”_

As he begins running his final mile, Aaron thinks about the residual guilt he still feels about putting Ed in such a difficult position. Ed had received another phone call later that day and he’d kissed Aaron happily afterwards, gladly telling Aaron that his agent had managed to shut the story down. Aaron’s skin was still burning from the shower he’d just taken, scalding hot and fierce, but the relief on Ed’s face had soothed him somewhat.

In the days that followed, Ed had been mostly affectionate but there were moments when Aaron would touch him and he’d shrug away, telling Aaron that he wasn’t in the mood. Aaron had accepted it, knowing that he had to patient because he was the one in the wrong. The guilt and hurt he felt whenever Ed had rejected him was the punishment that he deserved.

Although Ed’s apology for his unpredictable mood was welcomed by Aaron and he’d felt as though a weight had been lifted, some lingering guilt remained. Aaron felt that they still had a way to go before they were fully back to normal. For now, though, he’d reply to Ed’s longing texts with the same amount of passion and desire. There was a glimmer of hope and that was enough to keep Aaron going. 

~~~~

“To an excellent shoot. Well done everyone.” Rebecca leads the toast, champagne glass in hand, and the rest of the group follow, glasses and bottles clanging together.

Aaron takes a long sip of his beer and leans back in his chair. He loves this feeling, that of a job well done. It fills him with relief and keeps his confidence from slipping to a level that he knows can only end in self-destruction.

The late evening sun soothes him with a gentle warmth, and he closes his eyes behind his sunglasses, allowing himself a moment of pleasure, to revel in the satisfaction that he feels. The moment’s broken when Adam slaps him on the shoulder with a menu.

“Fancy sharing a couple of pizzas?” Adam asks like a child who’s been denied sweets for a week. Being two well-esteemed models, they’ve worked together a lot and they’ll always celebrate finishing a shoot with a big meal out. It’s a tradition that Aaron usually looks forward to but he’s not in the mood today.

“Nah, you’re alright. Ed’s got me into this low-carb diet.” Aaron lies, thinking about the way that pizza will feel heavy in his stomach, sitting there next to the ever-present ball of guilt. “You go for it though.”

Adam looks at him, concern and disbelief evident in his features. Adam knows him well, too well in Aaron’s opinion, but Aaron just tries to smile back convincingly. He grabs the menu from Adam’s hand, hoping that the matter won’t be pushed any further, and feels relieved when Adam just shakes his head and starts chatting with one of the photographer’s assistants.

They’re halfway through their meal when Aaron hears two voices coming from a table a few metres away from him. The fact that the two people are speaking English rather than Italian is what catches Aaron’s attention first but as they continue their conversation then he realises that both voices are familiar to him.

He thinks he’s hallucinating at first and supposes that surviving off salads and energy drinks for four days whilst working outside in heat and humidity is probably enough to make something snap in his brain. But as he manages to subtly sneak a look over to the table, there’s something distinctly solid and real about the two people sat there.

Quite what the chances of Robert and Victoria Sugden being in the same city at exactly the same time as him is anyone’s guess. If he was a betting man, then he’d say that the odds must be pretty low. It’s been years since he last saw Victoria but just a quick glance at her brings a smile to his face. He has fond memories of the years that he spent growing up with her in Emmerdale.

“Isn’t that the bloke you got caught with?” Adam nudges him with his shoulder and it startles Aaron enough that he turns his focus back to his own table.

“I didn’t get caught with anyone.” Aaron snaps back, shooting a pointed look at Adam.

“Alright, touchy! I’m only messing,” Adam raises his hands in mock surrender. “That is him though, isn’t it? Robert Sugden? Is that his girlfriend?”

“No, it’s his sister, Vic.” Aaron replies too quickly, the thought of Robert with a girlfriend making him uncomfortable.

“Oh,” Adam looks over to Robert and Victoria again, gaze lingering on Victoria as she laughs at something Robert’s just said. “She’s pretty fit.”

“She’s also not blind. Stop staring!” Aaron waves his hand in front of Adam’s face, not keen on either of the siblings looking over and realising that they’re being watched.

“Too late.” Adam says cheekily, sticking his tongue out at Aaron and winking in Victoria’s direction.

Aaron turns his head to see both Sugden siblings bemusedly looking at him and Adam. Victoria beams at Aaron as soon as she recognises him, but Aaron can’t help but notice the way that Robert remains bewildered, like he’s as surprised to see Aaron as Aaron was to see him. 

Before Aaron knows it, Victoria’s rushed over and thrown her arms around his neck. She smells like fresh and sweet perfume and the familiarity of it makes Aaron feel safe, taking him back to a time when his life was simpler, despite the battle going on in his head making the world seem more complicated.

“Aaron! It’s been years!” Her arms stay awkwardly around his neck and he tries to wriggle away from them.

“Vic, you’re strangling me!” He laughs and manages to prise himself away, standing up to hug her properly. She squeezes him tight as the rest of Aaron’s table turns to watch the spectacle. Most of them know Aaron well enough to know that he doesn’t give or receive affection easily and there’s a few amused looks shared before Victoria finally lets Aaron go.

“What are the chances?” Victoria beams, her question echoing Aaron’s earlier thoughts.

“I know,” Aaron smiles back, genuinely happy to see her.

However, he wishes that their reunion didn’t have a Robert-shaped cloud over it. He wonders what Robert’s told Victoria and whether she knows about their kiss. He knows little about their relationship - Robert was always the faceless older brother who spent most of his time at boarding school - but Victoria had often spoken about him fondly and it always seemed to Aaron that they were close.

“Sorry, I’m interrupting your meal.” Victoria says as she looks at Aaron’s half-eaten salad. “Sorry everyone,” she adds apologetically to the rest of the table.

“Nah, it’s fine.” Aaron shakes his head. “I’m done anyway.”

Adam stands up and clears his throat, making Aaron roll his eyes at the way that he tries (and fails) to be inconspicuous. He introduces Adam to Victoria and doesn’t miss the way that a look of attraction passes between them both. The three of them stand in silence for a few seconds before Victoria asks them to join her and Robert.

“Oh, we wouldn’t wanna interru-”

“Sure, sounds good!” Adam intervenes, shooting a look at Aaron that says _‘Don’t mess up my chances here.’_

Victoria just laughs and waves a hand around. “I want to catch up with you, Aaron! You’re not interrupting anything, honestly. We’re just having a drink. Come on.”

She gestures them over the table where Robert’s sat and Aaron wants to kick Adam when he takes the seat next to Victoria, leaving Aaron no choice but to sit next to Robert. As he sits down, he notices that there’s something about Robert that seems cautious, like an animal backed into a corner. He doesn’t say anything when Aaron sits down next to him and it draws a puzzled look from both Aaron and Victoria.

“Adam, this is my brother, Rob. Rob, Adam.” Victoria breaks the awkward silence, gesturing between the two of them, before her gaze settles on Robert and Aaron and she says teasingly, “You two obviously don’t need introducing.”

Aaron smiles thinly and looks to Robert, who takes a sip of his wine before speaking quietly, more to Aaron than the rest of the table.

“Yeah, funny how we keep bumping into each other.”

~~~~

Aaron’s on his third beer and there’s a carafe of grappa in the middle of the table which he and the rest of the table keep taking small shots of. Robert laughs at the look on Aaron’s face every time he swallows, eyes screwing tightly shut and tongue sticking out at the taste.

“Why do you keep drinking it if you hate it so much?”

“Traditional, innit?” Aaron shrugs, trying to shake away a couple of stray drops on his index finger. 

Robert can’t help but watch as Aaron sucks the tip of his finger into his mouth. It should be an innocent gesture, but it does strange things to Robert as he thinks about something else that could be between Aaron’s lips instead. Aaron keeps his finger where it is and cocks his head to one side, eyes narrowing and meeting Robert’s.

The look that Aaron gives him isn’t sexual, but one of challenge and testing. Robert looks away quickly, Ed’s harsh words about keeping away from Aaron echoing loudly in his head. It’s like he planned on seeing Aaron though, is it? He’s meant to be on a culinary mini break with his sister, for god’s sake.

Robert blames the universe for apparently wanting him and Aaron to keep crossing paths. It feels like it’s fate. The more that he and Aaron try to stay away from each other, the more that people want them to keep their distance, the more they seem to meet each.

Adam and Victoria are lost in conversation, laughing and smiling at each other. Robert can’t help but feel jealous. It’s a shame, he thinks. Things could be so different in another world, another time… he and Aaron could have that too. They’d be good together. 

The harsh slap of leather against their table shatters Robert’s thoughts and he looks up to see a blonde-haired woman in a floppy hat smiling at Aaron.

“We’re all heading off now. You left your wallet on the table, Aaron,” she says in explanation, before turning her attention to Robert. “You’re Robert Sugden, aren’t you?”

“That’s me.” Robert says politely, unsure of who the woman is and how she knows him.

“I’m Rebecca White, Bex.” She bites her lip flirtatiously as she offers a handshake which Robert returns.

“I’m sorry,” Robert shakes his head. “Have we met?”

Rebecca looks affronted by the question but shakes it off with a laugh. “Oh, you probably don’t recognise me. We met a couple of years ago. I was with my father at a networking event at Home Farm. You know Lawrence White?”

“The name rings a bell,” Robert nods.

He has a vague recollection of a grey-haired man in an expensive suit who’d spent most of the evening subtly flirting with him. Robert had indulged him a little, reciprocating the subtle touches and charm, because that was the easiest and most-effective style of business that Robert knew.

“Is this your girlfriend?” She points at Victoria, who’s sipping at her glass of wine.

“No, my sister.”

“Oh good.” Rebecca says dismissively, not bothering to say anything to Victoria. “You single, Robert?”

“God, Bex, do you even know the meaning of the word subtle?” Adam laughs.

“No. Being subtle doesn’t get you anywhere.” She’s carefree in a way that borders on arrogant, in a way that Robert knows only too well. He sees himself mirrored back in her and it makes him uncomfortable. “I’m sure Robert doesn’t mind, do you?”

Robert remains silent, overwhelmed by her brazenness and not knowing quite how to answer her question.

“Oh god, you’re not gay, are you?” She asks like she’s horrified by the possibility that he could be.

“No.” Robert says quickly, hating how defensive he sounds and not missing the way that Aaron’s shoulders tense up at his answer. 

“Good,” Rebecca smiles charmingly, and Robert regards it with bitterness. “Well, I’ve got to go now, but maybe you and your sister could join us tomorrow and we could get to know each other a little better?”

“What’s tomorrow?” Victoria asks.

“We’re hiring a yacht for the day. It’s kind of our thing after a shoot, isn’t it boys? You should both come. Think about it,” she says it without waiting for their answer. “These two can give you all the details. Night everyone, night Robert.”

Rebecca’s gaze lingers on him for a few seconds before she turns and runs to catch up with the rest of Aaron’s table. 

“Well she’s a bit full-on, isn’t she?” Victoria says once Rebecca’s out of earshot.

“That’s just Bex,” Adam says, rolling his eyes. “Typical high-fashion stylist. You two should definitely come tomorrow though, it’s always a good laugh.”

“We’ve not got anything planned have we, Rob?” Victoria asks. “Rob?” She asks again, louder this time.

Robert’s toying with the stem of his wine glass, long fingers running up and down, still thinking about Rebecca’s question about his sexuality and the way that Aaron had tensed up at his answer. He wishes that he could be open about it and be someone who could proudly announce his sexuality. But then that would require him actually knowing, himself. That’s his problem. _He still doesn’t know what he is._

They continue drinking and chatting for another hour or so. The drink has loosened them all up and Adam and Victoria’s conversation is amusing enough to have diluted some of the residual tension between Aaron and Robert. 

Victoria’s telling Adam about the hecticness of working in a restaurant on New Year’s Eve when Robert turns his attention to Aaron. He’s looking at Victoria and Adam but clearly not listening to anything they’re saying.

“I’m not sure that it’s a good idea for me to come tomorrow.” Robert starts slowly.

“Right. Why?” Aaron frowns.

Robert knows that he has to tell Aaron what Ed said. He doesn’t want Aaron to think that he doesn’t want to spend time with him. Truthfully, the thought of spending the day on a yacht with Aaron in the Mediterranean is a pretty blissful one, even though he’ll probably have to spend some of it trying to avoid Rebecca. 

Robert tells Aaron about what Ed had said at Home Farm and the way that he’d warned Robert to stay away. Aaron rests his chin in his hand as Robert explains, and there’s flashes of concern and guilt on his face. He bites at his knuckle when Robert stops talking and looks away, nodding slowly.

“Do you want to come though?” Aaron asks simply.

“Well, yeah, it sounds like it’d be fun.”

“Come then.” Aaron shrugs, but there’s something about his posture which tells Robert he’s not happy.

“Really?” Robert asks in disbelief.

He feels Aaron’s leg start jittering under the table and Aaron sucks his lips between his teeth. He’s angry, Robert can tell. Adam stops talking to Victoria and looks at Aaron with concern.

“Definitely,” Aaron says, taking a deep breath like he’s trying to calm himself down. “I’m not having Ed dictate who I can and can’t spend time with. How fucking dare he, acting like my flippin’ keeper. Come on,” he says to Adam, downing the last of the grappa. He doesn’t flinch this time, it’s like he needs it. “I’ve got a phone call to make.”

Aaron pushes his chair back and it scrapes harshly against the stone floor. Adam scrabbles to follow him and tells Victoria that he’ll text her the details for tomorrow.

“Night all,” Adam says. “Oi, Aaron. Wait up!” He shouts as Aaron who’s halfway up the street already.

Robert’s shocked by the sudden outburst. He doesn’t know what to think about what’s just happened. He was expecting Aaron to be a little annoyed, sure, but nothing as extreme as that.

“What just happened?” Victoria asks, wide-eyed.

“No idea.” Robert says, shaking his head.

He’s worried now though. Worried about Aaron’s state of mind and what he’s going to say to Ed. Aaron’s only been gone for two minutes and Robert already feels like he needs to see him again and make sure that he’s okay. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.


	6. The Day on the Yacht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's revelations about the past for Aaron and a small journey of self-discovery for Robert, as the pair spend the day on a yacht together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry for the big delay. I only have about an hour a day to write and I get these ideas for chapters which start small and then run away from me. I really hope it was worth the wait - here's almost 7000 words about Aaron and Robert on a yacht in the Med! 
> 
> TW: discussion of Aaron's self-harm and Robert's internalised biphobia.

“What does Adam’s text say again?”

It’s early afternoon, the sun high in the sky, as Robert and Victoria scan the port, trying to look for the yacht. The heat’s already intense and Robert’s looking forward to getting out onto the ocean and feeling the gentle breeze of it on his skin.

“It just says the ‘big luxurious one’ with a winking emoji.” Victoria laughs, seemingly finding Adam’s almost useless text amusing.

“Well that really narrows it down, doesn’t it?” Robert rolls his eyes, gesturing to the many yachts which fit that description.

“Ah, there it is.” Victoria points to the end of a row of yachts, where they can just about make out Adam waving wildly.

He’s bouncing around like an excited puppy as Robert and Victoria approach and Robert can’t help but notice the enthusiastic way that he offers his hand to Victoria to help her on to the boat.

Aaron’s nowhere to be seen as they follow Adam onto the lower deck, and he introduces them to a handful of people who are sat around chatting and drinking. Robert’s relieved that there’s no sign of Rebecca but the sound of raucous laughter coming from the deck above them tells him that she’s on board. He really wishes that he didn’t have to see her again today.

“Was Aaron okay after you left last night?” Victoria asks with concern as Adam passes her and Robert flutes of champagne.

“I think so… just about,” Adam scratches his eyebrow, sounding uncertain. “He called Ed as soon as we got back to the hotel but all I heard was a load of shouting. I guess Ed’s more of a jealous type than I thought. Not that he needs to be though,” Adam directs his attention to Robert, looking him up and down. “Posh boys aren’t exactly Aaron’s type.”

Robert scoffs at the sentiment, knowing that ‘posh boys’ were _definitely_ Aaron’s type when he kissed Robert.

“That’s good then, isn’t it? Given that the only interest that I’ve got in Aaron is as a friend.” Robert covers the lie by taking a long sip of champagne, almost draining the glass completely.

“Seems like Ed thinks otherwise,” Adam replies disbelievingly.

“Well, Ed’s wrong.” Robert says, narrowing his eyes at Adam.

“Where is Aaron, anyway?” Victoria asks lightly in an attempt to dissipate the bubbling tension, taking a step forward so that she’s practically between the two of them.

“Top deck,” Adam replies, turning his focus back to Victoria. “I’ve barely seen him today though. He went for a run this morning and wore himself out; probably dozed off in the sun.”

Adam tries to smile as he says it but there’s a brief flash of concern on his face which makes Robert wonder whether there’s more to Aaron’s running than him just keeping himself fit. It’s all but confirmed by the look of worry on Victoria’s face, but just as he’s about to press them both for answers, Rebecca appears.

“Oh good, you’re here.” She smiles as her eyes immediately find Robert and she runs her fingers through her long blonde hair. “I thought we were going to have to leave without you. I’ll let the captain know that we can set sail.”

She winks before disappearing up some steps and Robert finishes his glass of champagne as he hears the yacht’s engines start up, not caring if he looks bad-mannered by immediately pouring himself another glass. The thought of having to deal with Rebecca’s persistent and obvious efforts at getting him into bed all day makes him want to drink a whole bottle just to make the whole thing easier to cope with.

It’s not that he finds telling people that he’s not interested in them difficult, but he’s always been able to read people well and can tell that Rebecca is someone who isn’t used to hearing the word ‘no’. He knows Rebecca’s type well… In another world, another time, he might consider it. But right now, she’s too blonde and flirtatious and distinctly _feminine_ – the total opposite of what Robert wants.

~~~~

Aaron’s not sure if it’s the gentle rocking of the boat on the water or the fact that he’s not eaten all day which is making his brain feel like it’s swirling behind his eyes. The heat is prickling at his skin like a thousand tiny needles and the pull in his muscles as he stretches his limbs adds a satisfying ache to the sensation. It’s pain but it’s pleasure, and Aaron knows that he’s enjoying it more than he should be.

The rest of the team from the shoot have largely kept their distance from him today and he’s spent most of the time on the yacht lying in solitude on the deck opposite them. Some of them must have heard his argument over the phone with Ed last night, but he’s sure that Adam’s had a word too and warned them that he’s not in the mood for company.

It’s like an extra stab to his skin when he thinks that they’re probably gossiping about him or calling him a diva behind his back; he can’t bring himself to care too much about it though. It’s basically part of his brand now - Aaron Dingle: stoic, moody, occasionally volatile… all in one neatly wrapped photographic package. 

He hears footsteps and approaching voices coming from behind him but keeps his eyes closed and hidden behind his sunglasses, hoping that whoever’s coming will take one look at his still body and assume that he’s asleep.

“So, Vic’s the chef of the family but you thought you’d come along and pick up some tips yourself?” It’s Adam’s voice that Aaron hears drifting up onto the deck first. 

“Well, if the cookery school was in the UK then I’d have probably said no.” Robert laughs deeply, and the sound makes Aaron’s stomach twist, flooding with warmth and another feeling he can’t place. “I couldn’t resist a few days in the sun though.”

“Ah, thanks a lot, Rob! What happened to wanting to spend some quality time with your favourite sister?” Victoria’s voice joins and Aaron hears the three of them laughing.

No less than three seconds later there’s an ice-cold sensation on the bare skin of his stomach. He yelps loudly as his eyes shoot open and he sees Adam holding a bottle of icy beer, grinning teasingly and sticking his tongue out.

“You’re alive then! You’ve been up here on your own for ages!” Adam says it jokingly but there’s an unmistakeable hint of relief there too.

“You’re a twat.” Aaron states, wiping the bottle’s condensation from his stomach before grabbing the bottle of beer from Adam’s hand and taking several long chugs from it.

He removes his sunglasses so that he can press the cold bottle to his forehead, welcoming the cooling sensation. It must be at least 30 degrees by now and he’s been laying in the sun for nearly two hours with barely a sip of water. He’s probably going to get sunstroke… He really is a _fucking idiot_ sometimes. 

Aaron rubs his eyes, looking around to see Robert and Victoria hovering near the top of the steps that they’ve just climbed to get onto the deck. Robert’s got the same uncertain, nervous look on his face that he had last night when he told Aaron about Ed’s behaviour at Home Farm. He gives the pair of them a perfunctory wave, which they seem to take as an invitation to move closer.

Robert looks good, great in fact, wearing stone-coloured chino shorts and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He knows that he shouldn’t be paying any close attention to Robert’s appearance, but Aaron can’t ignore how tanned his skin looks and the way that his hair is a few shades blonder than usual. The sun clearly suits him.

Aaron’s so distracted by Robert that he forgets he’s shirtless and the jagged marks on his skin will be visible if Robert and Victoria get any closer. He scrabbles around for his t-shirt but there’s no time to get it on before Robert’s lowering himself onto the sun lounger next to him.

“You alright?” Robert asks, smiling apprehensively as his eyes meet Aaron’s.

“Just about.” Aaron nods, holding the loose material of his t-shirt against his stomach, trying to make the move look as natural as possible and hoping that his scars are covered. “You?”

“Yeah, I’m goo-” Robert frowns slightly, tipping his head to one side as he looks in the direction of Aaron’s stomach. 

Of course, Aaron knows exactly what Robert’s seen, but he follows his gaze regardless. He’s lost track of all the marks on his skin, they became too numerous to count a long time ago, but he already he knows which particular one Robert’s noticed. It’s the one that’s higher up on his torso, on the side of his ribcage.

He can remember the night that he’d cut himself open there. It was the night before his mum had discovered that he’d been self-harming ever since he’d gotten out of prison six months beforehand. He’d spent every night since his release feeling trapped and tortured by what he’d experienced inside, feeling like he was destined to be forever defined by his criminal history.

The scar is one of the thickest on his body, the one that makes the make-up artists on shoots suck in a breath and hold a make-up brush to their lips whilst they ponder the best way to cover it up. If only he’d not been so drunk the night that he cut himself there then he might be able to get away with pretending it was a surgical scar, but he knows that its ragged edges betray the truth. 

Over the years, Aaron’s learnt how to talk more freely about his self-harming. He still hates every mark on his body, but nobody ever treats him with disgust or revulsion when they see his scars. Every counsellor that he’s seen has told him that honesty is always the best policy, so he takes a deep shaky breath and flops back down on the sun lounger, turning his head towards Robert.

“They’re exactly what you’re thinking they are,” he declares, startling Robert and he removes the t-shirt and reveals all of his scars, hating that Robert can’t help but flinch at the sight before him.

“Oh, I wasn’t-” Robert tries, and fails, to pretend that he wasn’t looking.

“You were.” Aaron says it nonchalantly, knowing that the silvery lines speak for themselves. He keeps his explanation as simple as possible. “Unhealthy coping mechanism. I don’t do it anymore.”

“Okay,” Robert takes a sip of his beer and nods slowly, clearly doing his best to not look too closely and make Aaron feel self-conscious.

Aaron smiles weakly in response, feeling his shame rise as he picks up his t-shirt again and puts it on.

“You don’t-” Robert starts, watching Aaron. “You don’t need to put your top back on for my benefit, you know.”

“I know,” Aaron says seriously. “I weren’t.” 

It’s like Adam’s been waiting for their interaction to be over as he chooses that exact moment to leave Victoria’s side and explain that they’re going to get some lunch from the other deck.

“You two go.” Aaron says to Adam, putting his sunglasses back on to protect against the glare of the sun, noticing how Robert’s closely watching his every move. “I just need a word with Robert first.”

Aaron doesn’t miss the way that Adam’s eyebrow quirks questioningly.

“Ed.” He states in explanation and Adam nods in understanding.

Victoria turns to looks back at him and Robert as she heads off with Adam. There’s something suspicious about her gaze and Aaron remembers that he still doesn’t know whether she knows about his and Robert’s kiss. He really should ask Robert…

“That sounds ominous,” Robert says, unbuttoning the top two buttons of his shirt and fanning himself with the now loosened material. Aaron can’t help but notice the tan line at his neck, rolling his eyes warmly as he thinks about how Robert is the type of man to wear a shirt even when he’s on holiday.

“Not really,” he shakes his head casually. “Just need to pass on Ed’s apology.”

“Right,” Robert sucks in a breath nervously and spreads his hands on his knees. “Yeah, Adam said you’d spoken to him last night.”

“Hmm. He knows that he was a dick to you when we were at your place. He was stressed out because the press were still trying to dig for a story after those photos of us. He gets…” Aaron searches for the right word, “overprotective sometimes. We had words though, don’t worry.”

“So, he’s cool with us spending the day together?”

“Well, I don’t think he’d be very happy if it were just us two. But us and what, fifteen others? He’s fine with it. And even if he weren’t…” Aaron takes a deep breath to calm himself down, feeling his irritation building. “He doesn’t get to decide who I spend time with.”

“That’s good.” Robert nods slowly, then smiles lightly. “We could give the whole _being proper friends_ thing another try today then. Maybe the fact that our paths keep crossing is a sign that the universe wants it to happen?”

Aaron laughs wryly at that. “Maybe you’re right. What are the chances of seeing you here, eh?”

“I know. Blame the restaurant that Victoria works at for wanting her to get some authentic Italian training.”

They’re both silent for a moment as they look out across the water, before Aaron asks Robert whether Victoria knows about their kiss.

“No.” Robert replies quickly, shaking his head. “Nothing to tell, is there?”

“No.” Aaron says in confirmation, feeling the heaviness of unspoken words between them. “Nothing…”

“This yacht is amazing, by the way.” Robert swiftly changes the subject, obviously not wanting to dwell on their kiss. “Never been on one so big before. What are there, like three decks?”

“Something like that,” Aaron responds. Truthfully, he hates the excess of this whole thing. It feels wrong to be lounging around on a yacht which costs more than most people’s houses. 

“Shall we go and get some lunch too, then?” Robert claps his hands together and stands up.

Aaron’s stomach turns at the thought of food. He’s not in the mood to eat even though he knows that his body is probably crying out for it.

“Sure,” he nods, deciding that he’ll try to at least try to eat a little bit.

Robert goes to offer him a hand to help him get up, before realising what he’s doing and putting the hand into his pocket instead. Aaron frowns questioningly at the gesture but the pair of them share a light-hearted look as gets up, Robert following behind as they head towards the deck where lunch is waiting for them.

~~~~

Rebecca’s stood by the table of food, bowl of fruit in hand as she stands chatting to one of the photographer’s assistants, Finn. She’s wearing a mustard-yellow bikini with some kind of floaty cover-up over it. Aaron may be gay but even he knows that she looks good.

There’s a twist of envy as he looks at her unmarked body - _no scars, no history_ – and thinks about what a good couple her and Robert would make; both blonde and perfect. She’d made no attempt to hide her attraction to Robert last night and Aaron sees her eyes widen with hunger as she spots Robert behind him.

The one thing that stops his jealousy from becoming overwhelming – _besides the fact that he’s in a relationship and shouldn’t care about who Robert does or doesn’t sleep with_ – is the memory of Robert’s reaction to Rebecca last night. He hadn’t exactly welcomed her attention or returned any of her flirting. He’s also not making any attempt to say hello to her now, heading over to join Adam and Victoria at the food table instead.

Aaron hears his name being said by Finn and it breaks him out of his thoughts. He looks up and sees Finn gesturing him over.

“Go on, ask Aaron if you don’t believe me.” Finn urges Rebecca, smiling shyly at Aaron as he approaches - trying and failing, as usual, to avoid raking his eyes over Aaron’s form.

“Ask me what?” Aaron inquires, anticipating that the answer will be something ridiculous like it usually is when it comes to Finn and Rebecca’s conversations.

“Is there really such a thing as a gold-star gay?” Rebecca asks, looking anticipatingly between Finn and Aaron.

The question is the last thing that Aaron expects; it takes him aback so much that he laughs. “You what?”

“See!” Rebecca says gleefully to Finn. “He’s got no idea what you’re talking about.”

Finn sighs annoyedly. “It is a thing!” He insists, explaining to Aaron. “It means that you’re gay and have only ever slept with men.”

“I know what it means,” Aaron’s brow furrows annoyedly at Finn’s patronising clarification.

He remembers Ed jokingly telling him about the concept and the way that he’d admired Ed at the time for being so confident about always knowing who he was. Ed had never tried to deny being gay and Aaron still envied the fact that his boyfriend didn’t have the horrible memories of hating that part of himself.

“So, it is a thing then?” Rebecca asks disbelievingly.

“Yeah, it’s a thing.” Aaron folds his arms across his chest, wondering why Rebecca cares so much.

“Are you part of the club?” Rebecca questions brazenly, one eyebrow raised inquisitively.

“That’s not really any of your business, is it?” Aaron tries to sound apathetic but can’t help biting his lip irritatingly.

He struggles to be polite with Rebecca at the best of times. She’s self-entitled and undeservedly privileged, always thinking that she’s better than everyone else. She’s the last type of person that Aaron would willingly choose to associate with, and he knows that if they were in any other industry then their paths would never cross.

“I’m just interested,” Rebecca shrugs casually, but there’s an annoying smirk on face with it. “I know that you’ve said in interviews that you found it difficult to accept being gay. Did you never want to check and make sure that you definitely were?”

Aaron can only huff out an angry breath and shake his head in response to her ignorance. He hates people like Rebecca. He’d put money on her being the type of woman who invades gay clubs looking for straight guys. A fake ally who only likes stereotypical gay men that pose no threat to her self-deluded belief that a man cannot be attractive and yet have no interest in her.

“What are you lot talking about?” Victoria makes Aaron jump as she approaches him from behind, draping her arms around his shoulders. She’s got a glass of champagne in one hand and the way that she slurs her words slightly makes Aaron think that it’s not her first.

“I was just asking Aaron here if he’s ever slept with a woman,” Rebecca says innocently, twirling a curl of hair around her finger.

“And I was just telling Rebecca that it’s none of her business.” Aaron states, narrowing his eyes at Rebecca and extricating himself from Victoria’s octopus-like hold around him. 

“Oh god,” Victoria laughs. “Let’s not bring up that awful memory, eh?”

“You’re joking!” Rebecca’s reaction is that of a gossiping teenage girl, the look on her face positively delighted whilst Finn stands uncomfortably beside her.

Adam and Robert choose that exact moment to join the group and Aaron takes a few seconds to deliberate the best way to react, not wanting to give Rebecca the satisfaction of knowing that the conversation is making him want to claw his skin off.

“She’s not.” Aaron shrugs unconcernedly, trying to keep the anxious quiver from his voice. “What can I say, I was young and foolish.”

“We both were,” Victoria sobering slightly and smiling comfortingly at Aaron.

“Could you tell?” Rebecca’s like a dog with a bone, clearly revelling at having such an intimate insight into Aaron’s past. “That he was gay, I mean?”

“Sorry, what’s this?” Robert interjects, not fully caught up yet.

“Your sister and Aaron,” Rebecca offers, before making lewd gesture with her hands.

“You what?” Robert splutters on a mouthful of beer. “You two didn’t, actually…?”

“Don’t start, Robert.” Victoria pushes her bottom lip out petulantly. “It was years ago!”

“I thought you were gay?” Robert says surprisingly, directly to Aaron, looking at him quizzically.

“I am!” Aaron throws his hands up in frustration, unable to contain his irritation any longer. “Rebecca’s clearly just got some fucked up interest in my sex life.” 

“I really don’t,” Rebecca looks appalled by the suggestion. “I just wanted to know whether your sister had any idea that Aaron was gay when they slept together.”

“Come on, Bex.” Adam’s speaking now, his tone authoritative. He’s one of the only people, besides Ed, who Aaron’s ever felt able to freely talk to about his past; he must know that Aaron’s hating every single second of Rebecca’s persistent questioning. “You’re getting a bit too personal now.”

“Fine,” Rebecca waves a hand through her hair and rolls her eyes dramatically.

“Don’t roll your eyes, Rebecca.” Aaron snaps at her total lack of awareness. “It might not seem like it matters to you, because you’re _straight_ and you’ve never struggled to accept who you are, but you don’t have a clue about what it’s like.”

“Oh, come on,” Rebecca takes a step forward challengingly. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

Aaron bites his tongue so hard that he draws blood. He’s used to Rebecca’s ignorant comments but even he’s surprised by how insensitive she’s being right now. There are so many things that he wants to say to her, but he digs his nails into his palms instead. Rebecca may only be a stylist, but everyone knows that she’s got a big influence with some of the designers and he’s not about to risk his career because of her.

“Fuck this.” Aaron turns away from her, not wanting to give her a second more of his time.

As he pushes past Robert and Adam, he notes the look of shock and concern on both of their faces. Adam doesn’t say anything though – he knows that Aaron needs a few minutes by himself to calm down. Aaron grabs an open bottle of champagne as he walks past the food and drink table, intent on finishing the whole thing as soon as he’s back on the other deck.

~~~~

“He’s such a drama queen sometimes.” Rebecca watches Aaron as he storms off, scoffing as she sees him picking up a bottle of champagne.

“That was really uncalled for, Bex.” Adam says seriously. “You’re out of order.”

“Not you as well, Adam.” Rebecca sighs, turning to a man who Robert doesn’t know. “Finn, I think that you should have a say in this, given that you’re the only other gay one here. Was I, _to quote Adam_ , out of order?” 

“Maybe…” Finn says slowly. “Just a bit,” he adds, looking nervously at the wooden decking beneath his feet.

“Robert, what do you think?” Rebecca has the gall to try and look enticing, tilting her head to one side and looking Robert up and down. It’s completely inappropriate.

“I think that it’s nothing to do with me.” Robert offers weakly, wishing he was able to say more but still in shock at the revelation that Aaron and his sister have _slept together_.

“I suppose I’ll have to say sorry to him later then.” Rebecca sounds resentful about it and Robert wonders how a person can be so nonchalant about clearly upsetting someone. 

They stand together for a couple of minutes, Victoria and Adam making awkward small, before Rebecca and Finn wander off and begin talking to someone else.

“I should probably go and check on Aaron,” Adam suggests.

He doesn’t sound too concerned and Robert supposes that he knows Aaron well enough not to be. Robert still feels a stab of worry when he looks over in the direction of the other deck and can’t see Aaron anywhere though. He thinks about the scars on Aaron’s body that he saw earlier… it doesn’t seem wise to have left him by himself with his thoughts.

“I can go, if you want?” Robert offers, not missing the look of surprise that he gets from Adam in response.

“Really?” Adam narrows his eyes questioningly.

“Sure,” Robert says confidently. “I need to talk to him about his mum’s birthday anyway; it might be good to distract him from all of that… stuff with Rebecca. You two stay here, I’ll be back in ten.”

Robert’s never met Aaron’s mum but he wants to thank her for giving him the perfect excuse to talk to Aaron on what is now a countless number of occasions. It’s two weeks until her birthday party and he wants to use that time wisely to try and forge a proper friendship with Aaron.

It feels like the universe is testing Robert when he sees Aaron sprawled out on a sun lounger, his tanned limbs a stark contrast against the blinding white of its material. He feels his breath catch in his throat; Aaron’s got his t-shirt rucked up and even from a distance Robert can see the muscles of his abs – photos really don’t do him justice. 

Robert has to shake his head and refocus, remembering that he’s meant to be making sure that Aaron’s okay, not checking him out. As he descends the steps onto the deck, he realises that Aaron’s running his fingers over his torso, tracing the marks on his skin. He approaches Aaron slowly, the way that one does with a wild animal, cautious that Aaron will snap if he says or does the wrong thing.

“Are you alright?” Robert asks gently, cursing himself at the choice of words because Aaron clearly isn’t. “Do you mind if I sit down?”

Aaron startles, obviously having not realised that Robert was there, and quickly pulls his t-shirt back down.

“If you like,” Aaron removes his phone and sunglasses from the sun lounger next to him and places them on the floor, leaving Robert free to take a seat.

“I just wanted to check that you were okay,” Robert keeps his voice calm and smiles encouragingly at Aaron.

“What do you think?” Aaron bites back, before closing his eyes tightly and scratching his eyebrow. “Sorry, didn’t mean to snap... It’s not your fault that Rebecca’s a bitch.”

“I’m sorry that she upset you.” Robert offers, the words feeling ineffectual, but he doesn’t really know what the right thing to say is.

“I’m used to her bullshit,” Aaron shrugs heavily, unconsciously placing a hand over his stomach. “I just don’t really like thinking about my past.”

“Is that why you, you know…” Robert nods at Aaron’s stomach.

“Cut myself? You can say it, you know.” Aaron huffs out a deep breath, speaking quietly. “I started doing it whilst I was in prison. Some of the people in there were awful. Nobody knew I was gay. They’d probably have- Well I don’t wanna think about what they would have done if they’d have known. That’s not the only reason I cut though.”

Robert remains silent, thinking about Aaron hurting himself making him feel like he can’t breathe properly. He wants to reach out and comfort Aaron but something about the other man’s posture tells him that he needs the space to talk freely.

“I was eighteen when I went to prison and I just felt like I’d totally fucked up my life already. I didn’t like a single thing about myself. My cellmate used to cut himself and he’d tell me how good it made him feel, like he could just forget about everything and focus on the pain instead. So, one day, I tried it too. The rush…” Aaron stops himself, like he’s trying not to dwell too much.

Robert feels like he’s been punched in the stomach as he thinks about Aaron hurting himself, but what shocks him the most is how Aaron almost sounds nostalgic about it. He watches as Aaron takes the bottle of champagne and drinks it with shaky hands.

The tears in Aaron’s eyes are too much to bear and he doesn’t think twice before he’s wrapping his arms around Aaron’s shoulders, holding him so close that he can feel his pounding heartbeat. Aaron lets himself be held for a few seconds before he’s pushing Robert away and wiping the tears from his face with his fist. 

“Sorry, you really didn’t need to know about that. I’m better now,” he says reassuringly. “Years of expensive counselling later. Just got lots of scars as a reminder.”

“You’re so strong.” Robert doesn’t mean for the words to sound as deep and passionate as they do.

Aaron flashes him a watery smile. “Thanks,” he says weakly. 

It occurs to Robert that he’s never seen any scars in any photo of Aaron that he’s ever seen, his skin always looks so smooth and flawless… 

“They usually photoshop them out,” Aaron says like he’s read Robert’s mind. “Or cover them up. I’m lucky that they like the rest of my look enough to bother,” he adds with a faux-cocky eyebrow raise.

Robert laughs nervously at Aaron’s attempt to break the heavy atmosphere. “Well, I think that the whole package is pretty amazing…”

Aaron chuckles and rolls his eyes, knocking his shoulder against Robert’s. “Smooth Sugden, very smooth.”

~~~~

They’ve spent a couple of hours lying in the sun together, drinking champagne ( _even though Aaron really doesn’t like it that much_ ) and making small talk about Aaron’s modelling career and Robert’s plans to take over the running of Home Farm in the future. It’s been nice, Robert thinks… getting to know more about each other, like proper friends should.

After growing frustrated about Aaron complaining about being too hot, Robert had gently encouraged him to take his t-shirt off again.

_“You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t need to be self-conscious around me, Aaron.”_

_“Says you. You’ve still got a bloody full-on shirt on!”_

_“Tell you what then. I’ll take mine off if you take yours off.”_

Robert’s confidence had been bolstered by the champagne that they’d shared, and he’d quickly unbuttoned his shirt and thrown it off with a flourish. Aaron had definitely cast an appreciative gaze over him before rolling his eyes playfully and removing his own t-shirt. At one point, they’d caught each other staring and both looked away quickly, sharing a knowing laugh.

 _“So silly,”_ he’d heard Aaron mutter under his breath. Robert could hear the smile in his voice though. 

Robert couldn’t help but thoroughly check Aaron out again as they lay next to each other; he really was absolutely beautiful. Robert wanted to run his fingers over Aaron’s skin, to feel the sculpted muscle, the soft hair on his arms and thighs… But then there was the image of Ed and Aaron in the forefront of his mind, like there was nearly every time he thought about Aaron. Nothing could ever be simple, could it? 

Robert’s got his eyes closed against the glare of the sun, listening to the gentle sounds of the waves and music and laughter coming from the other deck, when hears Adam and Victoria approaching, drunkenly giggling together like a couple of teenagers.

“Look at you two, eh? Good bod you were hiding there, Robert.” Adam whistles, taking his phone out. “Smile for the camera, lads.”

“Jesus, Adam!” Aaron throws his arm over his face, hiding from the camera.

Adam looks at his phone, showing the photo to Victoria. “Nah, that’s a good shot, boys. Maybe I should get behind the camera more often. We’re just gonna go for a swim. You two wannna join?”

“Is that wise?” Robert asks concernedly, sitting up fully on the sun lounger. “How much have both you had to drink?”

“Not that much,” Victoria replies breezily.

“Victoria…” He uses his big brother voice now, the one that he always used to use when they were younger.

“Really Rob, not that much at all.” Victoria says, affronted, hands on her hips like a spoilt toddler. “We’ll stay close to the boat. Adam’ll look after me, won’t you?”

“Course,” Adam throws an arm round Victoria’s shoulders and Robert bristles slightly.

“She’ll be fine with Adam,” Aaron promises, turning to Robert. “He might seem like a bit of a div,” he raises his voice just enough so that Adam can hear him, “but he’s not a total idiot.”

“Cheeky bugger.” Adam sticks his tongue out as he strips down to his swimming trunks and jumps into the water, Victoria following closely behind.

“Can I ask you something?” Robert says, trying to sound as serious as possible, taking his sunglasses off and focusing on Aaron.

“Okay…” Aaron replies apprehensively.

“How the hell is Adam a model?” Robert asks incredulously.

Aaron gapes for a moment, then laughs. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re…” Robert gestures to Aaron’s body. “Really fit.”

“Robert…” Aaron warns.

“Well, you are!” Robert states obviously, because nobody could deny otherwise. “But Adam? He’s more catalogue than catwalk, surely?”

“And since when did you become an expert on male models?” Aaron raises an eyebrow in jest.

“I don’t need to be an expert. I’ve just got eyes.” Robert replies cockily.

“Adam _is_ fit.” Aaron says casually.

“Oh, you think so, do you?” Robert teases, seeing Aaron blush as he realises what he’s just said.

But before Aaron can respond, Rebecca appears in front of them. She’s tied her hair up now and has a rolled-up towel under one arm. She looks nervous as she offers the bottle of beer in her hand to Aaron.

“Peace offering?” She asks hopefully, but there's that same undercurrent of indifference in her voice like there was earlier, like she doesn't really care whether Aaron accepts her apology or not.

Aaron regards her for a few seconds, looking between her face and the bottle of beer. She breathes an audible sigh of relief as he takes it from her.

“Maybe just think before you speak next time, eh?” Aaron admonishes, taking a sip then putting the bottle down beside him, clearly not impressed with Rebecca’s half-hearted attempt at an apology or interested in saying anything further to her. 

Rebecca removes the cover-up she’s wearing, immodestly standing in front of them in nothing but her bikini. Robert looks at her body and is surprised when he feels absolutely nothing, no desire, no interest…

“Are you not going in then, Robert?” The lack of reaction doesn’t seem to go unnoticed by Rebecca as she looks between him and Aaron.

“No,” Robert replies simply. “I’m quite happy here with Aaron, thanks.”

“Fine,” Rebecca tries not to look bothered, but her tone betrays her disappointment. “Look after this for me then, would you?”

She throws the cover-up onto Robert’s sun lounger and he catches the scent of her perfume as it drifts through the air. It’s too floral, too pretty, and Robert waves a hand to try and dissipate it. He watches Rebecca leave, descending a ladder into the ocean and joining Adam and Victoria in the water.

“Seeing as we’ve been talking about personal things,” Aaron starts carefully, turning his head towards Robert. “Like proper friends do,” he adds, and Robert can’t help but chuckle at that, the thought filling him with warmth. “Can I ask you something?”

There’s something tentative about his question, like he’s worried that he’s about to push Robert too far. Robert looks at him for a second, but there’s no malice there, only a friendly inquisitiveness, so he answers affirmatively.

“It’s not really any of my business or anything, but you don’t seem interested in Rebecca at all, and I was just wondering whether, you know, after we kissed-” Aaron rambles, fiddling with his hands and avoiding looking directly at Robert.

Robert thinks he knows what Aaron’s trying to ask and for once, it doesn’t terrify him. Truth be told, his head’s been a mess recently, thinking about his sexuality and what all of his feelings actually mean. He feels like he needs to talk to someone about it. Aaron’s been so honest with him that it feels only right that he returns the openness.

“Aaron,” he can’t stop himself from reaching out and laying a hand on Aaron’s knee. It’s instinctive and feels right, like it’s grounding him. Aaron doesn’t flinch at the touch, but he does stop and look at Robert’s hand. “Are you trying to ask me if I’m gay?” He struggles to get the words out and can hear the nervousness in his voice.

“I guess.” Aaron says calmly, looking at Robert and smiling encouragingly.

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Robert feels a rush of adrenaline surge through him as he says the words, his leg starting to jitter up and down. He feels Aaron’s hand warm on top of his and it’s just enough to stop him from throwing himself overboard to escape.

“It’s okay,” Aaron’s tone is soothing and exactly what Robert needs. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

He looks into Aaron’s eyes - they’re kind and open, encouraging him to take a deep breath and continue talking.

“How did you-” Robert’s voice is quiet, and he pauses as he tries to vocalise what he wants to ask Aaron. “After you, you know, with Vic,” he gestures with his hands, frustrated by the added layer of awkwardness that comes from his sister being the subject of his question. “How did you know that you were gay?”

“I didn’t.” Aaron shrugs. “Or maybe I did, I can’t really remember. Vic wasn’t the last woman I slept with though. There was another, Holly. I guess I thought that maybe Vic just wasn’t the right woman for me.” He laughs ruefully. “But there was something that just didn’t feel right about being with either of them. It just felt wrong, that’s the only way I can describe it.”

“But, with a guy?” Robert asks.

“It felt right,” Aaron nods, before lowering his voice. “Have you ever…?” He lets the question hang there; implication heavy in the air. 

Robert nods and looks away.

“And did it feel right with them?” Aaron’s thumb is stroking gently against Robert’s hand, each pass over Robert’s skin bringing him comfort. It’s strangely intimate.

“Yeah, it did. Different to being with a woman though. But everyone always seems to make out that you’re either gay or straight. So, where do I fit into that?” He feels tearful now, the enormity of their conversation weighing heavy on him.

“Maybe you just don’t.” Aaron shrugs. “Bisexuality is a thing, you know, Rob.”

“No,” Robert shakes his head at the word. “Bisexuality’s just something that people say they are when they want to keep their options open, when they’re greedy.” He swallows thickly and speaks to the ground. “Just like me.”

“No, no.” Aaron sounds authoritative now, like he’s annoyed at whatever’s made Robert think that way. “You can’t help who you find attractive. If you like both, then you like both. Lots of people do.”

“Like, legitimately though? Really?” Robert asks in disbelief. 

“Really,” Aaron smiles again, getting up to sit next to Robert, their legs pressing together. “Come here.”

Aaron holds his arm out, mirroring Robert’s movement from when he’d comforted Aaron earlier about his self-harming. Robert hides his face in Aaron’s neck, struggling to hold back from breaking down completely. He's always known that the way he feels about men and women is genuine - beyond the obvious physical differences, he doesn't really distinguish between them. He just likes who he likes. But he’s never felt so accepted, so _okay_ with that part of himself before. 

“I know that it’s not easy to accept that you’re _different_ , but it’s not worth wasting your life worrying about something that you can’t change. Trust me.”

And Robert does. In that moment, he doesn’t care what other people think, doesn’t care that his dad wouldn’t understand and would probably recoil with disgust if Robert told him that he was bisexual. He feels like a weight’s been lifted, like Aaron has opened his mind to the possibility that he can be bisexual, and it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

It’s a feeling that stays with him for the rest of the day and long into the night, when he’s alone and staring at the ceiling of his hotel room, feeling more content than he has done in years. He sleeps peacefully for the first time in weeks, comforted by the memory of Aaron’s kind words and strong arms around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to address the whole 'Adam being a model' thing as I've had so many comments saying that they just can't see Adam being a model. In my head, I kind of see him as a sportswear model rather than being on a catwalk! 
> 
> Also, I'd be really interested to know whether you prefer longer chapters less regularly or shorter ones more frequently? Let me know!


	7. The Birthday Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron continues to help Robert accept his bisexuality and at last... It's party time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot to check when Chas' birthday was when I first started writing this, so although I never say what time of year this is set in, it's definitely not in February! Unless Italy had been having an extreme heatwave then it would not have been as hot as I described it in the previous chapter. 
> 
> Also, thank you for everyone's comments and kudos. They make me smile so much!

Aaron’s engulfed in warmth; soft skin against soft skin and limbs tangled together in the sheets. He can tell that the room that he’s in is filled with bright light, but he keeps his eyes closed, keen to keep himself lost in the moment for as long as possible…

Suddenly however, something feels wrong. The weight of the body behind him is heavier than expected, and as he blinks his eyes open and looks at the hand slowly working itself down his stomach, towards his underwear, he realises why.

“Morning, baby. Dreaming of me, were you?” Ed chuckles breathily, hand slipping further between Aaron’s legs. 

Aaron startles like he’s just had an electric shock, surprised not only by lustful grab of Ed’s hand on his crotch but also by the vividness of the dream he’d just been having about Robert. He does the only thing he feels capable of and turns to kiss Ed, hoping that it will be enough to dissipate the thoughts of sun-kissed freckled skin and messy blonde hair.

It doesn’t work. His brain betrays him as he continues kissing Ed but can think of nothing but how his lips don’t feel as soft as the memory of Robert’s. He puts a hand up against Ed’s chest as the other man tries to take things further, fingers wriggling beneath the waistband of Aaron’s underwear.

“Can’t,” Aaron says breathlessly, wracking his brain for an excuse and remembering the text message he’d received from his agent after his flight back from Italy had landed last night. “Got a meeting,” he lies, knowing that it’s scheduled for tomorrow.

“You never said,” Ed furrows his brow questioningly, hopeful fingers still lingering on Aaron’s hip.

“I forgot,” Aaron shrugs casually, pushing himself away from Ed and out of bed. “Sorry.”

He turns in the doorway of their en-suite and tries to form an apologetic smile, but it feels like more of a grimace. Ed’s always had a knack for being able to read Aaron’s facial expressions, to know when he’s not being completely honest, so Aaron closes the bathroom door as quickly as possible, not giving Ed the opportunity to probe any further.

He doesn’t bother waiting for the shower to heat up before he stands under the spray. The cool water shocks him awake, stinging his skin and making him suck in a breath. He closes his eyes and lets the water wash over his face, waiting and hoping for it to allow him to empty his mind of all thoughts of Robert.

This morning was not the first time that Aaron had dreamt about Robert’s hands on him, waking up and imagining the cocky blonde beside him, rather than Ed. But one thing that was new and different, ever since spending time with Robert on the yacht three days ago, was the vibrancy and strength of his dreams. Aaron can’t help but feel as though those nine long, fun-filled, sun-soaked hours with Robert, combined with seeing him wearing nothing but a pair of swimming shorts, has done nothing but enrich his brain’s salacious imagination.

He’s only ever allowed himself to indulge in further thoughts once, a couple of weeks before Italy, when he woke up after another sex-blurred dream and Ed was at training. There was a tightness in his groin that refused to go away, persistent and mocking, filling him with guilt and confusion. He’d closed his eyes again, fuelled by curiosity if nothing else, and allowed himself to touch, to feel, to imagine what it would be like to have Robert under him, over him, inside him… Even now, the memory makes him feel shameful. 

Fortunately for Aaron today, his brain seems to be playing ball – he can’t help but wonder whether Ed’s keenness to have more than just a morning kiss has helped to extinguish any lingering flames of desire. Which is silly really, given that he still wants Ed; he just wasn’t in _that kind_ of mood for him when he woke up, and he certainly wasn’t going to force himself.

Aaron’s thoughts linger on Ed, then Robert, back to Ed, back to Robert, until the steam of the shower starts to feel suffocating. He washes himself quickly, trying his best to ignore the mocking glint of sunlight reflecting off the safety razor sat by the sink. He’d love to have gone for a run this morning, but his lie about having a meeting and hasty retreat into the bathroom means that that’s now off the cards. He decides to try and sneak his running gear out with him and try to get a few miles in. 

Ed’s still in bed when Aaron gets out of the shower, but he’s gotten up to make them both some coffee. The domesticity of the gesture doesn’t fail to bring a smile to Aaron’s face, and he leans over to place a grateful kiss on Ed’s lips. Ed looks up from his phone and smiles.

“Looks like you had a good time in Italy,” he says genuinely, waving his phone at Aaron.

“Hmm?” Aaron frowns puzzlingly.

“Adam’s been posting some photos,” Ed says vaguely in explanation.

“Oh yeah?” Aaron enquires, trying not to sound nervous as he remembers the photo that Adam took of him and Robert.

“Yep. ‘Sailing with the Sugdens’, eh?” Ed doesn’t look up as he continues scrolling through photos, pausing on one of them. “God, Victoria looks different with blonde hair.”

“Has he-” Aaron starts, wanting to ask whether Adam’s posted the photo of him and Robert. “He’s not posted that one of me topless, has he?”

“Um, yeah he has actually.”

Comfortingly for Aaron, Ed doesn’t sound annoyed, but he worries regardless, hoping that Adam’s not screwed up and posted a photo where his scars are visible.

“Don’t worry, you can’t see anything.” Ed must notice the way that his breath’s quickened in panic. “Robert’s doing a good job of blocking anything out.”

Aaron’s tempted to ask to see the photos, but he doesn’t want to sound too keen, especially not at the mention of Robert’s name. After taking the photo of him and Robert earlier in the day, Adam had gotten his phone out again later and the four of them had messed around taking silly photos. It had been a laugh. _The evening sunlight had caught Robert’s face perfectly._ Just four friends chilling out together. _Aaron can’t stop thinking about Robert’s smile._

“Some of the comments on here,” Ed’s brow furrows and he shakes his head with annoyance. “Asking if you and Robert are together. You see, this is why I told him to stay away.”

“Let’s not bring that up again, eh? You knew we were going to be hanging out together.” Aaron says seriously, remembering their previous argument whilst he was in Italy. He forces out what he hopes is a light-hearted laugh. “Maybe you should comment? Set them all right.”

“Yeah, maybe I should.” Ed sighs heavily but makes no move to, locking his phone and tossing it onto the bed instead. “Do you fancy going out for dinner tonight?” 

“Could do, yeah.” Aaron tries not to sound too disinterested, studying Ed’s facial expressions for any signs of further annoyance. “Anywhere in particular?”

“I’ll think about it and text you.” Ed smiles. “You best get to your meeting.”

~~~~

**bartsy.adam** Sailing with the Sugdens 💦 😎 @the.aaron.dingle @rjsugden @chef_vicsugden

_Phew! Aaron and Robert are_ _🔥_

_Right? They’d make such a hot couple!_

_💦_ _Is definitely the right choice of emoji here @the.aaron.dingle_

_Where’s Ed???_

_🔥🔥_

_Have Aaron and Ed split up?_

**_@ed.roberts_ ** _Hands off ladies and gents. He’s mine_ _😉_

As he sits on the tube, scrolling through the photos that Adam’s posted, Aaron’s both relieved and annoyed to see Ed’s comment. Relieved because the comment’s light-hearted and should silence anyone’s suggestions about him and Robert, but annoyed because he can’t help but feel like Ed’s talking about him like he’s a possession.

Ed’s always taken pride in being something of an alpha male, always having to assert his dominance. Aaron’s always thought it was part of the reason he was such a good rugby player. But ‘Hands off’, really? Like anyone else could even get their hands on Aaron in the first place…

He guesses he should be thankful that Ed’s bothered to comment at all – he hopes that it’s a sign that Ed truly isn’t annoyed at him. But still, maybe it wasn’t the best idea for Adam to post a photo of Aaron and Robert topless, with minimal explanation. Unlike Aaron, Adam liked to post a lot of photos, a ridiculous amount really, always sharing insights into his daily life. Aaron didn’t really mind; he knew it was just Adam’s way.

The image of him and Robert is still on his mind half an hour later, when he’s sat outside his agent’s office, all frosted glass and weirdly shaped leather chairs. Robert looking laid back and carefree, the sun highlighting his cheekbones. His body, far leaner and more muscular than Aaron expected for someone who spends most of their time in an office. Aaron can’t help but feel a sense of pride as he remembers all the comments saying that him and Robert look good together. They’re certainly not wrong, objectively speaking, obviously… He and Robert _do_ look _seriously_ good together, complimenting each other perfectly – the rough with the smooth.

He looks up when the door to his agent’s office opens and he hears his name being called.

“Right, I’ve managed to shift a couple of things around. In you come.” Louise smiles at him, dressed in her signature outfit of all-black, portfolio in hand.

Aaron follows her back into the office, takes a seat and smiles nervously, just like he always does when he sees her, anticipating that today will be the day that she tells him that there’s no more work for him, that the dream is over and he has to go back to his old life.

“Sorry for getting the day wrong, Lou. Thanks for fitting me in.”

“No problem,” Louise waves a hand vaguely, the other clicking furiously at her mouse as she loads up photos on her computer. “How was Italy? Looks like they got some really good shots of you.”

“Cheers,” He replies, shyly. “It was good.”

“Am I right in thinking that you met up with Robert Sugden whilst you were there?” She peers at him over the top of the screen, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Aaron sighs, before quickly adding. “And his sister. We hung out for a bit.”

“You know, I’ve no objection to you two being friends. I was just worried about having to deal with a sex scandal when those photos of you two came out. Anyway, the press have let that all drop now, which of course is something that I’m incredibly relieved about! How’s Ed?”

“Yeah, he’s good.” Aaron nods pleasantly. 

“Pleased to hear it. Now, onto business. I need to talk to you about Paris Fashion Week. Oi, don’t roll your eyes! I know it’s months away but I just wanted to go over the shows I’ve already got you booked in for. I thought you’d be looking forward to spending a couple of weeks in France again?”

The meeting had lasted almost an hour and Aaron felt incredibly grateful to Louise for the amount of work that she’d managed to secure for him. It would be his second Paris Fashion Week and for all of his teasing eye-rolls, Louise was right, he was looking forward to it.

Having not being able to sneak his running gear with him when he’d left his and Ed’s apartment, Aaron decides to walk home, rather than taking the tube back. The walk’s nearly an hour and a half but he feels like he needs the time to clear his head. It also gives him the perfect opportunity to listen to the podcast that he’d intended to listen to on the flight back from Italy.

He’d been scrolling through podcasts on Spotify when he’d been drawn to the description of one of them, brain sparking when he’d seen Robert’s name. The podcast was a few months old but featured a well-known face being interviewed in each episode, discussing their various failures in life and how they had affected them. Aaron selects Robert’s episode, puts his headphones in and begins walking.

Robert was introduced as a socialite and influencer and Aaron smiles to himself as he hears Robert groaning at his introduction, explaining how he hates both terms: _“Famous for doing nothing, that’s what my dad always says.”_

Aaron’s not expecting the interview to be as emotional as it’s turning out to be, listening as Robert describes the grief he still feels about losing his mum when he was just fifteen. _“It was during the summer holidays; I’d only been back from boarding school for two weeks when there was a fire in one of our old barns… I miss her so much… Losing a parent, particularly a mother, definitely affected me… It made me more cynical about the world. It toughened me up in a way that I don’t always like. I often wonder if I’d be a different person if I hadn’t lost her.”_

Aaron feels tears in his eyes as he listens to Robert’s voice thickening with emotion as he speaks about his mum. Aaron already knows about Sarah dying, but it’s not something that he’s ever spoken about with Robert. The vulnerability in Robert’s voice takes Aaron back to when they were on the yacht talking about his sexuality. For all of his bravado and confidence, Robert definitely has a softer side which Aaron doesn’t think many people get to see.

He opens up his texts when the podcast’s finished and sends a message to Robert before he’s even thought twice about it.

 **Aaron Dingle:** Just listened to the podcast where you spoke about your mum. It was really beautiful. Sure she’d be really proud of you.

He looks at the text after he’s sent it, thinking suddenly that it’s too much, too personal and intimate a message to send to someone that he doesn’t really know that well. And since when has he ever used the word ‘beautiful’ before? He doesn’t have to worry for more than a minute before Robert replies.

 **Robert Sugden:** That means a lot. Thanks Aaron x

~~~~

**Aaron Dingle:** I’m going to keep sending you these, by the way 😉

Robert grins as he looks at the message and Instagram post that Aaron’s just forwarded onto him, reading the words of the post: ‘The perks of being bisexual’. He rolls his eyes fondly as he scrolls through the post, the words bringing him feelings of comfort and solidarity.

Ever since he and Aaron had the conversation about his sexuality two weeks ago, Aaron’s been sending him posts almost daily. He’s not too sure why Aaron’s apparently going out of his way to make Robert feel valid about his sexuality, but he’s certainly not complaining. He really looks forward to Aaron’s messages. His favourite message was one about bisexual stereotypes, each of them echoing the thoughts that he’d communicated to Aaron.

He smiles now as he also remembers the text that Aaron had sent him a few days after he got back from Italy, about the podcast where he’d spoken about his mum dying. He’d just had some stern words from Jack about an email that he’d forgotten to send to a client and he was feeling useless and lonely, missing his mum and the way that he could always speak to her when he was down. Aaron’s text had come at the perfect time, making him feel less alone and reminding him that he could now consider Aaron a friend.

 **Robert Sugden:** 👍 Thanks mate. Your mission of making me feel validated is almost complete. Next time you see me I’ll be wearing nothing but a bisexual flag 😉

 **Aaron Dingle:** Perfect. I wasn’t sure what to wear to my mum’s birthday but you’ve just given me an idea. I’ll bring my rainbow flag and we can be matching, sort of... You’ll be there are going to be, won’t you?

 **Robert Sugden:** Course – you need me to make sure it all goes smoothly.

 **Aaron Dingle:** I’m sure it will do anyway, with you organising it 😉 Hope we’ll be able to have a catch-up though?

 **Robert Sugden:** Definitely! I’ve got a very nice bottle of whisky that I’ve been saving for a special occasion. This whole *bi thing* seems like a good excuse to crack it open. You can have the first taste 😉

 **Aaron Dingle:** 👍 Nice! Looking forward to it. Gotta shoot. Got a hair appointment – see ya tomorrow x

 **Robert Sugden:** Hair appointment? You vain model! 😜

 **Aaron Dingle:** That’s rich, coming from you! Bye Sugden! 🏳️🌈 🏳️🌈 🏳️🌈 🏳️🌈 🏳️🌈 🏳️🌈

Robert’s not sure if the kiss on Aaron’s text was deliberate or not but he likes it regardless. He’s not going to read too much into it, given that he’d also put a kiss on the end of one of his texts to Aaron before. It was just something that friends did sometimes, wasn’t it?

“What are you smiling at?” Victoria makes him jump as she plonks herself down in Leyla’s vacant office chair. She’s back at Home Farm for the week, Adam having invited her to Chas’ birthday party as his unofficial plus one.

“Nothing,” Robert says coyly, locking his phone and placing it upside down on his desk.

He’s been debating whether to tell Victoria that he’s bisexual. She sort of, kind of, knows already, he supposes. Or she must at least have her suspicions given the drunken conversation that he’d had with a couple of years ago and the way that he always gets cagey if she ever brings anything vaguely sexuality-related up in conversation. Aaron’s near-daily messages and the posts that he’s been sending have helped Robert to realise that it really shouldn’t be a big deal and that the best thing for him to do, for his own sake if nobody else’s, is be honest.

“I don’t believe you!” Victoria says accusingly. “Who are you texting?”

“Nobody!” Robert fires back.

“Is it a woman?”

“No.” Robert says point blankly.

“Well, who is it then?”

Robert takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself, “I’m-”

“Robert!” Jack bursts in through the office door, face like thunder. “Did you forget that you were expecting a delivery? There’s a lorry outside with chairs and decorations and god knows what else. They’ve just interrupted me in the middle of writing a _very_ intense scene, completely mucked up my flow with all of their banging on the door.”

“Shit!” Robert checks his watch. He’d been so distracted by messaging Aaron that time had gotten away from him. “Sorry, dad. I’ll go and sort it now.”

Robert scurries away, annoyed at his father for not only having the worst timing ever, but also for being a total prat about being ‘interrupted’. The author of several critically acclaimed novels, Jack was very passionate about his craft, and Robert was used to dealing with his tumultuous moods as he worked on his latest work of fiction, acting as though he was always the perfect sentence away from securing the Man Booker Prize.

One thing Robert feels certain of now is that he can’t tell Victoria about his sexuality, not here at Home Farm, not where it feels like his dad could be lurking around any corner, keen ear listening out for any excuse to have another go at his son. He’ll save it for now, hoping that the perfect time will come soon.

~~~~

Aaron knocks once, twice, on the front door of the main Home Farm building. The hotel and event rooms were in a separate building on the estate and he had been expecting that Robert would be there to meet him, but a friendly member of staff that he hadn’t met before had shown him to his ad Ed’s suite for the night instead. She explained that Robert had told Aaron to pop over to the main house once he’d dropped his bags into the room.

He waits at the door now, feeling that it would be overly familiar to barge straight in. Victoria opens the door a minute later and smiles widely at him, giving him a tight hug and inviting him through to the kitchen.

“Rob’s just upstairs. He’ll be down in a minute,” she explains, holding up the kettle. “Tea?”

“Sure,” Aaron nods.

“Is Ed coming later then?” Victoria asks as she fills the kettle and gets mugs out of a cupboard, before placing a teabag into each of them.

“Yeah, he had a couple of things to do this afternoon. I just wanted to get here early and check that everything was sorted and ready for the party.”

“You definitely don’t need to worry about that. Rob’s been working on it non-stop, all week. I’ve never seen him so keen – he clearly wants to impress you.”

Aaron wonders why Robert would care so much about impressing him, but the thought makes him happy regardless. He then hears footsteps running down the stairs just outside of the kitchen.

“Vic!” Robert shouts from the hallway. “Have you moved the iron?”

Aaron feels himself bite his lip to suppress a smile as Robert enters the kitchen wearing nothing but a pair of dark denim jeans low on his lips. He’s holding a white shirt in one hand and running the other through his slightly damp, messy hair. Aaron’s not sure what’s wrong with him – he’s seen a lot of other male models and casually appreciated the form of many of them, but there’s something about Robert that almost takes his breath away. It’s an air of total obliviousness and lack of vanity which Aaron’s unfamiliar with.

“I’ve not moved it!” Victoria objects, waving a mug around. “Dad might have done?”

“Fine,” Robert huffs out a sigh. “I’ll check with him. Jesus!” Robert jumps as he turns to see Aaron. “Didn’t realise you were there.”

“Sorry, mate!” Aaron laughs as the extremity of Robert’s reaction. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Robert seems suddenly self-conscious as he backs out of the room quickly, muttering about going to find the iron. Aaron chats to Victoria for ten minutes, sipping his tea and reminiscing about their time in Italy, before Robert returns, now fully dressed in his newly ironed white shirt.

“Is this for me?” Robert indicates towards a full mug of tea sat on the counter but doesn’t wait for Victoria’s reply before he’s taken a large, appreciative gulp. “How come tea always tastes so much better when you make it?”

“You never leave the bag in for long enough.” Victoria chastises, putting her now empty mug in the dishwasher. “Right, I’ve got a birthday cake to finish. I’ll be over in the other kitchen if you need me.”

“Hold up,” Robert stops her. “We’ll come over with you. I need Aaron’s help with something.”

~~~~

“This is amazing, Rob.” Aaron says sincerely, and Robert feels himself blush as he takes in the almost-finished room properly for the first time. There’s tables and chairs set up along two of the walls, decorative lights strung up, and a large dance floor and sound system set up in the corner. “My mum’s going to love this.”

“I’m so pleased you think so. I was worried that Leyla had gotten a bit over-excited with the whole vintage glamour theme. It’s not too much?”

“No, it’s perfect! Thank you so much!” Aaron beams.

Robert always prides himself on doing a job well, but it feels extra special to see how happy Aaron is with the work he’s put in.

“Well, given that you’re so happy with it,” Robert starts. “I have a tiny favour to ask you for. How are your lungs?”

“My lungs?” Aaron’s brow furrows quizzically.

“Hmm. So basically,” Robert explains, “Leyla messed up on the balloon delivery and didn’t order pre-inflated ones… So now I’ve got seventy balloons that I need to blow up. Don’t suppose you fancy helping me out?”

“Seriously?” Aaron asks, hands on hips, looking annoyed. “You’re asking me to blow up balloons. Didn’t I pay you to do all of that?”

Robert feels shocked and taken aback by the affronted reaction from Aaron. He’s speechless for a few seconds before he sees a smile break out on Aaron’s face.

“I’m joking, you idiot! Of course, I’ll help you!”

“You bastard!” Robert shoves Aaron playfully.

“Couldn’t resist, mate.” Aaron sticks his tongue out teasingly. “Where are these balloons then?”

They’re still blowing balloons up over an hour later, sat on the dancefloor and listening to the Arctic Monkeys blasting out on Aaron’s phone. Robert feels like there’s no more air left in his lungs.

“Why am I not getting any better at tying these fucking things?” Aaron groans as another balloon slowly begins to deflate as he tries to tie it off. “How many have we got left?

“Like five each,” Robert sighs, standing up and surveying the balloon-covered dancefloor. “At least they look pretty good though.”

Robert chuckles as he looks at Aaron, sat on the floor surrounded by black and gold balloons. He looks like a child who’s had fun forced upon them at their own birthday party when they’d rather be anywhere else. 

“What?” Aaron asks, one eyebrow raised.

“Nothing,” Robert replies casually. “Just didn’t ever imagine spending an afternoon blowing up balloons with you.”

Robert doesn’t even think about what he’s doing as he pulls his phone out and takes a photo just as Aaron smiles wryly and looks away from him. Robert beams as he looks at the phone screen.

“Now that, Aaron Dingle, is a perfect photo.”

~~~~

Come 10pm, Chas’ birthday party is in full swing. Victoria had told Robert about the Dingle’s notoriety when it came to family get togethers, but she really hadn’t done justice compared to the scene in front of Robert now.

The party only officially began three hours ago but everyone already seems to have drunk far too much. There are groups dancing wildly on the dancefloor, requesting a plethora of songs that Robert couldn’t actually believe people enjoyed listening to. A few other members of the party seem far more interested in the bar, including one particular member who’s spent most of the night so far with a permanent scowl on his face – Robert thinks that Victoria said his name was Cain?

And then there’s the birthday girl herself, being talked down from dancing on a table by Aaron whilst she grabs onto his arms and tries to pull him up with her. He’s laughing though; in fact he looks lighter than Robert’s ever seen him. Aaron gesticulates over in Robert’s direction and Chas follows the movement. She gives a sheepish wave and climbs down quickly, pulling Aaron over to where Robert’s standing.

“So, you’re the one who organised all this?” She slurs slightly, hanging onto Aaron’s arm.

“That’s me, Robert Sugden.” Robert smiles, deciding that his usual introductory formality of a handshake probably won’t be very well received given the way that Chas is swaying on the spot. “Happy birthday, Chas!”

“Why, thank you.” Chas looks Robert up and down in the most explicitly obvious way he’s ever seen. “You’re very handsome Robert. Are you single? You could be my extra special birthday present.”

“Mum!” Aaron recoils with embarrassment.

“What? Your mum’s allowed a bit of fun, isn’t she?”

“I’m flattered,” Robert flashes his most charming smile. “But I’ll have to pass, I’m afraid.”

“Shame,” Chas pouts sadly. “I could do with having a younger man in my life.”

“Come on, mum.” Aaron rolls his eyes and puts a hand on Chas’ back. “I think you need a sit down. And a glass of water.”

Aaron walks Chas over to a table and sits her down next to Cain, who’s still scowling, just into a pint now, rather than at his fellow party revellers. Aaron gets a glass of water from the bar and puts it down in front of Chas, then comes back over to Robert.

“Sorry about her,” Aaron apologises, still blushing slightly.

“Don’t worry about it.” Robert shakes his head, watching as Aaron’s eyes light up as he listens to the song that’s just started playing.

“Oh my god, it’s your song!” He beams at Robert as the beat kicks in.

It’s a song that Robert vaguely recognises but he stares blankly at Aaron, not understanding what he means.

“Sweater Weather?” Aaron clarifies, leaning in closely to Robert against the volume of the music. “It’s like the unofficial bisexual anthem or something.”

“Right,” Robert laughs. “And how do you even know that?”

“It’s all in the gay guidebook.” Aaron shrugs. “Chapter five: bisexuals.”

“Got a whole chapter, have we?” Robert teases back.

“You’ve got to, mate.” Aaron shakes his head. “You never know when you’re going to have to deal with a bisexual. They can be complicated.”

“Is that right?”

Robert takes a step back, puffing his chest out confidently. If they were strangers at a bar, then he’d consider that they were flirting right now. To any outsider, that would be exactly what it would look like. that this interaction was flirting. In fact, every interaction he’s had with Aaron recently has felt like they’re treading a fine line between talking like friends or something more.

Unlike nearly every other time that his brain has gone down this route of thinking, he doesn’t have to remind himself of Ed’s presence in Aaron’s life because he suddenly appears beside them. Ed hands a bottle of beer to Aaron and puts a thick arm around his shoulder.

“We should probably do the cake soon.” Ed looks over to Chas, who’s now slightly slumped against Cain. “Whilst your mum can still remember it.

“Sure,” Robert springs into action as Ed looks at him expectantly. “If you can gather everyone together then I’ll go and get it all ready. Give me five minutes, yeah?”

Aaron smiles gratefully at Robert as he goes, then laughs as Ed whispers something in his ear. Robert feels a stab of jealousy as he walks away, thinking that he might have drunk a little too much himself when he finds that he’s a little off-balance as he makes his way to the kitchen. He turns when he hears someone behind him and sees that Victoria has followed him. She fixes him with an inquisitive look.

“What?” Robert asks, frowning at her.

“You and Aaron.” She states, pushing herself up onto one of the counters and swinging her legs.

“What about us?”

“You seem to be getting on well.” Victoria retorts.

“Well, yeah. We’re friends, Vic.” Robert feels nervous, hoping that Victoria’s not read more into their friendliness than she should have done.

“Kind of looks like more…” She says quietly.

“Vic! He’s with Ed. And I’m-” He stops himself when he nearly says ‘straight’. It’s become so automatic, so internally ingrained over the years that the word itself is basically meaningless to him. “Actually, no I’m not.”

“Not what?” Victoria enquires, and Robert’s forgotten that she doesn’t have access to his internal thoughts. “Not what, Robert?” She asks again when he doesn’t reply.

He’s sure that if he was sober then he’d deflect and succeed in changing the subject, but the words seem to spill out of his mouth before he’s even thought twice about them.

“I’m not straight.” Robert checks behind him, like he expects his dad to appear magically as soon as he can sense a discussion about sexuality being had.

“So, you’re-” Victoria looks at him vaguely, like the cogs are turning in her brain as she slowly realises what he means. “Are you telling me you’re gay?”

And just like that, with a few simple words, all of Robert’s confidence has gone. Of course, Victoria would jump straight to the assumption that he’s gay.

“For fuck’s sake, Vic!” He shakes his head and moves away from her briskly, feeling simultaneously annoyed and foolish, like this is a preview of how it’s going to be every time he tries to explain to someone that he isn’t straight.

“Robert, wait a second!” Victoria stops him with a gentle hand on his arm. “Talk to me, please.”

Robert pauses, remembering how he himself felt about his sexuality just a couple of weeks ago, before he spoke with Aaron. He knows what Aaron would probably tell him, that the only way for other people to understand is by talking properly to them. Robert takes a moment to calm himself down and think of how to formulate what he wants to say to Victoria.

“You know, there is an in between - not just gay or straight.” He avoids looking at Victoria, annoyed at the way he still seems incapable of saying the word ‘bisexual’ out loud.

“So, you’re bi then?” Victoria says easily, without hesitation, and smiles. Nothing but a genuine smile, with maybe a hint of relief? It’s like she’s happy that Robert’s discovered a part of himself that he didn’t even realise he was hiding.

“Yeah, I think so,” he says quietly.

Robert doesn’t need the feeling of heat in his cheeks to tell him that he’s blushing. His heart’s racing in his chest as he waits for Victoria’s reply.

“Okay,” Victoria shrugs like he’s just announced that he’s prefers red wine to white. Robert must look shocked by her apparent lack of reaction because she then asks: “Were you expecting me to react badly? Look Rob, all I want is for you to be happy. I’m far more bothered by you and Aaron. Why have you two been all-”

“He’s kind of been helping me to accept it.” Robert explains, unable to hold back a smile as he thinks about all of Aaron’s kind messages and words.

“So, he’s like your gay guru then?”

“Not sure he’d appreciate being called that…”

“Probably not.” Victoria laughs. “And there’s nothing, you know, going on between you two?”

“Vic, really?” Robert narrows his eyes at his sister, not wanting to dignify her question with a full answer. “He’s with Ed. And I’m not like that. Neither’s he, more to the point. We’re just friends.”

Victoria nods slowly in acceptance, but there’s still a look of uncertainty on her face.

“Well, he’s a good friend to have,” she says simply, slipping from the counter to complete a final check of Chas’ birthday cake and light the candles. “Now, let’s go sing Happy Birthday.” 

~~~~

The party’s almost completely over now, most of the guests either having gone home or retired to their hotel bedrooms. It’s been a brilliant night, Aaron thinks as he sinks back on a chair next to Ed. Ed almost immediately starts whispering in his ear, telling him how he can’t wait to get him upstairs to enjoy the four-poster bed together. He whispers back, telling him that he’s looking forward to it, although he doesn’t say it as sincerely as he intends to. Aaron feels relieved when Victoria comes over and asks for a word with him.

“I’ll see you upstairs,” Ed smiles, pecking Aaron on the lips before he goes.

Victoria sits down in the space that Ed had just been occupying and hugs Aaron.

“What was that for?” Aaron asks, unnerved by the random hug.

“Just to say thank you.” Victoria smiles warmly. “Robert told me that he was bisexual. It seems that you’ve really helped him to accept it.”

“Well, I just-”

“I’ve always thought that he wasn’t strictly straight,” Victoria interrupts. “He’s always denied it though. I don’t know what you said to him, but I’m just so pleased that he feels like he can be himself now. So yeah, thank you.”

Aaron feels humbled by Victoria’s words, following the direction of her gaze and seeing Robert approaching. She scurries away from the table, giving a bemused Robert a hug before shouting a goodnight back to Aaron. He sits back and takes a few seconds to really look at Robert. He’s not sure whether he’s imagining it or not, but he sees to be standing a little taller, a little more confidently.

“Fancy a nightcap?” Robert asks, holding up a bottle.

“Is that the celebratory coming out whisky you told me about in your text?” Aaron raises an eyebrow, studying the label as Robert places the bottle down on the table.

“Yep.” Robert flashes a bashful smile as he sits down next to Aaron. “Fifteen-year-old single malt.”

Aaron watches as Robert cracks the bottle open and pours a small amount into two glasses.

“Cheers,” Aaron holds up his glass and clinks it against Roberts, before taking a sip. “Good stuff.”

“It really is,” Robert says appreciatively, taking a second sip and turning towards Aaron. “Good night, then?”

“The best.” Aaron smiles widely. “My mum loved it. You did a really great job.”

Robert lets out a sigh of relief and sits back. “I’m so relieved. I’m guessing that Vic’s just told you that I came out to her?”

“Yeah, she thanked me for helping you to accept it.” Aaron scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “How’d she take it?”

“She didn’t really say much, to be honest.” Robert laughs nervously. “Just seemed happy.”

“The world didn’t end then?”

“No. Thank you again, Aar-”

“You don’t need to keep thanking me, Rob.” Aaron interrupts. “Give yourself some credit too – you’re the one who told her.”

“No, I’m serious, Aaron. Thank you so much.” Robert looks directly at him and smiles shyly, draining his glass of whisky.

Aaron’s not sure whether he’s just imagining it but something in the atmosphere changes as Robert puts his glass down and turns back look directly into Aaron’s eyes. For a moment, they’re back on the smoking terrace that they kissed on – both charged with attraction and lust. Aaron tries to ignore it as Robert leans forward, arms open like he’s going in for a hug. Aaron hesitates for a second before also opening his own arms.

As Robert gets closer, Aaron sees his mouth open like he’s about to say something. Aaron turns his head and their faces collide awkwardly, Robert’s open mouth pressing against Aaron’s closed one. Aaron loses all track of his senses for a split second and his body reacts without thinking as he gently responds, pushing his lips against Robert’s. Robert doesn’t seem to notice, as it can’t be more than half a second before he jumps back.

“Shit, sorry! I really didn’t mean for that to happen!” Robert apologises quickly, blushing furiously and laughing nervously. “I’m so sorry; that was really, really awkward.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Aaron starts, although his brain is telling him to do the complete opposite, still not sure whether he was just responding because of an instinctive reaction to the press of lips against his or the fact that those lips belonged to Robert. 

“Think it’s time for me to go bed,” Robert says it more to himself than to Aaron, standing up quickly before Aaron has time to say anything further. “I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Aaron.”

~~~~

Robert still feels mortified about the _sort-of kiss_ with Aaron that happened last night. It’s not that he didn’t want to kiss Aaron. In fact, the more time that he spent with Aaron, the more he realised that he wasn’t just physically attracted to him, he also really liked him as a person too. It was a pointless crush though – Ed and Aaron had seemed closer than ever last night, with Ed’s constant glances at Aaron and whisperings in his ear.

His embarrassment and desire to ensure that there’s no lingering friction between him and Aaron is the reason that he’s now pushing the room service trolley towards Ed and Aaron’s room. He wants to see Aaron and be his usual friendly self, to show Aaron that what happened last night shouldn’t be read into as anything more than an accidental slip of lips.

Robert’s just a few steps away from their hotel room door when he stops, hearing noises that instantly make him tense up.

“Aaron, please.” He hears Ed begging. “Will you just- Please, Aaron.”

He feels frozen to the spot, stuck in place as he listens to what he assumes is an intensely intimate moment between Ed and Aaron. He tries to ignore the feeling of envy in his stomach and is about to turn around and go back downstairs when he hears banging coming from inside the room.

“Aaron, open the fucking door.”

Ed’s voice is deeper now and Robert takes a few tentative steps forward, suddenly more alert as he hears the desperation and anger in Ed’s voice. He presses his ear to the door.

“I’ll break it down if I have to, Aaron, I swear.” Ed, he assumes, bangs some more. “Open it now!”

There’s silence for a few seconds. Robert’s still listening at the door, trying not to breathe for fear that he’ll be heard. Then he hears Ed speaking in a lower voice, one that’s more filled with concern than anger.

“Please Aaron, just let me explain. Just give me five minutes. What- what was that? What are you doing in there? You better not be- Please don’t do that. Right, you’ve got ten seconds to open the door or I’m breaking it down. Ten, nine, eight-”

Robert’s mind is racing, not knowing what to do for the best. He feels like he needs to get into the room and check that Aaron’s okay, that something horrendous isn’t happening between him and Ed. They’d seemed fine last night, what could possibly have changed in the seven hours since he last saw them?

It’s like his brain’s on autopilot, not allowing him to dither any longer and wanting to get him into the room as soon as possible. He knocks on the door once, twice, then hears himself saying “Breakfast!” in a sing-songy way which is far too casual given how he feels.

Ed growls, actually growls, from within the room, but Robert hears footsteps moving quickly towards the door before Ed wrenches it open. He’s wearing underwear and a dishevelled t-shirt that looks like it’s been pulled at by a clingy child. He’s never seen an expression like it on Ed’s face before: it’s like anger and regret and concern all mixed into one.

“Do you have a master key?” Ed asks it so quickly that Robert barely understands him.

It’s like Ed’s being pulled back on an invisible piece of wire towards the bathroom door as he retreats back into the room.

“Robert, can you get into the bathroom?”

“What’s going on?” Robert looks around the room. There’s a dent in the wall opposite the bed and a phone lies on the floor beneath it, screen cracked like a messy cobweb. The bedsheets are a rumpled mess. “What the hell has happened in here?”

“Can you just answer my question? Can you get into the bathroom?”

“No.” Robert replies, trying to figure out what on earth has happened.

“Well, you’re no fucking use then.” Ed spits bitterly. “Get out.”

“Why would Aaron lock himself in the bathroom?” Robert asks, still stunned at the scene before him. His brain goes straight to the worst possible scenario and he finds himself looking at Ed’s hands, knuckles, body, for any evidence that he’s hurt Aaron. “Have you done something to him?”

Ed looks appalled at the suggestion. “Of course, I haven’t!”

Ed takes a step back and breathes heavily, like it’s taking all his effort to calm down. He looks directly at Robert and Robert sees something approaching terror in his eyes. He pauses again, like he’s weighing up whether to explain further or not.

“Look,” Ed starts, voice quick but quiet, like he doesn’t want Aaron to hear. “There’s been a big misunderstanding and he’s locked himself in there. My razor’s in there and I’m worried he’s going to do something stupid.”

Robert feels his heart in his throat at the thought of Aaron hurting himself and he’s by the bathroom door before he’s even realised his body’s moving.

“Aaron, it’s Robert.” He tries to keep his tone authoritative but calm, like he’s talking to a child who’s worked themselves up into a tantrum. “I need you to open the door for me.”

Robert hears something clatter to the floor and he’s sure he hears Aaron let out a shaky sob.

“Aaron, please? Could you please open the door for me? Ed’s worried about you.”

“Ed can go fuck himself.” Aaron says numbly from the other side of the door.

Robert’s pushed to one side as Ed storms to the door and pounds on it once more. “Just open this door now Aaron or I swear to god I’ll-”

“What? What’ll you do?” Aaron’s shouting back now.

“Aaron, look, I have a duty of care to my guests and I’m really worried about you now too.” Robert feels like his words are useless, but he says them regardless. “Can you just open the door or tell me that you’re okay?”

“If you’re cutting yourself in there Aaron then-” Ed shouts, sounding angrier again.

“Tell Robert.” Aaron yells back. “Tell him what you’ve done!”

“What _have_ you done?” Robert asks, acting on instinct and putting himself between Ed and the door, between Ed and Aaron. Ed’s jaw tightens and he doesn’t meet Robert’s eye.

“Gone quiet now, hasn’t he?” Aaron sounds manic now, filled with rage. “Just tell him, Ed. Tell him that you’ve been fucking some twink who’s gone and sold his story. How long’s it been? Months? Months of screwing another bloke in our bed, all around the fucking country. What’d you do, Ed? Break his heart? Get bored of him? You’re fucking pathetic.”

“And you’re not?” Ed rages back. “First thing you do when you find out is lock yourself in the bathroom and cut yourself?”

The door opens sharply and Robert nearly falls backwards into Aaron, who’s in the same state of undress as Ed. He barely has the chance to regain his balance before Aaron’s shoving him to one side and grabbing Ed but the fabric of his t-shirt.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Ed speaks quickly, calmly, as Aaron retains a hold on him. “I didn’t mean that.”

“Oh no, I’m sure you did.” Aaron’s like a man possessed, twisted smile on his face as Ed holds his gaze. “That’s what he said, isn’t it? That you told him how difficult I was to cope with? That you just wanted something light and easy with him? I’m so sorry that I’ve been such a fucking hassle to be with. You don’t need to worry about that anymore though do you?”

Robert doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s suspended by shock, not sure whether he’s just heard Aaron correctly. Ed, _cheating_? Surely not? He looks at Aaron, remembering what Ed had said about his razor being in the bathroom, and is relieved not to see any blood.

“Aaron, I can explain.” Ed’s pleading now. “Please, just let me explain.”

“What could you possibly have to explain to me?” Aaron asks, eyes narrowing. “It’s all there, in black and fucking white.”

Aaron starts rushing around the room, grabbing a pair of jeans from the floor and putting them on quickly, then shoving his feet into his trainers. Ed tries to stop Aaron as he rummages through the pocket of Ed’s jacket and pulls out a set of car keys.

“You can’t drive!” Ed says in disbelief, eyes widening as Aaron starts to leave the room.

Aaron turns sharply on the spot. “You wanna try and stop me? I swear to god, Ed. Come one step further towards me and I’ll- I’ll fucking-” Aaron’s got tears in his eyes again now, his whole body is shaking. “I need to get out of here before I do something I regret. Don’t you dare fucking follow me.”

Ed slides down the wall in defeat as Aaron leaves, pounding one fist into the carpet. Chas storms into the room seconds later, grabbing Ed’s jaw and pulling his face up so that his eyes meet hers.

“You disgusting man.” She spits with rage. “How dare you do that to my son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the chapter was worth the wait! Well done to everyone who guessed what Ed was up to - I know it was pretty obvious! 
> 
> FYI: I've always thought Sweater Weather had bi vibes for some reason... Lo and behold, when I Googled it there are lots of people who think the same! So there you go: Sweater Weather is definitely the unofficial bisexual anthem! ;)


	8. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the reveal of the affair, Ed ruminates on what he's done and Aaron acts recklessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry for the massive delay. Work has been crazy and I've had major writer's block. I hope that people are still interested in reading!

It's been thirty minutes since Ed's life changed completely, thirty turbulent and unexpected minutes since Aaron found out about his _bit on the side_. Ed's still trying to process exactly what's just happened.

Aaron stormed out five minutes ago - well, he thinks it was five minutes ago anyway - he's kind of lost track of time, what with Chas' incessant verbal assault on him. She'd paused for a brief moment at the sound of Aaron's footsteps crunching on the gravel two storeys below them and the roar of the engine of Ed's Range Rover as he sped off down the driveway. But she's been unceasing ever since, throwing insult after insult at Ed, making him feel even worse about what he's done.

He knows that he deserves it, but still, his brain would quite like a few moments of quiet so that he can try to figure out if there's any way of salvaging his relationship with Aaron and the life that he feels is now crumbling down around him.

“I’m sorry,” Ed says, for what feels like the hundredth time.

He's apologised so many times now that the words feel basically meaningless. He knows that Chas won't believe that he's being genuine, but he really is sorry. He never meant for a zipless one-night stand eight months ago to evolve into a series of illicit meetings in hotel rooms or invitations to stay with him whilst Aaron was working away.

If Aaron was here now, if he hadn't fled because he refused to give Ed some time to _just explain himself_ , then they'd be having a conversation now. Typical Aaron, only focusing on his own needs. Ed keeps his head down as Chas carries on ranting at him, and thinks about what he'll say to Aaron once he returns.

Best place to start, Ed decides, is the beginning, _obviously_... Okay, so he'd started getting some extra attention when he started playing for the England team. Whenever he was out in a bar or club with his teammates then he would nearly always receive admiring glances from men and women as soon as they spotted him. It was just something that he became used to: part and parcel of being a famous rugby player, right?

And yeah, he enjoyed the attention. He was only human, after all. It wasn't something that he needed to tell Aaron about _(hell, Aaron probably experienced the same thing too!)._ After all, he never actually did anything with anyone. That was one thing that he had always prided himself on: the fact that, unlike some of his teammates, the most that he would ever do was invite someone into the VIP area and indulge in some casual flirting over a couple of drinks. Nothing incriminating or noteworthy.

It had all been perfectly innocent until the night that it wasn’t. And look, Ed wasn't trying to absolve himself of responsibility, but his teammates were kind of to blame. He was the only openly gay player on the team ( _he had his suspicions about a couple of the other players, but that's not important, is it?_ ), so he was used to hearing the boring one-dimensional heterosexual chat of his teammates, moaning about their wives and girlfriends whilst checking out the _'legs on her!'_ or _'tits on that!'._

But on _that_ night, the conversation had seemed more mind-numbing than usual. And that was why, when Ed had spotted Connor Jensen staring across at him from the bar in the VIP area, he'd been a little more brazen than usual, puffing his chest out as he offered to buy the other man a drink and not making much of an attempt to be discrete as he checked him out. He was just tired of feeling like he was stuck in a bubble of heterosexuality, okay? 

Connor was fun – an exciting blend of being so carefree yet self-aware of his charms and appeal. He was blonde and breezy, unserious and blatant about his attraction towards Ed. They'd chatted at the bar for while, then Ed had bought the most expensive bottle of tequila that the bar had ( _no, he wasn't trying to show off, he just had expensive taste_ ) and he and Connor had settled down with it at a table in the darkest corner of the VIP area.

Connor had spent the next hour or so flattering Ed, complimenting him about his skills on the pitch and praising him for being so open about his sexuality. As shot after shot of tequila slipped down, Ed had found himself craving a little extra excitement and he'd placed his hand on Connor's thigh. Innocent enough, right? It was Connor who'd initiated more, grabbing Ed's wrist and encouraging it further up his leg, winking and not-so-subtly licking his lips when Ed's hand reached the intended destination.

With every shot of tequila that Ed drunk, his mind seemed to slip further away from thoughts of Aaron until he found himself in the bathroom, head leant back against a cubicle door, eyes closed and one hand in unfamiliar blonde hair as Connor sucked him off.

Being drunk was no excuse, Ed knew that deep down, but in that moment all his alcohol-fuelled brain could think about was how much uncomplicated pleasure he was having. Aaron could be so full-on sometimes, so consumed with his lack of confidence and self-doubt. Ed felt like his therapist sometimes. Sue him for wanting some no strings attached fun.

After his leg-shaking blowjob from Connor, Ed had spontaneously booked a hotel room and Connor had discretely snuck himself in. He hadn't seemed unfamiliar with the whole _illicit-meeting-in-a-hotel-room_ thing. They’d slept together, several times, and Ed had woken the next morning to find the only evidence of their rendezvous being some used condoms and a piece of paper with a phone number on it.

Ed had been relieved that Aaron was still working away and wasn't due to return for another three days. He'd worried at first that three days wouldn't be enough time for him to clear his mind of the guilt and therefore be acting normally upon Aaron's return, so he was kind of surprised by the lack of remorse that he felt just twenty-four hours later. It was just sex, _meaningless_ sex, after all. What Aaron didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

Connor was all but forgotten about until Aaron went up to work in Scotland a few weeks later and Ed found his number stuffed into his wallet. The salacious thrill of the memory of Connor led to Ed watching porn, but he couldn't find anything that quite hit the spot for him. Before he knew it, Connor was inside the apartment, on his knees, then on the sofa, then in the bed that Ed shared with Aaron.

It became a regular thing. Aaron would go away for work and Connor would come over. Or Ed would be playing in a match and he’d invite Connor to stay with him. The sex was good, unbelievably so. Ed liked to dominate and Connor liked to be dominated. Aaron had enjoyed that dynamic too, when he and Ed had first gotten together, but he'd grown less passive over time, wanting to switch things up and be the one in control. Where Aaron had boundaries, Connor had none - he was up for anything.

Their little arrangement was uncomplicated for around six months, until Connor had jokingly suggested that they should invite Aaron into the mix for a threesome. As soon as Aaron's name was mentioned, Ed had seen red. Aaron was only ever spoken about on Ed's terms, usually after they'd had an argument or Aaron had done something annoying that Ed needed to moan to someone about.

Ed had immediately kicked Connor out of the apartment, telling him that whatever was going on between them needed to stop. Connor had looked at Ed, hands on his hips and eyebrow raised in disbelief, asking him if he was sure. Ed had assured him that _yes, he was definitely sure_. The fun was over.

Connor had taken it well, or so Ed thought, leaving the apartment with a characteristically dramatic flourish, something which Ed realised he was uncomfortably used to. He'd not heard anything from Connor for a couple of weeks. That was until a text message arrived, blackmailing him into paying an exorbitant amount or having every sordid detail of their affair revealed to the press.

Ed had gone straight to his agent, who'd rolled her eyes and shaken her head in disappointment before contacting the legal team and asking for an injunction to be ordered. Ed thought he'd gotten away with it, until the submission for the injuction was considered and refused. So after much negotiation ( _because Connor really was asking for a ridiculous amount of money_ ) and toing and froing, Connor had been paid for his silence. 

Unsurprisingly perhaps, being moral and conscientious clearly isn't one of Connor's priorities, because now, just weeks later, his photo is boldly printed all over the front of a well-known red top tabloid. And that’s why Ed feels like his life’s over now, sat on the carpeted floor of a bedroom that only hours earlier was filled with whispered declarations of love and gentle laughter between him and Aaron. 

His career should be salvageable, he thinks, as he remembers how many other football and rugby players have recovered from similar scandals. But his relationship? Trying to put that back together will be about as easy as trying to repair the shattered screen of the phone that Aaron had thrown at the wall. It's basically impossible. No, scratch that, it's definitely impossible. Ed knows Aaron well enough to know that there'll be no forgiveness. Chas confirms it too.

“You don’t get to be sorry, not now.”

~~~~

'Pathetic' is the word that springs to mind as Robert regards Ed, sitting on the floor feeling sorry for himself whilst Chas shouts and rants away at him, telling him how he never deserved Aaron, how she hopes that his career will be over now. Robert can't believe that Ed has the audacity to have adopted the pose and expression of a wronged party. Although, for a man who's usually so confident and domineering, it's kind of refreshing for Robert to see him like this. 

Robert feels like a bit of a spare part. Chas hasn't even acknowledged his presence in the room, apart from when she made concerned with eye contact with him when they heard Aaron getting into Ed's car. Robert was stood by the window at the time. Aaron was nothing more than a blur of black clothing, his body facing the opposite direction to the window so that Robert couldn't see his facial expression.

It's been ten minutes since Aaron left and Robert can't help but feel himself growing worried as he wonders where he's gone. He probably shouldn't be driving given the state that his head must be in right now. Although, Robert supposes, Chas and Ed don't seem too bothered, and they undoubtedly know Aaron better than he does.

It's at that moment that Robert thinks to check the bathroom for anything that might cause real alarm bells for Aaron's wellbeing. He hadn’t seen any fresh cuts on Aaron when he came out from the bathroom, but he’d heard the sobs and clatter of something being dropped. Chas and Ed don't seem to notice, too distracted by their arguing, as he slips into the other room, eyes frantically scanning for Ed’s razor. He finds it eventually, discarded on the floor by the sink but reassuringly clean and dry.

As Robert leaves the bathroom, he hears the sound of a phone ringing. It stops, then starts again, and Chas seems to hear it too because she stops shouting at Ed, looking around the room instead like she's trying to figure out where the noise is coming from.

"Is that yours?" She asks Ed as he slowly stands up and retrieves a phone that's buried under the bed covers. 

Ed doesn't answer, frowning at the phone instead. Robert's not sure whether he's imagining it or not but he feels like there's something ominous about Ed's expression as he hesitantly slides his finger across the screen and holds the phone up to his ear. As Ed confirms his name uncertainly and his eyes widen in response to whatever's being said to him, Robert's heart rate quickens and he instinctively knows that it's something to do with Aaron. 

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Ed ends the conversation grimly and takes a deep breath as though he's preparing himself to do something difficult. His next sentence is spoken quickly. "Aaron's had an accident."

"Is he okay?" Chas asks panickedly. "Where is he? Who was that on the phone?"

"My insurance company." Ed says more calmly now, like he's trying to be as matter-of-fact as possible. "The police drove past and spotted the car but Aaron didn't have his phone with him so they called the insurance company for him. He's fine, Chas. They told me where he is; I just need to go and wait for the recovery truck to turn up. I'll get a taxi or something-"

"No," Robert interrupts, keen to get to Aaron as soon as possible. "I'll take you."

"I'll come too," Chas offers shakily.

"No," Ed says seriously. "It won't do him any good to be crowded. You wait here. Robert can bring Aaron back here, can't you?" He asks, turning to Robert.

"Course." Robert nods, before smiling encouragingly at Chas. "I'll bring him straight back."

"Fine." Chas says in defeat, smiling weakly at Robert, before addressing Ed directly. "Don't think that we're done though."

~~~~

This is slowly turning into one of the most surreal mornings that Robert's ever had: trying not to break the speed limit in the Yorkshire countryside whilst driving a famous England rugby player, who's just been revealed to be a dirty cheat, to meet his famous model ( _now ex?_ ) boyfriend, who may or may not have deliberately crashed a car, and who Robert also really fancies. 

Ed hasn't said anything to Robert apart from giving him a postcode to put into the sat nav. He's now on the phone to his agent, telling her to release a statement denying Connor's story about their affair. Robert's grip on the steering wheel tightens as he listens to Ed, talking so stoically about the situation and not mentioning Aaron at all, like his main priority is ensuring that everything's dealt with by the time he's back on the pitch in a couple of weeks time.

Robert's about to say something as Ed ends the call but he's distracted by the way that his heart leaps into his throat as he takes in the sight in front of him. Ed's car is pretty much wrapped around a large oak tree and there's an ambulance parked up next to it. 

“I thought you said that Aaron was okay?” Robert's struggling to hold back the anger in his voice as he pulls into a layby and switches the engine off.

“The insurance company told me that he was,” Ed furrows his brow, looking more concerned now than he has done all morning.

Ed immediately gets out of Robert's car and rushes across the road, straight to the ambulance. Robert watches as he speaks to someone inside, then walks away looking affronted with his head hanging low. Robert's not too sure what to do with himself, but he wants to know that Aaron's not hurt so he strolls over to where Ed's stood now, assessing the damage to his car.

The car, well it's wrecked. It looks like Aaron’s driven it headfirst into the tree. The front of it's crumpled, airbags have gone off, the front windscreen's shattered, and there's the smell of smoke and chemical fluid in the air.

"Fuck." Robert says under his breath.

"I know." Ed says, shaking his head in disbelief. "It's a write-off."

“Mr Roberts?” A police officer startles them both as she approaches from behind.

“Hmm.” Ed nods, rudely failing to turn and look at the police officer, apparently incapable of taking his eyes off the car.

Robert, however, decides to bother to have the courtesy to face her whilst she speaks.

“We’ve breathalysed Mr Dingle and he’s blown just under the limit. We’re happy that the vehicle’s safe to remain here for the time being, but you'll need to get your insurance company to arrange the vehicle recovery."

“Why was the ambulance called?" Robert asks when Ed doesn't say anything.

The officer looks in Ed's direction and raises an eyebrow like she’s surprised that Ed hasn’t already found out by speaking to Aaron.

“Mr Dingle seemed quite distressed when we found him. He was still behind the wheel and we were worried that he may have been temporarily knocked unconscious. The paramedics only got here about five minutes ago so I’m sure they’ll be able to provide an update soon.”

The police officer offers a sympathetic smile to Robert, then speaks again when Ed doesn’t respond. “We’ll be off now,” she cocks her head at the other officer. “You take care.”

Robert stands in silence as he watches the police leave, before asking Ed uncertainly. “Do you think he did this deliberately?”

"I don't know what to think." Ed shrugs. "What was he thinking, driving it into a tree? He's ruined my car."

"You know," Robert says bitterly, trying to hold back the anger that he feels at Ed's apparent lack of concern about Aaron. "You seem more bothered about your car than your boyfriend."

Ed looks taken aback by Robert's comment but before he can say anything in response, the pair of them are distracted by a commotion coming from the ambulance. Aaron jumps out, shrugging off the paramedic who's following him. He's got a small cut on his forehead, just near his hairline, but it's his eyes that concern Robert. They look wild and fierce, but also lost and sad.

"Aaron-" Ed starts, rushing over with an arm extended.

"Don't touch me." Aaron shouts back, clenching his fists, causing both Ed and the paramedic to freeze in shock.

"Aaron, please. We still need to check you're not-"

"I'm fine." Aaron interrupts the paramedic dismissively. "I just need to get away from here."

Aaron's shoulders seem to relax slightly when neither Ed nor the paramedic make any further attempt to go near him. He looks guilty as he stares at Ed's car, then lowers his head to stare at the ground like he's ashamed. When he looks up, his eyes meet with Robert's and he takes a deep, calming breath as Robert offers him a caring smile. He sounds determined when he speaks again.

"Are you gonna get me out of here, then?" He asks Robert, but he doesn't wait for an answer as he pointedly ignores Ed, walking straight past him towards Robert's car.

~~~~

_Reckless. Hot-headed. Self-destructive._ They're all adjectives that Aaron's therapist has used to describe him before. He can picture the expression that she'll have on her face when he has to explain to her how he ended up crashing into a tree; one eyebrow quirked in disbelief as he insists that he didn't mean to do what he did.

The thing is though, Aaron thinks as he sits silently in Robert's car, watching the blur of green countryside whizz by, it really was an accident. A stupid one which could maybe have been prevented if he hadn't allowed his mind to become consumed with images of Ed and _that man_ , but an accident nonetheless.

He probably had been driving a little over the speed limit, but it was a deer running out onto the road which caused him to swerve and plow head first into the tree. It wasn't a suicide mission or anything. One second he was driving along and the next he was opening his eyes and being confronted by a smashed windscreen and a splitting headache.

He'd sat for a few minutes afterwards, whilst his head has spun and waves of nausea had passed over him, and allowed the shock to hit him. But it wasn't the shock of the crash which caused his heart to race the most, but the realisation that he'd _actually_ been cheated on and his relationship was over.

He'd never thought that he'd be cheated on - it just didn't seem like the type of thing to happen to someone like him. It took a lot for him to trust someone enough to let them in and his therapist had always encouraged him to see that as a good thing, one that would ensure that his relationships were meaningful and genuine rather than inconsequential. 

_Foolish. Naive. Stupid._ That's how he'd describe himself now. Had he'd seen himself staying with Ed forever? Probably not... but Ed always seemed like such a good guy. Loving Aaron despite his flaws and providing support whenever Aaron needed it. That all seemed like a lie now though.

The last thing Aaron wanted after crashing the car was a fuss, but even that couldn't be simple could it? Of course the police had driven past a few minutes later. And of course he didn't have his phone with him so they had to call Ed's insurance company for him. And just to top it all off, of course they also insisted on calling an ambulance for him because they were worried when they spotted the blood pouring from his cut forehead.

He's using the journey back to Home Farm to come up with a plan of what he's going to do now... but he feels hopeless. His home is in London, in an apartment that Ed owns and he's got no proper rights to. He can't go back there - especially not after reading about how Connor had spent time there. Any good memories that he has of that place have been soiled now, thanks to Ed and Connor.

Aaron can feel himself panicking again now, as his brain reminds him of just how stupid he must have been to have not noticed any signs of what Ed was up to. The coldness when he got back from working away, the casual shrugs and rejections of affection in bed, the way that Ed stopped leaving his phone laying around, taking it with him whenever he left the room even for a minute. What an absolute doormat he's been.

"Can you pull over for a sec?" Aaron asks Robert breathlessly.

He needs air, or to scream out loud and let all of the anger out. Robert pulls over to the side of the road instantly, switching off the engine and immediately scanning over Aaron's face with concern.

"Are you okay?" Robert asks panickedly. "Do you feel sick? You really should have let the paramedics-"

"Can you just-" Aaron grits his teeth and rubs his eyes harshly. "Just be quiet, please?"

"Course," Robert replies quietly, sighing and sitting back.

Aaron opens the door of the car to let some air in, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He can feel his hands shaking and knee jittering as an unexpected thought comes over him. It seems mad but _Robert_ , he thinks, _Robert's what I need right now_.

"Alright?" Robert asks again.

Aaron looks at him and nods determinedly. He acts before Robert can stop him, leaning over and grabbing the back of Robert's head, pulling him in and kissing him like his life depends on it. Robert lets out a groan as his lips respond. His mouth tastes like coffee and chewing gum and Aaron wants _more, more, more_... It's over before it's barely begun though, as he suddenly feels the absence of Robert's mouth on his.

"Stop, stop." Robert whispers. He looks totally taken aback as he asks, "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean? Aaron moves in again, hand going straight to Robert's belt now. "I know you want me."

Robert pushes him away, shaking his head. "Not like this. Look, Aaron, you're not thinking straight. You're in shock."

"I know what I want." Aaron says seriously, hurt by Robert's rejection.

"I don't think you do." Robert says sadly. "I'm not going to be your rebound."

"What? No. Robert, you don't-"

"Come on," Robert interrupts. "Let's get you back to your mum."

 _Rejection_ , Aaron thinks. He's not worth anyone's time so why did he think Robert would give him anything but that?

~~~~

Robert’s not heard anything from Aaron for a week, not since the other man tried to kiss him. Thankfully, they were close to Home Farm so they'd only had to bear the awkwardness of being in car together for five more minutes. Robert had barely stopped the car before Aaron was jumping out, rushing to his room to gather his things together. He'd not spoken another word to Robert, leaving quickly with his mum.

Ed had returned an hour or so later, dropped off by a taxi. He'd stayed in his room, also not saying anything to Robert, before a car with blacked-out windows had collected him.

Ever since then, Robert's been hounded by the press calling Home Farm and trying to get information out of him. They'd known that Aaron and Ed had been at Home Farm when the story about the affair had broken, thanks to the numerous photos that the party guests had been posting on Instagram. Robert would hang up straight away, refusing to give any comments, but his own Instagram comments were also filled with questions from the public.

Robert had maintained a silence on social media though, as had Aaron. It was only yesterday that Robert had checked Aaron's profile, like he did every day, and noticed was something different. All photos with Ed in had been deleted, but a new one had also been posted. It was a black and white photo of Aaron turned away from the camera, with a quote as the caption:

_"You must not fall. When you lose your balance...you must not force yourself to stay steady. You must move forward." - Philippe Petit._ _🖤_

Robert liked the photo and thought about sending Aaron another text. He didn't even know where Aaron was, but the photo reassured him that Aaron was at least alive. He'd sent him a message everyday, checking that he was okay, but they'd always be left on 'Seen' with no response from Aaron.

He's tried not to think too much about Aaron kissing him. He can still remember the look of hurt on Aaron's face as he'd pushed him. If Aaron hadn't fled so quickly once they were back at Home Farm then Robert would have tried to explain his actions and reassure Aaron that he wasn't rejecting him completely. _God, did he want Aaron, but not like that_. Not when he was vulnerable and not thinking properly.

Robert's updating Home Farm’s Twitter page when he spots Ed’s name trending. He clicks in straight away, intrigued at the reason why, and is horrified by what he sees. Photo after photo, of different angles and moments, but all showing the same horrendous scene. It's Aaron and Ed, stood on a street which Robert recognises as the one outside their London apartment. By the look of it, they're fighting.

Aaron’s wearing the same black hoodie that he wore on the day that Robert met him. His face looks tear-stained and angry. Ed’s got his hands grasped around Aaron’s arms in one of the photos, like he’s trying to stop Aaron from lashing out again. It’s clear that they’re both shouting and by the looks of the exhaustion in both of their faces, they’ve been doing so for a while.

Robert feels his muscles anxiously tighten as he scrolls down and sees a clearer photo of the t-shirt that Ed's wearing. It's pale blue but has faint streaks of red on it. _Blood_. Ed looks furious as Aaron tries to get away, into the car that's sat on the road waiting for him. The series of photos ends with Ed angrily pointing Aaron in the direction of whoever's taking the photographs, then standing in the street with his face in his hands as Aaron leaves.

Robert gets out his phone on instinct, sending a message to Aaron and hoping that this will be the one time that the other man decides to reply. 

**Robert Sugden:** Just seen the photos of you and Ed. I’m worried. Please can you let me know that you're okay?

He waits for fifteen minutes with no reply, continually refreshing Twitter and hopelessly searching online for more information. Then there's a pounding on the door, persistent and rapid. Robert runs downstairs and opens the door to find Aaron stood there, hair and skin wet from the rain.

“I didn’t know where else to go." He chokes out. "Can I come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was always going to be a bit of a filler chapter, so I hope it wasn't too boring. I'll do my best to not leave as big a wait between this chapter and the next. Thanks, as always, for the comments and kudos! x


	9. The Stay at Home Farm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron spends time with Robert at Home Farm, dealing with the aftermath of his split with Ed. A drunken evening leads to something that's been inevitable between the pair since the day that they first met...

As he notices the darkening sky behind Aaron on his doorstep, Robert realises that it must have been at least a couple of hours since the photos of Ed and Aaron on Twitter were taken. The setting sun and rain have brought an uncomfortable chill to the otherwise warm late summer evenings they've been experiencing in Yorkshire recently and he notices goosebumps on the skin of Aaron's arms as he takes in his worn out appearance.

Robert's brain finally overcomes the shock of seeing Aaron on his doorstep and he invites him in without a second's hesitation. Aaron follows him inside and as Robert closes the front door he takes a moment to cast a cautious eye over him stood in the hallway. He looks exhausted, his shoulders slumping and heavy as he stares into the distance.

"How long have you been standing out there for?" Robert asks concernedly when he notices that Aaron's shivering.

"Dunno," Aaron shrugs, rubbing his eyes. "Five minutes, maybe?"

There's something about Aaron's tone that's concerning. It's hollow and empty, like he's been numbed or sedated. Robert's immediate impulse is to ask Aaron what happened between him and Ed, but one look at Aaron's tightly coiled body tells him that now isn't the right time to be questioning him. He needs comforting instead.

So instead, Robert plasters on his best fake smile, intending to try and make Aaron feel as safe and welcome as possible, and suggests fetching some clean, dry clothes and a cup of tea for him. 

"That'd be good," Aaron nods and smiles weakly.

"You can have a shower too, if you like?"

Aaron shakes his head anxiously, furrowing his brow as he replies, "Not right now."

"Okay, maybe later then, eh?" Robert catches himself when he realises that he's speaking to Aaron like a child and changes his tone to one that he hopes is more casual but still reassuring.

"Do you wanna come up to my room? I'm sure I can find you something that'll fit." He resists the urge to reach out and touch Aaron, worried that the action might disturb Aaron further.

Robert takes Aaron's silence for acquiescence and starts off up the stairs, hearing Aaron shuffling steps following him. It's a surreal feeling when he sees Aaron standing in his bedroom. He's had thoughts ( _or rather fantasies_ ) of Aaron being in his bedroom before, but he had never imagined that it would be under these kind of circumstances.

He finds something comfortable: a pair of tartan-patterned pyjama bottoms and a maroon t-shirt, that he reckons will just about fit Aaron's shorter but slightly bulkier body than his own, and hands them over in a neatly-folded pile.

"Bathroom's just through there." Robert points in the direction of his en-suite and Aaron's eyes follow nervously, mumbling a quiet thanks as he holds the clothes loosely in his hands.

"Come down when you're ready," Robert offers an encouraging smile and closes the door quietly behind him.

~~~~

Robert's been in the kitchen for ten minutes, emptying the dishwasher and making Aaron a cup of tea, when he finally hears the other man coming down the stairs. It puzzles him slightly to see that Aaron's not wearing the t-shirt he'd given him and has found an old jumper of Robert's to put on instead. He's about to question it when Aaron speaks.

"Hope you don't mind me taking a jumper, I was a bit cold."

"No problem." Robert smiles, thinking that Aaron looks rather adorable in the blue jumper and admiring the way that it brings out the colour in his eyes. "I've made you a tea but I can get you something different if you like? I've got some beer?"

"Beer would be great," Aaron shoulders seem to relax at the thought, before tensing up again. "Will your dad mind me being here?" He asks shyly, looking around nervously like he's expecting Jack to appear.

"He's not here," Robert replies, and god is he grateful for that. The last thing he needs right now is Jack asking questions, suspicious as he usually is about anything unfamiliar. "He's at some writer's conference for a few days."

Aaron doesn't reply, just nods and sighs in relief as he takes a large gulp from the bottle of beer that Robert hands over.

"So..." Robert starts, sitting opposite Aaron at the kitchen island.

"Can we not talk about Ed, please?" Aaron interrupts.

"I'm just worried about you Aaron, that's all. Those photos looked pretty intense. Did he-" Robert tries to think of the most sensitive way to phrase the question that he's wanted to ask Aaron ever since he walked in the door, "Did he hurt you?"

Aaron looks shocked, and maybe a little ashamed, at the directness of question.

"I don't want to talk about it." He shakes his head, looking annoyed at the frown forming on Robert's face. "No," he states seriously. "He didn't hurt me."

"But he had blood on him?"

"It was mine." Aaron sighs regretfully. "It's not what you're thinking. I cut myself... accidentally," he clarifies at the worried look on Robert's face. "He got the wrong end of the stick."

"Right," Robert says, not sure whether to believe Aaron or not.

Ever since Aaron told him about his self-harming past he's spent the odd hour looking online, trying to understand Aaron's reasoning for hurting himself. He doesn't want to doubt Aaron's honesty but it seems like a strange coincidence that he could 'accidentally' cut himself whilst in the midst of break-up.

"I'd gone to go and get some stuff from the apartment," Aaron begins again, unprompted. "He said that he wasn't going to be there, but then he just turned up, started saying all of this shit and trying to explain what had happened. I didn't wanna listen, obviously, so we started arguing. He grabbed my arm, where I'd cut it, and then started going off on one about me cutting. He followed me outside when I tried to leave and I was trying to get away from him when those photos were taken. I looked at them in the car on the way up here - I know how terrible they look."

"Yeah they do." Robert says, not intending for the words to sound as crass as they do. "What made you come here then?"

"You don't want me here?" Aaron asks sadly.

"I didn't say that." Robert replies calmly. "I meant, why'd you come here instead of your mum's?"

"Because she's driving me mad." Aaron raises his voice slightly. "She's constantly bothering me. I'm fine, honestly. Still really angry, obviously, but I think that Ed and I were done a long time ago. I've been falling out of love with him for a while."

"Right," Robert says, surprised at the way that the words are pouring from Aaron like it's the first time that he's felt able to say them to anyone.

"Did I do the wrong thing, coming here?" Aaron asks anxiously when Robert doesn't say anything further.

"Of course not!" Robert exclaims, hoping that he's not done anything to make Aaron feel otherwise.

"Look, Rob," Aaron takes a deep effortful breath, "you're a good friend. I don't really have anyone else who's not in London and I can't stand being there at the moment. The press seem to follow me wherever I go, taking photos or bothering me. I just needed somewhere to really get away from it all."

"It's fine, you're more than welcome here." Robert reassures him, pleased to see the look of relief on Aaron's face. "I'll do my best to distract you from it all. How about you turn you turn your phone off and I promise not to say anything about Ed for the rest of the night? We could watch a film or something, or I could make you some food?"

"Deal. I'm not hungry though." Aaron shakes his head. "But, I wouldn't mind watching a film."

"Come on then," Robert slips himself from the bar stool, squeezing Aaron's shoulder comfortingly as he walks past him to and get two more beers from the fridge. "I'll let you choose."

~~~~

Aaron feels the most relaxed that he's done in days. He's sat in Robert's living room, on what Robert described as _'the most comfortable sofa ever'_ \- he can't disagree, it's a great big squishy thing with loads of cushions that he feels like he could sink into and disappear.

They're sat at opposite ends of the sofa, watching Robert's suggestion of Black Mirror after Aaron couldn't decide what film he wanted to watch. To be honest, he's kind of lost track of what's going on - his mind drifted off to thoughts of Ed and Connor ten minutes ago and he's been distracted by them ever since.

He's doing his best to look like he's paying attention but he knows that Robert keeps glancing over at him to check he's okay. He looks away from the screen as Robert looks at him for what must be the tenth time in half an hour and smiles reassuringly at him.

"I'm fine, you know. You don't need to keep checking on me."

"I'm not," Robert replies with a similar smile. "Just making sure you've not fallen asleep."

"Not gonna lie, I probably could. I've not been sleeping great."

It occurs to Aaron at that moment that he's not even thought about where he's going to sleep tonight. He'd rushed to Robert's without really thinking anything through and he suddenly feels like a huge imposition when Robert mentions making up a bed in one of the spare bedrooms.

"It's fine, I'll just take the sofa."

"Aaron," Robert says pointedly. "It'll take me five minutes. Don't worry about it. I thought you'd turned that off?"

Robert gestures to Aaron's phone on the arm of the sofa, which is buzzing gently as messages come through.

"I've got a setting on there so that the only person who can contact me is my agent." Aaron picks up the phone and feels himself growing annoyed and anxious as he reads the message on the screen. "Oh, for fuck's sake!"

"What?" Robert asks with concern, scooting further towards Aaron, as though he's trying to read the message too.

"Someone's leaked it to the press that I'm staying here."

Aaron opens up the link that his agent's sent him and gestures for Robert to read the article with him.

**Aaron Dingle seeks comfort from friend Robert Sugden following break-up from rugby player cheat, Ed Roberts**

_Following his very public split from Ed Roberts, after it was revealed that the England rugby pro had been having an affair with rent boy, Connor Jensen, model Aaron Dingle has fled to the home of Robert Sugden. Just hours after photos of Aaron and Ed arguing in the street outside their Central London apartment, our sources tell us that Aaron is now staying with influencer and businessman Robert Sugden at Robert's family estate in Yorkshire._

_The pair's friendship has reportedly developed over recent months after they met at a photoshoot for a fragrance advert that Aaron did at Robert's Home Farm pad, with sources telling us that they hit it off straight away and have been close pals ever since._

_Earlier in the year, both Aaron and Robert were forced to deny that they were more than just friends after photos of them getting close at an event were published online. Since then, the pair have maintained their close friendship and spent time together last month in Italy with Robert's chef sister, Victoria Sugden and Aaron's model pal, Adam Barton..._

Aaron closes the article, not bothering to read any further, knowing the implications that the article is trying to make.

"I don't understand." Robert looks confused. "Why do they care that you're staying here?"

"Why do you think? They're trying to stir stuff up. Imagine what it'd be like if they knew you were bi."

Aaron doesn't miss the look of anxious horror on Robert's face at the thought and it feels like a knock to him, like an idea that's been forming in his mind for weeks has now been shattered. He knows, deep down, that he didn't just come to Yorkshire to escape London, but also because he felt a new-found freedom following his break up with Ed, one that would allow him to pursue something that he's wanted for longer than he feels comfortable to admit.

He looks again at Robert and sees that the look's disappeared from his face, now replaced with one of questioning.

"I didn't realise that Connor was a prostitute." He says slowly and carefully, like he wants to know more but doesn't want to upset Aaron.

"Oh yeah," Aaron replies, scrubbing his hand over his face as he remembers how that piece of knowledge had cut him deeply when he'd first found out. "Just to humiliate me even further."

"You don't need to feel humiliated," Robert scoffs. "Ed's the only one who should feel that way."

"Not according to him. I'm an idiot, apparently, for not realising what was going on."

"He said that?" Robert asks incredulously.

"Kind of," Aaron replies quietly, before shaking his head free of the memory of the argument he and Ed had had in London, the one where Ed had tried to explain himself before turning on Aaron and making him feel like he was the one to blame. "I thought we weren't gonna talk about-"

"You're right, sorry," Robert says regretfully, before his tone becomes serious and he rests a hand on Aaron's shoulder, the weight of it grounding Aaron. "But listen, you're not to blame for what Ed did and everyone knows that."

Aaron feels himself starting to well up and he bites his lip against it, digging his fingernails into his palms in an attempt to make the physical pain overwhelm the mental. He's been doing relatively well since the break-up; he's not going to let it get to him now.

He suddenly feels the needs to escape again, to be on his own and not let anybody else see his weakness. There's something else that he needs, something that he can't let anyone else know about, especially not Robert, so he tells the other man that he's tired and should be getting to bed. It's only just gone 9pm and Robert looks surprised, but he goes upstairs anyway, calling Aaron up ten minutes later and showing him into a neatly made-up bedroom.

"I'll be working in my room for the rest of the night. Come and get me if you need anything."

Robert smiles warmly and it's honestly the most kindness Aaron's felt in days. Ever since the break-up, all he's seen from anybody else is just anger at Ed, like they expect it to make Aaron feel better. But nobody's really asked him if he's okay, nobody's given him any sort of comfort.

"Thanks, Rob." He says quietly, gratefully, like a child, looking at the ground.

Before he even knows what's happening, Aaron's being enveloped by Robert's strong arms, in a hug so tight that it makes him feel protected against everything.

"Everything will be okay." he hears Robert say gently in his ear, voice tickling against his neck. "I promise you."

~~~~

Aaron's used to running around the great expanse of the park near the apartment that he shares with Ed. Or rather the apartment that he _used_ to share with him. He keeps trying to forget about that fact, to forget about Ed, but everything keeps reminding him of the pain and hurt.

He always felt distinctly uncomfortable by the lack of privacy that was afforded to him whilst he was running. But now, he's got the entire grounds of Home Farm to himself, and to say that he's not taking full advantage of that would be a total lie.

He's been running for close to an hour now, having quietly padded downstairs whilst Robert was still asleep. Despite the bed that he'd slept in last night being incredibly comfortable and him almost passing out on it, his sleep had still been restless and the second his eyes had opened he'd been met with a racing heart and an anxiety that propelled him out of bed before he'd even had a second to contemplate going back to sleep.

Aaron hadn't managed to bring much of his stuff to Robert's, but one thing that he'd ensured he had was his running gear. He's not naive, he knows that he's no longer running for pleasure or fitness, this is pure escapism, pushing himself as much as he can until his brain can focus on nothing but putting one foot in front of the other and he's given a few moments of silence and peace. It's a distraction away from the fact that his boyfriend cheated on him and that the whole affair was revealed in the most public and humiliating way possible.

He should really stop soon, his chest is burning like it never has before, and he keeps losing his footing. Maybe that's something to do with the fact that he's consumed little more than a few beers and sips of water in the past couple of days.

But the thought of food, or indeed any form of sustenance, nauseates him. He doesn't need that in his body, he wants to be as clean and empty as possible. He wants to feel numb and not to feel human any more. Because humanity equals pain and emotion, and he seems incapable of dealing with that sensibly.

It's when he's looping around the back of Home Farm for the fourth time that he spots Robert, sitting on a bench outside with a cup of coffee, the gentle creases of his forehead relaxing slightly when Aaron gets closer. He's still in his pyjamas, hair ruffled from sleep. Aaron doesn't want to stop moving so he jogs on the spot as he bids good morning to Robert.

"How long have you been running for?" Robert asks, taking in Aaron's sweaty, red-faced appearance.

"Not long," Aaron has to cough to get some more breath into his lungs, barely able to speak through his racing heart and exhaustion.

"I'm going to make some breakfast. You nearly done?"

"Just need to do a couple more laps. Gotta keep this body in shape, haven't I?"

Robert quirks an eyebrow. It's clear, even without him saying anything, that he doesn't believe that Aaron's running solely for the benefit of healthy exercise.

"Well, don't be too much longer. I'll have it waiting for you in ten minutes."

Aaron nods before sprinting off again, every muscle screaming against it. _Just one more lap_ , he wills his body, _one more and I'll stop_. He forces himself around the expanse of garden once more, pausing just out of Robert's eyeshot from the kitchen to try and get his breath back. He knows he's pushed his body too much, but god does it feel good for his mind. 

He goes into the kitchen and can't help but smile slightly at the smell of cooking food: sausages, bacon, baked beans, and browning toast. Robert's singing along to a song on the radio, having not spotted Aaron yet, and Aaron takes a moment to lean against the doorframe to listen to him.

"Not a bad voice you've got there."

Robert almost drops the saucepan of beans that he's holding. "You trying to give me a heart attack!?"

"Well if I don't then the food might," Aaron gestures towards the two plates, piled high with food, feeling his anxiety building at the thought of having to eat it. "You've made enough there for the rest of the week."

Robert clearly notes the false lightness of Aaron's comment. "You didn't eat anything yesterday, Aaron." He says seriously, with concern. "You need to keep your strength up."

Aaron acquiesces without further comment, knowing that Robert's right. If he's honest, he's starving hungry and his body's not going to be able to cope much longer if he doesn't eat.

Their breakfast together is strangely leisurely. They eat with the radio on in the background, but when Robert puts his knife and fork down then Aaron knows what's coming next. It's time for a big chat.

"So," Robert starts apprehensively. "What's your plan?"

"You wanting me gone already?" Aaron asks with dread, wondering why he ever thought that Robert would be happy for him to stay for longer than a day.

"No, of course not!" Robert looks taken aback. "Sorry, I'm not very good with these sort of things - I don't really know what to say. I just hope you're okay."

"I'm fine, I promise." Aaron lies, hoping that if he keeps repeating the sentiment then it will become true. "I just need a few days away from everything. Sorry for just crashing in on you."

"You need to stop apologising. I've already told you that you're welcome here, for as long as you want."

"I need to find somewhere to live," Aaron groans, the thought filling him with unease.

"In London?"

"Hmm, I guess." Aaron shrugs. "It's the best base for me, with work and travelling."

"I can help you look if you like?" Robert offers. "I helped Vic to find her place in London. I know some good websites."

"Thanks," Aaron replies, grateful for Robert's help, feeling like a little bit of the pressure on his shoulders has been relieved.

~~~~

They'd spent a couple of hours looking at properties online, Robert being super-organised and making Aaron a list of his favourites to call up and enquire about. Aaron had seemed relaxed at first, back on the sofa in the living room, sipping on the endless supply of tea that Robert had insisted on making for him.

But then Robert had noticed him starting to get distracted and jittery, his leg bouncing up and down and the muscles in his jaw tightening, in a world of his own as Robert tried to regale him with the benefits of living in an apartment in South, rather than North, London.

He'd made a sudden excuse about having to reply to some emails and speak to his agent about how to address the photos of Ed with the blood on his t-shirt, leaving the room before Robert could say another word. The way that he'd fled was kind of disconcerting... a feeling that was only compelled when Robert knocked on his bedroom door a couple of hours later, only to receive no response.

Robert had gone into the room to find Aaron asleep at a strange angle, his laptop open and playing a random video on YouTube. He didn't even stir when Robert tried to wake him. His stillness was eerie, but Robert hadn't thought too much of it, figuring that Aaron had simply been doing a good job of hiding his exhaustion. So Robert had left him to it, carefully laying a blanket over him and closing his laptop so that the room was silent.

Robert's in the kitchen when Aaron emerges nearly two hours later, bleary-eyed and messy-haired. Robert has to fight his feelings of thinking about how cute Aaron looks. Now's not the time - Aaron needs his support, not his unrequited desire.

"I was just about to make some early dinner," Robert tells him. "Fancy keeping me company?"

"Sure," Aaron smiles back, looking more relaxed now than he has done the whole time he's been at Home Farm. "Sorry for being upstairs all that time, I fell asleep. I guess you know that already though. Thanks for the blanket."

"Don't worry about it. You want a glass of wine or a beer or something?"

"Probably shouldn't," Aaron slurs his word's slightly, like he's still not fully woken up. "I'll have a beer though, if there's one going."

Roberts get the beer from the fridge and places it on the counter with the rest of his ingredients.

"What're you cooking then?" Aaron asks, settling himself down at the kitchen island, eyebrow raised at the array of ingredients.

"Risotto. It's a recipe I learned in Italy with Vic."

"Nice," Aaron nods impressively and takes a sip from his bottle, pulling the sleeves of his jumper down so that they're almost completely covering his hands.

It's all going perfectly well, Robert continuously stirring the risotto in the pan whilst he chats with Aaron. It's relaxed and domesticated and Robert catches himself when he finds his mind wandering to how normal it all seems.

It's strange but he's never entertained the thought of what it would be like to be in a relationship with a man - it's never even entered his head as a possibility. It occurs to him, in his distant daydream, that it would probably just be normal, no different really to any of the relationships that he's had with women. At least, that's the thought until his father returns and he's reminded of the big reason that it wouldn't be the same at all.

Just as he's grating parmesan into the pan and telling Aaron an anecdote about when he was doing the cookery class in Italy and someone had put sugar instead of salt into their risotto. He's gesticulating, doing a terrible impression of a passionate Italian accent that Aaron can't help but laugh hysterically at, when he hears the front door go.

There's always a twist of something ominous in Robert's stomach when Jack's around. He feels constantly on edge - a bizarre mix of always wanting to please his father whilst being simultaneously restrained around him - not wanting to do anything to embarass himself or cause a scornful, judgemental look or comment.

Aaron must notice the way that Robert freezes, as he suddenly stops laughing and turns in his seat to watch Jack entering the kitchen.

"Dad," Robert tries to greet him loudly and confidentally, but struggles to get his voice out. "Good trip?"

"Hmm." Jack barely bothers to meet Robert's eyes, seemingly more interested in Aaron as he asks in that typical dad sort of way: "Who's this then?"

"Aaron. You met him before, remember?" Robert asks, knowing that Jack's just trying to pry.

His stomach knots as he remembers that the last time he and Jack spoke about Aaron was when the photos of him and Aaron were published online. So his father's just being difficult... as usual.

"And what's Aaron doing here?" Jack doesn't even pretend to not seem bothered, his voice sounding annoyed as he places his bag down on the kitchen counter, forcing Aaron to move his beer out of the way to avoid it spilling. 

Robert wonders what Jack must be thinking... he has a sudden desire to remain coy and tease him into thinking that Aaron must be a secret boyfriend. But the look on Jack's face tells him that it wouldn't be wise to test him.

"He's just split up with his-" Robert pauses on the word 'boyfriend', suddenly overcome with nervousness about what Jack's reaction will be.

"My boyfriend." Aaron says confidentally, clearly sensing Robert's discomfort.

Jack looks taken aback for all of a second, before he grimaces. "Oh, the rugby player?"

He must clock the look of surprise on Robert's face as he adds, "I read the paper you know, Robert. You always look different in person, compared to the photos I've seen." He addresses Aaron directly, the bite in his tone making it sound like an insult.

"Right," Aaron mumbles quietly.

"You can't be surprised though, can you?" Jack says, puffing out his chest and taking in the look of confusion on Aaron's face. "Gays, so many of them are promiscuous," he says, shaking his head and speaking like a voice of authority and knowledge. "That's the problem with two men being together. Always thinking about sex and cheating on each other." 

Robert's speechless, he can't believe what he's hearing. He glances at Aaron and catches the look of fury on his face.

"Excuse me?" Aaron says, fists clenching, and Robert feels like he needs to do something quickly to get the situation under control.

"Oh, I don't mean any offence to you personally," Jack says, smiling fakely and sarcastically adding. "I'm obviously _very_ sorry to hear about what happened."

"That's out of order, dad." Robert says seriously, but his attempt at conviction sounds meek.

Jack takes a step back, regarding Robert with scrutiny. There's a look in his eye which tells Robert that it's not worth challenging him further.

"I'd like to make myself some dinner soon," He says, picking his bag up from the kitchen counter. "Make sure you don't leave a mess. Aaron, I trust that you won't take advantage of my son's hospitality."

With that, Jack leaves the kitchen. Like a whirlwind, he's almost completed ruined the happy atmosphere that Robert was enjoying just minutes before. Robert feels a mix of emotions, but the strongest one is hatred. Trust Jack Sugden to bring him back to reality with the biggest bump possible. 

~~~~

"He's one of the main reasons why, isn't he?" Aaron asks, pushing his empty bowl of risotto away. Another tick in the box for Robert: he _really_ knows how to cook.

"Sorry? What and who?" Robert replies nervously, looking Aaron over, and topping up both of their glasses of wine.

"Your dad," Aaron says, knowing that Robert's aware of what he's talking about. "He's why you're not out."

"Look," Robert begins seriously. "I'm really sorry about what he said."

"You've already apologised." Aaron says dismissively. "I'm sorry, for you. Must be hard knowing that that's what he thinks. But you know that he's wrong, don't you?"

Robert looks away, out over the garden. They'd decided to eat outside, both apparently able to read each other's minds and know that they both felt trapped inside the house.

"Of course I know that he's wrong," Robert states, looking into Aaron's eyes like he needs to know that Aaron believes him. "Doesn't make it any easier though, knowing that that's what he thinks."

Aaron reaches out and lays a hand on Robert's shoulder. "Yeah, I've been there."

"Did your dad...?" Robert leaves the question hanging, relaxing into Aaron's touch.

"I never came out to him. He just used to say things when I was younger and still living with him." Aaron stiffens at the memories, thinking about how his father's comments had made it even more difficult to accept that he was gay.

"Dads are shit," Robert states bitterly.

"Cheers to that," Aaron says, raising his glass of wine and clanging it against Robert's, keen not to dwell on his childhood memories any further. He can barely cope as it is at the moment, without adding Gordon into the mix.

~~~~

They continue drinking steadily as they watch the sun slowly begin to set over the Yorkshire skyline, listening to a chillout playlist on Robert's phone. They're working their way through their second bottle of wine, trying to keep the conversation as far away from cheating exes and ignorant fathers as possible.

"How are you, really?" Robert asks solemnly, cutting through the relaxed silence that they've spent the last five minutes in.

Aaron resists the urge to lie this time, not sure whether it's because of the wine or the way that he always seems to feel inherently comfortable around Robert.

"I'm getting there," he tells Robert truthfully, because day by day he feels like the tight hold of hurt and humiliation is getting a little looser. Admittedly, he's not been using the best methods to cope, but really, could anyone blame him? "I just wish it wasn't all so public."

Robert nods in understanding. "One of the downsides of being famous, I guess."

"I'm not famous!" Aaron scoffs.

"Aaron," Robert narrows his eyes teasingly. "You're one of the best-known male models in the business. Of course you're famous!"

"Yeah, for being cheated on by a rugby player."

"No, for being one of the fittest men on the planet." Aaron looks at Robert disbelievingly. "What? I'm not lying!"

Aaron rolls his eyes, feeling uncomfortable at the compliment and the way that Robert's eyes are still lingering on him. There's a strange tension to the air now, one that's unmistakably sexual and craving. Aaron feels torn, simultaneously wanting to stay exactly where he is and also get away. 

"Woah. This is why I don't drink wine," Aaron laughs, opting for the latter option as he stands to go to the bathroom and feels his head spin slightly. "I'll be back in a sec."

~~~~

Aaron's been gone for a few minutes and Robert's moved their drinks to one of tables by the lounge chairs in the garden. He's got his eyes closed, reclining back and listening to a song that's doing strange things to him. It's one that he's listened to before, one that makes him think of sex and Aaron, and he shifts uncomfortably. He hears footsteps coming towards him as he opens his eyes and reaches for his phone to skip to the next song.

"That's a good one," Aaron says, gesturing to the phone with a determined look in his eye.

"Yeah," Robet gulps, taking in the sight of Aaron before him.

He's hovering in place, not making any move to sit down as he regards Robert. Instead, he slowly reaches over and takes the glass of wine from Robert's hand and pushing the phone from Robert's reach.

"Leave it on," Aaron says quietly, his tongue darting out of his mouth to wet his lips.

Robert thought he'd been imagining the feeling of sexual tension between him and Aaron before, but the look in Aaron's eye has now changed to one that Robert recognises instantly. He's seen it twice before: the first time that they kissed months ago, and when Aaron kissed him just after he'd crashed Ed's car. It's one of want and longing.

Robert wants to say something, to _do anything_ to try and change the mood. But any kind of opportunity to take action is stolen from him as he's suddenly overwhelmed by the weight of Aaron climbing on top of him, sitting astride his thighs and kissing him in a kiss that's drunk and messy.

It's all deep breaths and grabbing hands, a flurry of lust as they kiss. Robert braces himself for the rejection, for the sudden moment that Aaron will realise that he's making a mistake, but he selfishly wants to enjoy the moment for as long as it lasts.

"I want you," Aaron murmurs against his lips, kissing him again and allowing a hand to slowly wander down Robert's torso.

Robert moans, desperately trying to clear his mind and think rationally. "No, Aaron, you don't."

"I want you," Aaron repeats, his hand moving further downwards and squeezing gently at Robert's hardening cock, elliciting a gutteral groan from Robert. "I know you want me too."

Robert's worried that he's going to regret his decision; he knows that the wine is probably making them both care less about the consequences of what they're about to do, but he can't help but feel overcome with desire for Aaron. And for that reason, he grabs the back of Aaron's head and pulls their lips together in another deep kiss, pushing his hips up to meet Aaron's hand once more.

"Not here though," he shakes his head, breaking the kiss. "Not here."

He holds Aaron's hips and lifts Aaron from him, taking Aaron's hand and quickly leading him inside. It's half past ten and he knows that his father's normally asleep by now, but he still ushers Aaron quietly up the stairs, not wanting to risk waking him.

As soon as they're in his bedroom, Robert pushes Aaron against the door, kissing him once more and pulling Aaron's body against him by the belt loops of his jeans. They moan together as Aaron runs his hand through Robert's hair, holding him in place until they have to stop and catch their breath.

"I want you to fuck me," Aaron says, turning them around so that Robert's now the one leaning against the door.

Robert finds himself incapable of speech, nodding instead as Aaron sinks to his knees. He wants Aaron to be the one in control, to let him stop if he want to, so he leans his head back against the door and waits with anticipation as Aaron undoes his belt. He barely recognises the sound that leaves him as he feels Aaron's breath, warm and wet, mouthing him through his underwear.

Robert's about to move an encouraging hand to Aaron's head when Aaron stops. He prepares himself for Aaron to say that this is all an alcohol-induced mistake, but is surprised when Aaron tells him to get on the bed instead. He moves without a second's hesitation, undoing the buttons on his shirt as he goes, and leaning back against the headboard of the bed.

"You top, right?" Aaron asks, climbing atop Robert once more.

"Hmm," Robert groans as Aaron starts kissing his neck, whilst encouraging Robert's hips up so that he can remove his jeans.

"Good," Aaron almost growls, massaging Robert through his underwear whilst waiting for Robert to strip himself from his shirt.

When Robert's almost completely naked, wearing nothing but underwear which is doing nothing to hide how turned-on he is, Aaron shifts up onto his knees to remove his own jeans. He takes his jumper off and Robert catches sight of the cut on his arm, the one that Robert still doubts was accidental, but when Robert goes to remove his t-shirt then Aaron stops him.

"No," Aaron says seriously, grabbing hold of Robert's wrists. "That stays on."

Aaron moves quickly, keen to distract Robert and prevent any further questions, pulling Robert down by the hips so that he's now laying on the bed. He seems resolute now, skipping any kind of finesse as he roughly pulls Robert's cock from his underwear and takes it into his mouth. Robert has to bite on his fist to muffle his moans as Aaron's lips and tongue go to work on him.

Aaron works in a blur, leaving Robert on the peak of orgasm as his mouth is replaced by one hand whilst the other removes his own underwear. Robert is just about able to move enough to get condoms and lube from his bedside table and he chucks them onto the bed before taking in the sight of Aaron before him.

He wishes that he had a photographic memory, although he doubts that he'll ever be able to forget the vision of Aaron, lips swollen, eyes filled with heat and hunger, as he strokes himself to full hardness. Aaron flips them so that Robert's now on top, and he puts a pillow under his hips, watching as Robert covers his fingers with lube.

"Fuck me hard, Rob." He says, biting his lip as one hand goes to grab onto the headboard, the other continuing to stroke Robert. The sound of his voice, filled with want, goes straight to Robert's cock until Robert can't resist any longer and he begins fingering him open.

Robert's sure that the wine's not helping, but when his cock enters Aaron for the first time he feels like he's in a dream. He tries to take his time, but when Aaron lifts his legs onto Robert's shoulders then he loses his balance and goes deeper than he intended to. He needn't be worried though, if the moan of pleasure that comes from Aaron is anything to go by.

They kiss as they fuck, Aaron encouraging Robert with fingernails dragging on his skin and one leg shifting from Robert's shoulder and wrapping around his back so that Robert can do nothing but stay deep inside him. He knows that he can't last much longer, not when this is something that he's been fantasising about for months, and especially when Aaron's keeps stroking himself whilst tightening his muscles around Robert's cock.

"I'm close," he whispers into Aaron's mouth between kisses and thrusts. "I'm so close.

"Mmm," Aaron groans, squeezing Robert once again. "Me too."

"I wanna come inside you," Robert moans, wanting the feeling of being inside Aaron to last as long as possible.

Robert feels Aaron nod as he kisses at his neck. "Do it. Fuck me Rob. Come inside me."

Aaron bites his shoulder and that's it. Robert's gone. His thrusts speed up and he grabs as Aaron's hips as his orgasm overwhelms him. He can barely breathe as he listens to Aaron moaning, feeling Aaron's cock against his stomach as Aaron continues to stroke himself.

Robert pulls himself from Aaron just as Aaron begins to come. He shifts himself onto his knees and sucks greedily at Aaron's cock as the other man tenses through his orgasm, continuing to tease Aaron with his tongue through the aftershocks.

Robert collapses next to Aaron, discarding of the condom into his underwear on the floor, the pair of them breathing heavily until Robert leans over to kiss Aaron, letting him taste himself in Robert's mouth. He looks into Aaron's eyes; he looks shy now, smiling coyly at Robert, but doesn't say anything.

He's alarmed when Aaron goes to get up a couple of minutes later.

"Where are you going?" Robert doesn't know how Aaron can move, he barely feels able to speak.

"Just wanna brush my teeth. I'll be back in a minute." He puts his underwear back on and kisses Robert before he goes.

Robert's almost drifted off to sleep by the time Aaron returns with minty breath. He seems more exhausted now than he did before, willing collapsing onto the bed and into the arm that Robert holds out for him.

"That was worth the wait," he says simply, kissing Robert once more, before cuddling into Robert and falling into a deep sleep almost immediately.

~~~~

Robert's always found something rather attractive about watching a man work out. He guesses that it's probably something about watching their muscles work, the sweat on their skin, the breathlessness - it's kind of like sex, just without the actual sex part.

When the fact that the man in question that he's watching right now is Aaron, and he knows exactly what he looks like during sex, then it's no surprise that Robert feels more than a little turned on as he watches him run laps around the garden.

He's gone from discretely watching Aaron from the kitchen window the morning before, to sitting at the large patio table drinking his morning coffee and rather explicitly watching him now. To be honest, he doesn't even know how Aaron has the energy to run. After last night, he'd woken with a satisfying ache to his muscles that made exercise the further thing from his mind.

But all desire trickles away as he watches Aaron approach now. His face looks puce and rather than the rise and fall of his chest, which usually conveys a good work out, this morning it seems to be signalling something else, something sinister.

Aaron stops a little way off, freezes on the spot and looks panicky, before he starts running again. It looks like it's taking every bit of effort that he's got as he almost drags his body forwards. But then Aaron cripples over suddenly and retches onto the grass, holding his stomach as he coughs and splutters through vomit. Robert almost knocks his coffee over as he rushes over to Aaron.

"God, are you okay?"

"M'fine," Aaron replies, although the way that he's still hunched over suggests that he's anything but.

"Let's get you inside. No, don't object!" He says as Aaron starts to mumble something about getting back to it.

"Get away from me, Robert!" Aaron shouts, wiping at his mouth and storming back inside, leaving Robert stunned and confused as he races after him.

~~~~

"Aaron!" Robert calls for the third time from the other side of Aaron's bedroom door, relieved that Jack left early this morning for a meeting with his publisher. "Can we just talk?"

Silence meets him once again and Robert's sorry, but even if Aaron regrets last night then he feels that the least he's owed is a conversation.

"I'm coming in." He says frustratingly through the door. "I hope you're decent."

But the last thing that Aaron could be considered, as Robert enters the room, is decent. The first thing that strikes Robert is the strange angle that Aaron's laid in - it's like he's just passed out on the bed rather than falling asleep naturally, laid across it rather than in it.

"Aaron, for god's sake. Don't be childish, talk to me."

Robert approaches, thinking that Aaron's just pretending to be asleep. It's only when he gets closer that he sees Aaron's chest is barely moving. His breathing is shallow, like it's barely there or slowing to a finish.

"Aaron!" Robert feels the panic building as he shakes Aaron's shoulders and gets no response. Aaron's body lolls around on the bed like he's a ragdoll.

It's then that Robert spots some pills on the bedside table, and he feels his stomach dropped. A thousand thoughts rush to his brain as he looks at the pills and tries to find some sign of what Aaron's taken.

"Aaron, wake up for me." Robert shakes him again, tugging on Aaron's sleeve and noticing a dampening patch of material. He braces himself as he pushes the material up and sees a fresh cut, weeping slightly with blood.

He has no idea what to do. Aaron's overdosed on god know's what and there's any number of cuts on his skin that Robert doesn't know about. He feels so stupid for not seeing the signs sooner.

How to deal with the attempted suicide of someone you slept with the night before isn't exactly a situation that anyone's taught to deal with, so Robert does the only thing he can think of and calls 999.

"Ambulance please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, eh?


	10. The Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert struggles to deal with his guilt and the aftermath following his discovery of Aaron unconscious. All is revealed as Aaron is taken to hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally overwhelmed by all of your comments on the last chapter. Thank you so so much to everyone who's reading, leaving kudos, and commenting!

_Aaron. Aaron. AARON._ He wishes that whoever keeps saying his name would just SHUT UP and let him carry on sleeping. Honestly, he finally gives in to the exhaustion and then what do you know? Someone's trying to wake him up! _It's a sign_ , he thinks, a sign that he's not pushed himself hard enough.

But however much he wants to tell the person - who he now realises has a distinctly female voice ( _it's obviously not Robert then_ ) - to go away, his brain won't allow him to get the words out. They formulate in his brain and then just stop in his mouth.

In fact, he realises with sudden panic, he can't really do anything at all. He feels almost paralysed. Only _almost_ though, because he's aware that his body _is_ moving, but the actions feel uncoordinated and unrelated to any control that he's trying to exert over them.

Whenever he opens his eyes ( _at least he can still do that_ ) his vision has a kind of drunken blurriness and spin to it. He feels sick. All he can make out is the shape of two figures dressed in dark green. He can hear them murmuring between each other. He feels like he's dreaming.

One of the figures approaches him again, says his name once more, and his eyelids feel so heavy that he lets them fall closed. He feels a warm, rubbery hand take hold of one of his own and clip something onto the end of one of his fingers.

There's a flurry of words which he can't make out as he feels his t-shirt being pushed up and sticky things being attached to his chest and arms. His heart's beating rapidly but his lungs feel like they're being crushed, capable of taking in little more than enough air to keep him breathing.

He concentrates all his effort into opening his eyes again, hoping that when he does then he'll be in an empty room and free to fall back into a restful sleep once more. But that's not the sight that greets him. Instead, he takes in the scene in front of him and realises that the figures in green are paramedics. _What the hell is going on?_

"Oh, he's back again. Aaron, can you hear me?" A female voice says over the beeping of machines, getting louder and quieter as the source of it keeps turning away to speak to the other paramedic. "How's that ECG looking? Aaron, my name's Lucy. Calm- calm down, now. You're okay. Listen to me, Aaron. That's it, just focus on me. Now, can you tell me what you've taken?"

_What he's taken? Surely, he's not overdosed._

"Do you have any idea what he's taken, here?" Lucy asks someone else, kindly gesturing at them to sit down on the bed as Aaron struggles to push himself up.

"No," he hears the other voice say seriously, thick and filled with emotion. It belongs to Robert.

Aaron feels himself welling up now, looking past Lucy and at the wires coming from his body, attached to machines on the floor. He's panicking, struggling to get a breath as his leg begins jittering uncontrollably. He feels Robert gingerly place an arm around his shoulders and he can't help but lean into it, taking comfort in the familiar smell of Robert's cologne. It's enough to make him cry - from vulnerability and fear... but mainly from confusion.

"It's okay," Robert says into his hair, gently stroking his fingers up and down his arm.

The two paramedics are talking again now. Aaron hears the words ' _disorientated'_... _'weakness'_... _'tachycardia'_. He can't stop shaking.

"What's going on?" He asks Robert, but the words come out strangely slurred, like there's a disconnect between the words forming in his brain and his mouth moving.

"Aaron," another paramedic, a man this time, crouches down by the side of the bed, smiling in an undeservedly friendly way, and holding a small white pill in his palm. "Robert called us because he found you unconscious. We think it might have something to do with these, but the only way we can know that for sure is if you tell us what they are."

The machines start beeping alarmingly now. Aaron can feel his heart hammering in his chest, like it's trying to escape from his body, and he grabs a handful of duvet cover in his fist in a fruitless attempt to try and calm himself.

"I feel sick... can't breathe," he says desperately, his breathing poor and ragged.

The paramedic takes hold of his clammy hands and asks Aaron to look at him, encouraging him to take deep breaths in... and out... He feels like he's dying.

"That's it. Just focus on those deep breaths." _In... out..._ "There you go. That's better, isn't it? Now, I just need to check your eyes, okay?"

The paramedic holds up a little pocket torch, but Aaron doesn't want to risk talking and losing his breath again, so he just nods instead.

"Pupils are small," he informs Lucy in a way that sounds confirmatory, before turning back to Aaron and speaking like a teacher. "Right then, Aaron. We just want to make sure you get the right treatment so it would be really useful if you could tell us what these pills are."

Aaron doesn't want to tell them, so he shakes his head instinctively. His thoughts race through his head. He knows that they'll take the pills away. He can't have that. He can't cope without them. This is just a silly mistake, but he'll be sensible from now on. _They can't take the pills away; they just can't_.

Everyone starts speaking at once when he doesn't reply.

"Aaron?" The paramedic inquires again.

"Go on, tell them." _Robert's voice is so kind and gentle._

"Aaron, please." The paramedic's insistent.

The voices overwhelm him until it's all too much and he just wants them to stop. He tucks his knees up to his chest and rests his head on them, wanting to make himself as small as possible. But then, from out of nowhere, he thinks of last night and Robert... he thinks of the happiness that he could feel without the pills... That brief memory, fleeting though it is, is enough for a moment of clarity overwhelm him and a voice in his head encourages him to reveal the truth.

"Librium," he hears himself quietly admit.

~~~~

Librium? It's not something that Robert's ever heard of, but the paramedics nod knowingly at each other and don't look too alarmed, which gives him some comfort at least. He stays where he is, arm wrapped around Aaron whilst Aaron's head lays on his chest, dampening his shirt with tears.

He's just about coming down from the terror of seeing Aaron floppy and unconscious on the bed, not responding despite the hundreds of times he must have attempted to rouse him. He'd scene similar scenes played out in television and films before, but nothing could have prepared him for being confronted with an actual real-life scenario. It's so surreal, seeing the bedroom which normally lays empty now occupied by paramedics and medical paraphernalia.

There'll be time for him to digest all of that later though. The biggest concern for now, apart from ensuring that Aaron gets the treatment he needs, is knowing why Aaron did it. From Aaron's reaction, his shock and surprise, it seems that he wasn't trying to kill himself, at least that's what he hopes. But there's still a feeling gnawing away at him... he knows that it's guilt. How had he missed the signs that Aaron was just one misstep away from a medical emergency?

The paramedics are speaking in hushed voices whilst taking readings from the machines that Aaron's still hooked up to. Robert wants to interject, to get things moving faster and get Aaron to hospital as soon as possible. He hates this feeling of having no control, but he trusts that they know what they're doing so he stays silent, doing his best to be a source of comfort for Aaron.

"Okay then, Aaron." Lucy returns to Aaron's bedside whilst the other paramedic leaves the room with a phone in hand. "We're happy that you're stable for now but there's a few things that we're a bit worried about so we're going to get you up to the hospital. Jack's just calling ahead to make sure that a private room can be arranged for you."

Aaron lifts his head from Robert's chest and raises his eyebrows in surprise, drying his eyes with his sleeve.

"You're not the first VIP we've treated," Lucy says jokingly. "Jack recognised you as soon as he walked in. Between you and me," she tells Aaron in a pantomime-style whisper, "I think he's got a bit of a soft spot for you."

She winks at Aaron, and Robert can't help but laugh in response to the lightness she's brought to the room. She's the calmer and friendlier of the two paramedics and Robert wants to thank her a hundred times for the way that she'd come in and taken control of the situation.

"So, whilst we're waiting for that to be sorted, I've got a few questions I need to ask you."

Lucy sits on the bed in a casual way, more like a friend than a medical professional. Robert guesses that it's a tactic employed to put her patients at ease. It seems to work, as he feels Aaron relaxing against him whilst willingly answering her questions.

"We did a finger prick test whilst you were still a little bit out of it. Your blood sugar levels are quite low. When was the last time you had anything to eat?"

"Last night."

"And to drink?"

"Last night."

"So, you've not had anything this morning, even though Robert tells us that you've been out running this morning?"

Aaron shakes his head whilst the paramedic nods and scribbles down notes on her clipboard.

"Okay, and how often have you been taking the pills?"

"Just whenever I need one... I don't know..." Aaron says quietly.

"Have you been prescribed them?" Lucy asks, the question hanging in the air ominously. Robert knows the answer before Aaron even speaks.

"No," Aaron says, more loudly this time. He sounds ashamed and Robert feels his arm around him tighten on instinct. He's holding Aaron like a child who's fallen over and grazed their knee, but it seems like it's exactly what Aaron needs right now.

"Do you mind if Robert stays here whilst I ask you about the cut on your arm?"

Something sinks in Robert's stomach at the mention of the cut and he silently prays that it's the only one. His mind races as he thinks about last night and the way that Aaron had left his t-shirt on; he'll never be able to forgive himself if Aaron had been cutting and he hadn't noticed it.

"I want him to stay," Aaron replies and Robert's more relieved than he expected to be, hoping that it's an indication that there's just the one cut.

"How did you get the cut?"

Aaron tilts his head to one side, in the direction of the floor. Lucy looks under the bed and carefully reaches under, pulling out a razorblade. "This?" she asks, and Robert struggles to hold in the wince at the drying blood that's decorating it. Aaron nods. "Is it just the cut on your arm?"

Robert braces himself for Aaron to reveal more. He doesn't think he'll be able to stay if that's the case - he can barely cope with the guilt as it is. "Yeah, just that one."

"Hey, don't worry!" Lucy says with a smile that seems too friendly for the subject matter, as Aaron bows his head. "We've just put a temporary dressing on for now, but they'll get that all tidied up for you at the hospital."

"We're good to go," Jack says, re-entering the room a few minutes later and waving his phone in his hand.

Honestly, the irony of the other paramedic being named Jack isn't lost on Robert. He couldn't be further away from his father. Kind and caring, rather than grumpy and unfeeling. Whatever would he say if he was here now?

"Brilliant," Lucy says, scanning over her notes. "Who are we putting down for next of kin, Aaron?"

Aaron lifts his head, turning reluctantly to Robert. "I can't have my mum find out about this..." he trails off, but the question is clear.

Robert's had this feeling, one that was so unfamiliar yet pleasant, since the first time he met Aaron. It's one of connection. He's always struggled to make friends, but he and Aaron had just clicked. There was none of the awkwardness of getting to know each other; they just hit it off straight away. And that's why it doesn't feel weird for him to nod without hesitation and give his name and number to Lucy for her to write down. If nothing else, Aaron is a friend and he'll do anything required to be there for him.

"Robert, why don't you pack Aaron a few things?" Lucy suggests. "They'll probably want to keep him in for a couple of days, at least."

Aaron grips onto him tightly now, like the realisation that he's ill enough to warrant a stay in hospital has just hit him and he's scared to let go. Robert gives him a squeeze and gently tries to extract himself from Aaron's hold.

"Don't worry. This is what you need," Robert whispers.

He's surprised by himself as he almost kisses Aaron on the top of his head. It instinctively feels like the right thing to do but he thinks better of it, slipping from the bed to pick up Aaron's bag instead. He grabs a few of the discarded clothes on the floor, thinking about what else Aaron might need: phone, charger, a book?

"I'll pack it," Aaron says quickly, shaking his head as Robert goes to unzip his bag.

There's something about the look in Aaron's eye, focusing so intently on the bag, which concerns Robert. He frowns in confusion and opens the bag whilst Aaron's distracted by Lucy removing the wires from him and wrapping a blanket around his shoulders. His stomach drops as he makes space for Aaron's belongings and spots a small plastic bag filled with pills. He holds it in his hand as Aaron looks at him wide-eyed with worry.

The last thing Robert wants to do is make Aaron feel bad, but he can't help but look at Aaron and shake his head in disappointment - there must be at least fifteen pills in the bag. He thought he'd made it clear that he was there for Aaron. He can't understand why he would rather numb himself with pills than talk to him.

Lucy doesn't seem to have noticed what's going on, focusing instead on gathering everything together and encouraging Aaron up and out of the bedroom. Robert follows behind. They're at the bottom of the stairs, Lucy ahead, when Aaron turns back to Robert.

"Let me take them," he says desperately to Robert.

Robert's stunned. Doesn't Aaron understand that the pills could have killed him? And god knows what could be in them if he's bought them illegally.

"No, Aaron." He says carefully, hoping that Aaron's only asking because he's still a bit out of it. "They're not good for you."

"But I need them," Aaron pleads, his eyes filling with tears again.

"Aaron," Lucy's back again, having overheard the conversation, probably used to dealing with this kind of situation. "They won't let you in the hospital with them. I'll take them." She says kindly to Robert, and he hands the bag over, relieved that he's no longer responsible for them.

"Come on," Lucy says solemnly, putting an arm around Aaron and leading him to the ambulance. "Is Robert coming with us?"

"Do you want me to?" Robert asks Aaron, worried that Aaron will reject him now that he's denied him his pills.

But instead Aaron just looks ashamed and nods sadly, lip wobbling as he steps into the ambulance.

~~~~

Aaron remembers how much he hates hospitals as soon as he sees the bright white lights and smells the antiseptic. Hospitals mean illness and death - bad things. He's been taken in via a more discrete entrance and although he feels like he doesn't deserve special treatment, the last thing he wants is for someone to recognise him and sell a story that will get twisted. He can just see the headlines now... ' **Model Ex of Ed Roberts Overdoses** ', ' **Aaron Dingle: Ex-con and Drug Addict** ' - his career would be ruined. And more to the point - he's not an addict. He's just never being very good at choosing the right coping strategies.

He's shown into a room where the paramedics direct him onto a bed and hand over to a waiting team of staff. He feels sick and his legs begin shaking uncontrollably again. Robert's following close behind, holding onto Aaron's bag and looking like he doesn't know where to put himself.

"Right then, Aaron, we're going to leave you in Dr Mason's capable hands." Lucy tells him, as Jack speaks to the doctor and hands over his notes. "You take care of yourself now," she leans over him to remove the blanket from his shoulders and smiles kindly at him, speaking quietly so that only Aaron can hear what she's saying. "It'll get better, I promise you, especially if you let Robert stick around. That's a good friend you've got there."

Aaron doesn't need Lucy to tell him that. He owes Robert, likely for saving his life. He looks over at the other man, stood nervously in the corner of the room, glancing over at Aaron like he's worried that something terrible will happen to him if he takes his eyes off him. 

"I know," Aaron tries to smile but it's more of a grimace as a wave of nausea passes over him. "Thank you for looking after me."

"You're welcome. They'll get you more comfortable soon, okay? Dr Mason's an expert with these sorts of things."

Lucy leaves Aaron with a final smile before addressing the room and bidding everyone goodbye. Robert stops her as she goes, touching her lightly on the arm and saying something to her that Aaron can't hear. He looks worn out, hair messed up and eyes red as though he's been crying. There's so much that Aaron needs to say to him... Lucy points to a chair over at the opposite side of the room and Robert takes a seat just as a doctor walks over and begins speaking to Aaron.

"Hi Aaron, I'm Dr Mason" the doctor looks a couple of years older than him, wearing a white shirt and professional smile. "On account of your status, we've decided to skip formal triage in A&E so that we can get you moved to a private room on a ward as soon as possible. I've come down from the toxicology unit. You told the paramedics that you've taken Librium, is that right?"

"Yeah." Aaron confirms, legs still jittering. "Sorry, my legs won't stop shaking."

"Don't worry, it's just adrenaline that's making them do that. Your body's in a heightened state at the moment. I must say, I'm impressed - you're really fighting against the Librium. Do you feel tired too?"

"Hmm, really tired."

"That's normal." Dr Mason nods, turning to address the team of nurses. "Right, so let's get Aaron weighed and then connected to an ECG. Obs need to be completed. I want some blood taken and sent down to the lab as soon as possible. We've also got a wound on the left arm which needs to be treated. I'll consult TOXBASE in the meantime. Aaron, we'll need to check your bag and belongings for any other drugs and blades, okay?"

The next fifteen minutes pass in a blur of friendly faces, wires, needles, and what feels like a never-ending number of questions. Whenever Aaron looks over to Robert, he finds the other man's eyes are always on him, keenly observing the medical staff. He smiles at Aaron every time they exchange a glance, in the warmest way that Aaron's ever seen. It brings him a feeling of intense security, knowing that Robert's there, like nothing bad can happen to him.

Aaron's having his cut cleaned when Dr Mason returns with a clipboard and pen. 

"How's he doing?" He asks the nurse who's treating Aaron's cut, looking at the readings on the machines that Aaron's connected to.

"Stable," the nurse replies. "I think we'll be able to use strips on this, rather than stitches."

That brings more relief to Aaron than he expected. There's a chance that it will heal and fade to nothing. He still hates himself for giving into temptation and cutting again though... how long had it been? Years. Years of progress and hard work, undone, just like that.

"That's good." Dr Mason nods. "Time for some more questions now, Aaron. Then we'll get you moved to a ward. So, first things first. Is it just Librium you've been taking?"

"Yes."

"They've not been prescribed, have they? I checked your records."

"No," Aaron shakes his head, thinking back to the day he'd bought the pills. That was one twisted perk, he supposed, of being in the modelling industry: they hadn't been difficult to get hold of. All it had taken was a quick call for a lad on a moped turning up less than an hour later. Smooth and easy.

"I'm going to get your blood tested and make sure that it was just pure Librium in the tablets. Have you been drinking too?"

At that question, Aaron looks over at Robert. He's still in the same place that he's been in the whole time, now listening intently to the conversation.

"We had quite a bit of wine last night."

"And you're Robert, right?" Dr Mason asks, looking down at his notes.

"Yeah, yep." Robert coughs, his voice cracking as he answers.

"And Robert's a friend? Partner?"

"Friend." Robert answers quickly, exchanging a nervous glance with Aaron.

The speed at which he answers stings Aaron a little, but then he supposes that it's the most apt way to describe their relationship. What else can he say? _I'm someone who met Aaron a few months ago in Yorkshire, bumped into him a week later in London, nearly got photographed kissing him, coincidentally ended up spending a day with him in Italy, exchanged many potentially flirtatious texts with him, hosted his mum's birthday party, have been there for him after his ex-boyfriend had an affair with a prostitute, and drunkenly slept with him last night._ Yep, 'friend' is a much more appropriate.

"How long have you been taking the pills for?" Dr Mason asks, interrupting the look that Aaron and Robert are still sharing.

"A couple of weeks. Um," Aaron rubs his hand over his forehead, "since me and my boyfriend split up."

Dr Mason raises an eyebrow and looks at him knowingly. He obviously knows who Aaron is.

"And have you found that you've needed to take them more frequently, recently?"

"Maybe," Aaron shrugs, but he knows the truth, and another look at Robert gives him the strength to answer honestly. He's knows that it's important that he's open about what he's been doing. "I was just taking one every now and again, but I've been taking two, maybe three, for the past few days."

"You've developed a tolerance." Dr Mason says seriously. "I'm surprised your body didn't give up sooner. I think you're exhausted, medically speaking. The pill you took this morning must have been the final straw."

The scrape of a chair against the floor makes him jump as Robert stands suddenly.

"Sorry," Robert mumbles quickly and quietly, passing across the room with the speed of a scared animal. "I just need to get some air." 

~~~~

Two or three pills a day? Robert wants to scream in the hospital corridors. He couldn't stay in that room, listening to Aaron detail his descent into an overdose and hospitalisation. He's a fucking idiot. How did he not notice something sooner?

He thinks back over the past couple of days, remembering the way that Aaron would become jittery and restless, leaving the room for twenty minutes at a time and returning abnormally calmer and glassy-eyed. Or the time that he'd found Aaron 'asleep' in his bedroom, unable to be woken. Even last night, after they'd had sex. Aaron had gone back to his room to supposedly brush his teeth but fallen into a deep sleep almost the second that he'd returned and laid down in Robert's bed.

He feels like an absolute fool. He should be ashamed of himself. Aaron could have died, and it would have been entirely his fault for not realising what Aaron was doing to himself. And why was that? Because he was too busy trying to play the hero whilst not noticing that Aaron was in fact falling apart at the seams.

Robert steps outside, the air is fresher than it has been for the past couple of days. He has no idea what time it is; the day so far has passed by in a blur. His hands are shaking. He needs to find somewhere hidden from the eyes of others - if anyone recognises him and sees the state that he's then they'll probably put two and two together and work out that he's at the hospital because of Aaron. It's not exactly unheard of for a celebrity to have a breakdown after they've split up with someone.

He looks around for somewhere private to compose himself, but there's people everywhere. As a result, he makes a snap decision to return to Aaron and tell him that he needs to get back home. The last few days are proof enough that Robert's no good for him. Aaron's safe now, being looked after by people who _actually_ know what they're doing.

There's an eerie silence as he walks back down the hospital corridor. The bed that Aaron was in just minutes before is empty, all evidence that he was even there has now disappeared. A nurse walks in just as Robert's starting to panic.

"Are you looking for Aaron, love? They've just taken him up to the gastroenterology ward. West wing, second floor. Ring the buzzer at the ward entrance and they'll let you in."

"Thank you," Robert says breathlessly, rushing from the room.

The hospital's a maze, but he finds the ward eventually and sees Dr Mason stood by the front desk talking to a nurse. He looks up when Robert rings the buzzer and strolls over to open the door and let him in.

"Oh good, Aaron will be pleased you're here. He thought you'd left. I'll take you through to him in a second, I just need a word first."

Dr Mason shows Robert into a small side room and gestures at him to take a seat.

"Are you okay?" He asks concernedly, and Robert realises that the look on his face must be giving away how terrible he feels.

"I just can't believe that I didn't see what was going on." Robert can't bring himself to look at the doctor; he's probably thinking that Robert's a fool for not noticing that Aaron was self-medicating. "He's been staying with me for a couple of days and I just didn't- It's all starting to make sense now, the way that he was acting."

"I treat a lot of patients with substance misuse problems. They're really good at hiding it. You shouldn't blame yourself, Robert. If you hadn't found Aaron when you did, or if he'd continued taking the pills, then he could have had a seizure or fallen into a coma."

That makes Robert look up, shocked and horrified at knowing that something worse could have happened to Aaron.

"What even is Librium? I've never heard of it. Is he going to be okay?"

"It's a benzodiazepine, like Valium. They act like sedatives, slowing the body down. We normally prescribe them for anxiety. Librium's a particularly strong one though and lasts in the body for a lot longer than most. They're also really easy to develop a tolerance too, which is what I think's happened to Aaron. If you've developed a tolerance, then it's easy to take too many."

Robert sighs deeply, the information overwhelming him. He feels like crying and has to push his fingers against his eyes to stop the tears from falling.

"He will be okay, Robert. You did the right thing by calling the ambulance. We'll help him get through the detox and I'm going to liaise with his private therapist to try and develop a treatment plan going forwards. The only other concern that we have at the moment, because he bought them illegally, is that the pills he was taking may have been contaminated. But we've already taken some blood and we'll have the lab results back tomorrow morning. I just wanted to ask you if there was anything else you thought we needed to know?"

 _Like what?_ Robert thinks.

"Do you know much about his self-harm?"

"No," Robert shakes his head, not wanting to reveal information with the doctor that Aaron might not want him to share. "Just that he used to do it years ago."

"Okay, well we're going to get someone from the mental health team to come and speak to him later today. Do you want to go and see him now?"

Dr Mason directs Robert to Aaron's room. The sight that greets him puts a lump in his throat. Aaron looks so small in the bed and has changed out of the running gear that he was wearing when he was brought into the hospital into one of the t-shirts that Robert had packed for him. There's a drip coming from his hand and although his eyes are closed, Robert can tell from the pained expression on his face that he's definitely not sleeping.

"How are you doing, Aaron?" Dr Mason asks, and Aaron opens his eyes, looking around the room and spotting Robert.

"Where did you go?" He asks Robert sadly, sounding vulnerable and ignoring the doctor's question. "You left me."

"I'm sorry," Robert hangs his head, trying to put his thoughts into words. "I just- I'm so sorry, Aaron. I can't believe I missed the signs."

"I'm good at hiding things," Aaron murmurs, hand flexing as he looks at the drip coming from it. "If I didn't want you to know then there was no way that you were going to."

"I just," Robert starts, but the words get stuck in his mouth. It's not fair to make Aaron deal with what he wants to say. His head's enough of a mess without Robert adding more to process.

"Just what?" Aaron says anticipatingly.

"No, it doesn't matter." Robert replies resolutely.

"Robert, please." Aaron says earnestly.

"I'm going to leave you both to it," Dr Mason states. "I'll be back shortly to sort your medication, Aaron."

Robert had forgotten that he was even still in the room. The doctor looks questioningly at the pair of them. It's like he knows that there's something more than friendship between them.

"I was going to say that I wouldn't be able to cope if something _really_ bad had happened to you. I feel bad enough as it is." Robert tells Aaron once Dr Mason's gone.

The implication of what Robert's just said hangs in the air, but Aaron doesn't say anything, just looks at Robert with a wondering look in his eye, like he's holding back on something.

"What have they got you hooked up to then?" Robert asks in an attempt to dissipate the strange tension that's now formed between them.

"Vitamin drip, I think. Kind of zoned out whilst they were putting it in."

"You'd pay a lot of money for one of those in a clinic." Robert jokes.

"Yeah I know," Aaron laughs lightly. "I have done before."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Aaron smiles ruefully. "If I'd known I could have just OD'd on benzos and gotten one for free then I'd have done it sooner."

The joke leaves a sour taste in Robert's mouth and he sighs deeply, looking seriously at Aaron.

"I hadn't taken one last night, if that's what you're worried out." Aaron says quietly.

Robert looks at him puzzled; not quite sure what Aaron means.

"Before we, you know..." Aaron motions between them with his hands.

 _Oh. Before they slept together._ Well that helps with some of the guilt, at least.

"Right."

"I thought that might be why you ran off..." Aaron trails away.

"That wasn't why-"

"Look at the state of me, Robert." Aaron interrupts. "Do you really think I could've, you know... I barely have enough energy to stand at the moment."

"Well, from what I remember, you weren't doing much standing." Robert quips with a hint of cheekiness.

They both pause, like they're both thinking about what happened last night. It had been incredible really... after weeks, maybe months, of pent-up sexual tension between them... Robert can remember how content he'd felt, waking up briefly when Aaron had woken and gotten up for his run, his hand resting gently on Aaron's naked hip. But now the memory feels tainted. He can't help but wondering whether Aaron would have taken another pill this morning if they hadn't slept together last night.

"That's not why I ended up in here," Aaron says like he's read Robert's thoughts, before adding quietly. "Last night was the happiest I've felt in a long time. I don't regret it."

"Me neither," Robert reassures him. 

He wants to ask Aaron what them sleeping together means for their relationship. Of course, he's slept with people that he had no intention of having a relationship before, but something about last night had felt different to all those other times. There was something more to it and he can't help but think that Aaron feels the same way... But any chance of talking further is interrupted by Dr Mason re-entering the room.

"Hi Aaron," he smiles, standing at the foot of Aaron's bed. "So, we're definitely going to be keeping you in for a couple of days, at least. The first few days of benzodiazepine withdrawal are always the worst so we're going to slowly taper off your dosage. You'll be taking that orally, but on a much lower dose than what I believe you were taking. I'm reluctant to give you any more until this evening, especially when we don't know what kind of dosage was in the pill you took this morning, but you can press that button above the bed if you start feeling particularly bad. We'll be using the IV there for rehydration and to restabilise your nutrient levels. Any questions?"

Dr Mason looks to Robert as well as Aaron, like he appreciates Robert's need to feel as involved as possible with Aaron's recovery.

"Okay, well I'll be on the ward for the rest of the day if you think of anything." Dr Mason offers when neither of them say anything. "How are you feeling now, Aaron?"

"Tired." Aaron says, his eyes looking heavy. "But I don't feel like I can switch off."

"You're probably going to want something to distract yourself. I recommend a good book." Dr Mason winks, stopping at the door and telling Aaron. "I'll be back later, okay?"

"I didn't really have to pack anything like that," Robert offers apologetically once the doctor's gone. "Why don't I go back home and get you some stuff?"

"I don't want you to have to go out of your way."

"I want to, Aaron." Robert insists. "Anything to help you get through this."

"Okay," Aaron relents. "A book could be good, I suppose. Can you bring my toiletry bag too? I've got a job on Friday and this place is going to wreck my skin."

Two things strike Robert at that comment. The first is the thought of Aaron having a skincare routine - it seems at odds for a man who looks so chiseled and rugged. The second is the absurdity of Aaron contemplating going back to work so soon.

"Don't look so surprised. I'm a model, Rob." Aaron says, clearly having thought that Robert's reaction was due to the unexpectedness of Aaron needing his skincare products.

"You can't seriously be thinking about work right now?" Robert asks more harshly than intended.

"Why not?" Aaron replies, taken aback. "I've already had to cancel one job; I can't cancel another. I'm easily dispensable. If I get a reputation for being unreliable then I'll stop getting work. You can't stop me," Aaron says seriously, like a moody teenager. "I'll discharge myself if I have to."

"Fine, we'll talk about it later." Robert states, but he already knows that any attempt to get Aaron to change his mind will be in vain. "I'll be back soon, okay? Try to get some sleep."

Robert's not sure why but he's kept his distance the whole time that he's be in the room with Aaron. Something pulls him towards the other man now though and he takes two large steps across the room so that he's right next to Aaron's bedside.

"You can do this, I promise you." He lays a hand on Aaron's arm, just below the cut, and strokes his thumb over the skin there. "You're so strong."

Aaron's other hand, the one with the drip in, wraps around Robert's arm.

"Thank you," he says sincerely, looking into Robert's eyes.

His own look sad and exhausted, scared even. Robert would do anything to take that pain away and replace it with the happiness that he's seen in them so many times before. Now feels like the time, if they were in some sort of TV drama, that he'd lean over and kiss Aaron, but he mentally shakes his head at the thought of doing that.

For now, he's here for Aaron as a friend and nothing more. So, he strokes his thumb over Aaron’s skin again and stands up straight as Aaron reluctantly lets his arm go. He turns back to look at Aaron when he reaches the door, watching as the other man leans back on his pillow and closes his eyes.

"I'll see you later." He tells Aaron gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intended for a lot more to happen in this chapter but the word count just kept increasing so I decided to cut it at this point and save the rest for a next chapter. Hopefully that means that it won't be too much longer before it's up!


	11. The Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron begins his recovery journey in hospital. Robert has a nasty surprise when he returns home, but it prompts him into starting to make plans for his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to anyone who's bookmarked this fic and received a notification that I'd already uploaded the next chapter. I hadn't added the final section and it felt incomplete without it.
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH again to everyone who's left comments and kudos. It honestly means so much to me!

There's a strange silence to the room once Robert's gone and it makes Aaron feel a little like he's fallen into a void. The day so far has been rushed and crazy, a series of surreal moments and emotions that have left him even more exhausted than he was before; his final vestiges of energy now gone. 

Aaron's pretty sure that he's just imagining it, but the liquid trickling from the drip that's attached to his hand makes his veins feel cold and it's causing him to feel trapped. There's something about the knowledge that the drip is rehydrating and helping him get back to 'normal' which makes him distinctly uncomfortable. It's as though he's come to associate destroying himself with simultaneously making himself better. The more that he'd pushed himself, working his body into exhaustion, the better he felt like he'd been coping.

That's all been taken away now though. He knows he could rip the drip from his hand and sneak away, escape back to his familiar and comforting place of self-sabotage, but there's something keeping him in the hospital bed. He's almost certain that that 'something' is Robert.

He hadn't wanted Robert to go. The words, asking him to stay, had been on the tip of his tongue as Robert had left. He could tell from Robert's demeanour that despite his efforts to assure him that he had no reason to feel responsible for what had happened, the other man still felt guilty.

And so, the last thing that he could do to Robert now is run away. That would only make Robert feel worse. Robert has given him so much time and kindness; the least he owes him is to make the effort to accept the treatment and make a valiant attempt at getting better.

Robert had done a lot since the break-up to lift his spirits and make him feel more normal again. But his mind still wouldn't let him shake the thoughts of Ed and Connor; the thought that Ed had gone looking for sex elsewhere because Aaron wasn't satisfying him enough, or was too much of an emotional drain on him... Nothing could distract him from those poisonous thoughts, and he'd accepted that they were going to occupy his mind for the foreseeable. Sometimes though, he just wanted to not care so much... and that's where the Librium came in.

He knew that it was foolish to take pills, but god had they helped. He can't remember exactly who it was, but a fellow model had mentioned Librium to him before. They made it sound so wonderfully relaxing... and when he'd been feeling like his head was going to explode from the non-stop racing thoughts then his curiosity had been piqued and he'd decided to try it too. It was never meant to get to this point though. He was never meant to end up hospitalised.

The first time he took a pill, he remembers now as he lays in the hospital bed, willing sleep to come, was when people on Instagram had taken to leaving comments of support following the news of the affair breaking. It was as though seeing all of those comments from strangers reminded him that the whole world knew that he'd been cheated on. That, combined with the fact that Ed still insisted on messaging him several times a day, pleading for an opportunity to explain, made him want to escape from his own head and run away from everything.

Had he known that he was taking too many and getting addicted to the pills? Maybe... Had he wanted to talk to someone about it? No, at least not at first... Does he regret not saying something sooner? Absolutely... now that he's stuck in a hospital bed and facing the prospect of having to withdraw from them. They'd just felt _so good_ \- taking his mind away from everything...

And the worst thing of all was that the climax of his pill-taking had happened today, after waking this morning feeling happier and more content that he had done in weeks. He hadn't been lying to Robert when he'd told him that he hadn't taken a pill last night, at least not before they'd slept together.

He'd been standing in the downstairs bathroom at Home Farm, his thoughts slightly fuzzy thanks to the wine they'd been drinking, before he'd made his move on Robert. He'd looked at himself in the mirror, thinking about the way that Robert had the ability to make him laugh and smile more than Ed had ever done, and made a snap decision to go back outside and take what he wanted. And that was Robert...

It had been good, _so so good_... a high that didn't compare with any pill or substance. And for the first couple of minutes of being awake this morning then he'd smiled to himself, wrapping the duvet tightly around his body and leaning back into the warmth of Robert's soft skin and long limbs. But after some time spent lying next to Robert, feeling the other man's fingertips on the naked skin of his hip and the satisfying ache of their previous night's activities, he'd found himself overcome with negativity once more. He almost felt... guilty? 

So, he'd run and run and pushed himself until he was vomiting. His brain had felt like an overloaded circuit board, firing sparks and threatening to blow up unless something was done to relieve the pressure. That _something_ was another pill and a razorblade in the skin. He can't even remember what happened next, only that everything had gone fuzzy and then faded into black...

The sound of his phone now ringing stabs through the uncomfortable memory and he sees it laying there on the bedside cabinet ( _Robert must have put it there for him_ ). He barely has the energy to formulate thoughts, let alone words, but he picks it up anyway, wondering if it's Robert calling to check up on him already.

There's a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach as he sees his agent's name lighting up the screen. He has to answer it, or she'll start asking questions that he won't be able to cover with believable lies. He takes a second to compose himself with a deep breath before accepting the call.

"Oh, finally he answers! Aaron, we've got a bit of a problem."

~~~~

Robert's just paid the taxi driver after returning from the hospital and is about to go inside and make himself a strong coffee when he hears the crunching sound of Leyla's footsteps moving quickly from the side of the building around to the front driveway. He'd completely forgotten that she was back from her two-week holiday today.

"Robert, stop where you are!" He hears her cry, watching as her heels struggle on the gravel.

She stops herself with a hand on his shoulder as she misses her footing and narrowly avoids falling into him. He's not got time for her, or work, or anything else right now - he can barely remember what day it is.

"I just wanted to warn you," Leyla tells him breathlessly as she steadies herself. "Your dad's on the warpath, looking for you. He said something about Aaron Dingle?"

_Oh god._

"I thought he was at his publisher's all day." Robert mumbles nervously.

"I don't know," Leyla shrugs. "He came through to the office an hour ago, with that face on. Yeah, you know the one. He asked where you were and then stormed off when I said I didn't know. He's a right grump sometimes, isn't he?"

 _That's an understatement_ , Robert thinks. He looks towards the house, in the direction of Jack's office window. Lo and behold, his father's stood there, staring intently at him with a look of infuriation on his face that tells Robert that he'll definitely have to put a hold on his plans to attempt to recover from the trauma of this morning.

"It's true then?" Leyla starts again, interrupting Robert's thoughts.

"Sorry, what?" Robert retorts, breaking eye contact with Jack and turning back to Leyla.

"Aaron Dingle's staying with you?"

"He was," Robert tells her vaguely. "Not anymore though."

"Such an awful thing to happen." Leyla declares with a shake of her head.

"Yeah..." Robert trails off, before wondering how Leyla can possibly know about Aaron being in hospital. "Hey, how do you know about that?"

Leyla stares at him, bewildered. "How could I not? Do you really think a holiday's going to stop me from getting my fix of celebrity gossip?"

Robert breathes an internal sigh of relief as he realises that she's talking about Ed's affair, rather than Aaron's hospitalisation. 

"Poor guy." Leyla sighs sadly. "Well, at least he's got you to look out for him, eh? Anyway, best get back to work. Are we still on for my back-to-work meeting at three?"

_Shit. He'd forgotten about that._

"I'll let you know. There's a couple of things I need to do first." _Starting with pacifying my father_ , he ponders silently.

"Okay then," Leyla smiles, turning on her heel and tottering back to the office.

Robert's at the front door when he hears a semi-upbeat shout from Leyla. "Oh, and your brother's here too!" _Brilliant._

Jack's moved through to the hallway, thumbing through post and hovering in a position which Robert's sure is meant to look casual, but does nothing to cover up the fact that he's lying in wait to prevent Robert from getting upstairs without having to talk to him.

"Been at the hospital, have you?"

It's barely a question, more of an accusation. But it begs the question, how on earth does Jack know about Aaron going to hospital? Then again, Robert wouldn't be surprised if his father had had secret cameras installed in the house...

"How'd you-"

"Know about your _friend_ going to hospital?" There's a particularly nasty emphasis on the word 'friend', like Jack's implying that Aaron's not worthy of that title. "Ana saw an ambulance parked outside this morning and has spent the best part of an hour trying to get blood out of the carpet in the room Aaron's staying in."

Their cleaner, of course. In his haste to accompany Aaron to the hospital, he'd completely forgotten that she was in today. Well, that's just fantastic. Luckily, she's old and Robert doubts she has any idea who either Aaron or Ed are, so there's no chance of her selling a story. _Small mercies, at least._

"Are you not even going to say anything?" Jack asks, strolling on through to the kitchen as Robert obediently follows. "I always thought he had an air of mental instability about him. What did he do then? Try to kill himself because of his heartbreak?"

"No," Robert snaps, hating every inch of his father as he speaks so dismissively of Aaron, like he's completely insignificant. "He passed out due to exhaustion."

"And the blood on the carpet was what?" Jack asks smugly, like he knows he's caught Robert out on his lie.

Robert stands by the kitchen door, wanting to keep his escape route clear. It's then that he sees Andy stood by the back door, staring out over the grounds with a mug of tea in his hand.

"Did you hear that, Andy? Exhaustion, apparently." Jack tells Andy, with a scoff of disbelief.

It causes a prickle of anger to pass through Robert to know that they've been talking about Aaron behind his back. Andy takes a large gulp of tea and rolls his eyes before taking a moment to regard Robert. 

"Yeah, that's what they usually say to cover stuff up, isn't it?" Andy pronounces to Jack, like he's a fount of knowledge on all things celebrity related. _Smug bastard._

"I haven't got time for this." Robert sighs heavily, trying to rub the tiredness from his eyes.

"I told you that he was a bad influence." Jack declares, ignoring Robert's comment and clearly not caring that Robert's visibly distressed. "He's been here for what, two days? And look, you're already being sucked into drama. It doesn't reflect well on you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Robert questions agitatedly.

"You know what I mean, and you know exactly what it looks like. Your brother agrees. It's not good for you to be associated with him."

"Oh, Andy gets a say, does he?"

"I just don't understand why you'd want to be hanging around with someone like that." Andy clarifies nonchalantly.

"Someone like what?" Robert asks bitterly, because why does Andy get to have an opinion anyway? "Do you even know who he is?"

"Some rugby player's ex?" Andy utters belittlingly.

It's that comment which really threatens to send Robert over the edge. Aaron's so much more than Ed's ex-boyfriend. He's a person in his own right, who's so incredibly strong and perfect and- _Why is he even bothering to try and have a rational discussion with these two?_

Always stood proudly, are Andy and Jack, father and son, like they're both so comfortable with themselves. As Robert looks between the pair of them, imagining them discussing Aaron like he's nothing, he wants to shout and scream, to tell them just how wrong they are. But fuck what they think. He needs to focus his energy on Aaron, not waste any more time on them.

"Look," Robert starts, trying to keep his voice strong and unwavering. "Aaron's my friend and despite what you two want to believe, he got taken to hospital because he passed out due to exhaustion. His boyfriend-" Robert doesn't miss the way that Jack rolls his eyes at the word, but he decides not to react "-cheated on him and anyone who bothers to read the news probably knows about it."

"That doesn't mean he needs to bring his drama to my doorstep, Robert." Jack raises his voice angrily.

"Well, I'm _so, so sorry_ if him being here has been such an inconvenience for you." Robert quips back mockingly. "Don't worry, he won't be coming back here."

And boy, does Robert mean that. He hasn't had time to plan for Aaron's release from hospital; he doesn't even know whether Aaron would want to return to Home Farm anyway. But one thing that he's certain of now is that he's got to get something organised, just in case Aaron's willing to allow Robert to help him get through his recovery. There's no way he'll be bringing Aaron back to the toxicity of Home Farm.

He's got some phone calls to make.

~~~~

Dinner's being brought around by the time Robert returns to the hospital later that day. He looks apologetically at Aaron as he bursts into the room, large holdall in hand.

"Did you get my text?" He asks, speaking frantically. "I'm so sorry I took so long. I had a meeting with Leyla, then my agent called me. I thought you'd be probably sleeping anyway. How are you doing?"

The barrage of questions and statements takes Aaron aback and he has to give his brain a few seconds to catch up.

"I'm okay," he shrugs eventually, knowing that he probably looks anything but. The random moments of pure panic that have been coursing through him all afternoon have left him feeling clammy and shivery. "They haven't given me anymore Librium. I'm starting to feel it."

"Have they said when you're getting more?" Robert frowns with concern, looking like he's preparing to run and ask a nurse for some more information.

"After dinner, apparently. The doctor said that he wants me to eat something before."

Robert nods slowly. "Well I can't disagree with him there. You need to get your strength back up."

Aaron knows that the doctor's right - he's gotten through most of the days of the past few weeks on the bare minimum of food, rejecting anyone's attempts at feeding him. Apart from last night, that is - he'd savoured the meal that Robert had cooked for them.

"I suppose. Don't feel hungry at all though."

"Well, if you don't like the food that they've got for you in here then I've been to the shops and got you some stuff." Robert places the holdall down on a seat by the side of Aaron's bed, unzips it and removes a smaller canvas bag. "Got you some crisps, biscuits, a couple of bars of chocolate."

"Robert," Aaron groans. "I've already told you I've got a job in a few days - I can't turn up bloated and fat."

He knows that it's a ridiculous statement to make the second the words are out of his mouth. The pointed look that Robert gives him confirms that the other man has had exactly the same thought.

"Aaron, look at the state of you." Robert shakes his head with a hint of jest. "You're not going to get fat from some chocolate and crisps. You know that heroin chic is no longer in, right?"

"I don't look like heroin chic!" Aaron scoffs. _He doesn't, does he?_

"No, but you will do if you carry on not eating!" Robert tells him half-seriously, before reaching into the holdall and pulling out Aaron's leather toiletry bag. "Brought this for you too. I never thought I could be jealous of another man's beauty product collection, especially not yours, but you've got so much stuff. Honestly Aaron, a gold face mask?"

"They're not beauty products," Aaron retorts, because it's moisturisers and cleansers, not make-up! "It all gets given to me for free, anyway. You can have some of it if you want. There's a good anti-wrinkle cream in there-"

"Oi!" Robert shoots back, with a playful jab at Aaron's shoulder. The affronted look on his makes Aaron laugh and Robert smiles softly back at him.

"I don't know why you're so surprised by all of it. How did you think I kept myself looking so good?" Aaron asks lightly, breaking the somewhat awkward silence that's followed their lingering smiles.

"I thought it all just came naturally." Robert shrugs casually, looking Aaron up and down approvingly. "I didn't think you'd need a load of lotions and potions for that whole rugged and moody look you've got going on."

It's kind of strange that they're basically flirting whilst Aaron's laying in a hospital bed and feeling more unattractive than he's ever done in his life. But Robert seems to have the ability to turn on the charm no matter what the situation is and Aaron's slowly starting to accept that whatever their relationship is, or may become, it's pretty much set up to be a continual series of peculiar occurrences and interactions. 

The pair of them turn their heads in the direction of the door as they hear a commotion outside Aaron's room. A man enters carrying a tray of food, with Dr Mason following close behind him.

"Hello, Aaron." The man grins and waits as Robert makes space on the table that he'd put Aaron's toiletry bag on. "Got your dinner here."

"Thanks," Aaron replies quietly, the smell of the food making him want to gag. He really wasn't lying when he told Robert he wasn't hungry.

The porter leaves quickly and Dr Mason approaches Aaron's bed from where he'd been lingering in the corner of the room.

"Sorry Aaron," he begins, silently acknowledging Robert's presence. "Didn't mean to interrupt your dinner. I just wanted to visit you before I finish for the day. How are you doing?"

"When can I have more Librium?"

It's the first thought that Aaron has, and he doesn't care about how longing the question sounds. As every minute ticks by, he feels the need for another pill increasing. It was so easy before... Every time he felt like the mental pressure would overwhelm him, the pills were there, ready to relieve it.

"I've told the nurses to give you your first dose at 6pm, after you've eaten something. You might struggle to sleep so they'll keep checking in on you and if you need more during the night then you can have some. We'll be doing another drip later on this evening too. And then we should have your blood results back from the lab tomorrow morning, so we can reassess whether there's anything else you need then. How's your arm doing?"

 _It itches_ , Aaron thinks. But he knows that the sensation is just in his head, a constant niggling reminder that he gave in to the temptation that plagues him on a near daily basis. He knows that he can't allow his negativity about that to go unchecked for too long or it will spiral out of control. Therapy wasn't something that he ever enjoyed, but the thought of being sat in his therapist’s office, in one of her large comfortable chairs, is so appealing right now. He's going to make an appointment with her at the first opportunity he gets.

"It's fine." He tells the doctor, because it is physically, at least.

"Good," Dr Mason flashes him a smile that's more friendly than professional. "Make sure you eat that and do your best to try and get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Doesn't look too bad," Robert gestures at the food as the doctor leaves the room.

"You can have it if you want."

Robert regards Aaron with an expression that could easily be regarded as annoyance. "Aaron," he begins narrowly. "You need to eat. Just try a few mouthfuls, yeah?"

Aaron picks at the food for half an hour whilst him and Robert watch The Chase on the small television in the room. There's a feeling of relaxing familiarity in the room as Robert's eats some of the crisps that he'd bought for Aaron and answers some of the questions aloud.

Once Aaron's finished with the food, and Robert's praised him more than he deserves for his half-hearted attempt at eating, a nurse enters with a small paper cup. It's a nurse who's been in and out of his room a couple of times today and she's possibly the most friendly woman that Aaron's ever met.

"Hello, love. I've got some Librium here for you." She tells Aaron, placing the paper cup down and picking up Aaron's chart. "Who's this then?"

"Uh, this is Robert."

"Oh, the one you told me about earlier? It's lovely to meet you, Robert."

Robert gives the nurse a charming smile before she turns back to Aaron's notes.

"Okay then, so we've got fifteen milligrams of the Librium now. I'll come back at about 8pm to set up your final drip of the day. Is there anything else you need?"

"No," Aaron shakes his head, taking the Librium without a second's delay. He doesn't care how desperate he looks. The nausea caused by forcing himself to eat has made him need it more than ever.

"Well, the buzzer's there if you do. I'll take this." She picks up Aaron's food tray and closes the door quietly behind her.

"Do you want me to go?" Robert asks him softly.

"Do you need to get back?" Aaron counters, because he doesn't want to keep Robert here with him if he's got somewhere else he needs to be.

"Not at all." Robert replies sincerely. "I can be here for as long as you need me to be."

"The Librium might knock me out soon anyway. Um, look-" Aaron starts, feeling his leg shaking (he only wishes that the Librium would act straight away). "My agent called me earlier. She told me that there's rumours that a story's going to be released saying that Ed was violent towards me."

Robert looks shocked and puzzled for a moment. "Because of the photos of you two arguing?"

"Hmm," Aaron nods grimly. _Those stupid photos_. "She's been talking with Ed's agent, apparently. If his lawyers can't shut the story down, then I'll have to release a statement saying that it's all lies."

"He wasn't ever..." Robert begins slowly, clenching his fists and leaving an ominous question in the air.

"No, he wasn't." Aaron states seriously. "He might be a liar and a cheat, but he never laid a finger on me. I'd just rather not have to release a statement defending him in any way, not after what he's done. Sorry, it's just messing with my head a little; figured I should tell someone about it."

"I'm pleased you told me. Maybe it won't come to anything, anyway." Robert says hopefully.

"Yeah, finger's crossed." 

~~~~

It's quiet in the house when Robert returns later that evening. He'd stayed with Aaron for a couple of hours, watching as he'd drifted in and out of restless sleep, until Aaron eventually fell still. When he was sure that Aaron was fully asleep, he'd quietly gotten up and taken comfort in the way that Aaron finally looked so peaceful after such an emotional day.

As he was just about to leave, he'd stopped at the door and gone back to Aaron's bedside, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead just as a nurse entered. He wasn't sure if she saw the kiss or not, but if she had then she hadn't said anything. At the time, he hadn't seen anything wrong with kissing Aaron, but now he's wondering whether he should have done it... They're not even- well, he doesn't have the energy to even begin to try and categorise what they are.

He walks up the stairs as silently as possible, anticipating Jack emerging from some hidden corner the second he hears him. When he's back in the familiar surroundings of his room, he feels overwhelmed suddenly, not only by the memory of the day's events, but the knowledge that Aaron's stuck in hospital, in his own private hell of thoughts and suffering.

Robert looks at his bed and remembers the weight of Aaron lying beside him last night. It had come as a shock, of course, when Aaron had kissed him again, when he'd told Robert that he wanted him. But it had also felt so right... so inevitable... Robert had stroked his fingertips up and down Aaron's side as he'd slept, an action more tender than the type he usually engaged in after sex. 

Robert surprises himself as he feels his lip begin to wobble and tears welling up. The memory feels tainted now. All he can think about is that Aaron had probably taken a pill before returning to his bed. He can't do anything to stop himself as he falls against his bedroom door and breaks, allowing himself to sob quietly. He feels selfish, being so upset when it's Aaron who's in hospital, Aaron who's been cheated on, Aaron who could have died. But no matter what he does, he can't stop the tears from falling. 

He could kill Ed for what he's put Aaron through.

Robert feels guilty later, once he's dried his tears and is making himself food and settling down for the evening, worrying that Aaron might be awake and feeling lonely with nobody to talk to. He doesn't want to eat, but he has to keep reminding himself that he'll be no good for Aaron if he's in a state himself.

Fortunately, Jack's stayed out of his way. Robert had heard him moving around the house earlier but hadn't seen him at all. If he had seen his father then he imagines that just the sight of him would have been enough to make him snap, especially if he'd dared to mention Aaron's name again. 

It's almost 2am, just as he's getting ready for bed after dozing off watching a film, that he hears a text ping on his phone.

 **Aaron Dingle:** Hope this doesn't wake you up. I just wanted to text someone. Couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts. They're giving me some more Librium soon.

Robert reads the text twice, overwhelmed by the image of Aaron in that hospital bed, all by himself. He's thinking about the best way to reply when another message comes through.

 **Aaron Dingle:** Sorry. Don't know why I'm texting you. Sorry. Just ignore that last message.

 **Robert Sugden:** Don't worry, I was still awake. And you don't need to apologise to me either. I'm here for you Aaron and I promise you that you'll get through this. You've already taken the first step towards getting better. Just a few more days and you'll be out of hospital.

 **Aaron Dingle:** I know. I'm just really struggling right now. I want to get better. I don't want all of this shit hanging over me.

 **Robert Sugden:** Aaron, you're the strongest person I know. This first day was always going to be the hardest but once you've gotten through the detox then I'm sure you'll feel better. I'll be here for you, every step of the way.

Robert curses himself as he reads the last sentence back. It feels overly sentimental; too much for someone who's only supposed to be a friend. And presumptive too: maybe Aaron doesn't want him to be there for him. Robert thinks that that suspicion is confirmed when Aaron doesn't reply, but another message comes through five minutes later.

 **Aaron Dingle:** Sorry, a nurse just gave more some more Lib. Thanks Rob. For everything. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if you'd not found me this morning. Gonna try and get some more sleep now. Maybe you could come and visit tomorrow? x

The words of Aaron's text and the kiss at the end of the message fills Robert with hope and determination. As long as Aaron wants and needs him then he's going to be there, no questions asked. 

**Robert Sugden:** Of course, I'll be there. You try and get some sleep now, okay? Text or call me whenever you want - I'll leave my phone on loud. Sleep tight x

~~~~

"Leyla, can we have ten minutes to talk about something?" Robert asks his colleague, whose garish yellow outfit is hurting his eyes. 

He'd planned on being at the hospital twenty minutes ago but had gotten caught up with a phone call. But he has to speak to Leyla before he goes – she’s the final piece of his puzzle of a plan.

"Of course," Leyla replies with one of her beaming smiles. "Shall I make some coffee?" 

She gets up to make some, but Robert stops her with a courteous shake of his head. "No, this won't take long."

"Okay... sounds ominous. I'm not being fired, am I?"

"Of course not!" Robert responses quickly. He's got no power to do that anyway. Jack's the boss, even if he contributes nothing to the actual running of the business. "I'm going to be working remotely for the next few weeks. Well, for the foreseeable actually."

His intention had been to give her as little as information as possible. He wants to keep his plans as secret and vague as he can, at least for the time being or until he’s got a better idea of the direction that he wants the rest of his future to go in.

"Right. But you do know that you already work from home.” Leyla quips, before her expression changes to one of realisation. “Oh... are you moving out?"

"Kind of," Robert tells her vaguely. "I've got some work in London and I was going to stay down there for a while. Spend some time with Vic, look into some more opportunities for work. I'm not sure exactly how long I’ll be there for yet. Mark's due back next week anyway, and you know how crowded the office can get with the three of us in here. So, I'll still be doing what I usually do. I just won't be doing it here."

The timing couldn’t be better if Robert’s honest. He’d taken a bigger role in the running of Home Farm when one of their other employees, Mark, had gone on paternity leave. With him due to return, there was a lot less of a need for Robert to be present in the office.

Robert had never intended to play such a significant role at Home Farm in the first place. Or rather, he’d never actually _wanted_ to all that much. He’d slowly started having a say in the running of the business after Jack had criticised him for not having a ‘real job’ and wasting his life ‘posting photos online and going to parties’.

At first, he’d enjoyed the work and feeling like he was doing something that Jack approved of. In fact, there was a time, not all that long ago, that he would have done anything to prove to his father that he could one day take over the full-time running of Home Farm. But in recent weeks and months, he’d come to realise that the only reason he wanted that was because he believed that it was the only way that Jack would ever be proud of him.

It hurts Robert now to think that pride is something that seems to elude his father, at least when it comes to him. Pride seems to be dished out in abundance to Victoria and Andy, but nothing that Robert has ever done has seemed to raise anything more than a perfunctory and indifferent ‘well done’ from Jack. He’s never understood why, and fears that he probably never will.

If he was wavering about his planned decision to slowly make working at Home Farm his full-time job before, then the past few days have done nothing but confirm that it’s not the right course of action for him. Jack is clearly destined to find fault wherever he can. If there’s a choice between seeing the good in Robert’s behaviour or zeroing in on an iota of negativity then he seems to choose the latter option every single time. Robert doesn’t see why he should continue to put himself through that.

“Well as long as the business isn’t going to suffer then that’s fine by me.” Leyla smiles and Robert’s pleased that there’s at least one person at Home Farm who doesn’t scrutinise every choice he makes. “When are you leaving?”

“Wednesday or Thursday. I’m not too sure yet.” It’s all dependent on when Aaron’s getting discharged.

~~~~

Robert gets buzzed onto the ward quickly when he arrives, a nurse who he recognises letting him in without enquiring about who he’s there for. She’s the same one who brought Aaron his Librium yesterday evening. Robert says a quick hello as he passes her before heading to Aaron’s room.

He’d text Aaron this morning but not received any reply. Rather than worry, he’d assumed that Aaron would be sleeping. He feels like that may have been the wrong hypothesis to make as he enters Aaron’s room and finds his bed empty, a half-finished drip hanging by the bed, and Aaron’s sheets rumpled like he’d made a hasty departure. The only thing that stops him from panicking completely is the fact that the other man’s belongings are still in the room.

Robert checks Aaron’s bathroom and sticks his head out of the bedroom door, hoping that Aaron may have just gone for a stroll around the ward. Instead, he sees the same nurse who’d buzzed him in approaching with a troubled look on her face.

“Do you want to come with me, Robert?” She enquires softly, guiding him with an arm around his shoulders.

Robert follows her around the circular corridor of the ward until she stops outside a room. She turns to him and smiles gently at him.

“Aaron wasn’t feeling very well emotionally this morning, so we called someone from the mental health team down to talk to him. We moved him into another room for a bit of a change of scene. I’ve just told him you’re here and he said that he wanted to see you.”

The nurse opens the door and Robert sees a man sitting on a chair raise his eyebrows as he regards Robert.

“Look who’s here,” the man says to someone sat opposite him who Robert can’t see. “Come in Robert.”

Robert takes a step into the room and looks to his left. The scene in front of him is almost heart-breaking. Aaron’s sat on a sofa, knees up against his chest and arms hugging himself. He looks so small and vulnerable, almost childlike, as he looks at Robert with tear-stained eyes and smiles weakly.

Robert’s not quite sure what to do, so he acts on instinct, immediately sitting next to Aaron and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Hey,” he greets Aaron soothingly. “What’s going on, eh?”

Aaron collapses into Robert’s touch like a dead weight, his body starting to shake with sobs. When he doesn’t say anything, the other man in the room begins to talk.

“Aaron’s not had a very good few hours. He didn’t sleep well and found out this morning that the pills he’d been taking were cut with fentanyl.”

“I’ve been so stupid.” Aaron chokes out between sobs, shaking his head.

“Fentanyl? That’s like heroin, isn’t it?” Robert can barely believe what he’s saying. He’s heard about fentanyl. Heard that it can easily kill people. What if- he doesn’t even want to contemplate it. His hold around Aaron tightens protectively as Aaron continues to cry.

“Hmm,” the man nods his head grimly. “But, as I’ve just been explaining to Aaron, there’s no need for him to feel guilty or stupid. The reason that he was taking the pills was understandable given all of the pressure that he’s been under. The most important thing for him to do now is continue looking forward to the future and to focus on all of the good things in his life. I’ve been on the phone to his therapist in London and she’s going to be in touch to arrange a course of sessions once he’s been discharged from here. We were just talking about Aaron’s support network. He’s had nothing but praise for you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Robert tells Aaron, struggling to contain the wobble in his voice. He wants to scoop Aaron up into his arms and do whatever he can to take the pain away. “We’ll get you through this, together.”

Robert feels Aaron nod quickly against him, one of his hands reaching out and gripping Robert’s own. His palm is clammy, but Robert squeezes it back as tightly as he can, silently trying to tell him that he’s not on his own.

“I’ll leave these here for you,” the man tells Robert, holding up a selection of leaflets. “It’s some information about some of the services available to Aaron if he needs them. Okay Aaron, I’m going to go now, but you can ask to see me again if you need to.”

“Thank you,” Aaron lifts his head, his voice is thick and raspy from crying. 

“You take care now, alright?”

“Thanks,” Robert says sincerely to the man as he departs the room, before turning his attention back to Aaron. “Why didn’t you text me, eh?”

“Didn’t wanna bother you.” Aaron mumbles quietly. “You shouldn’t be wasting your time with me.”

“Aaron, I’ve already told you that I’m here for you. I promise you that I’m not going anywhere.” Robert’s trying to stay as strong as possible, but he can’t help a tear escaping and rolling down his cheek, hating how fragile Aaron seems. “Hey, I brought my old laptop in with me. Put some films on it for you. Why don’t we go back to your room and watch one, eh?”

Aaron lifts his head up, removing himself from Robert’s grip and nodding slowly. “Okay.”

They shuffle back to the room, Aaron seeming impossibly weaker than he did the day before. Robert helps him back into his bed as a nurse comes in to reconnect Aaron’s drip.

“I didn’t know what you’d like so I’ve put all sorts on here,” Robert tells Aaron lightly as he switches on the laptop and watches the nurse leave. He knows he’s speaking to Aaron like a child, but it seems that that’s exactly what Aaron needs right now. “What do you fancy watching?”

“Anything,” Aaron tells him.

“How about…” Robert looks through the selection of films. “Ratatouille?”

“The one about the mouse?”

“He’s a rat.”

“Who cooks?”

“Yeah.”

Aaron chuckles softly. The sound is like music to Robert’s ears. “Okay then.”

Robert sets up the laptop on the table at the end of Aaron’s bed, adjusting Aaron’s pillows so that he can sit up and watch the film. He’s just about to sit down in a chair when Aaron says his name and looks at him, his blue eyes staring back into Robert’s.

“You okay?” Robert asks him.

“Yeah, it’s just-” Aaron takes hold of one of Robert’s hand and pulls Robert towards him. He lifts his head anticipatingly and Robert’s not sure if he’s misreading the signals as he leans in closer towards Aaron until there’s barely an inch between them... He feels Aaron’s lips press gently against his own. The kiss lasts for less than a second, but he squeezes Aaron’s hand comfortingly and smiles softly at him when it ends.

There’s time for words later, so Robert remains silent, his hand not leaving Aaron’s as he pulls the chair closer towards the bed. They stay that way, hands entwined, until both of them fall asleep, Aaron’s head against the pillows and Robert’s on Aaron’s thigh.


	12. The Return to London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's discharged from hospital and he and Robert head to London. They're both hoping that they'll finally have the chance to talk, but nothing's ever simple between them, is it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is basically 9000 words of several different scenes and events. I hope it doesn't read as being too disconnected. Thank you to all of you once again for your continued patience with this story - it's taken me aaages to try and get this chapter to a place I'm happy with so I hope you all enjoy it!

It’s a nurse who startles Robert awake just as the final scene of Ratatouille is playing on his laptop. It takes him a moment to remember where he is, but the warmth radiating from Aaron’s body through the starch white sheets of his hospital bed and the view of the ward through the narrow glass pane of Aaron’s bedroom door quickly reminds him.

Falling asleep hadn’t exactly been something that Robert had intended. In fact, he’s pretty sure that he went from being awake to asleep without little conscious effort – they can’t have watched more than twenty minutes of the film before his eyes had fallen shut; he must have been more tired than he realised.

He feels more relaxed than he expects is usual for someone who’s slept in such an awkward position, his head and shoulders extended across Aaron’s body from the uncomfortable chair at Aaron’s bedside. Aaron’s not woken up, but has one hand resting in Robert’s hair, fingers stroking through it unconsciously as he sleeps.

Neither of them had said anything after they’d kissed. Robert had felt as though there was a silent understanding between them at the time, one which told them that they’d talk about what the kiss meant when Aaron was in a better headspace and less mentally exhausted.

Robert’s not too sure what to think… Just like he had done when they’d slept together, he’d allowed Aaron to be the one to take the lead and initiate the kiss. He knows that Aaron’s head is still undoubtedly messed up by everything he’s going through. If anything, he seemed to have taken a step backwards following the meeting with the mental health specialist. But it hadn’t felt like the kiss had come from a place of pure necessity or a need for Aaron just have someone close to him. It had seemed genuine and tender.

The nurse breaks Robert’s thoughts and asks him if he wouldn’t mind moving so that she can take Aaron’s temperature and check his blood pressure. She seems unphased by finding them sleeping together – Robert guesses she must be used to it. Aaron stirs at the sound of her voice and rubs sleep from his eyes before checking the room to make sure that Robert’s still there.

“Hey. We fell asleep.” Robert tells him, smiling shyly.

“Yeah, I needed it.” Aaron replies, yawning and stretching his shoulders as the nurse tends to her duties.

“How are you feeling?” The nurse asks tentatively as she wraps a blood pressure cuff around Aaron’s arm. The buzzing noise as it inflates is strangely familiar to Robert now.

“A bit better after some sleep.” Aaron replies tiredly, watching as the cuff tightens around him.

“That’s good. The doctor’s just doing his afternoon rounds. I think that’s him now, actually.”

The nurse notes Aaron’s chart and hands it over to Dr Mason as he enters the room. He nods gratefully at her and has a quick scan over them before greeting Aaron.

“Afternoon, Aaron. I’ve just had a quick catch up with Josh in the mental health team. He told me that you were quite distressed during your session with him earlier.”

“Hmm,” Aaron mumbles vaguely, looking uncomfortable, as though he doesn’t want to think about how he’d broken down during the session. “It just all got a bit… overwhelming. I can’t sleep properly here, and I feel so fucki- so stupid for taking the pills and not realising that they had Fentanyl in.”

“We’re seeing a lot more cases like these,” Dr Mason explains, sighing disappointingly. “But like I told you earlier,” he begins, obviously more so for Robert’s benefit than Aaron’s, “there’s no way that you could have known about it. And the good news is that there was only a trace amount in your blood sample, so you’re not going to experience full opioid withdrawal. We’ll just continue with the Librium reduction as planned and any opioid withdrawal symptoms will be addressed by that.”

Robert nods, grateful for the doctor taking the time to explain it to him.

“But still,” Dr Mason starts again, addressing Aaron this time. “Please learn from this, Aaron. You could have ended up with long-term damage if there had been more Fentanyl in the pills you were taking. I know that you discussed going back to work with Josh, so we can discuss discharge plans tomorrow. I wouldn’t recommend you going straight back to work but from the small amount of time we’ve spent together, I can tell that I’ll not be able to stop you if you’re determined to go.”

Aaron laughs at that, but the almost flirtatious tone of the doctor prickles at Robert. _Very unprofessional._

“Anyway, that’s me done for the day. I spotted the dinner trolley on my way down here so that’ll be coming around soon. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The doctor leaves with his customary nod at Aaron and Robert, as Aaron sighs deeply and leans back against his pillows. Robert decides that now is as good a time as any to fill Aaron in on his last-minute arrangements for his discharge, hoping that it might help to relieve some of his stress.

“I wanted to talk to you about your discharge, actually.” Robert says cautiously, still worried that his plan might overwhelm Aaron. “I’ve um, well I’ve got somewhere for us, or just you, if you’d prefer-”

“Just spit it out, Robert.” Aaron says tiredly, but not unkindly.

“I’ve got an apartment in London for us to stay in, for when you’re discharged.” Robert continues as Aaron raises his eyebrows questioningly. “Me and a friend bought it as an investment opportunity. We renovated it and were going sell it on or rent it out. But I’ve spoken to him and he’s happy to put that on hold so that we can live there for a bit. It’s got two bedrooms and it’s in the centre of London, so it should be good for you work. Have I gone too far?” Robert asks when Aaron’s face appears to fall slightly.

“No.” Aaron shakes his head firmly. “It sounds great. It’s just… are you sure? I could find my own place, stay in an Air BnB or something.”

“You could,” Robert declares thoughtfully. “But I just thought that you could do with having someone with you, especially as you’ll have just left hospital. Gotta have someone to keep an eye on you.”

Robert makes the statement without malice, but Aaron’s face twists into an expression of irritation.

“What, in case I go and score some more pills the second I leave the hospital?”

“No,” Robert replies firmly, as though talking to a stroppy teenager. “In case you struggle once your detox is completed and you need someone to support you.”

Aaron takes a thoughtful pause, wriggling uncomfortably. It’s a sign that Robert’s come to recognise as one which means that Aaron’s due his next dose of medication soon.

“Fine,” Aaron huffs, but he nods understandingly. “That does sound good, I guess. I don’t wanna fuck up again once I’m out of here. Thanks Rob.”

Robert would be lying if he said he hadn’t expected more of a struggle to get Aaron to accept his invitation – he’d agreed almost without hesitation. But then there’s something about the ever-present look of tiredness on Aaron’s face that suggests he’s too exhausted to put up much of a fight about anything.

In that moment, sat by Aaron’s bedside and watching as Aaron shakes at his pillows to try and make himself more comfortable, Robert finds himself hit by a familiar wave of sadness. He keeps having them, whenever he wonders what would have happened if Aaron hadn’t ended up in hospital. What kind of conversations would they have had the morning after the night before? What would they be doing now?

He wants to ask Aaron about what their kiss earlier means, but once again he feels like there’s something stopping him. Whenever he has the inclination to discuss his and Aaron’s relationship, there’s always something holding him back.

He doesn’t feel like the right time to have a conversation about what their relationship is is when Aaron’s still in a hospital bed. Although, he’s sure that to any outsider it would appear that they were together; he doesn’t think that many ‘friends’ would be so committed to a friendship as to stay at their friend’s hospital bedside for several hours a day.

But there’s also a large part of him that believes that Aaron just needs someone, anyone, there for him at the moment. He’s happy to oblige, of course. To be Aaron’s source of support at a time when he doesn’t have anyone else. His relationship with Aaron is so unlike any that he’s had before. It’s not as though he’s desperate to label what they are, but he would like a better idea of where they stand.

~~~~

Aaron had insisted, _like really insisted_ , that Robert didn’t need to visit him in hospital today. After his agent had called him late last night and he’d had to rudely usher a nurse out of his room to take the call, he’d known that he’d have to do his best to keep Robert away. But his texts to Robert, explaining that he felt awful (not a lie, but perhaps he’d exaggerated a bit) and was probably going to spend the entire day sleeping, have apparently had the opposite effect.

Because rather than Robert turning up at what’s become his usual time (late afternoon, after he’s finished with his work for the day), Robert’s decided to come in mid-morning. He looks surprised to see Aaron up and about, emerging from his private bathroom fully dressed and with his hair somewhat styled, rather than sleepy and heavy in bed dosed up on Librium.

“Where are you going?” Robert asks, causing Aaron to jump nervously at his sudden presence.

“Nowhere?” Aaron replies, trying to sound as casual as possible despite his heart beginning to race.

“So why are you all dressed up then?” Robert asks lightly, the doubt clear on his face.

“I’ve got to film something.” Aaron trails off vaguely.

There’s no point in trying to lie. He’s a bad liar at the best of times, let alone when his body and mind are barely functioning. Robert looks at him like he’s completely lost it. Aaron half expects him to rush out and find a doctor to examine him.

“You know I told you that Ed might be accused of being violent towards me?” Aaron asks, scratching at the slowly healing cut on his arm.

“Yeah.” Robert furrows his brow.

“Well, it’s happening, and I’ve got to film a video saying that it’s all lies.”

“A video? Why can’t you just release a statement?”

Aaron pauses for a moment, hanging his head shamefully to avoid having to look at Robert.

“Because he found out about the drugs.” Aaron mumbles quickly and quietly, remembering the fury in his agent’s voice as she berated him about his drug taking.

“What? How?” Robert asks despairingly.

“Connor.” Aaron states grimly, gingerly lowering himself into a chair. He knows that he looks more put together than he has in days, but his slow movements and tentativeness are definitely betraying his physical state. “Sod’s law, isn’t it? He didn’t just share my boyfriend. He also shares, or shared, my dealer.”

Robert winces at the statement and sits down on Aaron’s bed, regarding Aaron as he explains further.

“I don’t really know how it happened. It seems like Connor owed this dealer some money. The dealer couldn’t find him, but it had all come out about Ed and Connor, so he managed to find out where Ed lives, went around to his to try and get the money from him. God knows why. Then when Ed refused to pay him and threatened to call the police, the dealer told him all about me buying drugs from him. So, now Ed and his agent are using that information to blackmail me into doing a video rather than just releasing a statement.”

“He can’t do that! That’s illegal!” Robert throws his hands up in the air angrily.

“So’s buying drugs!” Aaron shouts back, hearing the shame in his voice and feeling tears in his eyes. He can’t believe this is his life right now. “And now my agent knows and she’s furious. Ed’s PR team think that a video will seem much more genuine and believable. I can’t be bothered to fight them on it. One word from them could ruin my career.”

“Does your agent know that you’re in no state to be doing this though?”

“No,” Aaron shakes his head. “If she knew that I’d ended up in hospital then I’d probably be dropped. I’m just going to have to film something as quickly as possible and hope that that gets Ed off my back. It’s always going to be there, hanging over me though, isn’t it? The threat of everything being revealed…” Aaron trails off and looks out the window at the trees that line the hospital grounds.

“This is so unfair.” Robert says irately, before his features soften slightly. “But hopefully once you’ve done the video and the story’s disappeared then that’ll be the end of it.”

“I dunno,” Aaron shrugs. “But I can’t not do it. First Connor, now this – you’d think Ed could afford a better legal team. I feel like proper shit right now, but the story’s breaking soon so I’ve got to film this.”

Aaron takes a deep breath, struggling to prop his phone up on one of the books Robert brought in for him so that he can film the video.

“Why don’t I hold the phone for you?” Robert offers when the phone falls down for the third time. 

“Bloody thing!” Aaron grabs his phone, tempted to throw it across the room, but handing it to Robert instead. “Fine, you hold it.”

“Do you know what you’re going to say?”

“No, I was just going to wing it.”

“Is that a good idea? Why don’t I help you write something down first?”

Trust Robert to suggest that, although Aaron can’t deny it’s a pretty good idea. He can feel himself slowly getting better, his mind feeling gradually clearer as each day passes, but he still keeps having moments when everything goes blank and he doesn’t feel capable of stringing a sentence together.

Robert helps Aaron to write a statement and then he’s ready to film. The statement is succinct and straight to the point – just a few sentences explaining that the photos of them arguing in the street were just that, nothing more. He’d accidentally cut himself earlier in the day, hence the blood on Ed’s shirt. There had never been any violence in their relationship and although he’s obviously disappointed about their relationship ending (Robert had suggested keeping that part vague, even though the public know all about Ed’s affair with Connor) he doesn’t want to see Ed accused of something so terrible.

It leaves a sour taste in Aaron’s mouth, essentially helping Ed when he’s hurt him more than anybody ever has before. But he has to keep reminding himself that he has no choice. He’s actually quite relieved that Robert had turned up now – helping Aaron to write the statement had calmed him down a bit and Aaron’s grateful for his soothing presence.

Once the statement’s written and Robert’s ready to film, Aaron clears his throat and asks Robert if he looks okay.

“You look great,” Robert tells him enthusiastically. Aaron can’t believe that that’s true but there’s honesty in Robert’s eyes. “Especially for a man in hospital.”

“Thanks, I guess… Fucking hell, let’s just get this over with.”  
  


~~~~

Doctors are strange people, Aaron decides, when Dr Mason informs him the next morning that he’ll be being discharged later that day. He was expecting to be in hospital for at least one more full day, but the doctor tells him that his stats show that he’s through the worst of the physical detox and he’ll be given some more Librium to continue taking at home.

His few days in hospital have somehow simultaneously passed really slowly and really quickly. Despite every minute sometimes seeming to drag on, the days themselves have whizzed by. He’s actually shocked when the doctor tells him that today will be the fourth day that he’s been in hospital – he swears it’s been less than that. Maybe he lost a day somewhere…

He would be lying if he said that he’s not scared about being discharged. Something about a hospital environment feels so much safer than the outside world. Everything’s regulated and organised: he takes his pills when a nurse says he’s allowed to, he’s checked regularly to make sure he’s physically okay, he can’t act on his impulses to self-sabotage by going running or teasing himself with a blade.

It’s not as though he isn’t relieved that he’s going to be discharged, particularly as he’s got his shoot in London to do tomorrow, but he’s worried that all of the stresses of real-life might send him spiralling backwards. The video statement that he’d filmed for Ed had been released to the press and posted on his Instagram this morning and he was doing his best to forget about its existence already – it was a necessary evil that he couldn’t afford to dwell on. It was done; hopefully that would be the end of things between him and Ed and he could finally move on for good.

He thinks of Robert’s promise to support him through everything, but he’s still not sure why Robert hasn’t washed his hands of him yet. He doesn’t feel like it’s just sympathy that’s kept Robert returning to his bedside. Aaron doesn’t think that many friends would stick around like Robert has. But then, maybe that’s because Robert’s not just a friend. Or maybe he is. Hell, Aaron doesn’t have a clue what they are… not really. He’d kissed Robert a couple of days ago because he was upset and Robert was there, being so kind, just as he had been through this whole awful period. And he’d wanted to kiss him. He still wants to kiss him… again and again and again.

But for some reason, neither of them had mentioned it since it happened. Going through this detox-type thing and being in hospital makes him feel fuzzy, but he doesn’t think it’s just that which has stopped him from talking to Robert about putting a label on their relationship. He’s scared of rejection and initiating a conversation which will end in Robert telling him that he doesn’t want to be anything more than friends.

He decides now, as he reaches for his phone to call Robert, that once they’re in London then he’ll have a better idea of where they stand. Away from overdoses and self-harm, pills and hospitals, they’ll both have the space and freedom to think clearly and finally have the discussion that they should have had after they slept together. Aaron hopes Robert will want more, because he knows that he certainly does.

~~~~

“Very inconspicuous.” Aaron says sarcastically as Robert shows him to his car, a white Audi R8.

They’ve just left the hospital, after waiting for hours for Aaron’s prescription of Librium to be brought to him: just five more doses to take until he’s completely free of the stuff. The sun’s still shining brightly in the late afternoon sky and it feels good for Aaron to take a few deep breaths of disinfectant-free air.

“Well it was this or my vintage Aston – and that barely fits two people, let alone all of our stuff. Couldn’t exactly bring the Home Farm truck, could I?”

“Is my bag even going to fit?” Aaron asks, looking at his holdall that Robert had insisted on carrying down for him.

“Sure, I left some space for it.” Robert explains, just about managing to fit the bag in amongst a small suitcase and another holdall.

“It’s a nice car.” Aaron says approvingly, giving it a quick once over. It’s a bit flashy for his taste, but it suits Robert perfectly.

“Yeah, she’s a beauty. I don’t get to drive her much though. Wait until you see the power of her on the motorway.” Robert says like an excited child. It’s rather endearing…

The car may be powerful, but Robert handles it well, driving smoothly through the Yorkshire countryside and onto the M1. Aaron’s always liked cars, but it’s the driver that he’s more interested in now. There’s something incredibly attractive about watching Robert drive, his large hands gripping the steering wheel and his white shirt sleeves rolled up, showing his lightly tanned arms.

The only thing spoiling the mood, apart from his occasional waves of anxiety and agitation, is Robert’s choice of music. He’s got his phone connected to the sound system and despite them only being an hour into their four-hour journey, Aaron’s already heard two songs by Little Mix and three by Taylor Swift. He can’t help but let out a snort of laughter as he hears the opening lines of Bad Blood.

“What?” Robert asks, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the music.

“Nothing.” Aaron says, biting his lip. “Just wouldn’t have put you down as a Taylor Swift fangirl.”

“Hey, you can’t go wrong with a bit of Taylor.” Surprisingly, there’s not a hint of embarrassment in Robert’s voice. “She’s a great singer.”

“Yeah, whatever you say, mate.”

“Just because you like a load of indie shit.” Robert scoffs, before adding jokingly. “We’re going to have problems if you can’t accept my love of cheesy pop.”

“Don’t worry – there’s plenty of time to get you into my stuff.” Aaron quips back.

“Thanks, but I think I’ll stick to my own music for now.”

Aaron shakes his head teasingly and the pair of them fall back into their comfortable silence until Robert starts playfully singing along to the chorus of the song. All Aaron can do is roll his eyes and laugh again. He doesn’t mind though, not really.

They stop at some motorway services an hour later, just as Aaron’s anxiety is reaching a peak and he’s due to take his next dose of Librium. He’s almost on the smallest dose now, but he’s still worrying about how he’ll cope without its soothing effects. Robert’s been incredibly thoughtful by buying him a chamomile tea ( _“it’s good for anxiety, Aaron”_ ), a sandwich and a bar of chocolate ( _“you need to keep your strength up”_ ).

“What on earth is that?” Aaron asks as he watches Robert take a bite of his own sandwich. The filling doesn’t look like anything he recognises.

“Hummus and coriander.” Robert holds out the sandwich to him. “Want a bite?”

“Nah, you’re alright, thanks.” Aaron looks at the sandwich with disgust and mock gags. “Coriander’s rank. Why would anyone put that in a sandwich? And with hummus as well. I think we need to have a word about your tastes.”

“Well, I like you, don’t I?” Robert asks, looking at Aaron with a coy eyebrow raise. He pauses, like he thinks he may have gone too far, before quickly changing the subject. “Hey, have I ever told you how I became famous?” He adds air quotations and an eye roll to the final word.

“I don’t think so, no…” Aaron trails away, pausing for thought on Robert’s brief moment of flirtation.

“Well, it’s pretty embarrassing actually, but you look like you could do with a story to distract you whilst you wait for the Librium to kick in.” He’s not wrong – Aaron’s starting to feel increasingly wretched. “Prepare yourself.” Robert takes a deep breath. “So, when I was at uni I wrote some articles for the uni newspaper. Did I tell you about that?”

“I think I might have seen something about it.” Aaron replies. It rings a bell somewhere deep in his brain. He probably came across it during one of his Google searches after he first met Robert.

“Well, I wrote lots of different things but there was this one article about the hottest women on campus.” Robert grimaces at the look on Aaron’s face. “Yeah, I know. It was… questionable. Anyway, it sparked this big debate about misogyny. It was wrong, I get that now. But really, it was only meant to be a bit of a fun. Anyway, one of the big-name paper’s ran an article about it and worked out that I was Jack Sugden’s son. They did this whole sarcastic piece about me following in my author father’s footsteps. Then they found some stuff out about me and Andy from when we were at school and about us not getting along, painting him as the poor adopted son. My dad _really_ wasn’t happy about it, as you can imagine, but it kind of got my name out there. So, then, a few months later, I got this email from a production company asking me if I was interested in doing a reality show.”

Aaron snorts at that, it’s possibly the last thing he was expecting. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, like Made in Chelsea or something. All about the rich kids of the Yorkshire Dales.”

“Made in Yorkshire doesn’t have the same ring to it.” Aaron laughs, although he can just imagine an adolescent Robert on TV, getting into all sorts of drama.

“I know.” Robert laughs drolly. “But I was so up for it. So, we filmed a pilot ep, but it never made it to screen, thank God! But the production company liked me and referred me to an agent. And then I just started posting on Insta and being invited to events, building up my brand. Crazy, isn’t it?”

“Just a bit. So, why’d you start working at Home Farm then?”

“Dad thought I should make my money through ‘hard work’ and not ‘posing for photos’, so said I could do some work for him too.” Robert shrugs and sighs. “It’s okay, I guess. Not exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life though. And I’m not going to pretend that it’s not pretty sweet to make money from doing interviews and being invited to events.”

“Well I can’t argue with that, can I? I make money from having my photo taken. What would you do if you could do anything, then?” It’s something that Aaron’s often wondered about. He feels like Robert’s got the determination to do anything he puts his mind to.

“I dunno, photography maybe? It’s been more on my mind ever since I watched your shoot at my place. I’m not exactly creative, but I like the idea of it.”

“You should look into it. I can hook you up with some of my photographer mates too.”

“You’d do that?”

“Course. It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me.” And that’s an understatement, Aaron thinks. He feels like he owes Robert big time after the past week.

“That sounds great, thanks.” Robert smiles shyly, before dismissively reprogramming the sat nav after their brief detour. “Right then, two more hours until we reach London.”

~~~~

Despite the hecticness of the London streets, Robert’s mind feels clearer than it has done in weeks as he drives into Kensington. It’s as though a weight, probably the semi-oppressiveness of his father, has been lifted from his shoulders. He can’t wait to spend some time in London, particularly as that time will be spent with Aaron.

Clive had agreed to meet them in the underground car park beneath the apartment block and as Robert approaches the designated parking spot for the apartment, he spots Clive’s Porsche parked in one of the guest spaces. Clive flashes his lights in greeting before stepping out of his car with a leather binder and set of keys.

“Rob, my man.” Clive pulls Robert into a one-armed embrace, patting him on the shoulder. “It’s been too long.”

“It really has been. Sorry we’re late. Got stuck in the traffic going through Wembley.”

“Bad luck.” Clive shakes his head sympathetically. “It’s always bad this time of day. I’ll give you a hand with those.” He offers, gesturing to the bags that Robert’s beginning to remove from the car. “And you must be Aaron?”

Robert hadn’t even noticed Aaron getting out of the car. He’d been asleep as they entered the outskirts of the city and he’d only woken up five minutes ago. Robert had suggested he might want to stay in the car until everything was sorted with the apartment, knowing that Clive could be a bit full on at the best of times.

“Aaron, this is Clive, my friend slash investment advisor. Clive, this is Aaron Dingle.” Robert introduces them and Clive gives Aaron a friendly smile. 

“Alright.” Aaron nods, in his typically stoic way. Robert can see from the shadows under his eyes that he’s still worn out. He really hopes that at least one of the beds in the apartment will be made up. “I’ll take those.”

“No, no.” Robert stops Aaron with a gentle touch on his bicep, not missing the eyebrow raise it elicits from Clive. “I’ll come down and get them later.”

Aaron tuts but quickly relents, like he can’t be bothered to argue with Robert. Instead, he yawns and stretches his limbs whilst Clive shows them into the main building and the lift which will take them up to their apartment.

They follow Clive, Aaron trailing tentatively behind Robert. When they reach the lift, Aaron pauses and takes a deep anxious breath. Robert smiles at him encouragingly and Aaron gives a small smile in response as he joins Robert and Clive in the lift. On the way up, Clive goes on about the decorators only finishing the apartment a couple of days ago, joking about how one of them had been rather attractive. Aaron stays silent throughout the whole journey, keeping his eyes to the floor.

“And here we are, number 22. Welcome home, lads.” Clive says when they reach the apartment door, opening it with a flourish. “Ta da!”

Clive had sent Robert photos of the finished apartment, but it’s far more impressive in person than he was expecting. Despite being a new build, the way that it’s been decorated gives it a cosy and homely feel. It has some vague similarities Aaron and Ed’s apartment, but the dark hard wood and sleek polished lines are far more appealing than the clinical white starkness of Aaron’s previous home.

It’s not the largest of apartments, but it was a reasonable investment opportunity that Clive had presented, and Robert knew he’d have been mad to turn down. Clive shows them around and Robert keeps looking to Aaron as he does so, hoping that the expression on his face means that he approves of his new temporary home.

The hallway nook opens up to an open plan living and dining area to the right, with a large kitchen tucked around the corner. There’s a large corner sofa in the living room that Robert can already imagine being tucked up on with Aaron, and several large windows encasing the room, showing off a beautiful view over Hyde Park and the rest of the city, with sliding doors in the corner opening up onto a private balcony. It’s perfect.

“You’ve got the bedrooms through those doors down there,” Clive gestures down the corridor which leads left from the hallway nook. “Utility room just off the kitchen and the main bathroom just here.” Clive opens the door that he was standing in front of and Aaron shuffles nervously. “There’s an en-suite off the main bedroom too.”

“Sorry, I just need to- I’m just gonna go and splash some water on my face.” Aaron flusters, heading towards one of the bedroom doors.

“Main bedroom’s the first on the left.” Clive shouts after him, before turning to Robert with a pointed eyebrow raise. “Is he okay? This whole thing is all a bit odd actually; Robert Sudgen moving in with a random model. Are you and him…?” Clive sticks his tongue into his cheek lewdly and Robert shakes his head at him disapprovingly. Clive knows he’s been with guys before – trust him to jump straight to that conclusion. “Oh, come on! You can’t blame me for thinking that. There’s definitely something simmering there. If you haven’t already, then you want to.”

“It’s nothing to do with you.” Robert tells him dismissively, not wanting Clive to push anything further, especially when Aaron may still be in earshot. “I’m just helping him out following his break-up. We’re friends.”

“With benefits?”

“With nothing.” Robert states, but Clive’s assessment of his relationship with Aaron bothers him. Because they’re not friends with benefits and he doesn’t want them to be. They should be more than that.

“Whatever you say.” Clive says disbelievingly, throwing his hands up in surrender. “I definitely would though. A fit young model, like that? If you don’t snap him up, then someone else will soon enough. Maybe when he’s looking a bit less sick though.”

There are several things about what Clive says that bothers Robert. Firstly, the lecherous way he speaks about Aaron like he’s an object. Secondly the statement about the way Aaron looks at the moment – admittedly he doesn’t look like the picture of health, but the comment makes Robert feel defensive of Aaron anyway. And thirdly, Robert’s main contention is the suggestion that Aaron will be with someone else soon. That can’t happen. He couldn’t bear to see Aaron with someone else.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. The face doesn’t lie, Robert.” Clive tells him with a smug smirk. “Anyway, I’ll leave you both to settle in. That folder has got all the boring stuff in it – Wi-Fi code, how to turn the TV on, blah blah blah.” Clive points to the leather folder he’d brought in with him. “Call me if you need anything… and have fun.”

Clive departs with a nod in the direction of the bedroom that Aaron went into and a filthy wink. Robert narrows his eyes and gives him another disapproving head shake, but he can’t help the small grin that follows it. Finally, he and Aaron are alone, in a home all by themselves.

“Goodbye Clive,” he sing-songs, watching as the front door clicks shut behind him. 

~~~~  
  


Aaron had left early the next morning for his photoshoot. He’d told Robert that he’d be getting up at 7am, but Robert had then been woken up at half past six by the sound of Aaron’s swearing coming from down the hallway. He’d gotten up to find Aaron struggling to open the door to the balcony whilst keeping a cup of black coffee steady in his hand.

Aaron had explained that although he’d just taken his penultimate dose of Librium, he still needed a cigarette to steady his nerves ahead of the shoot. It was part of his pre-shoot routine, supposedly. He’d been a bundle of nervous energy last night too, not being able to settle until Robert had suggested he take a bath and listen to some music. It had seemed to work, as Aaron had come back through to the living room afterwards and fallen asleep just an hour later.

Robert hadn’t wanted to disturb Aaron and wake him from his sleep, so he’d left him on the sofa bundled under a blanket there whilst he’d gone to bed himself. He was a bit disappointed that the opportunity to talk about their relationship hadn’t presented itself, but he could see now that it might have seemed a bit insensitive to immediately want for a heavy discussion just hours after Aaron’s discharge from hospital.

Before Aaron had left the apartment, Robert had had a final check in with him and made sure that he was 100% certain about returning to work. Aaron had dismissed him brusquely, insisting he was fine because _“all I have to do is stand there and have my photo taken.”_ Robert had decided not to push any further, especially when he was met with a sharp and pointed stare from Aaron after offering to drive him to the shoot. A taxi was already on its way, apparently, and Aaron was perfectly capable of sitting in a car by himself for twenty minutes. Nevertheless, Robert had insisted on meeting up with Aaron afterwards and reassured him that he was just at the end of the phone if Aaron wanted to come home.

The shoot was in Soho and Robert had decided to take the tube and walk to meet Aaron. There was something that Robert loved about being in London and, perhaps ironically, Soho was one of his favourite places. Seeing pride flags hanging from buildings and watching as gay couples casually passed by, the whole area just felt so comfortable and relaxed. London on the whole was like that, but Soho was extra special and welcoming. 

Aaron had told Robert to buzz at the studio entrance if he’d not text to tell him he was finished, so Robert follows his instructions now, waiting until he hears the door click and a sharp buzz letting him in. There’s nowhere else to go but a flight of stairs up ahead of him, so he takes them two at a time until he reaches a small reception area with a sofa and chairs in it.

He tells the woman at the reception desk that he’s waiting for Aaron and she nods knowingly at him, saying that Aaron had mentioned that he might arrive before the shoot was finished. She offers him a coffee whilst he waits and he makes himself comfortable on one of the sofas, where he’s perfectly angled to see through a glass pane in the door which leads through to the studio where Aaron is shooting.

The view takes him aback. Just in eyeshot, he can see Aaron laid down on a makeshift bed of cushions and blankets, reclined back similarly to how he was the first time Robert saw him modelling at Home Farm. Only this time, there’s a few notable changes… because Aaron’s wearing nothing but a pair of jeans slung low on his hips and there’s someone else being photographed with him.

It’s a woman. A topless woman, no less. Hovering above Aaron. Robert has to take a second look just to make sure that his eyes aren’t deceiving him. _Nope, definitely not_ … Aaron’s got his left hand tucked just inside the top of her jeans, whilst her own hand is lingering on his thigh. Aaron had told him that he was doing a shoot for a famous denim brand, but he’d never mentioned that there would be a woman involved to.

Aaron’s eyes are focusing beyond him, assumingly in the direction of the photographer. He’s got that smouldering look on his face that Robert loves so much. Through the door, Robert can just make out someone saying something which makes Aaron and the woman laugh before there’s the sound of a camera clicking again. It’s good to see Aaron laugh. He looks chilled out and relaxed, which relieves Robert no end.

The woman stands up, holding out a hand for Aaron to take, and Robert watches as she touches the plaster that’s now covering Aaron’s cut. Aaron nods and says something to her before they get into another position. This time the woman looks to the camera whilst Aaron wraps an arm across her shoulder and looks straight ahead. The photographer takes another shot and the woman dips her hand into Aaron’s now undone jeans.

Robert feels a wave of possession, which he knows is absolutely ridiculous given that Aaron’s gay. He can’t help it though. There’s another feeling, Robert realises somewhat shamefully: he’s more than a little turned on… He laughs to himself. The woman’s beautiful. Aaron’s fit as… If he hadn’t realised that he was bisexual before, then he probably would now.

Aaron catches his eye just as he’s repositioning himself and posing for a final photo with the other model. He looks, well… ridiculously attractive. A little thinner than he did the last time Robert saw him with his top off in Italy, but still incredibly toned. Mouth wateringly so actually. He has a look of Brad Pitt in Fight Club – all rugged and stoic – so fucking hot.

As the camera clicks for a final time, Aaron looks at Robert and raises his eyebrows in a gesture that tells Robert he can come in. As Robert enters, the female model turns in his direction and he gets an unexpected eyeful of her topless torso as she walks towards a table where her and Aaron’s discarded clothes lay. Robert thinks it’s strange that Aaron looks perfectly comfortable about the whole thing, before remembering that he’s obviously used to being around near nakedness whilst shooting.

“Hey,” Aaron beams at Robert as he pulls on a white t-shirt.

The scars on Aaron’s stomach are faintly visible but Robert’s relieved to finally have confirmation that there aren’t any fresh ones. He feels somewhat ashamed that he’d ever doubted Aaron’s repeated insistences in hospital that he’d only cut himself on his arm. Aaron had kept himself covered up throughout his hospital stay, but he seems so at ease with himself now. It seems as though being in front of a camera is much better for his self-esteem than Robert thought possible.

“Hi, how was it?” Robert asks Aaron quietly, not wanting to draw any attention to the fact that Aaron might have struggled with the shoot.

“Yeah, really good.” Aaron nods genuinely, meeting the female model’s eyes. “Especially with Charlie.”

“Aww, he loves me. Don’t you, Aaron?” Charlie throws an arm over Aaron’s shoulders and her brown eyes widen as she looks at Robert. “You must be Robert?”

“That’s me,” Robert replies with a smile, pleased that Charlie’s fully dressed now.

“Well it’s good to meet you. Aaron’s told me that you’ve been helping to get him through the break-up with that bastard. Who will remain nameless,” she adds, ruefully. “I was saying to Aaron, there’s a new bar that’s opened up just down the road if you were looking for somewhere to go and have a drink.”

Robert furrows his brow and looks questioningly at Aaron. Aaron hadn’t mentioned anything about going out after the shoot.

“I thought it could be nice for us to get out after being cooped up for so long,” Aaron explains vaguely, leaving Robert to wonder whether Charlie knows he’s been in hospital. “We don’t have to, I just thought it would be nice.” Aaron adds with a shrug.

“No, definitely. That sounds good.” Robert replies enthusiastically, hoping that they might finally get the chance to talk properly. “Are you free to leave now?”

“Just gotta take these off,” Aaron gestures at the jeans he’d been wearing for the shoot – they fit him perfectly, emphasising every perfect contour of his legs and arse. “Not allowed to take them with me.”

“Shame,” Robert says quietly under his breath as Aaron retrieves his own jeans and disappears behind a clothes rail to change. He’ll have to buy Aaron a pair of those jeans.

Charlie and the photographer are chatting when Aaron comes back. He throws a black bomber jacket on over his t-shirt and calls goodbye to both of them. Robert feels slightly uncomfortable as he sees Charlie and the photographer regarding him and Aaron inquisitively. He waves politely as Aaron holds the door for him.

“Let’s go and check this bar out then,” Aaron says when they’re back outside, reclining against a wall with a hand in his pocket.

“Yeah, let’s.”

~~~~

“Should you be drinking?” Robert asks Aaron as he places two bottles of beer down in front of them.

“I got a non-alcoholic one,” Aaron explains, holding up the bottle to show Robert. “Took my final dose of Librium this afternoon though. I should probably give it a few days before I start drinking again though.”

“Yeah, that’s probably best. So,” Robert takes a sip of his beer and relaxes back in his seat. “How was the shoot?”

“It was great,” Aaron tells him honestly. “Good to get back to normal. Work always makes me forget about everything else and Charlie’s great to work with, so- What?” Aaron asks at Robert’s bemused expression.

“Nothing,” Robert says dismissively with a shake of his hand.

“No, go on.” Aaron says insistently, thinking Robert’s teasing him for some unknown reason.

“No, it’s just- It was just a bit odd seeing you with her, like that…” Robert trails off weirdly.

“Oh,” Aaron’s hit by a wave of realisation. “You mean because she was topless and I wasn’t batting an eyelid?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Robert blushes as he shrugs his shoulders. Bless him.

“Well it’s not the first time I’ve seen them.” Aaron tries to keep his voice as casual as possible, knowing that Robert won’t be expecting such nonchalance. He quietens his voice so that it’s nothing but a teasing whisper. “I’ve seen quite a lot of boobs, you know.”

Robert’s face turns even redder and he clears his throat nervously, the conversation clearly flustering him.

“What did you expect?” Aaron laughs. “We’re all models. I guess we just see each other as bodies. What did you think I’d be doing? Throwing up in the corner?”

“I just didn’t expect you to be so okay with it.” Robert laughs too, clearly trying to hide his embarrassment. 

“I’m only teasing,” Aaron smiles. “Not gonna lie, it can still be weird sometimes, but you get used to it. It’s always easier when you already know the person and I’ve worked with Charlie a few times. She’s gay, I’m gay, so we usually just have a bit of a laugh about it.”

“Right,” Robert nods slowly and takes another sip of his drink. He’s clearly still confused by how unbothered Aaron is by the whole thing. Aaron gets it – he knows how shy and uncomfortable he can appear around other people, but when he’s modelling then it’s a different story. It’s like he’s a more confident version of himself.

“This place is alright, isn’t it?” Aaron asks Robert, trying to make Robert feel more at ease by changing the subject.

“Yeah, it’s really nice.” Robert smiles, looking relieved that he no longer has to talk about Aaron and half-naked women. “Are you not worried, though?”

“About what?” Aaron asks, confused.

“Well, about someone seeing us?” Robert shuffles somewhat nervously.

“Why would I be?” Aaron feels his hackles rising. Does Robert not want them to be seen together?

“I just thought that after everything with Ed then maybe being seen out with me wouldn’t be the best idea.” It sounds like an excuse to Aaron. What’s Ed got to do with this? This was supposed to be about them.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.” Aaron says genuinely, hearing his voice raising. “Do you not want to be seen out with me?”

“No, Aaron. You’re not getting what I mean!” Robert sounds agitated.

Well this is going downhill quickly… Aaron was hoping that they’d have an opportunity to talk about everything, finally. Clearly though, Robert’s not interested in that, more bothered by what other people will think of them instead.

“No, I think I am.” Aaron lowers voice angrily. “Let’s just go back to the apartment then, shall we? Away from everyone else. This was a stupid idea.”

Aaron gets up from the table quickly, leaving his drink untouched. It’s only when Robert’s raced out after him and they’re sat in a taxi heading back to the apartment that Aaron thinks he may have overreacted and not given Robert enough of a chance to explain what he was going on about. His volatility has always been a weakness… But he’d just wanted a relaxing drink with Robert and the chance to feel normal again. Was that really so much to ask for?

Aaron thought that Robert would have understood why he’d suggested them going for a drink. Why had he felt the need to ruin it by mentioning Ed? Did Robert even want them to talk? Aaron had thought that he knew what Robert wanted, but now he’s not sure at all…

~~~~

Robert still feels baffled about what had happened the evening before; one second, they’d been fine and the next, Aaron was storming out for some unknown reason. Robert’s tempted to blame the Librium or Aaron struggling to deal with being out of hospital and ‘back in the real world’, but he feels like there’s something more to it than that.

Aaron had barely said two words to him last night after they’d returned from the bar. He’d gone straight through to his bedroom and only emerged later to get a glass of water. The only time he’d spoken to Robert was when Robert had knocked on his bedroom door and insisted that he check that Aaron didn’t have anything he could cut himself with. And Aaron may have moaned about how dramatic Robert was being, but Robert wasn’t going to take any chances.

Aaron had also briefly spoken to Robert a few hours ago, when he’d left his bedroom and announced that his therapist had squeezed in a last-minute appointment that afternoon. He’d left soon after that and has been gone for over three hours. Robert’s not sure where the therapist is based, so he’s not sure whether to worry about how long Aaron’s been gone for. He’s text him a few times but his messages have remained unread.

It’s a relief when Robert finally hears movement outside the front door, four hours after Aaron left. He’s been on pins for the past hour, worrying that something’s happened to Aaron and not hearing anything from him despite multiple texts and phone calls. He hears Aaron drop his keys and struggle to get the key in the lock before he’s entering the apartment.

Robert immediately knows that there’s something off about Aaron’s behaviour. Aaron stops for a moment when he steps into the living area, as though he’s looking for Robert. Robert watches as Aaron takes a deep breath before taking several large strides across the room and grabbing the back of Robert’s head. It’s the most surprising thing as Aaron crashes their lips together. 

Robert responds enthusiastically, kissing Aaron back and letting all of the built-up passion and sexual frustration let itself loose as Aaron pushes his body roughly against Robert’s own. Aaron’s hand somehow manages to squeeze itself between their two bodies, slipping into Robert’s jeans harshly. It’s shocking, the quick turnaround of Aaron’s behaviour from earlier - the therapy must have done wonders for Aaron. He’s like a completely different person.

Robert groans deeply, pushing back against Aaron’s hand as he continues his manhandling. He bites Aaron’s lip, eliciting a throaty laugh from the other man.

“Yeah, this is what you want, isn’t it?” Aaron asks, but there’s something unfamiliar about his tone.

Robert doesn’t think too much of it, enjoying the fact that they finally seem to be making progress with their relationship. Okay, it’s sex, but it’s something to hold onto. Confirmation, at last, that Aaron definitely wants them to be more than friends.

Aaron seems to read Robert’s mind as he pushes Robert in the direction of his bedroom and all but throws him onto the bed. Aaron lays his body over Robert’s, pushing their crotches together once more. It feels so good that it’s almost overwhelming, leaving Robert unable to do anything but lay there and let Aaron take the lead.

“You want to fuck me, don’t you?” Aaron asks, but there’s that tone once more. It doesn’t sound wanton or sensual. In fact, it sounds spiky and nasty.

As Aaron presses another firm kiss onto Robert’s mouth, Robert realises that beneath Aaron’s musk and cologne and the minty-ness of his breath, there’s the unmistakeable smell of alcohol. Aaron’s moving at a pace that’s hard to keep up with as Robert’s thoughts race. How and why is Aaron drunk?

Aaron’s managed to work Robert’s jeans down from his hips and is mouthing at Robert through his underwear by the time Robert’s able to formulate words.

“Stop, Aaron! Stop!” Robert pushes Aaron’s head away, perhaps a bit too harshly, but this whole situation feels so wrong all of a sudden. It’s completely different to how it was the first time they slept together – Aaron’s like a different person. “What are you doing?”

“You know what I’m doing!” Aaron shouts, looking confused and taken aback. “This is what you want, isn’t it?”

“No, not like this.” Robert shakes his head emphatically. “What’s wrong with you? Are you drunk? Have you taken something?”

“Am I drunk?” Aaron sneers, stumbling as he pushes himself off Robert. “What do you think? Why wouldn’t I be? Drunk and useless and shit. I thought you’d be happy – you can fuck me and I won’t care. That’s what you’ve wanted ever since that first time, isn’t it? I just had to fuck it up and end up in hospital. But I know that that’s why you’ve done all of this. So you can fuck me again, then drop me? Well guess what Robert, I’m not fucking worth it!”

Tears start to well up in Aaron’s eyes as he drunkenly rambles. It’s frightening to see Aaron like this. Robert’s never seen this type of behaviour from him before, never seen this rage and upset. Well, apart from- But surely not?

“What happened at therapy?” Robert asks seriously, but Aaron doesn’t reply. Instead he rolls off the bed and races into the bathroom as Robert follows quickly behind. “You didn’t go, did you? Where have you been Aaron?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Aaron drops to the floor by the toilet, hanging his head above it as saliva drips from his mouth like he’s about to be sick. He shoves Robert away when Robert crouches beside him.

“You’re scaring me. Please tell me where you’ve been Aaron.” Robert pleads. “Do I need to call an ambulance?” He’s not overdosed again, has he? He wouldn’t, surely?

“No,” Aaron laughs harshly, spitting into the toilet bowl. “Unless they can make Ed fuck off and disappear then there’s no point.”

“You’ve seen him, haven’t you?” Robert asks, as realisation dawns on him. He panics as he wonders what could possibly have happened to get Aaron into this state.

“Yeah,” Aaron sniffs, falling against the bathroom sink and wiping his mouth. “And he’s made everything clear to me now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides from another cliffhanger* I'm sorry! But it would have probably taken me another week to write the next part of the story and I didn't want to leave you all waiting. There's good things coming, I promise!
> 
> Btw - who on earth is Clive? I tried to find out if he was a character who was mentioned in the show but couldn't find anything. I love that he seems to pop up in fics all the time! If anyone knows the origins of the elusive Clive then please let me know!


	13. The Next Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tells Robert about what happened between him and Ed, which leads to a much-needed talk between the pair. Finally, they're getting somewhere...

The taste in Aaron’s mouth is… rank. There’s no two ways about it, his breath is disgusting. It takes him a few seconds to remember why it’s so sour and stale, and then the memory hits him like a truck, causing his head to spin more than it is already. He screws his eyes shut tightly against the sunlight streaming in through the crack in his bedroom curtains and wills himself back to sleep, not wanting to have to deal with the repercussions of yesterday’s events just yet.

But despite lying in bed for what feels like minutes but is probably only seconds, Aaron’s mouth is impossibly dry and every time he swallows the scratch in his throat pulls him fully awake again. He dares to open his eyes once more, eagerly spotting an almost full glass of water on his bedside table and reaching clumsily for it. The blurriness of his vision causes him to misjudge the move and send the glass and its contents flying to the floor, making him throw his head back down onto his pillows in frustration.

It’s then that he hears someone startle beside him. In his half-asleep hungover state, he hadn’t realised that there was another body in the bed with him.

“God, I fell asleep, didn’t I?” He hears Robert moan, feeling the other man shift quickly and lay a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay? Have you been sick?”

Aaron wills himself to turn over and is fortunate when the motion doesn’t make him vomit. As he turns, he sees that Robert’s still fully dressed in the clothes he was wearing the day before, sat up against the headboard with his laptop resting on his legs.

“Why’re you not laying down?” Aaron hears himself saying, not realising that he was verbalising his internal thoughts.

“I was trying to stay awake and keep an eye on you. I was worried you’d throw up and choke on it and I wouldn’t realise.” Robert replies worriedly, his concerned expression softening as he squeezes Aaron’s shoulder gently. “But you’re okay, aren’t you? It was just drink, wasn’t it? You didn’t take anything else?”

“No,” Aaron swallows thickly, feeling the guilt and shame rising. “Just whisky.”

Robert takes a deep breath and sighs deeply, shaking his head. “What happened Aaron? Why’d you get yourself into such a state?”

“Can we not do this now? My head’s pounding.” That’s an understatement – it feels like it’s been cleaved in two. “I need some water.”

Aaron makes to get up, despite everything in his body screaming at him not to, but Robert stops him in his tracks by moving his hand from Aaron’s shoulder to his chest.

“Stay there, you silly thing.” Robert says, his voice lighter now, like he’s relieved that Aaron’s awake and unharmed. “I’ll get it for you.”

Aaron doesn’t protest, wrapping the duvet around himself instead and hiding his head beneath it, whilst waiting for Robert to return. Robert must have undressed him last night, as he’s only wearing a t-shirt and his boxers - he thinks he has a vague memory of sitting on the edge of the bed whilst Robert struggled to get his jeans off. He’s still trying to remember exactly what happened when Robert returns carrying a tray with two cups of tea and a plate of buttered toast.

“Got you the water too, don’t worry.” Robert smiles softly as Aaron pops his head out from underneath the covers.

“Thank you,” Aaron takes the glass of water and gulps half of it down greedily, feeling the coldness travelling down his throat and into his stomach.

The thought of food isn’t very appealing, but it hasn’t really been for weeks now and he barely ate anything yesterday, which probably isn’t helping with how terrible he feels right now. He reluctantly picks up a piece of the hot toast, nibbling at the corner of it. It’s nicer than he’s expecting - Robert’s made it just how he likes it, almost burned with plenty of butter.

“Shall I put something on?” Robert offers, smiling like he’s watching a young child and gesturing to his laptop.

“I guess. What time is it?” Aaron asks, not sure if his head can cope with looking at the glare of his phone screen to find out the answer.

“Just gone eight.” Robert tells him, typing away on his laptop and bringing up an episode of Top Gear.

That means he must have been asleep for over twelve hours – he can’t remember the last time he slept for so long. But hold on, Robert said he’d been trying to stay awake- “Did you stay up all night?”

“Tried to,” Robert says casually, like it’s a completely normal thing to stay awake for almost twenty-four hours. “I must have fallen asleep around four.”

“Why didn’t you just sleep?” Aaron groans, feeling mortified at Robert staying up for him.

“I already told you. I wanted to keep an eye on you. It’s fine,” Robert tells him dismissively. “I needed to catch up on some work.”

Aaron’s doubtful about how true that is. The fact that Robert didn’t feel like it was safe for him to fall asleep in case something happened to Aaron makes him not only feel guilty, but worried too. He must have been an absolute mess if Robert thought that it was possible for him to throw up and not be woken up by it.

He can’t really remember much about the previous day; the last thing that he can remember clearly is leaving a pub and stumbling out into a taxi… Then the shouting and the crying when he returned to the apartment. He feels furious now, not only at Ed because of what he said about Robert, but also at himself for listening to his ex-boyfriend’s words in the first place.

“And look,” Robert starts talking again and turns the volume down on his laptop, breaking Aaron from his thoughts. “I know that you don’t want to talk yet, but I just need to know one thing, because it’s been going around and around in my head all night. Did I _do_ something?”

“What do you mean?” Aaron’s confused by what Robert’s asking, his mind still stuck on thoughts of Ed’s vitriolic speech about Robert.

“To make you think that all I wanted from you was sex?” Robert says every word slowly and carefully, like he’s bracing himself for a response that he doesn’t want to hear.

Aaron’s not too sure how to answer the question, because Ed’s words didn’t influence a belief that Aaron already had because of anything that Robert had done, but rather what he hadn’t done. He feels frustrated at himself for always focusing on the negatives of any situation, rather than allowing himself to see the positives. Robert’s done so much for him, been there for him, slept with him in a way that was more passionate than Ed or any other man ever had done. Yet despite that, all Aaron’s brain had been occupied with was the fact that Robert had never made a move to tell him what he wanted going forwards.

He knows that it’s beyond hypocritical to feel that way, because he’s not exactly made any attempts to discuss their relationship either. He’s been vague in his conversations with Robert, never wanting to take the first step and initiate a discussion for fear of rejection. Why had he allowed himself to listen to Ed’s words and let them twist his thoughts into something so insidious and nasty, rather than just talking to Robert before jumping to conclusions?

Aaron pulls apart the last piece of toast, thinking of the best way to reply. He hears Robert huff out breath and looks up to see him shaking his head.

“I did, didn’t I?” Robert asks despairingly, furrowing his brow.

“No, no, you didn’t.” Aaron replies quickly, resisting the urge to reach out and touch Robert when his brain tells him he’s a fool for wanting to do so. “It’s just… why wouldn’t you?”

“What? Only want you for sex? Is that what you think of me?”

Robert sounds simultaneously hurt and concerned, and Aaron’s struck by how sad he looks. He wishes that they were having this conversation in a different context – he’d wanted it to happen when they went to the bar after his photoshoot, when they were both happy and relaxed, not when he had a screaming hangover and the voice of Ed echoing away sinisterly in his brain. 

“Of course not!” Aaron raises his voice, regretting it when the exertion stabs at his brain. “I know that you’re not like that.”

“Well then, why? I’ve done nothing but be here for you and then what? All of a sudden you decide that it just means nothing?” Robert takes a deep, heavy breath to compose himself. “Sorry, you said you wanted to do this later. I’m getting annoyed. I’ll just-” Robert raises his hands in surrender and gets up.

“It was Ed!” Aaron shouts again in a desperate attempt to stop Robert from leaving. “He made me think that!”

“You went to see him, didn’t you? Why would you do that?” Robert turns and sits back down on the bed.

He might feel like his head is about to explode, but Aaron doesn’t feel like it’s fair to keep Robert wondering about what happened. The previous day’s events keep replaying in his mind. He feels sick when he vaguely remembers pushing Robert down onto the bed he’s lying in now, rough and uncaring, the complete opposite of how he wanted it to be if they ever slept together again. Robert didn’t deserve that.

So, he pushes himself up gingerly in bed and prepares to tell Robert what happened, urging the other man to listen to him and let him get to the end of the story before interrupting.

~~~~

_**The Day Before:** _

Aaron had decided to walk to his appointment to see his therapist, hoping that he could remain relatively incognito if he took side streets. The problem with being in London immediately after Ed’s affair was revealed was that the press always seemed to be able to find out where he was. That’s why he’d returned to Emmerdale to stay with his mum in the first place. But now, thanks to Robert making all of the arrangements for their return to London, nobody knew where he was, and he was really grateful for that.

He’s looking forward to therapy, which might be a weird sentiment to have, but it’s the only thing that he trusts to have the ability to clear his head. Sure, it can be torturous at first, having to relive the events that have brought him to his therapist’s office in the first place, but it’s one of the only places he trusts to be able to fully express himself without judgement or worry. Sure, Robert’s great to talk to, but their relationship means that any opening up comes with an aftermath of worry or concern.

As he walks, Aaron’s thinking about the previous day and the way that he’s been off with Robert ever since they left the bar. He’s sure that his addled mind just misread everything, but at the time he’d thought that Robert just didn’t want to be seen out with him. He can see now that Robert was probably trying to protect him. But he’s stubborn, and he doesn’t find it easy to relent and admit to his mistakes.

And to add to his annoyance, Robert checking his room for blades had really pissed him off. If he wanted to sabotage his progress then he’d have done it already – hell, he’d just spent days in hospital with access to plenty of stuff to hurt himself with if he’d wanted to. The more he thinks about everything, feeling his anger and frustration rise, the more that he realises he needs this therapy session as soon as possible.

Aaron’s about ten minutes away from his therapist’s office when a call comes through from her secretary. She’s incredibly apologetic, but apparently there’s been an emergency crisis and she won’t be able to make the appointment. She can do a Zoom meeting later on, but nothing in person. Aaron’s gutted and feels a frisson of panic. He’d put so much on having the session, basically planned his day around it, that to have it cancelled so suddenly has put him into freefall.

He asks the secretary for a second, biting his lip in an attempt to stop himself from screaming with frustration, before composing himself and kindly telling her that it’s not a problem, and accepting a rescheduled appointment on Monday. Ending the phone call, he feels at a loss. He doesn’t want to go back to the apartment – he wanted to clear his head with a therapy session. So instead, he decides to walk around London some more, maybe take a stroll through Hyde Park or one of his other favourite spots. 

Aaron lets his legs take him on their own decided journey. He knows London pretty well by now, but as he’s walking and listening to music (‘Indie shit’, as Robert teasingly calls it) then he finds the streets becoming more familiar. And as he takes another turn, he realises that he’s at the end of the street that Ed’s apartment is on.

It’s strange being back here now – he can remember the first time Ed brought him here and the excitement he’d felt. It was one of the fanciest streets he’d ever seen: tall, white imposing buildings, so quintessential of London, combined with the occasional modern renovation. And it had been theirs – their home together. He takes a seat on a bench in a square park at the end of the road, rolling a cigarette whilst staring down the street and thinking of the life he once had. London had seemed so full of promise and security when he’d first moved here, now that all feels like it’s been ruined by a man he once loved.

As if conjured up by his mind, Ed appears suddenly, emerging from a taxi. He looks like he hasn’t got a care in the world, all puffed up and confident. It stings Aaron. But what hurts more, like acid in an open wound, is seeing another man follow him out and into the apartment building. The other man laughs, and Ed puts a hand on his lower back as he holds the door open for him.

Aaron doesn’t recognise the man, but they certainly look cosy. There are all sorts of scenarios running through his mind and they keep him occupied until he sees the man leave fifteen minutes later. He strolls down the street towards Aaron, and Aaron keeps his head down in an attempt to avoid being seen by him.

There’s something in Aaron that propels him up and towards the apartment building once the man is out of sight. He’s still got his keys, which will at least get him into the main building. Before he knows it, he’s inside the building, up in the lift, and stood outside the front door of the apartment. He debates knocking but something tells him that Ed will refuse to let him in, so he unlocks the door instead, surprised that Ed’s not changed the locks, and is hit instantly by the familiar smell of air freshener that sprays into the hallway every half an hour.

He walks down the hallway towards the kitchen, wondering how many times he’s taken the same steps. Early morning, making coffee and drinking it on the balcony; late in the evening, watching films together and sharing stories of their day. It’s like nostalgia, but it’s tainted, because he knows that Connor’s been here too, probably doing the very same things.

Did they laugh about him, he wonders? Foolish, naïve Aaron, ignorant to his boyfriend’s cheating. Did Connor enjoy every second he spent here, playing the mistress? Aaron’s filled with rage, all of a sudden. The last thing he wants is to have Ed back, but that doesn’t stop the hurt. The life he’d built up has been shattered. Ed has ruined everything.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Ed’s voice booms out from the other end of the hallway, from the direction of the bedroom. He sounds angry, yet surprised, wearing nothing but a pair of tracksuit bottoms.

Aaron’s struck by the inability to speak, not knowing what to tell Ed. Because he really isn’t sure why he’s here. Did he want to torture himself some more? No, he’s had enough of doing that to last a lifetime. No, he came for confrontation. He’s stronger now than he was when the break-up first happened, and he wants to give Ed a piece of his mind.

“I won’t ask again.” Ed states coldly. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Ed speaks to him like he’s nothing but a trespasser, as though he’s forgotten all of their history. The rage inside Aaron builds. How dare Ed treat him like he’s nothing.

“I just came to get some of my stuff,” Aaron’s brain provides, strangely composed.

It’s not exactly a lie. He’d been back at the apartment briefly when he and Ed first split up but hadn’t been able to take much with him because he’d been so desperate to get out as soon as possible.

“And you couldn’t call beforehand?” Ed asks accusingly.

“I was in the area,” Aaron tells him, gritting his teeth. “Not a problem, is it?”

“Whatever. Help yourself. I’ve not really been here so most of your stuff will be where you left it.”

Ed steps aside to let Aaron into the bedroom, putting a t-shirt on before heading towards the kitchen. As Aaron looks around the room, all he can think about is Connor being in it: in the bed, looking out of the window at a view that Aaron had fallen in love with the second he first saw it, probably going through Aaron’s things when Ed wasn’t looking. It brings a wave of panic rushing through him and he gets the strongest craving for Librium that he’s had since he left the hospital. He’d love nothing more than to be able to numb himself right now.

He has to sit down on the bed to ground himself, telling himself how terrible Librium is and reminding himself that the last time he’d taken it then he’d ended up in hospital. Librium is not the answer anymore. He just needs to get out of here and back to the safety of Robert as soon as possible.

It’s then that Ed appears at the doorway, looking at Aaron strangely and holding up a bottle of expensive whisky like it’s a peace offering.

“Sorry for being a dick when you came in.” Ed says genuinely. “I know that you probably hate me, but how about a drink? Old times sake and all that?”

Aaron knows that he should say no, but something stirs in him and half of his brain is telling him to accept. There’re questions that he wants, no needs, to be answered. And he’s not going to lie to himself and deny that he wouldn’t welcome some alcohol to calm his anxiety right now either. So, he accepts the drink, following Ed towards the kitchen and watching as he pours generous measures into two short crystal glasses.

Ed raises his glass as if to cheers with him, then thinks better of it. Aaron bites his lip anticipatingly, waiting for Ed to say something.

“So, how are you?” Ed asks, before catching himself and looking down ashamedly. “Stupid question.”

“Just a bit.” Aaron bites back. 

“I wanted to apologise-”

“You already have,” Aaron interrupts. “Several times.”

“Not for the cheating.” Ed stops himself like he’s realised what he’s just said. “Although, I am sorry about that, obviously. I meant for you having to film that statement.”

Aaron huffs out a bitter laugh. “Just wanted to add to my humiliation, did you?”

“It was out of my control!” Ed raises his voice slightly.

Aaron knows that voice – it’s the one that Ed always uses when he’s spoiling for a fight.

“Right,” Aaron rolls his eyes. “Course it was.”

“It really was, Aaron. I could’ve lost my job, my livelihood, if anyone believed that stupid story.”

“But you and your agent couldn’t have thought of anything better than blackmailing me?”

“Not my fault you were taking drugs.” Ed taunts cockily, like he’s just won a point in a competition.

“I wasn’t!” Aaron shouts angrily, because Ed doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about. “Not like that anyway.”

“You know what,” Ed takes a sip of his drink and takes a long look at Aaron. “It’s nothing to do with me anymore, is it?”

That really rubs Aaron up the wrong way, because Ed seems quite happy to wash his hands of everything despite him being the sole reason for Aaron taking the pills in the first place.

“It is actually.” Aaron begins, not prepared to accept Ed’s dismissal. “You humiliated me, carrying on with Connor for god knows how long. It’s not even had any impact on you, has it?”

“Hasn’t it?” Ed asks, affronted. “I’ve been suspended from the team, accused of abusing you. You nearly ruined my career!”

“You did all that by yourself! You think that this hasn’t had any impact on you? I’ve been in hospital for fuck’s sake.” Aaron regrets what he’s just told Ed the second that the words have left his mouth.

“No, you haven’t.” Ed swallows his mouthful of whisky and furrows his brow for a moment. Aaron’s sure that he can see a flash of worry and concern on his face.

“You seriously think that I’d lie about something like that?” Aaron questions, surprised that Ed would even consider it a possibility. He never wanted Ed to find out about the hospitalisation, but he’ll be damned if Ed doesn’t believe him.

“Because you cut yourself again?” Ed looks him in the eye and Aaron knows that the expression on his face is enough to confirm Ed’s suspicions. “For fuck’s sake, Aaron! Why can’t you just cope with things like a normal human being?”

Aaron can’t believe what he’s just heard. He’s speechless. Ed’s never sounded so uncaring before. The shock of Ed’s response is enough to get Aaron to drain his glass and slam it down so hard on the kitchen counter that he hopes it shatters.

“Fuck you. I should have known you’d react like that. I’m just gonna get my stuff and go. Leave you and your new bloke to it.”

Ed scoffs, laughing cruelly. “You’re one to talk, aren’t you? Or are you still pretending that Robert Sugden’s just a friend?”

“He is a friend.” Aaron tells him defensively. Ed’s entering dangerous territory now if he’s going to start talking about Robert.

“Course he is!” Ed says disbelievingly. “Oh, I bet he’s been loving playing the hero in all this. You know he’s just using you, don’t you?”

Aaron detests the tone that Ed’s adopted. It’s so condescending. Which is ironic, given that he knows nothing about Robert. But that doesn’t mean that his words have no impact. There’s a familiar frisson of doubt that passes through Aaron in response to what Ed’s just said and it makes his skin itch so much that he pours more whisky into his discarded glass and downs it in one. He probably shouldn’t have more; his body might not know how to handle it.

“You know nothing about Robert,” Aaron spits, surprised by the venom in his tone “Nothing.”

“I know enough about men like Robert Sugden to know what he’s like. You think that he cares about you? I can guarantee that he’ll drop you as soon as he gets what he wants. You’re a decent lay, Aaron, I’ll give you that. Once Robert’s seen that then I’m sure he’ll keep you around for a bit. But don’t get it into your head that he wants anything more than that.”

Aaron can feel his brow furrowing with hurt and confusion and tries to straighten it out in an attempt to show Ed that his words aren’t having any impact. He can’t understand why Ed’s being so… nasty. He’s speaking so matter-of-factly but doesn’t seem to have any regard for how hurtful he’s being. Aaron tries to think of a decent retort but all he can think up is. “Why do you care?”

“I still care about you, Aaron.”

Aaron laughs at that, because he can’t think of anything further from the truth. “Really? That’s why you cheated on me?”

“Come on, you and I both know that we wouldn’t have been together that much longer. We’ve barely seen each other in the past few months because you were always working away-”

“And you weren’t as well?” Aaron interrupts, because if Ed’s going to try and blame him then he’s going to fight back.

“If you’d let me finish.” Ed grits his teeth and shakes his head at Aaron like he’s an annoying child. “I was going to say that whenever we did see each other then you were usually so wrapped up in yourself, worrying about the work you’d just done or the next shoot you had, stressing about how you weren’t good enough, trying to avoid a mental breakdown. It was draining, okay? Sue me for wanting a bit of fun.”

“And ‘fun’ was fucking a prostitute, was it?”

Aaron’s fists clench in response to what Ed’s just said. He doesn’t feel like that’s how their relationship was. But there’s another part of him that wonders if that was the case. Maybe he was just naïve. Maybe he was difficult to be with. Maybe Robert’s starting to think the same way – he couldn’t be blamed if he did, given that all Aaron’s really shown him is how unstable he can be.

He can’t cope with being in the same room as Ed any longer, sharing the same air with him. He can tell that he’s about to lose it and then Ed probably wouldn’t hesitate in getting him arrested for assault if he did anything. He needs to get out as soon as possible so he scrapes his chair back against the expensive kitchen floor tiles, remembering how Ed always used to berate him for doing that and gets to the front door of the apartment as quickly as possible.

“Oh, and there he goes! Running away when he can’t handle the truth.”

“Fuck you.” Aaron growls. “What happened to you?”

Ed ignores the question, smirking at Aaron instead. “I can see it in your face that you know I’m telling the truth. I really hope that you come to your senses about Robert sooner rather than later.”

~~~~

Robert can’t believe what Aaron’s just told him. He’s never thought much of Ed, but he can’t understand why he’d treat Aaron in the way that he did yesterday, after everything he’d already put him through.

“So, did you go and drink more?” Robert asks Aaron. “You seemed so out of it yesterday.”

“Went to a pub and drunk a bit more. Dunno if it hit me more because of the withdrawal. I know I shouldn’t have done. I’m paying for it now, believe me.”

Aaron looks so small and vulnerable in the bed that Robert wants to scoop him into his arms, hug him and tell him that he’s so much more than Ed has made him feel. Why would Ed want to harm him like that?

“You know that Ed was talking rubbish, don’t you?” Robert has to tell Aaron how he feels now - he can’t wait any longer. “I really like you, Aaron. Like, properly like you. If I just wanted sex then we wouldn’t be here now. I would have left you at the hospital and that would have been that.”

Robert’s worried when Aaron doesn’t react, staring ahead out of the window instead.

“Really?” Aaron asks Robert quietly.

“Really.” Robert reaches out and takes one of Aaron’s hands, gripping it tightly. “I know that we’ve done everything the wrong way around. I wish that you hadn’t ended up in hospital. Because if you hadn’t then I’d have spoken to you the day after we slept together and told you that you mean more to me than that.”

“So, what are you saying?” Aaron sounds apprehensive. “Do you want to be with me?”

Robert’s not really thought that part through fully. He’s not sure if the best thing for them is to jump straight into a full-blown relationship. But if not that, then what? They’ve known each other for a while now and the last thing he wants is for them to be friends with benefits.

“Yeah,” he says, annoyed at the hint of hesitation in his voice. He knows why it’s there, and if Aaron’s being honest and open with him then he owes Aaron the same. “It’s just, I’ve never, you know, been with a man,” he tells Aaron finally. “Not in a relationship, I mean.”

“I kind of figured that.” Aaron rolls his eyes teasingly. “Having a boyfriend’s not really any different to having a girlfriend though. Is it a problem for you?”

“No, it’s just.” Robert pauses. Just what? The final confirmation that he’s absolutely, one hundred per cent bisexual? Not like ones of those guys who sleeps with men but still insists they’re straight? Does it make him uncomfortable? Perhaps, a little bit. “I don’t wanna mess it up. None of my relationships in the past have been very meaningful. I want us to be together, but I’m worried I’ll not be a very good boyfriend.”

His admittance evokes a laugh from Aaron. “If what you’ve done for me so far is anything to go by then I think you’ll be a pretty good one. We don’t have to label things if you don’t want to…”

Aaron trails off and Robert can tell from the look on his face that he’s still thinking about what Ed said to him, and probably thinking that he was right. But Robert’s not going to let his own cowardice and uncertainty dictate his actions anymore. He knows what he wants, even if he’s scared to admit it. 

“No.” He says firmly. “I want this. I want you, and us… together.”

Aaron starts smiling, then bites his lip to stifle it. “Will you be my boyfriend, Robert?” He asks the question like a teenager asking out their first crush and Robert can’t help but smile fondly in response.

“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend, Aaron.” The words sound so surreal as they come out of his mouth, but he can’t ignore how _right_ they sound. Him and a man… in a relationship… Aaron and Robert, together at last. “Can I kiss you now?”

Aaron doesn’t reply, pulling Robert towards him with a hand on the back of his head and kissing him deeply instead. It’s unlike any of the kisses they’ve had before. This one feels like it means so much more. It’s tender and loving and Robert can’t help but smile through it, moving his hand to stroke at the nape of Aaron’s neck. He can see a whole future ahead of them in that moment and it just feels… right.

“I’ve been waiting to do that for a while.” Aaron tells him, smiling shyly as they part.

“Me too.” Robert admits, before adding regretfully. “I wish I’d told you how I felt sooner.”

“There’s not really been a right time though, has there? With all my shit going on…”

Robert sees that look on Aaron’s face once more; the one that suggests he’s thinking about what Ed said to him the day before.

“Hey, try to forget about what _he_ said, okay? You were struggling to cope with an awful situation. You haven’t felt draining to me, at all. Not once. And I want you to feel like you can always talk to me if you’re ever struggling with things again.”

“I do,” Aaron tells him sincerely. “Thanks Rob.”

“Listen, I told Vic that I was going to meet her for brunch. Why don’t you try to get a bit more sleep and then we can spend the rest of the day together?”

“Sounds good. My head’s still spinning a bit.”

“Well, make sure you keep drinking plenty of water too. I’m just going to get a shower, okay?”

Aaron yawns, stretching his arms up high above his head. Robert’s so tempted to stay with him but there’s something more pressing that he needs to do first. He kisses Aaron gently before he goes, looking forward to being back with him as soon as possible.

~~~~

Telling Aaron that he was going to see Victoria was a tiny white lie as far as Robert was concerned. He’d made the plans to meet up with her a couple of days ago, but after what Aaron had told him about Ed then he’d changed his mind and decided to cancel their brunch lunch and visit a different part of London instead.

He feels uncertain as he stands outside the apartment building, worrying about how Aaron will react when he finds out what he’s done. But the thing is, he can’t let Ed get away with filling Aaron’s head with nonsense and trying to sabotage their relationship. After everything that Ed’s done, he’s the one who needs to be knocked down a peg or two, not Aaron.

Robert’s note sure if Ed’s going to answer to him. There’s a video intercom system at the front door and after ringing the buzzer a couple of times there’s still no response. He decides to get a bit more insistent and aggressive, so that Ed can’t ignore him even if he wants to, holding down the buzzer for thirty seconds at a time. Eventually the buzzing stops and Ed’s voice startles him.

“What do you want, Robert?” He hears Ed’s voice coming through the small, tinny speaker.

“I’m sure you can guess why I’m here. Can you let me in, please?” Robert asks in a way which he tries to keep firm, yet calm. He’s sure that if Ed detects too much anger then he won’t let him in, and Robert’s not about to start forcing his way in through a solid glass door.

The sound of the buzzer going and door clicking open is confirmation that Ed’s let him in, so Robert slips in quickly, goes up in the lift, and finds Ed waiting by the open front door to his apartment. He’s got his arms folded across his chest like he’s already annoyed.

“Did he send you?” Ed asks, barely taking a step back and forcing Robert to squeeze between him and the door frame.

Robert’s not ashamed to admit that he’s always found Ed a little intimidating – he’s got the classic rugby player’s physique and looks like he wouldn’t struggle to win in a fight between them. His presence is imposing, but Robert’s determined to stay his ground and say what needs to be said.

“No, he doesn’t know I’m here.”

“Right.” Ed raises an eyebrow. “Good to know that there’s trust in your relationship.”

Robert decides to ignore the sarcastic comment, bracing himself for the upcoming argument that he’s sure he’s going to have with Ed. He decides not to hesitate and launches straight into things with him.

“Why, after everything you’ve done, did you decide to make Aaron feel even more shit about himself that he does already?”

“Oh, so that’s why you’re here? Aaron came crying back to you and you’re here to defend him.”

“No, I’m here to ask why you’re still interfering when he’s nothing to do with you anymore.”

“Uh, he came to see me? I didn’t ask him to come. Look Robert, I was just trying to warn him about the inevitable. You think you know him but take it from someone who was with Aaron for years, he’s unstable. Sure, it’ll seem all sweetness and light with him at first but give it a few months and you’ll start to see what I saw in him a long time ago.”

“You’re so wrong about him.” Robert’s retort sounds weak, but he perseveres. “He loved you and you threw it all away because you wanted some fun on the side. You never deserved him. You stay away from him from now on.”

“Fine by me. It makes no odds to me, either way. You want to take his stuff while you’re here? I’ve packed it up already.”

“Right,” Robert laughs to himself casually, shocked by how nonchalant Ed’s being.

“What?” Ed questions. “Something funny?”

“No, it’s just… I can’t believe how little you seem to care.”

“Robert,” Ed starts condescendingly. “You know so little about me, or Aaron for that matter. We were only ever meant to be a bit of fun, then it got more serious. The same will probably happen with you and him. I don’t know why you’re wasting your time with him.”

“Because he’s-” Robert begins to speak, but then stops himself. He’s not going to give Ed any more fuel. He’s starting to feel like it was a bad idea to come here, so he looks Ed up and down instead. “God, I’ve got no idea what he ever saw in you.”

“What, a fit rugby player who listened to all of his problems and pretty much got him his first modelling job? What do you think you can give him that I couldn’t?”

“Well I won’t cheat on him for starters.”

“Oh, Robert. You’ll be tempted to I’m sure, when you get tired of being a part-time therapist as well as his boyfriend. If you ever want something discrete then…”

Robert almost can’t believe his eyes as Ed takes a step towards him, raising an eyebrow suggestively. He’s not seriously implying that- Robert can’t believe him.

“You’re disgusting.” He tells Ed, squaring up to Ed and gritting his teeth. “You stay away from us.”

“Whatever you say.” Ed raises his hands in defeat. “You know where I am if you change your mind though.”

Robert’s quick to leave after that, surprised at the way his heart’s hammering in his chest. He grabs Aaron’s stuff swiftly, leaving the apartment without a second look back at Ed. There was so much more that he wanted to say to him, but he realises that he’d have just been wasting his time. Ed doesn’t seem to care about what he’s done at all. It’s unnerved Robert slightly, and he thinks about it during the whole journey in the taxi back to Aaron.

~~~~

Robert’s hoping that Aaron will still be asleep by the time he returns, so he’s incredibly surprised to find Aaron up and about, doing push-ups against the kitchen counter. He can’t help but stop and watch Aaron for a few seconds, admiring the muscles of his arms, before interrupting.

“What on earth are you doing?”

“Need to get back into my routine.” Aaron tells him breathlessly, taking a long sip of water. “I’m not up for going back to the gym yet, so this’ll have to do for now.”

“Even though you’ve got a hangover?”

“It grounds me,” Aaron admits. “You best get used to it, eh? Is that my stuff?”

“Yeah,” Robert replies as Aaron clocks the suitcases that he’d brought in with him. “I might have been to Ed’s and got them for you.”

“Why would you do that?” Aaron asks, and Robert’s stomach lurches with anticipation as he detects infuriation in Aaron’s voice.

“Because after what happened yesterday, I don’t want you to have to see him again unless you absolutely have to.” Robert debates his next admission but knows that honesty is key when it comes to his and Aaron’s relationship going forward. “I need to tell you something about that too. Ed kind of made a move on me.”

“He what?”

“Yeah, not properly or anything, but he suggested it. Said that if I wanted some fun then he’d be up for it.”

Aaron’s face falls and Robert wishes he hadn’t said anything. “I’m a mug, aren’t I? You think you know someone and then they just…” Aaron trails off.

“It’s not your fault. He’s just an arsehole. Listen, you don’t need to ever see him again if you don’t want to. Let’s just try and forget about him, eh? Hopefully I got everything from there. All you need to focus on from now on is us.”

Robert takes a bold step towards Aaron, resting his hands on the other man’s hips and stroking his thumbs over his hip bones through his thin jogging bottoms. He marvels at the feeling of Aaron’s body, so warm and toned - he can’t wait to get his hands on it properly again. Aaron shivers and tries to get away from him.

“Tickles,” he mumbles, trying to mirror the movement on Robert’s own hips. They stand there for a couple of minutes, just looking at each other, until Aaron stops with a wince. “God, my head.”

“Let’s get you back to bed.” Robert steers him towards the bedroom, watching as Aaron lies down.

“You joining me?” Aaron raises an eyebrow suggestively.

“Not for that!” Robert tells him seriously, thinking that there’s plenty of time for that later. But the lack of sleep has suddenly caught up with him and he wouldn’t mind lying down for a bit himself.

“I didn’t say that, did I? Maybe we can just chill for a bit?”

“Sure,” Robert smiles, sitting on the edge of the bed to take off his shoes. He knows that he’ll be uncomfortable in bed with his shirt and jeans on, but he doesn’t exactly want to strip off, especially when Aaron’s still fully dressed too. So instead, he gets under the duvet still fully clothed.

Robert stays that way for fifteen minutes, finishing the episode of Top Gear that they’d started earlier that morning, until he starts to feel uncomfortable. Aaron’s body is so warm beside his and he feels stuffy in his shirt and jeans.

“Just take them off,” he hears Aaron say frustratedly beside him when he wriggles again. “I’ll do the same, if you like?”

Robert looks at Aaron seriously, narrowing his eyes at him and wondering if this is some kind of test, a way of seeing whether he was telling the truth when he said that he was serious about them being in a relationship.

“For god’s sake, Rob.” Aaron’s voice breaks him from his thoughts. “If we’re doing this then we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other’s bodies. You don’t need to be shy around me. Look,” Aaron pulls himself up in bed and takes his t-shirt off, throwing it on the floor. “Not difficult is it.”

“Fine,” Robert concedes, slowly undoing the buttons of his shirt. He feels like he’s being watched and looks up to see Aaron’s eyes concentrating on every move he makes. Aaron’s eyes meet his and he grins shyly and knowingly. “Jeans too?”

“I don’t see why not. They’re too stiff to be comfortable, surely?”

Robert relents further, trying to ignore the way that the whole thing seems vaguely sexual. Aaron’s still watching his every move as he shucks off his jeans.

“Better?” Aaron asks, removing his own tracksuit bottoms.

It’s strange for Robert to finally be almost naked in bed with Aaron again. Although there’s definitely a sexual feeling there, which he’s sure that Aaron can feel too, he’s surprised when there’s no strong desire to act on it. He just wants to lie with Aaron and feel their bodies close together.

He feels himself smile as Aaron comes closer to him, leaning gently against his chest. Aaron’s skin is warm and soft, and he finds himself wrapping an arm around him without thinking, pulling Aaron in closely against him. He feels content, he realises. Finally, after so long, he’s got Aaron right where he wants him to be.

“So, I was thinking,” Aaron starts ten minutes later, just as Robert’s starting to drift off. “I’ve got to go to the fragrance launch event on Monday. You know, the one that I was shooting the ad for at Home Farm? I was thinking that we could maybe go together?”

“Like our first proper date?” Robert asks sleepily.

“I guess. Not very romantic though, is it?”

“I might have already been invited, actually.” Robert admits. “It seems as though all of the interest in me and you has made me more popular... My agent emailed me earlier and said I’d been given a last-minute invite.”

“Well, it’s meant to be then, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Robert was bracing himself for more a tense response from Aaron, worrying that it would seem like he was benefitting from Aaron’s suffering. Aaron doesn’t seem to care though, which is a relief. “Sounds good to me. Will I get to see you in that tweed suit again?” He asks Aaron hopefully.

“You should be so lucky.” Aaron flirts back. “No, I’ve been sent some jeans from the brand I did the denim shoot for. Thought I’d wear those, considering how much you seemed to enjoy checking me out in them.”

God, Robert clearly hadn’t been as discrete as he thought he’d been. That sounds perfect to him though – he’s struggled to get the image of Aaron’s arse in those jeans out of his head, so the opportunity to see him in them again is a far more tantalising prospect than it probably should be.

“I’m not going to deny it.” He tells Aaron simply. “Bring on Monday night, then.”

~~~~

“You ready for this?” Robert asks him nervously.

They’re sat in a taxi outside the venue for the fragrance launch. It’s not a huge event, no red carpet or anything like that, but as usual there are photographers hanging around outside. Aaron had had a bit of a wobble earlier in the day, worried about how he’d cope with being in the public eye for the first time since being in hospital, but some kind and reassuring words from Robert had helped no end.

“I am. What about you?” He asks Robert.

Aaron can tell that Robert’s nervous from the way he keeps fiddling with his hair and smoothing down his shirt. He looks gorgeous tonight, wearing jeans and a shirt with a blazer over it, his blonde hair messy yet styled. Aaron still can’t believe that they’re actually together now – he wants to keep pinching himself. 

“Good,” Robert nods but it’s not convincing as he takes a deep heavy breath.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to?”

Aaron can understand why Robert might be nervous. He can still remember the first time that he went to an event with Ed – he’d had to drink so much before because of how worried he was. But then Aaron thinks that Robert’s apprehensiveness is less to do with going to a public event together, but rather the fact that this will be his first proper date with a man.

Their sexuality had been something that Aaron supposes they’d bonded over when they’d first met. He completely understands, and remembers, the strange feeling it elicits when you finally admit who you are and accept every part of yourself. It’s part excitement and happiness, and part terror and worry. So, if Robert’s experiencing that same feeling then it’s no wonder he looks as though he’s debating whether to order the taxi driver to take him back to the apartment.

“No, I want to do this.” Robert smiles suddenly, looking as though he’s just had a strong internal word with himself, and lays his hand on Aaron’s thigh. “This is all just a bit…” He throws a hand up as if trying to find the right word.

“New?” Aaron offers.

“Yeah,” Robert quietly admits. “And I don’t want us going to this thing together to change anything.”

“Why would it? You know that I want this, Rob.”

“I know you do, but it’s just the press. I don’t want us to have to deal with the pressure of our relationship being the public eye, just yet.”

Robert’s speaking quietly, but Aaron can see the taxi driving looking at them in the rear-view mirror, probably wondering why they haven’t gotten out yet.

“I know. I feel the same. As long as you can keep your hands to yourself this evening then I think we’ll be fine.” Aaron winks, and Robert flushes slightly. “Come on, let’s do this.”

Aaron decides to take the lead. He’s closest to the entrance of the building and the photographers all turn as he exits from the car, getting so close to him that it’s suffocating. They’re shouting his name and he’s sure he can hear a few of them asking questions about Robert too. It’s all a bit too overwhelming – the flashes, the noise - and he wants to get inside as soon as possible.

The photographers suddenly move away from him and go out into the road to take photos of Robert as he steps out of the taxi. Robert moves swiftly, trying and inevitably failing to dodge their attempts to take photos of him. Aaron waits for him at the entrance of the venue, turning and smiling encouragingly at him as he escapes the throng of photographers.

Once they’re inside then Robert heads straight for the bar and orders them both a whisky. He hesitates for a second, before asking Aaron. “Shit, sorry. Should you be drinking?”

“It’s fine,” Aaron waves a hand dismissively. “I’ll take it easy. I’d rather not have whisky after the last time though. A beer, maybe?” He nods at the bartender and orders himself a drink.

Robert downs one of the whiskies in one gulp, grimacing against the burn, before saying. “I guess we should mingle then.”

They go around the room slowly, never more than a metre apart. Aaron knows most of the people here and is pleasant with everyone as usual, making small talk with them. A few of them seem to know Robert too and Aaron can see him being his typical charismatic self. These events are always strange, seeing people that you know through work but don’t really have anything in common with, people who you wouldn’t associate with if you had a ‘normal’ job.

There are bottles of the fragrance everywhere and food themed around the fragrance – all traditional British dishes to reflect the countryside theme. Aaron can see himself on large posters dotted around the room. It’s a surreal feeling that he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to. He catches himself staring and is interrupted by Robert coming up behind him, whispering in his ear so that it tickles his neck and sends a shiver up his spine.

“I can’t decide which shoot you looked fitter in. This one or that jeans shoot.”

Aaron smiles to himself, before turning around and facing Robert. They’re so close and it would be so easy to just kiss him, but they’d agreed to keep things on the lowdown, and he doesn’t think that Robert would be very happy if he now broke that agreement.

“This one, surely?” Aaron gestures at the photo of him dressed in the suit. “You like a bit of tweed, don’t you, posh boy?”

“I prefer a bit of rough.” Robert winks suggestively.

“Oh, and that’s me, is it?”

“Mm hmm.” Robert nods and raises his eyebrows, taking a step back and looking Aaron up and down. “Actually, I think I like this more, best of both.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, blushing slightly under Robert’s approving look. He’s wearing the jeans that he’d been sent following the denim shoot this evening, with a brown belt, loose v-neck white t-shirt and green tweed blazer over the top. Truly a mix of both shoots. It wasn’t his usual day-to-day style, more something that he saved for events, but he’d be lying if he hadn’t come up with the outfit with Robert in mind.

The look of want in Robert’s eyes now makes Aaron bite his lip. “Best of both? Well that figures, doesn’t it?”

Aaron worries that he’s overstepped the mark by making a joke about Robert’s bisexuality when Robert stops abruptly. But when Aaron turns then he sees the reason why. It’s Charlie, holding a glass of champagne and smiling widely at the pair of them. She wraps an arm around Aaron and places a kiss on both of his cheeks.

“Nice to see you again,” she says to Robert, before kissing him on the cheek too.

Charlie’s the typical ebullient model, quite full-on and all kisses and ‘darlings’. When Aaron first met her then she represented the exact type of model that he’d feared he’d never fit in with. But beneath her bravado she was a great person and good friend to him above all else. She looks between the pair of them and asks how living together is going.

“Yeah, good.” Robert says, looking at Aaron shyly. This agreed state of privacy that they’re in, whilst satisfying, has also left Aaron wanting more. He hopes that they’ll both feel comfortable enough to go public soon. He wants everyone to know that Robert’s his.

They talk to Charlie for a while and she suggests taking a photo for her Instagram, handing her phone to another party-goer and asking them to take a photo of the three of them. She stands in the middle, Aaron and Robert on either side of her. The three of them pose and when the phone gets handed back to her then she nods approvingly at it.

“Ah, that’s great. Oh, and that was perfect practice for him.” She gestures at a photographer who’s approaching them.

There’s always a couple of hired photographers at these type of events, taking photos for any press coverage of the event. As Aaron’s the main star of the ad, he’s already had a few photos taken of him, but he sees the photographer’s eyes light up when he spots him and Robert together. Aaron was prepared for this – there’s been so much media attention on him and Robert recently. They pose for more photos and Aaron can’t help but wonder how him and Robert being out together will be interpreted by the papers.

After socialising together for a bit longer, Aaron and Robert both begin talking to people separately again. Aaron’s relieved that his mind has calmed down from his earlier wobble and he’s able to talk to people freely and without anxiety. The sudden craving that he’d had the pills had been scary and worried him, particularly after he thought that he’d been doing so well. Thank god that Robert had been there. He’s not sure what he’d have done if he hadn’t been.

There are interviews up next, just some brief questions from some of the press that are at the event. Aaron’s careful to keep his answers very-much focused on the fragrance and to steer any journalists away from questions about Ed or Robert, despite some of them making blatant attempts at being as intrusive as possible. Robert keeps his distance and Aaron’s careful not to let his eyes linger on him for too long in case someone catches him staring.

A couple of hours, and plenty more talking and circulating, later, him and Robert are ready to leave. The event’s gone well and Aaron’s happy with his perceived success of it. The fragrance brand was a luxury one and he knew that they’d been deviating from their usual choice of model when they’d asked him to do the ad, so he’s pleased that so many people at the party had told him that they thought he was perfect for it. It was always nice to hear complimentary things said about you and he can’t deny that it gives him a much-needed boost of confidence.

When they step outside then there are a lot more photographers waiting than there were earlier. Aaron can’t help but wonder whether word’s gotten out that Robert’s with him, because as soon as someone spots them then a flock of photographers descend, shouting his and Robert’s name. It’s okay at first, but after a few seconds then Aaron starts to feel dazed by it all. He does his best keep his composure but can suddenly feel himself slipping into panic.

He feels like he wants to escape until he feels warmth on his lower back and turns to see Robert impossibly close beside him, guiding them towards the taxi with one hand on his back and his other arm trying to shield them from the photographers.

“Are you alright?” Robert asks him with concern when they get in the taxi.

“Yeah, just-” Aaron’s surprised by how irregular his breathing is. He takes a deep breath to try and calm himself but can feel his hands are still shaking. “I dunno what just happened. I feel really panicky.” He admits.

“It’s okay, just keep breathing.” Robert offers his hand, and Aaron can’t help but be distracted by how sweet it is that Robert’s not touched him without first checking that it’s okay for him too. Aaron grabs his hand tightly. “Deep breaths. In… out… That’s it.”

Aaron keeps up his breathing, Robert’s hand never leaving his until they’re back at the apartment. The journey takes less time than he expects but when they’re back in the apartment then he’s hit by a sudden wave of exhaustion that’s so severe that all he wants to do is collapse into a deep sleep. He doesn’t understand it, but Robert reassures him that it’s completely normal as he helps him get undressed and ready for bed.

It’s a disappointing shame that the night’s hand to end like this, because Aaron had felt so good earlier and he was hoping that tonight would be the night that him and Robert slept together again. Ever since they got together then he’s been keen to know what it’ll be like to be with Robert when his mental health’s better and there’s nothing to focus on but them. But that’s clearly not happening tonight, and if Robert’s disappointed too then he keeps it well hidden, making Aaron feel safe and protected by keeping his arms tightly wrapped around his waist until Aaron falls asleep.

~~~~

Robert can feel a strange movement next to him as he lays in bed the morning. It’s a movement that’s not being made by him but is causing the duvet to rapidly move up and down. He thinks that he must be dreaming, because the only thing he can think is that Aaron must be-

“Are you touching yourself?” He hears himself ask out loud, still half-asleep.

“I’m itching my leg,” Aaron mumbles, sounding somewhat incredulous about the question. There are a few moments of silence before Aaron speaks again, suggestively this time. “I am now.”

Aaron’s voice is even deeper than usual, thanks to him having just woken up. The sound of his voice, combined with the knowledge of what he’s starting to do, sends a jolt of lust straight to Robert’s groin. He’s already half-hard but feels his underwear strain further when Aaron shifts and quietly. It’s not exactly how he planned on starting the day, but he’ll go with it.

“Tell me what you’re doing to yourself.” Robert groans as his fingers brush lightly at himself through his underwear.

“Just teasing... Getting myself nice and hard.”

Robert has to turn and look at Aaron. He’s got his eyes closed and has one arm behind his head, the other moving slowly beneath the duvet. Robert reaches a hand underneath, wanting to feel him himself.

“Nuh uh.” Aaron warns him, knocking Robert’s hand away. “I want you to touch yourself too.”

It sounds like a demand, and Robert’s never considered himself to be very submissive, but he can’t help but obey Aaron instantly. He stays on his side and pulls his underwear down just enough to let his hardening cock free, grunting slightly as he starts stroking up and down.

“Good boy,” Aaron nods slowly as he opens one eye and sees what Robert’s doing. “You like that?”

“Yeah,” Robert replies breathlessly, biting his lip as Aaron’s tongue pokes out of his mouth to wet his own. They’ve barely started but Robert already feels like he won’t be able to last very long.

“I’m thinking about you being inside me again,” Aaron starts without prompting, suddenly removing his underwear, speeding up his pace and pushing the covers down so that Robert can see him in all his glory. He looks as though he’s completely lost in the moment, focused on nothing but his own pleasure. “Your cock stretching me open, filling me.”

“I’ll be so deep inside you.” Robert tells him, closing his eyes and thinking of how good it felt the first time, whilst he continues to stroke himself. “So hot and wet and deep. _Jesus_.”

Robert can’t hold back any longer as he hooks a leg over one of Aaron’s now spread ones, using it as an anchor to pull himself closer towards the other man and kissing him as though it’s the only thing that will keep his breathing. Aaron responds eagerly, moving the arm that was behind his head and using it to pull Robert’s mouth impossibly closer to his. The kiss is dirty and messy, and Aaron’s tongue probes inside Robert’s mouth teasingly, the implication clear to Robert.

“I want you to rim me.” Robert says when they eventually part, the thought arriving in his brain suddenly. He doesn’t even know where that statement came from. It’s not something that he’s even tried before, but laying here, masturbating together, has brought out a filthier side of him that apparently doesn’t have any shame.

Aaron laughs dirtily, his breath hot against Robert’s neck. “Mmm. I’ll do that. Fuck your arse with my tongue. You want my cock in there too?”

“Oh god yes.” Again, Robert speaks without thinking, and has to stop touching himself because he’s so close now.

It his heightened state of arousal and want, here with Aaron, it seems as though his brain is allowing all of the desires that he’s previously kept locked up to spill out. It feels exciting and naughty, sexually liberating in the most delicious way. He’s getting so close now and from the way that they’re both breathing heavily, he thinks that Aaron must be too. He closes his eyes, stroking himself quickly and thinks of being filled by Aaron’s tongue and fingers and cock and-

“Aaron, Aaron, I’m gonna- I’m gonna-” Robert can’t hold back any longer and he feels his whole body tighten as he cries through his orgasm. It’s more powerful than any he’s ever had by himself before – every muscle in his body feels like it’s contracting as he rides through wave after wave, grinding himself against Aaron’s leg until the sensation overwhelms him.

He feels heavy and breathless but stays in his position as he watches Aaron still stroking himself at a furious pace.

“Let me taste it,” Aaron groans, grabbing Robert’s wrist and encouraging Robert’s come-covered fingers into his mouth. Robert’s cock twitches helplessly as Aaron sucks his fingers greedily. He knows from their first time that Aaron turned him on like nobody had before, but this is something else. Aaron’s more uninhabited and sexually exciting than he could have imagined.

Robert’s fingers remain in Aaron’s mouth as the other man moans through his own orgasm and his eyes flick between Aaron’s face and Aaron’s fist on his cock as he watches him come. It’s a sight that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget – Aaron lost in complete and utter ecstasy.

“Wow. I needed that.” Aaron says shakily as he recovers, licking his lips and pulling Robert close, kissing him deeply so that Robert can taste himself in Aaron’s mouth. He wouldn’t usually enjoy it, but with Aaron he wants anything and everything that the other man gives him.

“Yeah me too,” Robert agrees, blushing. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so connected to someone before and he struggles to know how to deal with the feeling that he could so easily fall in love with Aaron.

“I feel like I could fall back to sleep after that.” Aaron chuckles, still holding Robert against him.

“Why don’t we then? It’s still early.” Robert peppers kisses down Aaron’s chest, all the way down his stomach and finally licking his softening cock, tasting a bit of the come there. God he can’t wait to have Aaron in his mouth.

“Ah, ah, stop.” Aaron wriggles, pushing Robert’s head away. “Too much.”

“You love it.” Robert laughs, falling beside Aaron and stroking his hand up and down Aaron’s arm and feeling his eyelids growing heavy. It’s the best start to any day that Robert’s ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am blown away by all of your comments so far! They are truly amazing and I would like to thank all of you who've taken the time to read, leave kudos and comments - you really keep me going! I'm sorry for such a big wait (once again) but I hope that this chapter makes up for it!


	14. Paris Fashion Week: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Paris Fashion Week! Robert and Aaron decide to be more carefree about keeping their relationship private, but will there be a spanner in the works?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is a bit of a roller-coaster of chapter! Hope you all enjoy!

Aaron feels more relaxed than he’s done in ages – sex-satiated and satisfied from the release of orgasm. Watching Robert unravel and let himself go like that had been more of a turn-on than he had ever imagined it to be, and it’s something that he’s not ashamed to admit that he’s thought about on more than one occasion before. He can’t hold back a slightly smug smile as he feels himself blush at the memory and thinks about the lingering taste of Robert’s come that’s still in his mouth.

Robert’s lying next to him like he’s boneless and sinking into the bed. His eyes are closed and Aaron can’t be sure whether they’ve both fallen back to sleep or not – the dreamy feeling he has could simply be a result of how happy he now feels. There was a part of him which had worried that Robert might flee afterwards, spurred on by an uncomfortable belief that what they’d just done was wrong or too overwhelming for him. But he hadn’t – and that brings great comfort to Aaron.

The doorbell goes, making Aaron’s heart jump as he suddenly remembers the delivery that he’s got coming. He jolts out of bed and the unexpected movement causes Robert to stir. Aaron scrabbles around for his discarded underwear and t-shirt lying on the floor, keen to get to the door before the postman leaves an ominous red card informing him that he’s missed the delivery.

“Ignore it.” Robert groans, spreading himself onto Aaron’s side of the bed to absorb the residual warmth. The duvet is barely covering his body and his smooth, freckle-dappled skin is a sight to behold. Aaron has to resist the temptation to jump back in the bed and climb on top of him.

“I’ll be back in a sec.” Aaron tells him gently, leaving the bedroom and running down the hallway quickly as the bell’s rung again.

Going to the door in underwear and a t-shirt probably isn’t the wisest idea, but the clock in the hallway tells him that it’s only ten o’clock in the morning and he knows that the postman will have seen more explicit sights before. Aaron’s used to being seen half-naked by strangers, so it doesn’t faze him anyway. The postman regards him with a slightly odd look as he hands over the package and gets Aaron to sign for it.

It’s only when Aaron closes the door and sees his face in the large hallway mirror that he understands the reason why the postman may have regarded him with such curiosity and surprise. There’s a questionable drop of evidence of what he and Robert were doing earlier still lingering at the corner of his lip. He has no idea how he didn’t realise it was there.

“Oh my god!” He hears himself say loudly, immediately feeling his face reddening with embarrassment. He puts the package down on the sideboard by the front door, wipes the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and rushes back into the bedroom.

“I’ve just gone to the door with your come on my face.” Aaron tells Robert indignantly.

“You what?” Robert bemusedly asks.

“I had your come on my mouth! He probably thought I was a right perv. It’s not funny!” He states huffily as Robert begins laughing.

“Kind of is though, isn’t it? You naughty boy!” Robert winks filthily.

“Oh, I’m the naughty one, am I? You weren’t complaining at the time, were you?”

“Definitely not.” Robert smirks, slowly looking Aaron up and down and stretching his limbs out. “What do you say to some breakfast?”

“Offering yourself up, are you?”

Robert pulls Aaron down to the bed by his t-shirt, kissing him so slowly and deeply that Aaron feels himself go weak. Robert seems to have the curious ability to do that to him with just a single look or touch; it’s simultaneously annoying and amazing. Aaron bites at Robert’s bottom lip as they part.

“Not now. Maybe later though? I was thinking that I could make you some actual food to eat?”

Robert jumps out of bed without waiting for Aaron to reply. He’s certainly not shy as he wanders naked around the room as though he hasn’t an inch of self-consciousness, before he retrieves his underwear from the floor, slips it on and heads towards the kitchen.

“Are you seriously just going to cook in your pants?” Aaron asks as he follows Robert through, not that he’d mind, obviously.

“I want to give you a show, don’t I? Don’t worry about me – I’ll be careful. How does a bacon sandwich sound?”

“Perfect.” Aaron says, regarding Robert as he retrieves bacon and tomato sauce from the fridge.

He has the sudden overwhelming urge to touch Robert, so slips behind him as he stands at the kitchen worktop, their slight height difference allowing Aaron to rest his head on Robert’s shoulder whilst wrapping his arms around Robert’s torso. Robert lets out a huff of pleasure and pushes himself back against Aaron. Aaron reciprocates, teasingly pushing his crotch against Robert’s arse and thinking what it would be like to feel himself sinking deeply into the other man.

He’d wondered whether it would be something that Robert would be into, or if it was something that he’d done before, and hadn’t been able to resist teasing Robert about the idea when they’d both been stroking themselves off earlier that morning. Robert had definitely seemed up for it and Aaron can’t wait for them both to fully experience each other’s bodies. He lets out an involuntary moan as he thinks about it now.

“Well well well. That happened more quickly that I thought.”

Robert and Aaron jump apart at the sound of the man’s voice, turning to see Clive in the kitchen, stood there proudly like he’s just won a bet.

“Clive!” Robert takes a step away from Aaron, who remains where he is, keen to keep the evidence of his arousal hidden from Clive. “You can’t just barge in like that. What are you doing here?”

“Alright, calm down! I just came to check that everything was okay. The front door wasn’t closed properly.”

Shit. Now Aaron thinks about it, he hadn’t check that the door had clicked shut. 

“So, you thought you’d just come straight in?” Robert asks incredulously and Aaron’s perturbed by how annoyed he seems about Clive finding out about them.

“I text you earlier to tell you I was coming. You must have been… busy.” Aaron turns his head to see Clive looking him up and down pointedly. “The press weren’t being overdramatic for once then? You two are together?”

Clive’s comment has Aaron wondering if something’s been published after him and Robert were out last night. He can’t think what could have been published though – he and Robert had been so careful last night, no more than the occasional platonic touch and certainly nothing that would have led anyone to think that they were in a relationship.

“It’s early days.” Aaron admits to Clive when Robert remains silent. There’s no point of denying that they’re together and he doesn’t want to anyway.

“Yeah, look Clive,” Robert begins before Aaron can say anything further. “We’re just trying to keep it quiet for now. It’s all a bit… new and we’d rather not have to deal with all of the shit that comes with being in such a public relationship, you know? Especially with everything with Ed that’s just gone on.”

“Well I’m not going to say anything.” Clive declares, like that’s the assumption that both Aaron and Robert have made. “But you two might want to be a bit more careful when you’re out together. You don’t have to be all over each other for people to think you’re in a relationship. I’m happy for you both though. Nice one, Rob.” Clive smiles sincerely at Robert, and Aaron wonders if Robert’s ever opened up to him about his sexuality before. “Anyway, is everything okay with this place?”

“Yeah.” “Yeah, it’s perfect.” Aaron speaks at the same time as Robert and they share a knowing look.

“Good. In that case, I’ll leave you both to it.” Clive winks. “Congrats lads.”

Clive’s a difficult man to read and Aaron’s not too sure whether to trust him or not, but when he has a final look at the pair of them and smiles like a proud father then Aaron thinks he seems genuine. When he reaches the front door, he turns and shouts back at them. “Check out the Daily Mail website when you have the chance. You’ll see what I was talking about.”

Robert’s immediately got his phone out, looking worried as he brings up the website and scrolls down the page. “Oh god.” He mutters.

“What? What is it?” Aaron quickly enquires.

“‘Aaron Dingle enjoys night out with roommate and close pal Robert Sugden’” Robert sighs.

“Well that doesn’t sound too bad.” Aaron furrows his brow as Robert continues reading.

“No, that bit’s fine. But they’re definitely trying to make out like we’re together. _‘The pair, who have grown close since Dingle’s split with rugby pro Ed Roberts, looked to be in good spirits as they left the bar together.’ ‘One party attendee told us that the model and socialite spent the entire evening together and seemed to be getting on incredibly well.’ ‘Robert was ever the gentleman as he shielded Aaron from photographers whilst getting into a waiting taxi’_. Charlie’s posted the photo she took with us and look at these.”

Robert holds his phone up and scrolls through the photos of him and Aaron leaving the venue and ones of them taken by the photographers hired to cover the event. Aaron wouldn’t exactly describe them as intimate, but they definitely look close. It’ll never not be strange to see photos of himself online or in magazines, but he could definitely get used to photos of him and Robert.

“We look good together.” Aaron says without thinking.

Robert turns the phone to look through the photos again himself, smiling slightly. “Yeah we do. I just don’t like what they’re implying.” He huffs.

“Well they’re correct, aren’t they?”

“They might be correct, but I don’t want them harassing us.”

“They’re hardly harassing us, Rob. Just posting some photos.” Aaron bites back suddenly. “It’s going to come out at some point. Or don’t you want anyone to ever find out?”

“It’s not that.” Robert sighs. “I just want to keep it to ourselves for a while. I thought we both did? Look at these comments on there too _. ‘Always thought Robert was straight?’ ‘Who cares if Robert’s gay? Live and let live.’ ‘Wouldn’t have ever thought Robert was into blokes.’”_

Aaron takes the phone from Robert and continues reading the comments. “And what? _‘They definitely make a handsome couple.’ ‘They certainly look close, but they’d make a good couple.’ ‘It’s obvious what you’re trying to suggest here. It’s 2020, who cares if Robert’s gay or straight?’_ ”

“That’s the problem! Why does everyone jump to the conclusion that if I’m with you then I’m gay?”

“That’s just something people say.” Aaron states, not sure why it’s apparently such a problem. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It might not matter to you, but it does to me. You know how confused I was feeling when we spoke about my sexuality for the first time. People like that are the problem. Always making out like there’s no in between. It just pisses me off, that’s all.” Robert says with resignation.

That strikes a chord with Aaron and he realises how ignorant he was being to Robert’s feelings. Once again, he’d jumped straight to the negative assumption that Robert was bothered solely about people finding out about them. But it’s clearly more nuanced than that, and Aaron can’t pretend to know exactly how Robert feels.

“Look,” Aaron starts, locking the phone and putting it down. “Ignore what other people are saying. We both know the truth and whenever we decide that we want to go public then you’ll have the opportunity to tell people all about your sexuality if you want to. You can set the record straight.”

“I’ll set the record bi, actually.” Robert laughs at his own joke before looking sad again. “I’m sorry. I know it seems like I’m getting annoyed at the photos. I just wish it didn’t feel like such a big deal to me.”

“But it’s always going to be a big deal for anyone, let alone for someone in the public eye. Look, we’ve tested the waters and seen what the response is like when we go out together. We’ll keep quiet for a bit, then decide on our next steps, yeah?”

“Okay.” Robert agrees, nodding and looking slightly happier.

“Good.” Aaron smiles. “Now, do you want to see what I ordered?”

“Yeah. I want to know what was so urgent that you went to the door with my come all over you.”

“It was hardly all over me!” Aaron rolls his eyes jokingly. “Right, close your eyes. Hold out your hands.”

Robert obeys whilst Aaron tears the box open, excited at what he can see inside. He places the box carefully in Robert’s outstretched hands.

“Okay, you can open them.” He tells Robert, simultaneously nervous and excited about Robert’s response.

“Oh my god, Aaron! You didn’t?” Robert sounds delighted as he looks at the box containing the camera that Aaron had ordered for him the day before. It was a bit of an impulse purchase, but Aaron had wanted to treat him.

“It’s to say thank you for looking after me and for everything that you’ve done for me. I know that you maybe wanted to get into photography, so I asked the photographer on my last shoot for recommendations and he said that this one’s a perfect starter camera. I don’t know anything about them though so if it’s not good then-”

“It’s perfect!” Robert beams. “I’ve been thinking about getting one for a while. You really didn’t need to get me anything though.” 

“No, but I wanted to.” Aaron tells him sincerely. “And I was thinking that you could get in some good practice with it in Paris…” Aaron trails off, letting the implication hang there.

“Paris?” Robert asks curiously.

“It’s the spring/summer fashion week in a couple of weeks, and I thought that you might want to come with me?” Aaron asks shyly. He’s been thinking of asking Robert to come with him for a few days now, hoping that Robert will be up for it.

“Seriously?” Robert clarifies disbelievingly.

“Why not? I’ll be busy so we probably won’t be able to spend much time together, but I thought that whilst I’m working then you could explore, take some photos of the Eiffel Tower or something-”

Aaron’s stopped by Robert placing a firm kiss on his lips. “I’d love to go to Paris with you. But don’t you think that a trip to one of the most romantic cities in the world is a bit much for three weeks into our relationship though?” He adds cheekily.

“Well, our relationship hasn’t exactly been conventional so far, has it? It’ll be good. And you’ll get to see me on a catwalk for the first time.”

“Well I can never resist watching you modelling. I can’t wait.”

~~~~~

It’s two weeks later that Robert and Aaron are sat in the business lounge at Heathrow airport, preparing to board their flight to Paris. It’s been an odd couple of weeks for Robert, getting to know Aaron in a way that was different to how he’d known him before: as a boyfriend rather than a friend or figure to lust after from a metaphorical distance.

Both of them had been busy with work and not seen as much of each other as they’d have liked. Aaron had plenty of preparations for fashion week, whilst Robert had been staying in the apartment for most of the time, busy with Christmas party bookings for Home Farm. People seemed to be booking their festive events earlier and earlier each year, and Home Farm was now almost fully booked for the Christmas period.

To the outside world, they’d mostly been keeping themselves to themselves, preferring to spend as much time together in private as possible. They’d ventured out a few times, strolling round the parks in London whilst Robert tested out his new camera – early Autumn in London was beautiful and there was so much for him to capture. Despite occasional looks of recognition when they were out, there hadn’t been any more photos taken of them together, which was a relief for them both. It was nice to feel more normal for a change.

In fact, as Robert sits and thinks about it now, the past couple of weeks had been almost perfect: new and exciting, yet strangely familiar and comfortable. They’d fallen into their own roles quite quickly. Robert was nearly always the first one awake, making Aaron coffee and sitting on the balcony with him whilst he enjoyed his first cigarette of the day, then cooking for them both when Aaron returned home in the evening. Playing a more domestic role wasn’t something that he was used to, but he found himself rather enjoying it.

By comparison, Aaron was the one who was always looking to inject fun into their time together, suggesting films and TV shows for them to watch, or Playstation games for them to play. Robert chuckles to himself as he remembers nearly breaking an expensive lamp whilst he was fighting off sharks on VR. Aaron was like a big kid and Robert welcomed his addictive enthusiasm.

A week before they were due to fly out to Paris, Robert had received a surprising phone call from his agent, offering him with what she had called ‘an incredibly exciting opportunity’: _“Look Robert, I don’t care what’s going on with you and Aaron Dingle, but keep it going. I’ve just had a call from GQ and they’ve had a presenter for Paris Fashion Week drop out at the last minute. They asked if you were available!”_

It had seemed like fate, really. Robert had been worried about the implications that would be made from him being in Paris at the same time as Aaron but being there for work was the perfect excuse. He’d been hesitant to accept the job at first, though. He’d done some presenting work before but didn’t really know all that much about fashion, apart from having strong feelings about what looked good and what didn’t.

But his agent and Aaron had talked him round, reminding him that he was always being complimented on his clothing choices and that he always had a keen eye for a good suit. Aaron telling him that he thought Robert would be perfect for the job had been what had encouraged him to make the final decision to accept it.

“I still think I should have bought more new clothes.” Robert tells Aaron now, worrying at his lip.

“But you’ll get given stuff to wear, won’t you?” Aaron reminds him.

“Yeah, but when I’m not presenting then I’ll just be in my ordinary clothes.” Robert supplies, feeling suddenly tempted to go and raid the shops in the terminal.

“Rob, your clothes aren’t ‘ordinary’. You’re wearing three different designers right now. And the designers will let you keep the clothes as free advertising. You’ll be fine.”

“You’re right,” Robert relents, telling himself to calm down. “You seem awfully chilled compared to me. Are you not nervous?”

“Not yet.” Aaron shrugs casually. “I’ve done this before, remember? I prefer the catwalk to a full-on shoot. I’ve just gotta walk up and down and look good doing it.”

“Well that definitely won’t be hard, will it?” Robert follows his question with a swift look up and down Aaron’s body.

It seems impossible to Robert that he’s finding Aaron more and more attractive with each passing day, but as he turns to look at him now, looking every inch the model in a black t-shirt and jeans, sunglasses casually tucked into the t-shirt’s neckline with his hair and stubble perfectly styled, he can’t help but be awed by him. How did he get to be so lucky?

They had both decided, after being quiet on social media for the past couple of weeks, but still getting numerous comments asking whether they were together on anything they posted, that they were going to be more carefree about their relationship whilst they were in Paris. There were no plans to make any kind of announcement, but they were going to enjoy themselves as much as possible without making a conscious effort to hide anything.

It seems as though Aaron’s taken that seriously as he now pulls out his phone, opens Instagram and starts filming himself.

“Fashion Week time!” Aaron speaks enthusiastically. “And we’re on our way, aren’t we?”

Aaron turns the phone in Robert’s direction and Robert laughs in surprise, raising his eyebrows and smiling. “Yep, Paris here we come!”

“See you soon!” Aaron signs off with a wink, sending a pleasant shiver through Robert.

The flight’s over before they know it and when they arrive at Charles de Gaulle there’s less photographers than Robert’s expecting. He assumes it’s got something to do with the fact that Fashion Week doesn’t officially start until tomorrow. The photographers still keenly follow Aaron and Robert to their waiting car, clearly delighted at getting photos of the two of them arriving together.

Aaron speaks fluent French to the driver, leaving Robert speechless. “You speak French?”

“Oui, bien sûr.” Aaron shrugs. “I lived here for a while, remember? I’m not exactly fluent, but I can get by.”

Robert ignores the fact that Aaron lived here with Ed, not wanting thoughts of the other man to ruin the mood. He leans in closely and whispers in Aaron’s ear. “I like it. It’s sexy.”

“Doubt anyone French would say that,” Aaron responds with an eye roll. “Are you sure you’re okay about this? Us being less discreet, I mean?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Robert tells him, but even he can hear the hesitance in his voice. “I’m tired of not feeling free.”

“Me too.” Aaron smiles slightly, resting a hand on Robert’s knee. “Let’s go and check out the hotel.”

The hotel’s striking and modern, and Robert loves it the second he steps inside. Him and Aaron had decided to book two separate rooms, even though they were only planning on staying in one, just in case details got released to the press. Neither of them had wanted their work to be overshadowed by overzealous talk of their relationship.

“That’s a nice bed.” Robert says with a straight face once they’re in the room, laughing when Aaron raises his eyebrows and gives him a knowing look. “Wanna try it out?”

“I’d love to,” Aaron starts, and the tone of his voice tells Robert that there’s a ‘but’ coming. “But I’ve got a rehearsal in an hour. Later though, yeah?”

~~~~

Aaron had retuned late last night, crashing out on the bed after ordering room service. He was exhausted and Robert had realised that he definitely underestimated how hard models had to work. He was up again early, leaving Robert with a kiss on his shoulder and his signature tight squeeze of a hug from behind. Robert loves the feeling of being engulfed by Aaron – there’s such safety and security when Aaron hold him, like nothing can hurt him. He had never thought that a man could make him feel like that.

As Robert’s not due to start presenting until tomorrow, he’s got a front row seat for the first show of Fashion Week. He’s waiting for it to begin now, surrounded by other journalists, sat listening to the pre-show music with a pen and paper to take notes. He’s taking this job seriously, but still feels out of his depth despite multiple assurances from Aaron that he’s going to be brilliant.

It was a simple job really – all he has to do is watch the shows and observe any trends, then discuss them with several models who have been arranged for him to interview. That doesn’t stop him worrying that he’s going to cock it all up though. Luckily however, Aaron wasn’t one of the models who had been scheduled to be interviewed by him. That would be weird, interviewing his boyfriend whilst the fashion elite and fans watched on.

The lights on the audience dim suddenly and the studio-style lights about the catwalk brighten as the music changes and the show begins. Robert feels nervous for Aaron all of a sudden – he’s a confident guy, but he’s not sure if he could cope with so many eyes on him, even if those eyes are focusing more on the clothes than the body that’s wearing them.

Robert scribbles down notes as the models pass him by. He knows that catwalk fashion can veer towards the eccentric, but this designer’s clothes are surprisingly normal and there are quite a few pieces that Robert wouldn’t mind wearing himself. He’s keeping his eyes peeled for Aaron, not sure when he’ll be on… And then he suddenly spots him.

Aaron’s wearing a pair of high-waisted light grey trousers, which are cropped and tapered at the ankle, with a pair of shiny chestnut-coloured shoes. It’s his top half which really grabs Robert’s attention though – the rich blue and white patterned short-sleeved shirt that he’s wearing is tucked into the trousers and the top buttons of it are undone, showing a teasing peek of Aaron’s well defined chest and pecs.

It’s so unlike anything that Robert’s ever seen Aaron wearing before, but it suits him surprisingly well. As Aaron walks directly in front of him, staring straight ahead with that perfect face of his, Robert gets a look at the trousers from behind and _god, they couldn’t be any tighter_ , showing Aaron’s arse off in all its glory. Robert squirms uncomfortably in his seat, willing his body not to react in the way that it’s tempted to.

“He’s great, isn’t he?” A voice beside Robert startles him and he turns to see another journalist watching Aaron. “Not your typical catwalk model, but he’s got such a great presence about him.”

“Hmm,” Robert agrees, swallowing thickly as he watches Aaron depart the catwalk, not wanting to miss a second of Aaron’s arse in those trousers. “He definitely has.”

After another half an hour of watching the show, seeing Aaron appear several more times in a range of outfits, each one just as striking as the last, Robert’s just about ready to jump onto the catwalk and drag Aaron off back to their hotel room. But besides the obvious impracticalities of doing so, Robert can’t do that because he’s got three more shows to go to today. So instead he has to settle for texting Aaron whilst he’s waiting for the next show to begin.

 **Robert Sugden:** You looked so fucking fit up there today. Wow.

 **Aaron Dingle:** Oh yeah? I bet you liked those grey trousers, eh? 😉

 **Robert Sugden:** God yes. Your arse is just 🔥 You can bring those back to the hotel, right?

 **Aaron Dingle:** No can do, I’m afraid. You’ll just have to make do with photos and your imagination…

 **Robert Sugden:** Well that won’t be hard. I’m not going to be able to forget that image for a while.

 **Aaron Dingle:** You can show me how much you enjoyed them later. My arse is yours...

 **Robert Sugden:** Oh yes it is 😉 Good luck with the next show, not that you’ll need it. See you later x

 **Aaron Dingle:** See ya! 😘

~~~~

Robert barely gives Aaron a second to enter their hotel room before he’s kissing him against the door. Aaron had finished later than expected and Robert may have used the extra time to help himself to some of the wine that he’d bought for them to enjoy in the room later that evening.

Alcohol always seems to let his thoughts flow more freely, so maybe he’s gotten himself a bit more sexually worked up than he’d intended to. He can’t help it though; despite watching three other shows after Aaron’s one this morning, he’s not been able to stop thinking about the sight of Aaron on the catwalk. He wants Aaron. And in a hotel room with a massive bed too? Yeah, he’s horny as fuck and he doesn’t care how desperate he seems.

“You’re fucking gorgeous. Do you know that?” Robert speaks into Aaron’s neck, placing warm breathy kisses there as he grabs Aaron’s arse and inhales the scent of his woody cologne.

“Wow. You’re um-” Aaron moans as Robert bites his ear lobe. “Stop, Rob. God.”

Robert stops immediately, forcing himself to get his lust under control. He worries that he’s offended Aaron by not even allowing him to get his shoes off before trying to initiate sex with him. The look on his face must show how he’s feeling because Aaron smiles encouragingly at him and winks.

“You don’t need to stop completely.” Aaron tells him flirtatiously. “I just thought that you’d might want to get a look at what I managed to take from the show earlier.”

Robert furrows his brow in confusion before following Aaron’s eyes downwards, towards his…

“Oh my god. You didn’t?” Aaron’s only wearing the arse-hugging trousers from the show this morning. “Did you steal them?”

“Don’t tell anyone, eh?”

“Fuck me.” Robert drawls, taking a step back to get a good look at Aaron.

“I was hoping that you’d fuck me, actually.”

Robert growls. _A proper animalistic growl._ He pushes Aaron against the door again, placing a leg between Aaron’s and moaning as Aaron grinds against it. It feels as though his thoughts and actions aren’t his own as one hand worms its way between his and Aaron’s body, undoing the button of Aaron’s trousers, whilst the other encourages Aaron down to sit on the floor with a firm hand on the other man’s shoulder.

Robert goes down with Aaron, positioning himself onto his knees, back arched and arse in the air to give Aaron something to look at. He gets himself as comfortable as one can be kneeling on a carpeted floor, and pulls Aaron’s cock out of his underwear, stroking it slowly and leaving his mouth barely an inch away from the tip so that Aaron can feel his hot breath against it.

“You know there’s a bed over there?” Aaron grunts out, his breath hitching as Robert works his hand slowly to the base of his cock.

“Yeah.” Robert says, meeting Aaron’s eyes but keeping his mouth in the same position so that Aaron can not only hear, but feel every word. “But I want to make you come here, where anyone walking by our room can hear you moan.”

“You’re so bad.”

“No.” Robert teases the tip of Aaron’s cock with his tongue. “I’m so good.”

Aaron looks as though he’s searching for a suitable response, before his eyes close and his mouth slackens when Robert takes the head of his cock between his lips. The second he tastes Aaron, Robert feels as though he loses all self-control. He’s not exactly a pro at blowjobs, preferring receiving them over giving them, but he wants to give Aaron as much pleasure as he can. Teasing Aaron’s not enough - he wants, no needs, to give him everything he can.

Aaron seems to feel the same way, as he moves a hand to the back of Robert’s head, grabbing Robert’s hair in a tight fist. Robert tenses for a second, not liking the momentary feeling of giving up control, until he hears Aaron moan again. It’s a guttural sound, filled with want and longing, and it makes Robert let his jaw and throat relax when he feels Aaron start gently thrusting up into his mouth.

All thoughts of anything else cease as he lets Aaron fuck his mouth. It’s wet and hot and he can feel his own saliva leaking from his mouth as Aaron takes over, switching pace between fast and frantic, and slow and gentle. It’s as though Aaron can read his thoughts, always slowing his thrusts just as Robert feels as though he’s no longer going to be able to breathe and letting him recover before continuing the assault on his mouth once again.

As his nose rests in the dark hair above Aaron’s cock, and his mouth feels so impossibly full, Robert has a sudden flashback to the catwalk show. He closes his eyes and envisions Aaron’s arse once again, full and firm and round. He didn’t think his own cock could get any harder, but it’s almost painful now, and he somehow manages to free it from his jeans, stroking it frantically and ignoring the discomfort from having no lubrication on it.

“That’s it. I want you to come whilst I fuck your mouth.” Aaron’s voice has the same deep timbre that it always has whenever they have sex. It’s unbelievably sexy – addictive almost – causing Robert to whine in pleasure.

“Look at the mess you’ve made.” Aaron says as he pulls Robert off his cock suddenly. His lips are red, like he’s been biting them, and his pupils are blown, leaving just a peek of ice blue. 

Robert looks down at Aaron’s cock, glistening with spit. It’s all over his underwear and trousers too – there’ll be no way of returning them now. Robert struggles to hold himself up, weak to Aaron’s hold over him.

“Take all that spit and use it as lube.” Aaron commands.

He takes Robert’s hand and wraps it around his cock, pulling it up and down until Robert’s palm is slick. Robert’s barely got his hand back around his own cock before his mouth is filled once again. Robert can’t last for more than a minute, so turned on by Aaron’s domination and dirty talk. He loves the feeling of giving up all control to Aaron.

There are tears in his eyes as he comes with Aaron’s cock in his throat, feeling Aaron stutter through his own orgasm and tasting Aaron’s come on his tongue. His orgasm comes in waves – every time he thinks he’s done then there’s another pulse of feeling deep inside him. How does Aaron do it? How does he make him feel like this? Why has it never been this good with anyone before?

Aaron desperately pulls Robert up and Robert straddles his outstretched legs, both of their chests are heaving breathlessly as they kiss. Aaron doesn’t seem to care about tasting himself on Robert’s tongue – in fact, he seems to love it, pushing his tongue into Robert’s mouth and groaning through this kiss like he can’t get enough. They both wince as their sensitive cocks brush against each other.

“Well that was a very nice way to end the first day of Fashion Week.”

~~~~

Robert’s got ten minutes until his next interview. For a first day on a new job, it’s going pretty well so far. They’re streaming the interviews live on YouTube, which has put some extra pressure on Robert’s shoulders, but the models have all been warm and friendly and he’s not been struggling to find good questions to ask them.

The producers seem pleased with him, complimenting him on his ‘natural flair’ for interviewing, so all in all, Robert’s really enjoying himself. He feels proud of himself for a change. It’s nice to be praised for the work he’s doing, rather than being berated like he usually is with his work at Home Farm. He’s not going to dwell on that though – the memories of his father’s harsh words are not going to spoil his good mood.

Robert’s just finished watching the show that features the model who he’s due to interview next. It was a good show – plenty of beautiful, well-tailored suits that Robert wouldn’t mind owning himself. There’d been one big distraction though: Aaron. Robert knew to expect him in the show, but when he’d spotted him then he felt the air leave his lungs.

With all of his conflicting feelings about his sexuality, Robert had never allowed himself to truly appreciate the male form beyond lust. Beauty was something which he had only ever reserved for women, but never men. It had felt wrong, like a step too far in the wrong direction. But Aaron? He looked stunning – the was the only way to describe him. He can’t resist sending Aaron a text whilst he waits for the next model to arrive.

 **Robert Sugden:** A suit? Did you ask the designer if you could wear that one intentionally? You looked incredible. Don’t suppose you can steal that too? 😉

 **Aaron Dingle:** No! It’s worth about 10 grand!

 **Robert Sugden:** Shame. I’d reeeaaaalllllyyyy like to fuck you in that. Pull those trousers down and watch my cock disappear inside you. Mmm…

 **Aaron Dingle:** You’re so bad!

 **Robert Sugden:** You love it! 😉

“Robert, there’s been a change to the schedule.” A producer interrupts Robert’s texting session. Good job really, that could’ve easily gotten out of control. “The model you were due to interview’s not feeling great, so we’ve had to come up with an alternative instead.”

“Right, who is it?” Robert asks, furrowing his brow in response to the producer’s hesitance.

“Aaron Dingle.” She says sheepishly. “We figured that you’d know what he’d been up to given that you seem to be with him whenever you’re not here.”

Well fuck. This isn’t going to be awkward at all. Interviewing his boyfriend whilst the whole thing is streamed to god knows how many people. And what was that about him seeming to be with Aaron all the time? They’ve barely left the hotel room when they’re not working.

“Ah, you’re here!” The producer talks to someone behind Robert and he turns to see that Aaron’s appeared from nowhere. “We’re going live in five minutes. Can I get you anything?”

“Water would be great, thanks.” Aaron tells her, settling down on the leather sofa opposite Robert.

There’s a teasing glint in Aaron’s eyes as he looks at Robert and raises an eyebrow cheekily. He’s still wearing the suit that he wore on the catwalk – the fabric a muted green-coloured herringbone tweed - and his hair is curled loosely. Robert doesn’t know how he’s going to make it through the interview without drooling.

“Sorry, I know this is all very last minute.” The producer apologises as she returns with Aaron’s water. “We’re going to add in some extra clips from the show to bulk out the interview, but Robert, if you could just ask the same questions that you already had prepped then that’ll be fine. Don’t worry Aaron, there won’t be any super personal questions, it’s mainly just ones about the show and how you’re enjoying Fashion Week so far.”

“No worries.” Aaron smiles politely at her before asking Robert. “Do I look okay?”

“Perfect.” Robert tells him after a pause, his brain struggling to find any other words as he takes Aaron in.

“Okay then. One minute until we go live!” The producer shouts, and Robert turns to watch the countdown timer, taking a couple of deep breaths to prepare himself.

“Three… two… one… action!” 

“Good afternoon everyone!” Robert starts confidently, beaming at the camera. “Now, as you may or may not know, I’m a sucker for a good suit, and what a show we’ve just seen. I’m here with the one and only Aaron Dingle to talk about some of GQ’s favourite looks in the Marc Lukas show. Let’s start with a recap.”

Robert and Aaron turn to the television screen that’s between them to watch the footage montage and Robert makes some more mental notes about points of discussion to have with Aaron. He’s smiling at him by the time that the montage ends.

“So, Aaron, before we get into the show, how are you enjoying Fashion Week so far?”

“It’s been a great one,” Aaron nods, sitting back casually on the sofa, lifting a leg and laying it over his thigh at an angle. “I’ve had a rough few weeks, so it’s been so good to get back to work and doing what I love.”

Robert’s surprised by Aaron’s honesty, not expecting him to acknowledge his private life so publicly. If Aaron’s feeling any negativity then he doesn’t show it, holding himself openly instead. Robert decides to change the subject swiftly, simply nodding in recognition of what Aaron’s just said.

“And you’ve told me before that you prefer the catwalk to shoots?”

“I knew you were going to ask me about that!” Aaron laughs and Robert’s struck by his confidence. It’s as though there’s a professional sheen over him that makes him present himself differently to how they are in private. “I enjoy all of my work, but catwalk events are usually more fun. We get to see all of the upcoming trends for next year and it’s always exciting to be wearing brand new designs that nobody’s seen before.”

“Absolutely. And now, I must talk about this suit you’re wearing.”

“You’re a big fan of it, aren’t you?” Aaron winks, _actually bloody winks_. What is he trying to do to him, flirting so brazenly? 

“What can I say?” Robert recovers himself quickly, trying not to look too flustered by the memory of what he’d said to Aaron in his text to him earlier. “I’m a country boy at heart. Never could resist a good bit of tweed.”

“Ah well, you’ll have to get yourself one then, won’t you?” Aaron raises his eyebrows suggestively, as though he’s forgotten that they’re live on camera. “Marc always produces amazing suits.” He states matter-of-factly. “Comfortable and practical, but always with his signature flair.”

“They’re beautiful suits,” Robert agrees. “And you’ve got three more shows?”

“Yep.” Aaron nods. “Two tomorrow and then the final one on Friday.”

Robert sees the producer behind the camera giving the signal that they’ve only got one more minute left.

“Well I’m certainly looking forward to seeing you up on the catwalk again.” Robert blushes as he realises that he’s just said that out loud. “Any other plans whilst you’re in Paris?”

“I’ve barely got any time to do anything else apart from work, but I’ll definitely be checking out one of my favourite bars here before I go.”

“Thanks so much for joining us, Aaron.” Robert says before turning back to the camera. “We’ll be back with more coverage of Paris Fashion Week soon – make sure you don’t miss it.”

Robert lets go of the tension in his body as “Cut!” is called. That wasn’t as smooth as he’d have liked it to be, and Aaron had certainly seemed to enjoy teasing him a bit. But still, it was fun and Robert couldn’t deny that he’d enjoyed their brief bit of flirty banter.

“We just need a picture of the two of you.” The producer tells them, coming over with a phone in hand. “Can you just stand by that.”

She indicates towards a backdrop that’s been set up and Aaron’s stands closely beside Robert, putting an arm around his shoulders. Robert instinctively moves his hand to Aaron’s wait, feeling his body heat through the material of his suit. Aaron smells amazing, as he always does, and Robert takes in the scent as he breathes deeply and prepares to have his photo taken.

“That’s perfect lads, thanks. Rob, you’ve got fifteen minutes until you’re back on.”

“Great, thank you. So,” Robert turns to Aaron, speaking quietly so that only Aaron can hear him. “That was a bit strange, wasn’t it?”

“Just a little. I enjoyed it though. You’re doing a really good job, you know?” 

“Really?” Robert asks uncertainly.

“Absolutely! Who knows, maybe they’ll ask you to do more work for them after this.”

“I think I’d quite like that, actually.” Robert tells Aaron thoughtfully.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing then. If they’re not interested then someone else definitely will be. I’ve gotta run – got more rehearsals for tomorrow’s shows.”

Aaron leans in as though he’s going to kiss Robert goodbye, then stops like he’s suddenly remembered that nobody else knows about them. He settles for a squeeze of Robert’s shoulder instead, and Robert has a sudden desire to reveal all and go public. He thinks to himself that he’ll ask Aaron about it later when they have dinner. 

~~~~

“Hey,” Robert greets Aaron quietly when he enters their hotel room later that evening. It had been an exhausting afternoon and he’d be quite happy to just order some room service and then go to bed.

“Hey yourself, you okay?” Aaron goes over to where Robert’s sitting, at a desk that looks out of a window across the city. When he goes to kiss Robert, he’s sure that Robert backs away slightly at first. He doesn’t think too much of it though, especially when Robert kisses him back tenderly.

“Yeah, just a bit tired. Did you want to check out that bar that you mentioned earlier?”

“What, tonight? I was thinking we could save it for our last night here.”

“We can still go there on our last night too.” Robert offers. “But I’m in the mood to drink some of the best red wine that Paris has to offer. I can go on my own if you’re not up for it.”

“No, I am.” Aaron tells him, puzzled by how keen Robert seems to go. “As long as we’re not out for too long. I’ve got to be up and out by ten.”

Robert nods, as though he’s barely heard what Aaron’s just said, mumbling something about going to get a shower. Aaron wonders what’s put him into such a weird mood – it’s not like him at all. He’d usually offer to join Robert in the shower, but something tells him that that wouldn’t be a very good idea. He hopes that Robert will perk up a bit when they’re out.

“Have you seen this?” Aaron bemusedly asks Robert later, when they’re at the bar and waiting for their food to arrive. Robert’s already finished one large glass of wine and is steadily working through another.

“Seen what?” Robert enquires vaguely.

“This.” Aaron holds up his phone, showing Robert the photo of the two of them that GQ have posted on their Instagram. “The comments are-”

“What do they say?” Robert interrupts him keenly, taking the phone from his hands and scrolling down through the comments. “Brilliant.” He mutters, passing the phone back to Aaron forlornly.

So many people have commented on the photo, saying what _‘fantastic chemistry’_ the pair of them have and asking what’s going on romantically between them. Aaron was going to make a joke out of it and tell Robert that they don’t need to worry about making an official announcement because most people have it figured out already. If Robert’s reaction to everything that Aaron’s said this evening is anything to go by though, he doesn’t imagine that he’d get a very positive response.

“What is up with you tonight?” Aaron huffs with annoyance, not thinking before he speaks. He can’t see what’s happened to change Robert’s mood. He was completely fine this morning.

“Nothing,” Robert insists forcefully, but the smile that accompanies his words couldn’t look less genuine if he tried.

“Well tell your face that then. You look miserable.”

Okay, maybe Aaron should have tried not to sound so harsh, because Robert’s face falls and he squirms uncomfortably.

“Sorry, I’m just tired.” Robert rubs his eyes and takes a deep heavy breath. He doesn’t look that tired, at least not physically. “How was the rest of your day?”

“Alright.” Aaron replies, short and simple. He can’t force himself to pretend that Robert’s acting normally. “How was yours?”

Robert shrugs, taking another large gulp of wine. “Okay, I guess.”

There’s something that’s been playing on Aaron’s mind ever since they’ve been in Paris. Ever seen they got together officially actually. There’s a part of his brain that tells him that now’s not the right time to bring it up, but he’s at a loss for anything else to say. He was hoping that they’d be enjoying some light, flirty banter this evening, not sitting in almost silence like an old married couple who’ve run out of things to say to each other.

“I was thinking,” he begins tentatively. “Before we go public or whatever then I’d like to tell my family about us. Just so that they don’t have to find out from an Instagram post or something. My mum’ll probably go off the deep end and say that we’ve rushed into this, so I want to be the one to tell her. I was thinking that we could maybe go to Emmerdale together next week?”

Robert stiffens at the mention of Emmerdale, pausing with the glass of wine halfway to his lips. His hand, which had been resting on the table, now starts to tap agitatedly on it instead.

“Unless you don’t want to?” Aaron enquires, not able to stop the bite of annoyance in his voice. “Unless you’d prefer for us to stay a secret forever?”

It sounds dramatic as he says it and he regrets it instantly. He knows that that’s not what Robert wants, but it feels as though Robert’s taken a step backwards in his confidence about them, looking uncomfortable whenever their waiter comes over and repeatedly scanning the bar as though he’s worried that people are looking at them. Aaron can’t help but be concerned that Robert’s having doubts about them, and he feels his stomach sink at the thought.

“It’s not that.” Robert shakes his head, before finishing his glass of wine and wincing slightly against the large mouthful he’s just taken. “It’s just… Emmerdale.”

“What about it? Robert?” Aaron’s question remains unanswered as Robert stays silent. “For god’s sake!”

Aaron scrapes his chair back. He knows that he’s overreacting and wishes that he could have just stayed still, but he’s not going to play this game with Robert. Despite finding it incredibly difficult to be open and honest, he’s been making a conscious effort to always tell Robert how he’s feeling. It feels like something of a betrayal that Robert doesn’t seem willing to do the same for him.

“No, no, stop! Aaron, please.” The sudden emotion in Robert’s voice makes Aaron pause and sit back down. “It’s my dad.”

“What is?” Aaron wonders where Jack Sugden comes into all of this… and then the penny drops.

“He’s in Emmerdale, isn’t he?” Robert spits. “I don’t want to risk running into him.”

Aaron feels like a total naïve idiot. Why didn’t he consider Robert’s father at all?

“If I’ve seemed a bit off this off this evening then it’s because of him.” Robert says remorsefully. “He called me this afternoon after seeing our interview. First time he’s bothered to speak to me in weeks. Apparently, he’s now interested in men’s fashion.” Robert laughs bitterly. “Anyway, he took great delight in telling me that I was making a total fool of myself by ‘getting caught up in all that poncy stuff’. He literally hasn’t got a clue. And then he said that I was playing a ‘dangerous game’ with you, whatever that means.”

Robert finally pauses for enough breath to let Aaron get a word in. He looks simultaneously angry and sad. “So, he knows about us?” Aaron clarifies.

Robert hangs his head shamefully, before looking up at Aaron with watery eyes. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him. He just kept going on and on and I just wanted to him to stop, so I told him that we were just friends. I’m such a fucking coward. I knew _exactly_ what he was trying to suggest. So, I went into defensive mode, just like I always do with him, because I know that he’ll never accept me.” Robert bangs a fist on the table, causing people on the nearby tables to look in their direction. “Why am I like this? Why do I care about what he thinks?”

Aaron reaches out and strokes Robert hand gently in an attempt to calm him down. He’s pleased when Robert doesn’t pull his hand away, allowing his breathing to steady instead. “Because society has conditioned us to think about certain things in certain ways. We think that we should care about and respect what our parents think about us because that’s what we’ve always been told to do.”

“You sound like a therapist now.” Robert quips, still allowing Aaron to touch his hand.

“Well that might’ve been something that my therapist told me.” Aaron blushes. “I wasted too long caring about what my dad thought of me too. What everyone thought of me, actually. It’s not worth wasting your life like that. But I completely understand why you felt like you couldn’t tell him about us. He doesn’t really me much, does he?”

“It’s not just you. He doesn’t like anyone, really.” Robert rolls his eyes. “Not even his own son, either. Andy and Vic? He loves them. But I don’t fit into his ideal of what a son should be. I hate him, Aaron. I fucking hate him. He makes me question everything about myself and I don’t think he’ll ever, ever accept me for who I am.”

“I doubt that’s true. If he saw us happy then-”

“That doesn’t matter to him though.” Robert raises his voice again. “He doesn’t care about me being happy. He cares about his fucking reputation and having the perfect normal family with normal children who have normal jobs and relationships. He doesn’t want a bisexual son who’s dating a man and makes his money by posting photos and going to parties.”

Aaron could choose to be offended by the insinuation that his and Robert’s relationship isn’t normal, but he knows that Robert’s words are only stemming from his own father’s, coming from a place of deep self-hatred and loathing for himself. He wishes he could do something to stop it, to stop Robert from feeling so terrible about himself, and he feels his fists clench in anger. Robert doesn’t deserve to feel this way. Nobody does. Robert must clock the look of rage on Aaron’s face because he then says:

“I’m sorry. I don’t want him spoiling things, not when we should both be so happy. I _am_ happy with you, please don’t ever doubt that. It’s just that every time I think that I’m beyond caring what he thinks then he manages to do or say something that reminds me of what sort of person he is. I’m dreading him finding out about us. He should be pleased that I’ve finally found someone who I want to be with, but all he’s going to care about is the fact that that person is a man.”

“He’s going to have to find out some time though, Rob.” Aaron says gently, because he knows that Robert knows that that’s the reality of their situation. “We can’t hide forever.”

“I know. And I don’t want to. I really don’t. Maybe I should just call him now and get it over with.” Robert grabs at his own hair, messing it up with his fingers. He looks so small and vulnerable, like a child, and Aaron tries desperately to think of the right thing to say to him.

“No. You don’t want to do anything impulsive. We’ll figure out the best way to tell him, okay? That’s what couples do – they work through difficult things together. And if he reacts badly then so be it. Fuck him. You don’t deserve to spend your entire life living a certain way just because you think that that’s what he wants. If he doesn’t love you for who you are then he’s not worth your time.”

“You’re right. Of course, you’re right.” Robert smiles now – a genuine smile that Aaron’s so pleased to see. “I just wanted to get drunk and forget about him, but I should have told you what happened earlier on instead. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry.” Aaron interlinks their fingers on the table, enjoying the soft touch of Robert’s palm against his. “Just please don’t ever feel like you can’t tell me things. It seems like neither of us have very conventional families. But what matters most is that we’re both happy, regardless of whether our families are happy for us too. Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Robert replies, squeezing Aaron’s hand before shyly asking, “Do you think we could go back to the hotel? I’m not really very hungry. I just want to get in bed and watch shit telly with you.”

“Sure. You go and find us a taxi. I’ll settle the bill.”

There’s plenty of time for anger later, so Aaron wills himself to calm down and try to forget about Jack Sugden, at least for this evening. He needs to be there for Robert now, not be distracted by the fury that he feels towards Robert’s father. But one thing is certain – he’s not sure what his plan is yet, but there’s not a single chance that he’s going to allow Jack to continue making Robert feel so bad about himself.


	15. Paris Fashion Week: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's shocked to find himself struggling with temptation. A familiar face reappears, much to the disdain and Aaron and Robert. Robert's still struggling with his sexuality when Aaron makes a suggestion in bed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! Here's my Christmas present to you all: Robert bottoming for the first time... because I'm sure that it's the gift that you all want 😉

Robert wakes up on the final day of Fashion Week, warm in the hotel room bed that he’s grown to love over the past few days. He’s half-tempted to ask a member of the hotel staff where they got their bedding from and order some for him and Aaron when they get back to London. The feeling of being wrapped in the heavy, dark grey, velvety fabric with Aaron’s warm body beside him is nothing short of blissful.

He can’t help but feel sad that Fashion Week is coming to an end, knowing that the reality of ‘real life’ is just another day and a flight away. He wishes that he could have spent more time with Aaron enjoying the city and seeing the sights, but he’s had a fantastic experience with his presenting work and watching Aaron on the catwalk.

They’ll have to come back once their relationship has been revealed to the public, although that’s not something that he wants to think about too much right now. He’d quite like to pretend, just for another day, that the imposing doom of telling his father about their relationship doesn’t exist. Neither him nor Aaron have spoken about it since he revealed the fear that he was feeling about Jack finding out, but it’s been playing on his mind far more than he’s comfortable with.

Aaron’s still asleep, although he keeps making these little movements that confirm he’s slowly waking up. He’s lying on his side behind Robert, with an arm draped over Robert’s stomach, holding Robert close so that their sleep-clammy skin is pressed together. Aaron shifts slightly again and pushes his clothed groin firmly against Robert’s bum as he stretches in his sleep. Robert instinctively pushes back against him once… twice… teasing him awake.

It seems to work, as Aaron stretches again, twisting his hips this time so that Robert can feel the full form of his morning erection. They always seem to wake up like this and Robert doesn’t think that he’ll ever tire of it. He aligns his arm on top of Aaron’s, pulling their bodies even closer together, and squeezes in confirmation of his own awakened state.

“What time is it?” Aaron asks, his husky morning voice tickling Robert’s ear. It’s like salted caramel - sweet but with a bite.

“Time to get up.” Robert answers sadly, feeling a stab of disappointment when he checks his phone and realises that their alarms are due to go off in two minutes. He pushes back against Aaron and turns to kiss him good morning.

“Later then, eh?” Aaron asks suggestively, looking at Robert through tired eyes before yawning and reaching for his own phone. “You’re coming to the final show, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Can’t miss your climax, can I?” Robert laughs at Aaron’s eye-rolling response to his innuendo. “I’m gutted that I’m not going to see you in a suit today though.”

“Well, the internet’s full of photos of me for you to add to your collection. You never know, you might find that you have a kink for odd fashion too.”

“Oh my god! How many times! I do not have a suit kink.” He really doesn’t… okay maybe he does, but he’s not going to give Aaron the satisfaction of knowing that he’s right.

Aaron raises a doubtful eyebrow and replies teasingly. “Yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that. You got any plans for this morning?”

“I was just going to explore a bit, take my camera out. I really want to see Rue Crémieux and the Louvre.” Robert’s been so busy that he’s barely had time to see Paris, despite his plans to get plenty of photography practice in whilst he was here. “Then I’ve got my work review meeting after your show.”

“Rue Crémieux’s really cool.” Aaron says and Robert feel a pulse of lust at Aaron’s French pronunciation. He knows that it’s such a cliché to find a French accent attractive, but Aaron speaking French does wonderfully strange things to him. “I was thinking, we could take a walk by the Seine this evening and you could get some photos of the sunset there. It’s beautiful.”

“Our last night in Paris.” Robert utters gloomily.

“I know. Let’s make it a good one, eh? Now, I need a shower.”

Robert shimmies over to Aaron’s side of the bed when he gets up, relishing in the warmth and musky smell that he’s left behind. He watches Aaron as he walks around the room, not wanting to waste a second of getting to see him nearly naked. Aaron had lost a bit of weight for Fashion Week, making him slenderer than he used to be, but still perfectly toned and powerful looking. Robert bites his lip, not ignoring the uncontrollable frisson of want that passes through him as he watches Aaron disappear into the bathroom.

“Are you gonna join me?” Aaron calls over the sound of the shower spray.

The question needs no answer. What a perfect way to start the day.

~~~~

The noise and beat of the music is pounding through Aaron’s body like he’s standing next to a giant speaker in a club. It’s intense and disorientating and Aaron’s struggling to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. Luckily, he’s done this so many times that he can go through the motions easily: one foot in front of the other, walk walk walk, turn, walk walk walk.

He can’t think of anything else right now. This feeling he’s experiencing is horribly familiar and it makes him feel unwell. How- How could his brain betray him like this? _Focus, Aaron._ He can’t afford for his concentration to slip, not when he’s on a catwalk in front of the fashion elite and still has four more outfit changes to get through. _Focus._

Robert will know something up, he’s sure of it. Robert seems to notice every little change in his behaviour. He probably knows Aaron better than anyone else does, which says a lot about the strength and intensity of their relationship. Yep, Robert will be sure to notice the extra tension in Aaron’s jaw, the slightly clenched fists, the worried eyes… Not that Aaron’s paid any attention to the watching crowd, let alone tried to find Robert in it. Hell, the audience could be made up aliens and he wouldn’t have a clue.

And why is that?

Because of another model holding out a baggy of pills half an hour ago. Drugs always manage to find their way in. It’s normal, in fact. A bit of coke here, a pill there. Just part of being a model.

Aaron’s always politely declined; he’s never needed cocaine when adrenaline does a similar job for him. But for some reason, today was different. Because it wasn’t cocaine on offer, it was Librium, or at least that’s what he thought it was. It was offered to him by a model that he’s seen a few times before – more of a pro than he is – who’d noticed his usual pre-show anxiousness and asked him if he needed something to chill out.

It was as though seeing the pills had triggered something inside of him. He’d been going to see his therapist once a week since he got out of hospital, doing well and feeling as though the pill-taking was all just a horrible post-breakup blip, but Fashion Week meant that he’d had to cancel his usual Tuesday morning appointment with her. He thought that he was fine, that he didn’t need pills anymore, but god, the temptation was unbelievable.

There was a moment, albeit a split second, where he’d actually considered taking up the offer. Ever since Robert had told him about his father then he’s had an unshakeable tension occupying his entire body, a rage that won’t disappear. He’s been trying not to let it distract him, because he knows that anger won’t help Robert at all, but the idea of shutting his mind down for even a brief amount of time had been so tempting.

But then he’d thought of Robert and remembered that he’d be no good to him if he started taking pills again. Because it would never just be one – that’s what he’d thought the first time – it would be a couple, and then several, and then hiding an addiction or ending up in hospital again.

Even though he’d declined, he can’t stop thinking now about why he’d even thought about taking the pills in the first place. The mind is a fragile thing, as his therapist likes to remind him, but it’s also a pretty fucking confusing one too. He has no idea why his brain didn’t immediately reject the pills. Why would he want to take something so sinister again?

He does the rest of the show on autopilot: walk, change, walk, change. The clothing today is slightly more obscure and he’s happy that he at least still possesses the ability to smile when he finds himself wondering whether Robert will be able to find an item of clothing that he has shameless praise for.

When he’s quickly changing into his final outfit, a dystopian-style jumper and ripped tartan skinny jeans (the furthest thing away from anything he’d ever consider wearing off the catwalk), he blushes at the memory of fucking Robert’s face whilst wearing the trousers he’d stolen a couple of days ago. Robert couldn’t get enough. Why can’t he think of anything neutral? He’s swinging between deep-seated anxiety and lust for no explicable reason.

Aaron risks a quick look at where he thinks Robert will be sitting when he’s walking off the catwalk, where the cameras won’t be able to see him. He finds him straightaway, his blonde hair and white shirt standing out in the crowd – he looks perfect. Robert’s eyes are focused on him, looking at him like he’s edible, and he bites his lip when Aaron’s eyes meet his. Is there any item of clothing that Robert won’t find him attractive him? He’s incorrigible.

Ed never came to events, claiming that he didn’t want to ‘overshadow’ Aaron. At the time, Aaron had thought it made sense, but now it just reeks of jealousy and a lack of care or interest in Aaron’s career. In contrast, Robert’s nothing but supportive, taking pride in seeing Aaron working and showering him with praise and celebration. Of course, Aaron thinks now, it’s possible that Ed was just looking for an excuse to screw around with Connor or some other random guy whilst he was working.

As soon as he’s off the catwalk, Aaron wants to get out as soon as possible. There’s an after-party to celebrate the end of Fashion Week, but it’s the last thing that he’s in the mood for. Robert’s got his work review meeting soon, so Aaron’s decided that he’ll go back to the hotel room and chill out with a couple of beers. He’s been keeping to his strict Fashion Week diet and now all he wants is beer and bread and any other carbs that he can get his hands on.

Most of the other models have gone by the time he’s getting changed back into his own clothes. During the shows the changes are all so rapid that nobody pays any attention to his body and he doesn’t worry about anyone seeing his scars, but everyone’s more chatty when the shows are over, taking more time to get changed. Quite a few people know about his scars, obviously, but he’d rather it didn’t become widespread knowledge.

He’s just pulling up his own black skinny jeans when he feels a familiar presence behind him. He can always tell when Robert’s around, like a sixth sense.

“Hey. I think you were right about the kink thing. It must be for designer clothes.” Robert’s arms snake around his waist from behind, a hand dipping into Aaron’s undone jeans. Even though he’s expecting it, Aaron jumps slightly – the feeling making him instantly feel trapped. He doesn’t want to look rude, but he’s also hit by a sudden flight-or-fight desire to run away. “You okay?”

Aaron can’t pretend that he’s surprised at how open Robert’s being. They’re in relative privacy backstage but anyone could see them if they walked past. Robert’s _really_ not being subtle.

“Just worn out.” Aaron lies, because he’ll be fine, he’s sure of it. He just needs some fresh air and to get back to their hotel room as soon as possible.

“You sure?” Robert asks concernedly, removing the hand but still keeping his arm wrapped around Aaron. “You looked a bit out of it up there. Did you get enough sleep last night?”

“Urgh, why can you read me so well?”

“Because I’m your-”

“Robert Sugden? I thought it was you!” The sweet saccharine voice of Rebecca White appears from behind them, causing Robert to instantly drop his hands from Aaron’s waist. “Well this explains a lot, doesn’t it?”

“Sorry?” Aaron asks her irately, the cloying scent of Rebecca’s expensive perfume making him want to gag. He remembers that his jeans are still undone and buttons them quickly.

“Well, the reason that GQ wanted to employ Robert. Trying to diversify their workforce, were they? I should have known.”

“Known what?” Aaron clarifies, even though he knows exactly what she’s talking about.

“That Robert’s gay.”

“I’m not gay.” Robert snaps out automatically and Aaron tenses slightly.

“Well that might be news to Aaron.” Rebecca says smugly, like she’s proud of her witty retort.

“I’m bi.” Robert states simply, but Aaron hears a quiver of discomfort in his voice. “And it’s got nothing to do with GQ employing me.”

Rebecca seems dumbfounded, like she’s been knocked sideways by Robert’s admission, and Aaron can’t help but be pleased by that. Rebecca’s the type of person who doesn’t like to be proven wrong or not to be right in her assessment of other people.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Aaron asks her, annoyed that she’d interrupted them just as Aaron was about to tell Robert about the pills. 

“Working, obviously. Just helping out, the usual stuff.” Rebecca shrugs. “But that’s not interesting. I want to know all about you two.”

Aaron can see the hunger in her eyes and can tell that she’s thinking that she could easily sell a story to the papers. That’s the last thing him or Robert needs, especially in light of Robert’s terror at his father finding out about them. This entire relationship and its reveal has to be on their terms and nobody else’s.

“There’s not a huge amount to know.” Robert tells her. Aaron suspects from Robert’s defensive tone that he has the exact same concern that Rebecca’s looking for some gossip to spread and sell on. “We’re together, that’s it.”

“How boring!” Rebecca rolls her eyes. “It’s fine, I get it. You don’t want to go public so soon after Aaron’s breakup. People will think all sorts, won’t they? Well I’d never have guessed.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Robert asks irately.

“You. Being bi.” Rebecca says the word as though she thinks it’s a made-up thing and wants to put air quotations around it. “You don’t seem the kind.”

“Is there a kind?” Aaron asks, clenching his jaw.

“Obviously not.” Rebecca looks Robert up and down like she’s looking for some sort of giveaway clue about his sexuality. “You can’t keep something like this a secret forever though. People will talk.”

“We’re not going to keep it a secret forever.” Robert tells her, voice wavering as though he’s panicking. He’s surely thinking about his father’s reaction again. “We just want some time with it being private.”

“Well, being all over each other backstage at a fashion show isn’t going to help with that.”

“We were not- Look, do you want something?” Aaron asks Rebecca, feeling increasingly frustrated by her presence.

“No need to be so touchy, Aaron.” Rebecca laughs. “I just wanted to say hello to you both. I was going to compliment you on the week too. Seems like it’s been a good one for you.”

Aaron relents slightly, wanting to keep Rebecca on side. He knows that the only way to do that is to be nice to her and reciprocate any friendliness that she’s willing to dish out.

“Thanks. Look Bex, after everything with me and Ed, we just wanted to keep this to ourselves for a bit, so if you could just keep it to yourself for now. You’re the only one who knows and-”

“Say no more!” Rebecca raises her hands defensively and Aaron knows that his lie has worked. Okay, so Clive is the only other person who knows about them, but he knows that Rebecca is the type of person who loves being the only one privy to a secret. “I’ll keep my lips sealed. But Rob, if you ever decide that a man can no longer do it for you then you know where I am.”

Aaron looks to Robert and knows that despite the thin-lipped smile in response to what Rebecca’s just said, the tension in his jaw means that he’s having to bite his tongue from throwing a retort back at her. The pair of them watch as Rebecca flounces off, her ridiculously high heels clacking as she goes.

“She’s a fucking nightmare.” Robert hisses under his breath when she’s out of earshot. “How can someone who works in the fashion industry be so clueless about sexuality?”

“I know, she’s one of the vacuous ones. I’m sorry for what she just said. You know that I don’t see it like that, don’t you? I know that you don’t just switch it on and off.”

“Exactly. She’s just narrow-minded. I don’t care what she thinks of me though, I just hope she keeps her promise and doesn’t sell a story.”

“She won’t.” Aaron assures him, hoping that he knows Rebecca like he thinks he does. He’s feeling tired now that the adrenaline from the show is wearing off. “I really need a lie down so I’m going to head back to the hotel. Do you wanna meet me back there when you’re done?”

“Sure. Are you sure you’re okay though?” Robert enquires, stroking his fingers across Aaron’s cheek.

“Just tired.” Aaron tells him, because he doesn’t want to get into it now. He doesn’t want Robert to be sitting in a meeting worrying about him. He checks around to see if the coast is clear, and when he doesn’t see anyone then he risks a kiss with Robert, pushing their lips together once, twice… and leaving Robert smiling. “I’ll see you later, yeah?” 

~~~~

“Okay, where do you want me?” Aaron asks, one hand on his hip and the other taking his sunglasses off now that he’d standing against the low setting sun.

They’ve been walking beside the Seine for a while now, Robert stopping Aaron every few minutes to take photos with his camera. There’s a beautiful sunset this evening and the sky is a pattern of pink and orange, making a stunning background for Parisian architecture.

He’d really wanted to try taking some photos of Aaron so had shyly asked him if he could photograph him too. Aaron had immediately accepted but now seems to be getting frustrated by Robert’s constant changing of his mind about where he wants him to stand. They’re also getting a bit of attention and Robert’s sure that he’s seen a few people taking photos on their phones of them together.

“Just a bit more to your left. I want the sun to be just to one side of you. Bit more. That’s perfect.” Robert tells him before taking his shot. “Can you face the other way too? Like, looking towards the sun. Yeah, I love it.”

“Finally! You know you can photograph me any time? Can we go to dinner now?”

Robert takes a final shot as Aaron walks back to him. It’s an action shot, Aaron rolling his eyes at him as he puts his sunglasses back on. It’s candid, but Robert absolutely loves it as he looks at it on the small screen of the camera. It’s like an insight into the real Aaron – far removed from his posed modelling shots. It’s strange how a photo can capture his happy and relaxed demeanour in a still image.

He shows it to Aaron fifteen minutes later, as they’re waiting for a waiter to take their order in the small restaurant they’d chosen to go to. Aaron appraises the photo and Robert can’t help but flush with pride as Aaron looks impressed.

“That’s really good, actually. Can you send it to me?”

“Sure.” Robert sends it to him via the app that’s linked to the camera. He’s been posting a select few photos to Instagram, which have been getting some positive comments. It’s a hobby for now, but he keeps wondering whether it could become something more.

“Yeah, I love it.” Aaron nods as he looks at the photo on his phone. “I’m going to post it on my Insta.”

Aaron only stops tapping away on his phone when the waiter comes over and he speaks rapidly in French to him, placing their order. Robert loves the sound, as always. He’d done French at GCSE, but Aaron’s mastery of the language is unlike anything he could ever do. The only word he can really make out is ‘champagne’.

“Champagne, eh? We celebrating something?”

Aaron finishes typing on his phone. “Thought we deserved something to celebrate the end of Fashion Week our first trip away together. I’ve just posted that photo now. It looks really good.”

Robert looks at Aaron’s phone on the table, watching as the screen lights up with notifications about likes and comments. He opens the app himself to look at Aaron’s post, reading the caption: ‘Last night in this beautiful city. Thanks for a great Fashion Week 🖤’. Robert immediately likes the photo, satisfied with the photo he’s taken.

“I need to tell you something.” Aaron’s tone turns serious all of a sudden, pulling Robert back to reality. “I just want to get it out the way and then forget about.”

“Okay.” Robert replies tentatively, scared about what Aaron’s about to say.

“I nearly took some pills earlier.” Aaron admits quietly.

Robert feels his heart immediately begin to race and his stomach sinks. He knows from the research that he did whilst Aaron was in hospital that Librium was addictive, but he hadn’t read much about people relapsing. It’s the last thing that he imagined Aaron would say and he can’t help but panic at the thought of Aaron taking the pills again.

“But you didn’t?” Robert asks, trying to keep his tone controlled just in case. His mind’s racing about what to do if Aaron has relapsed. “Did you?”

“No, but I was tempted. Another model had them and for a second, I wanted to take them. But then I thought of you and us and what I went through. I felt a bit shit for a couple of hours-”

“That’s why you seemed a bit different earlier?” Realisation dawns on Robert. That’s why Aaron seemed off during the show.

“Yeah. It really was a brief moment, but I wanted to be honest with you.” Aaron sounds scared, like he’s expecting a bad reaction from Robert.

“Please don’t ever feel like you can’t be. And are you sure you’re okay now?”

“Definitely. It’s been a long week. My brain reacted before I’d had time to properly think. It scared me a bit, but then I went back to the hotel and got a bit of sleep and now I don’t feel like I want them anymore. Like I said, I thought it was right to be honest with you.”

“Absolutely. You promise that you’ll tell me if you ever feel tempted again?”

“Definitely.” Aaron replies sincerely, giving Robert a small, relieved smile. “Right, now that that’s out of the way, what do you want for dinner? I need bread and chips and anything with carbs in.”

Robert laughs. “Are you sure you’d rather not ditch this fancy restaurant and go to McDonalds instead?”

“McDonalds doesn’t have champagne.” Aaron shrugs. “And maybe I want you to wine and dine me.”

“Well I can definitely do that.” Robert flirts back. “You can get whatever you like, just as long as you order it in French for me.”

“Deal. There’s another kink to add to the list. Suits - no, any type of designer clothing - _and_ speaking French. Anything else?”

Robert can only roll his eyes. There’s no point denying it when it seems to be true.

“That’s for you to find out, isn’t it?”

~~~~

“I had a really good night, you know?” Robert sways slightly as he falls into bed after returning from the bathroom and brushing his teeth.

They’re both tipsy, having overindulged in champagne and beer. It had been a really relaxing evening, eating steak and lobster, chatting in the relative privacy of the restaurant. They’d chosen to go to a restaurant that was popular with the Parisian locals which meant that nobody seemed to recognise them. After the chaos of the week it had been a welcome change.

“Yeah, me too.” Aaron replies, settling in against Robert’s now outstretched arm.

It’s part of their bedtime routine now, Robert always welcoming Aaron into his arms. It’s one of Aaron’s favourite places to be: warm against Robert’s soft skin, feeling safe and protected against the solid muscle of Robert’s chest.

Aaron does what he always does and throws a leg over Robert’s, an arm across his chest, pulling their bodies even closer together. This is usually how sex starts between them at night – with their embrace that has the potential to lead to more. Tonight’s no exception and Aaron’s feeling especially pumped up and keen after the evening they’ve just had.

They start with gentle kisses and squeezes, with random comments about all sorts in between, and then Aaron makes the move to take things further, deepening the kiss and stroking a hand up Robert’s thigh. Robert’s not a particularly hairy guy, but he has a light dusting of thicker hair and the top of his thighs that Aaron loves to comb his fingers through. Robert squirms as he does it now, reciprocating Aaron’s touch by grabbing his arse.

There’s something that Aaron’s been wondering about for a while now. It’s been teased a few times now, when they’re both drunk on lust and loose lipped as a result. But despite Robert’s words and moans of desire in response to Aaron’s suggestions, nothing further has happened. It’s always seemed to be a forgone conclusion that if they’re having full-on penetrative sex then it’s Robert who tops.

And it’s not as though Aaron doesn’t enjoy that, because it really is incredible with Robert, no matter what they’re doing. But he’s always liked to switch things up every now and again. He doesn’t just want to take from Robert, he wants to give too. So that’s why he’d made the decision earlier, whilst running his foot up and down Robert’s leg under the restaurant table, that he’d be a bit more obvious tonight, exerting more of his authority and being more dominant.

He’s manipulates their bodies so that he’s on top of Robert, kissing into his neck, allowing his hands to take a different route to their usual one. He slips a hand up through the leg of Robert’s underwear, shimmying it underneath so that his finger can dip between Robert’s cheeks and tease his hole.

He’s expecting some sort of response of course, but not the one that Robert provides. Because instead of Robert groaning in pleasure, hissing out a ‘yes’ and encouraging Aaron’s fingers further, he stiffens instead, pulling Aaron’s hand out of his underwear and placing it over the top of his hardening bulge instead. Aaron immediately removes his hand completely and stops what he’s doing.

“Shit, I’m sorry. You don’t want that?”

“What? No, I was just-” Robert mumbles into Aaron’s mouth, kissing him as though he’s trying to pretend that he didn’t just tighten up like a coiled spring.

Robert moves swiftly now, leveraging his body so that he’s now on top of Aaron, kissing him like nothing else matters, stroking a hand across his stomach and delving into Aaron’s underwear to grab hold of him. There’s something not right though. There’s a vacancy to Robert’s actions, like he’s just doing what he thinks he should do, not what he wants to.

“Rob, stop.” Aaron manages to get out, despite Robert’s attempts at distraction. “What happened just then?”

Robert pushes himself up on his arms, hovering above Aaron and looking at him thoughtfully. There’s a look of pure displeasure on his face, a blink and you miss it moment, before he throws himself down on the bed beside Aaron.

“What are you talking about?” Robert asks irately… defensively…

“You know what.” Aaron’s conscious of treading carefully now, not wanting to push Robert. “I just went to touch you and you flinched.”

“Did I? I didn’t mean to…” Robert trails off. Aaron can straight through him though. There’s something that Robert’s not saying.

“If you don’t want to do that, then it’s fine.” Aaron opts for being completely open and direct with what he’s saying. It doesn’t come naturally, but he doesn’t feel as though this is the kind of subject to tiptoe around. “I don’t mind. If you don’t like it, or-” the next part of Aaron’s planned sentence remains unsaid, because he can’t bear to think of something happening to Robert that’s resulted in him reacting so aversely to Aaron’s touch.

Robert remains silent. Their hotel room’s dark but Aaron can still see his face. He looks conflicted and pained, like he’s deliberating what to say next. He takes a deep breath, then shakes his head like he’s trying to rid himself of a memory.

“I’ve never done it before. Not properly.” Robert says, so quietly that it’s barely audible. He turns his head on the pillow to look at Aaron and furrows his brow. His looks so visibly uncomfortable when he speaks again. “I tried to once, but I just didn’t like it, okay?”

Aaron knows the look on Robert’s face. It’s as though he’s lying next to a younger version of himself who’s still trying to come to terms with his sexuality, still retaining denial, still hopeful that maybe he’s misread those feelings of longing and desire.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Aaron asks gently, in a way that’s reminiscent of the way his therapist speaks to him.

“Not really. It was a few years ago. Got drunk. Went back to this random guy’s place. He tried to… you know… but didn’t get very far. I didn’t like it. The end.”

“Did he-” Aaron can’t bring himself to ask, the thought alone making him feel sick.

“He didn’t force me.” Robert replies like he’s read Aaron’s thoughts. “I just don’t like it. Or maybe I would. I don’t know.” Robert sounds like he’s getting increasingly frustrated with himself.

“Okay, that’s fine. I just thought that… Well, you know how it’s come up when we’ve been doing other stuff? You seemed into it, that’s all. I’m sorry if I’ve misread things.” Aaron means every word of his apology. He feels foolish for coming onto Robert like he just has, for not talking to him about it first.

Robert’s lying rigid now, on his back, staring at the ceiling. Aaron can feel the covers twitching from Robert’s anxiously jiggling leg.

“I thought that I wanted it.” Robert admits. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while; ever since we got together properly. But as soon as you just touched me there then I panicked. It just feels a bit too-”

“Gay?” Aaron supplies, recalling how he’d had the exact same feeling when he’d first bottomed.

“Yeah.” Robert sounds apologetic, yet relieved that Aaron understands. “But that’s horrible. And stupid.”

“It’s not.” Aaron interrupts, before realising that he needs to give Robert the opportunity to speak.

“Well it feels that way. Bi guys bottom, don’t they? All the fucking Greeks did it. I shouldn’t feel like less of a man if I do that.”

Aaron can’t help but smile fondly at Robert’s monologue, the random historical reference, welcoming the insight into his internal thoughts. He suddenly thinks of the perfect question to ask Robert. “Do you see me as less of a man?”

“Are you joking? You’re the most alpha guy I’ve ever met.”

“Thanks,” Aaron chuckles, surprised by the random compliment. “So, if it doesn’t make me less of a man then why should it make you less of one?”

“Exactly! I don’t know.” Robert throws his hands up despairingly, before growing quiet again. “What was it like for you the first time that you did it?”

“Honestly? Scary as fuck.” Aaron says, ignoring the way that Robert titters at his coarse language. “Well, it was! I thought that it would change me somehow, like everybody would suddenly be able to tell that I was gay. But then I did it, and enjoyed it, and nothing changed about me or how I viewed myself. I didn’t know why I’d made such a big deal of it after I’d done it.”

“And you do, enjoy it, that is?” Robert asks tentatively.

“No, I’m just a _really_ good actor,” Aaron teases. “Of course, I do. Look, I would love to be with you in that way, but if you don’t feel like you’re ready now then that’s fine. Or if you don’t ever feel ready then that’s fine too. I mean, I personally feel like you’d be missing out-”

Aaron’s stopped suddenly by Robert climbing back on top of him, kissing him more intensely that he thinks that they’ve ever kissed before. There’s so much heat, not just physically but mentally too. There’s a frenzy of awkward movement as Robert tries to remove his own underwear whilst keeping his mouth attached to Aaron’s. He sits astride Aaron’s lap determinedly, looking at Aaron with a challenge in his eye.

“I want you to.” Robert tells Aaron seriously. “I think I just need to do it. And I trust you. I want it to be you.”

“But you just said all of that.”

“I know what I said, but I can’t see what’s ever going to change. The only way for me to know if I like it is by doing it.”

“Okay.” Aaron says doubtfully, worrying that this is too quick a change of mind for Robert. He doesn’t want him to regret making such a swift decision once the post-orgasm lethargy has worn off. “We can stop whenever you like. Just tell me if it’s too much.”

Robert nods nervously, but he’s still got that same look that he usually has whenever they have sex. The look of desire and want. Aaron’s going to take this slow though, checking in with Robert every step of the way.

“Right. How do you want me?” Robert asks.

“Just let me take the lead.” Aaron reassures him.

Aaron doesn’t want this to be mechanical and regimented – he wants them both to follow their instincts and enjoy every second. Lube is the first priority, so he places a hand either side of Robert’s hip and lifts Robert off him. He gives Robert a few rough strokes just the way that he knows Robert likes it, working him to full hardness, then rolls to the side of the bed to retrieve the bottle from his bedside table.

He can sense the tension in Robert’s body and knows that he needs to get him more comfortable before he tries anything further. One thing, however, that’s guaranteed to achieve the level of relaxation required is a blow job, so he chucks the lube down beside him and kisses Robert deeply, teasing him with a probing tongue, before slowly kissing down his body, flicking his tongue over a nipple and finally settling between his legs.

He loves the smell of Robert, clean with a hint of musk from the day. He inhales deeply, placing wet kisses on Robert’s upper thighs, moistening the fine hairs there, earning sensitive wriggles from Robert. Robert seems tense but lets out a deep groan when Aaron’s mouth teases at the head of his cock with a stiffened tongue at the tip, just how he knows Robert likes it.

Robert’s hand reaches for the back of Aaron’s head, controlling the pace of his mouth. Aaron continues his pursuit, teasing, flicking, stroking Robert with his tongue, moving his mouth up and down until Robert’s at the back of his throat. When he can tell that Robert’s settling into the pace, unable to focus on nothing but feeling and experiencing, Aaron subtly reaches for the lube, pumping some onto his fingers and rubbing it between them to warm it up.

“Okay?” He asks when he releases Robert’s cock from his mouth, unsurprised when he sees that Robert’s eyes are cautiously watching every move he makes.

“Yeah.” Robert replies, blowing out a breath slowly.

“Tell me if you want to stop.” Aaron tells him, before his mouth descends on Robert’s cock again, careful not to send Robert over the edge before they’ve properly begun. He sucks Robert for a minute or so more, before running a single finger over Robert’s entrance. The angle’s slightly awkward but he manages to just about get a finger inside Robert, resulting in a sharp intake of breath from the other man.

The first finger’s usually fine, a bit of mild discomfort but nothing to cause complete aversion to anything more. Aaron doesn’t want to think about it, but he can’t help but wonder if the guy that Robert tried this with previously didn’t bother with any preparation. If that was the case, then it’s no wonder that Robert’s been put off from trying it again.

He works the single finger in and out, feeling Robert’s muscles tense and relax in time with his careful sucks up and down. He memories the timing, knowing exactly when Robert will be at his most relaxed and ready for another finger. He pushes the second one in gradually alongside the first, bracing himself for an utterance of ‘stop’ from Robert. It doesn’t come, although he can tell that the second finger’s a stretch, not only because he can feel the resistance, but also by the way that Robert raises his hips for a moment, as though he’s trying to get away from it, before settling back down again.

Aaron’s starting to feel the strain on his muscles from being in his somewhat odd position, so he slowly pulls his fingers free and kisses up Robert’s body again as he reaches for a pillow and eases it under Robert’s hips.

“Just to make it a bit easier.” He explains to Robert, checking his face for any sign that he wants to stop.

The two fingers go back in with relative ease and Robert groans more pleasurably this time. His fists are still screwed up in the bed sheet, but they’re less clenched now, no longer shaking with nervousness.

“It’s good.” Robert huffs out, moaning when Aaron’s thumb starts stroking a firm pressure on his perineum.

“Yeah? Put your knees up.” Aaron tells him, wanting to get Robert get into a position that will open him up more. Robert seems hesitant at first, but then moves his legs so that both knees are bent close to his chest, and Aaron feels his fingers slip deeper, allowing him to scissor them inside and curl them to stimulate Robert’s prostate internally. “That’s it.”

“Oh my god. What are you doing to me?” Robert lets out a deep groan at the touch, breathing heavily as Aaron stimulates his prostate over and over.

Aaron can’t help but smile smugly as he looks up at Robert. Robert’s still watching everything he’s doing, but it’s now with a turned-on curiosity rather than anxious anticipation. His eyes widen in pleasure every time Aaron pushes against his prostate, like he’s both shocked and delighted by the brand-new sensation. It’s a thrill for Aaron to know that this is the first time that Robert’s experienced this, and he’s pleased that Robert seems to be relishing in it.

He knows that needs to open Robert up more, to add a third finger, or a fourth, before Robert will be ready for his cock, so he tries his best to maintain his control. He can feel himself getting more excited now, focusing less on the mechanics of what he’s doing and more on the anticipation of being inside Robert. He increases the speed of his fingers slightly and shifts himself on his knees so that he can kiss Robert.

Robert seems overwhelmed, not saying anything but moving his hips moving to meet Aaron’s thrusting fingers. Aaron feels like he’s ready for a third finger and is pleased when another slips in easily.

“Good boy.” Aaron whispers into Robert’s mouth. “You’re doing so well, taking me so well.”

Robert grabs at the back of his head, kissing Aaron with hot, breathy kisses. It’s messy and passionate and everything that Aaron wants it to be for Robert. He can’t help but thrust his own hips, moaning as his cock rubs against the tip of Robert’s.

It’s all going well, until it isn’t, and Robert stops suddenly with an awkward gasp.

“No.” He winces. “More lube.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Aaron apologises profusely, gently pulling his fingers free and pumping more lube onto them and Robert’s hole.

“It’s fine.” Robert nods. “That’s better.” He tells Aaron when his fingers sink back in easily.

Aaron massages him inside, occasionally splaying his fingers to stretch Robert more. “Do you think you can take another?”

Robert furrows his brow, like he’s debating whether he wants to continue.

“We can stop if you want?”

“No, no. I want to.” Robert reaches a hand down between their bodies, his own fingers grazing Aaron’s so he can feel Aaron’s fingers moving in and out of him. He moans deeply, like he can’t believe that his body’s taking it, and then surprises Aaron when he gathers some of the lube that’s slipping down between his cheeks and slips one of his own fingers in alongside Aaron’s.

“Oh my god.” Aaron hears himself groan, feeling their fingers working together to stretch Robert open. “You think you’re ready?”

“Do you?” Robert asks, and Aaron remembers that he’s more of the expert here. Three or four’s normally enough for him, so he nods.

“We’ll try it. If you’re sure you still want to.”

“I do.” Robert whines enthusiastically, moving his hips so that their fingers slip out, and getting a condom from his own bedside table.

Aaron can tell that Robert’s being honest, that he believes he’s ready and wants to take things further, so he spreads the residual lube from his fingers over himself, giving his cock a few rapid strokes. Not that he needs to. Fingering Robert open has made him ridiculously hard. He tears the foil packet open with his teeth and is sure that he hears Robert groan “Fuck” as he watches him do it. He rolls the condom on, pumps more lube onto himself and Robert, and lifts Robert’s knees again, taking Robert’s hips and pulling Robert’s body down so that his arse is perfectly aligned with his cock.

“Ready?”

~~~~

Robert’s brain is overwhelmed. He’s a mess of sensations and he’s struggling to focus on just one of them. The smell of lube and sweat and his cologne mixed with Aaron’s on his neck. The sound of his own heavy breathing and Aaron’s deep guttural groan as he works himself inside him. The taste of champagne and beer and Aaron’s tongue in his mouth. The sight of Aaron’s cock disappearing inside him, hips getting close to his own, skin against skin. The touch of Aaron’s hands, one on his shoulder, one interlinked with his own, the bite of his teeth against his lip, the burn.

Nothing could have prepared him for this. It’s too much and not enough all at once. He sucks in a breath as Aaron pushes deeper and deeper. The initial pain is starting to subside, and he feels full – fuller than he thought was possible. But it’s good… he thinks… if Aaron could just get it over with and get all the way in… that’s better, he thinks as he shifts his hips slightly. Aaron’s hit just the right spot.

“Fuck!” Robert hears himself shout, squeezing Aaron’s hand tightly.

“Are you okay?” Aaron stills himself immediately and starts to back out.

“No no no, don’t stop. It’s good.” Robert laughs out, relieved that the worst is over, or at least he hopes it is.

“You sure?” Aaron checks, still not moving.

“Yeah, it’s just- God, you’re big.”

“Thanks,” Aaron winks and Robert laughs again, breaking the tension. “You want me to move?”

“Yeah, just not too fast.”

“Okay.” Aaron nods, moving the hand that was on Robert’s shoulder, running it through Robert’s hair and stroking down his cheek.

Aaron starts moving slowly and Robert swears that he can feel every single tiny movement inside of him. There’s a burn, an uncomfortable feeling of being stretched more than his body can cope with, but there’s also a light headiness, an intense feeling of desire and excitement coursing through him. This is worlds apart from the first time he tried it. Where there was haste and harshness, there’s gentility and calmness.

He thought that he’d hate the feeling of submission and vulnerability but with Aaron and the way that he’s taking his time, making sure that it’s just as good for Robert as it is for him, he feels nothing but intimacy and… love. Sure, it’s odd for him to have different sensations in _very_ different places but at its heart it feels exactly the same: like sex with somebody that he- _Where has all this emotion come from?_

His face must show that his thoughts have drifted because he hears Aaron trying to bring him back, asking if he’s still with him, just as he’s oh-so-slowly pulling out and then pushing back in again. It’s euphoric and exhilarating, not just the feeling, but the thought of what Aaron’s doing to him.

“Harder.” He tells Aaron, wanting to feel more more more.

Aaron pace quickens and he groans as Aaron seems to go impossibly deeper. He can feel his cock stirring, begging for attention and he reaches down to take hold of it. It’s like a spark of electricity to his spine, shocking a throaty moan from him. He wants, no needs, to grab at Aaron, to pull him closer, deeper… He just wants and wants and wants so much that he can no longer form coherent thoughts.

Aaron’s hand moved back to his shoulder now, pulling Robert’s body down to meet the thrust of his hips. They’re both so… hot… sticky with sweat and lube and warm breath.

“Let me,” Aaron leans forward, whispering in his ear and kissing him messily, batting Robert’s hand away from his cock and replacing it with his own. It’s slick with lube – Robert must have missed Aaron pumping more onto his fingers – and he feels as though his eyes roll back in his head as Aaron’s strokes him carefully in time with his thrusts.

Their position must change, because Aaron seems to be hitting his prostate with every thrust, threatening Robert’s orgasm to release with every movement in and out. Robert’s mouth is getting dry now, he’s breathing so hard… so deep.

He was worried that in the midst of things then he’d feel as though he’d rushed into this, but now he’s kicking himself for not allowing himself this experience sooner. Nothing feels wrong about this. It feels so so right. It’s sexy, in fact, having Aaron fuck him like he is. It’s not even over and he already wants it again, to feel Aaron working him open, filling him and-

“Fuck, I’m gonna come.” He tells Aaron frantically as his impending orgasm seems to hit him from nowhere. “Harder. Harder.” He moves a leg and wraps it around Aaron’s arse, pulling Aaron close as he feels his orgasm building and building, reaching up and grabbing at Aaron’s arm, feeling the muscle of it hard and tight where Aaron’s propping himself up. “Oh fuck, Aaron.”

It’s halfway between a shout and a scream as he comes, Aaron nothing but a blur as his eyes lose focus. His mind goes blank, body spasming and hips thrusting through every shockwave of orgasm. He’s not sure whether he’s ever come so hard before – it’s unlike anything he’s ever known or felt – the dual stimulation of Aaron’s hand stroking his cock and filling his arse, hitting his prostate.

“Oh god. Oh shit. Fuck.”

Aaron utters a stream of words as he maintains his pace through Robert’s orgasm. Robert can feel the muscles of his arse pulsing in the aftermath of his orgasm – his entire body’s shaking, buzzing like he’s got pins and needles, as Aaron’s movements stutter and he slams once, twice, deep into Robert, until his own orgasm hits him. The noise that Aaron makes is halfway between a groan and a shout. He stays inside Robert throughout and it’s as though he’s lost all control as his hips thrust so hard that Robert’s pushed up the bed.

“Fuck.” They both say simultaneously as Aaron moves slowly in and out, the muscles of his stomach tensing through the aftershocks.

Aaron stays inside him, and they kiss fervently, like they need it in order to survive, until Aaron pulls out with a whine and Robert feels empty. Aaron deals with the condom and Robert’s not sure how he’s capable of coordinated movement. His legs feel like jelly and he doesn’t think he could move even if he had to.

“You okay?” Aaron asks nervously, lying back down beside Robert and stroking his cheek.

“Are you serious?” Robert laughs breathily, still struggling to get his breathing back under control. His body’s still shaking, but he feels so… _alive_. “That was-” _Incredible, unlike anything he’s ever experienced before, life changing._ “Amazing.”

He kisses Aaron again, lazily this time because his body feels overcome with weakness and exhaustion and relief. Aaron’s mouth is hot and wet, and Robert teases his tongue, bites his lip, kisses all of the words into him that he can’t formulate.

“Thank you.” The words slip out without him meaning for them to, but he immediately wants to express his gratitude again.

“No, thank _you_. You were perfect.” Aaron smiles fondly at him.

“No, you were. I didn’t think it would feel like that.”

“Like what?”

“So good.” Robert admits bashfully. “I can’t believe I’ve denied myself that for so long.”

“Well, it’s not a one-time thing. We can do it whenever you like.” Aaron pauses thoughtfully. “If you want to, obviously.”

“Are you joking? Of course, I do. You’re incredible, you know?”

Aaron doesn’t reply with words, but kisses him instead, before getting up and going into their en-suite, returning with a warm flannel. He cleans Robert gently whilst peppering kisses on his cheeks and nose. Robert winces against the sensitivity, raking his nails up and down Aaron’s arm as he allows Aaron to clean him up. He wants Aaron close, so when Aaron’s discarded the flannel on the floor then he welcomes Aaron into his arms, holding him in a tight hug.

He feels his eyes growing heavy and stifles a yawn. He doesn’t want to sleep though – he wants to revel in this afterglow forever. But his body’s too tired, and although he tries to stay awake, he eventually succumbs to the feeling of exhaustion, falling asleep with Aaron swaddled in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that this chapter was as good for you as it was for Robert 😂 I really don't feel like smut's my strong point. I'd love to know what you all thought - if you enjoyed it then I'll certainly be writing more!


	16. The Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron return to London after Paris Fashion Week. Robert plans to reveal their relationship to Victoria, but drama ensues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it's been such a long time! I slipped into a bit of post-Christmas depression and completely lost my motivation, but I'm feeling a lot better now. This chapter feels rather long and ramble-y, but it's taken forever to write and I wanted to get something up for everyone who's still interested. I hope that you enjoy it!

It takes Robert a moment to compose his thoughts when he wakes up, wondering whether the night before was nothing more than a (deeply pleasurable) dream. With his eyes still closed, images and feelings flash through his brain – the touch of Aaron’s skin against his, the heat of Aaron’s mouth, the sensation of being filled. It sends a gratifying shiver through him, that’s only intensified by the dull ache in his hips and lower back that he starts to feel as he fully wakes up. Definitely not just a dream then…

Aaron’s still asleep next to him, letting out cute little puffs of air as he breathes steadily next to him. Robert’s grateful for that, for having even just a couple of minutes to himself before he has to wake Aaron up and they have to get ready to go to the airport for their flight back to London.

He’s never really given much thought to how he’d feel after having sex with a man in the way that he had last night with Aaron. He’d blocked out the memory of the previous time he’d tried it, preferring to pretend it had never happened. It was a horrible thing to recall – the embarrassment and indignity of it; the way he’d fled afterwards... Ever since then, something in his brain had never let him get past the premise of doing it in the first place, shutting down the thought like it was an impossibility.

He’s waiting for the guilt or shame to come, expecting it to hit him like a truck and fill him with regret. But instead, turning and looking at Aaron on the pillow beside him, he feels overcome with a wave of something that he doesn’t want to label as ‘love’ but is pretty damn close. There’s no shame, no remorse or regret; instead he just feels satisfied. He’d done something that, if he was honest, he’d been dreading, but it had been better than he ever could have imagined.

Aaron had been so considerate and gentle… until Robert no longer wanted him to be. And although he understands his fears, he wishes that he’d taken the plunge into having that kind of experience sooner. But then he can’t help but wonder that maybe it had taken Aaron to make him see that it wasn’t anything to be afraid of?

“Hey, you.” He kisses Aaron’s cheek and nibbles on his ear lobe to wake him up, overcome with a sudden need to speak to him and see his bright blue eyes. “We need to get up.”

Aaron groans in vague greeting, stretching like a cat and blinking his eyes open. Robert revels in the sight of his muscles tensing, almost envious of how toned and beautiful he is. He loves Aaron in the morning when he first wakes up, sleep soft and pliant.

“You okay?” Aaron asks almost straightaway, his features filling with concern when Robert remains silent and continues staring.

“I’m perfect.” Robert tells him sincerely, kissing him again, this time on the lips.

Aaron lets out a sigh of relief. “So, you’re not-”

“Regretting last night?” Robert interrupts, feeling guilty that it’s Aaron’s immediate thought. “I thought I might, but I’m not. Not at all.” He feels shy and exposed all of a sudden, so counters it by climbing on top of Aaron and pushing their naked bodies together.

“No complaints then, Sugden?” Aaron lifts his hips cheekily, eliciting a groan from both of them.

“No complaints, Dingle.”

~~~~

“Did you two have fun in Paris together?”

“Guys, guys! Any comment on rumours that you two are together?”

“When are you coming out, Robert?”

“Aaron, what does Ed think of you and Robert being together?”

“Robert, what does your dad think about you and Aaron?”

Aaron can only just make out some of the questions being thrown at him and Robert as they’re leaving Heathrow airport. The photographers had been waiting outside, ready to pounce on them and any other famous faces returning from Fashion Week. Robert’s walking ahead of him and he falters, hanging his head slightly, and Aaron knows it’s because he’s also heard the question about his father. He wishes that he could lay a supportive hand on Robert’s shoulder, but instead replies to the photographers with a wave of his hand and a customary “No comment” as he and Robert curtly greet their driver and get into the car that’s parked up and waiting for them.

“This is getting ridiculous now,” Robert sighs quietly enough so that their driver won’t hear them, watching as the photographers continue to try taking their photo through the car window. “Do you think they actually know about us?”

“How could they? The only people who know about us are Clive and Rebecca-”

“Would she sell a story?” Robert asks nervously, worrying at his lip.

“I don’t think so.” Aaron tells him honestly. “Would Clive?”

“God, no.” Robert scoffs. “He’s got nothing to gain from it.”

“Well then, we don’t need to worry, do we? But you know that we’re not going to be able to keep it secret for much longer.” Aaron starts tentatively, not wanting to aggravate or upset Robert by reminding him of the fact. “Loads of people have commented on that photo that you took of me by the Seine and they all seem to know that you took it.”

“I know, I saw the comments too. It’s not really surprising, is it? I knew I’d seen people taking photos of us by the river and they’re all over Twitter now.” Robert says dismissively, his expression growing resigned all of a sudden as he leans his head back against the headrest and looks out of the car window, watching London pass him by. “I’ve been thinking… I want to tell Vic about us first. And soon. I thought that she might be able to tell dad…” Robert trails off.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Aaron asks uncertainly, thinking that the news would be better coming from Robert, giving him the opportunity to defend the negative assumptions that he knows Jack’s going to make about them.

“I dunno, but I’d rather not experience his reaction first-hand. And she’s always been better at handling him that I have. It’s stupid though,” Robert adds with frustration, “he probably already knows, or at least suspects something. Regardless of him though, I want Vic to be the first person in my family that I tell about us.”

“Okay, whatever you want to do, we’ll do it.” Aaron tells Robert supportively, knowing that Robert needs to do this on his own terms. “When were you thinking of telling her?”

“Haven’t really got that far.” Robert shrugs. “I was going to call her when we get back home and maybe see if she wants to have dinner together next week.”

“Sounds good.” Aaron smiles fondly at the way that Robert refers to the London apartment as ‘home’.

He’s been trying not to give it too much thought, but he keeps wondering what their long-term plan is. Staying in the apartment together was only meant to be temporary whilst he continued to recover from his hospitalisation, but he hadn’t imagined that their relationship would progress and grow as much as it has. He can’t imagine not living with Robert now – they feel pretty much inseparable. 

“What are you thinking about?” Robert’s question interrupts his thoughts and he realises that he’d drifted off into a world of his own.

“Nothing.” Aaron shakes his head, parking the thoughts about their future – there’s bigger things to deal with first. “Just thinking about how much I’m looking forward to being back home with you.”

~~~~

Robert had spent the rest of the journey looking out of the window thinking to himself. He didn’t care about the photographs taken of him and Aaron in Paris; he didn’t care about all of the comments on Instagram and posts on Twitter about his and Aaron’s rumoured relationship. It’s not as though there was any actual concrete evidence of their relationship – just a few photos and knowledge that they’ve been spending a lot of time together.

And after all, they’d agreed that they’d be more open and carefree about being seen together whilst they were in Paris. If he was honest, he’d been expecting them to be more open, but he felt as though Jack had put a dampener on those plans when he had spoken to Robert a couple of days ago, making him feel ashamed about being happy and enjoying his work, and living a life that he enjoyed.

The conversation had simultaneously made him more nervous and determined to take back control from Jack. He’d lived too much of his life worrying about what his father thought and he’d had enough of it.

Aaron was due to fly off to Spain for work in a couple of days’ time and Robert was already planning on taking the time to process his thoughts and prepare himself for Jack finding out about them. At the beginning of his and Aaron’s relationship he hadn’t thought too much about having to come out, not just to Jack but the public too, because he hadn’t known whether their relationship would last.

But now that they were serious and steady, and he can only imagine them becoming more so, it feels that now’s the right time to reveal all. He’s had to keep a huge part of himself secret for so long that he doesn’t want to spend any more time hiding who he is.

~~~~

“You know that all you’re going to get is questions about us, don’t you?” Aaron tells rather than asks Robert later that day, when he’s just got back in from a run, making Robert feel lazy for lounging on the dark teal sofa in the living room.

“Yeah, but it’s my thing, isn’t it? I’ve been doing ‘Sugden Sunday’ for months now. My fans expect it.” Robert replies with a cheeky wink. He knows that Aaron’s right though – he posted an ‘Ask Me Anything’ on his Instagram story ten minutes ago and must have received at least a hundred questions already about them.

“Hmm, I’m sure they love it.” Aaron retorts with an eyebrow raise.

Robert takes a moment to stare at him and can’t help but bite his lip in delight as he strokes a hand down his bicep, squeezing it through the material of his tight running gear. Aaron’s skin is damp from his run, his cheeks flushed and gel-free hair curlier than usual. Just looking at him is addictive, let alone feeling him. 

“Well, that’s the beauty of getting them to ask me questions rather than doing a live. I can vet the questions beforehand.” Robert pauses thoughtfully, a concern playing on his mind. “You took it steady, didn’t you?”

“Of course, I promise you.” Aaron smiles reassuringly. “I was fine before Fashion Week and I’m fine now. I only push myself too hard when something’s stressing me out and I don’t know how to cope with it. But I’m happy now, you know I am.”

“I know, I know. I just worry about you.” Robert takes hold of Aaron’s hand and strokes his thumb against his skin.

“I know you do, but I’ve told you so many times that I’ll tell you if there’s something up. I’m gonna get a shower.” Aaron leans over Robert on the sofa and places a firm kiss on his lips. “Good luck with your Q&A.”

“Have a nice shower!” Robert calls after Aaron as he strolls off the bathroom, the living room immediately feeling horribly empty as soon as he’s gone.

He guesses he should get used to being alone in the apartment, given that Aaron’s going to be away for work soon. And to say that he’s worried is an understatement. The more time that goes on with them keeping their relationship a secret, the more anxious Robert feels about Aaron’s mental health. Aaron’s already had to deal with keeping his sexuality a secret in the past, and Robert’s concerned that their current situation might be causing those old feelings and memories to resurface.

But he trusts Aaron and knows that he’s strong, resilient, and in a much better mental state than he has been in months. And besides, he reminds himself, they’ll be free of the bonds of secrecy soon.

Robert fires off a couple of emails to Leyla and his agent – who wants to see him later in the week to discuss some upcoming work – then reads through some of the questions that have been sent to him on Instagram.

_‘Pleeeeassse tell us about Aaron!’_

_‘Not a question, but you and Aaron are the cutest_ _😍’_

_‘Are you still living with Aaron?’_

_‘Tell us about the first time you and Aaron met!’_

_‘Where did you go on your first date?’_

That question stops Robert, because they’ve not really been on a first date, have they? He wants to take Aaron out to a fancy restaurant, and wine and dine him, as a boyfriend rather than his platonic housemate. He can’t wait to do that. The replies bolster his confidence though, because there’s no hate or homophobic comments, just positivity. _If only everyone could be that way…_

Among the numerous questions about him and Aaron, which Robert definitely won’t be answering, there are plenty on more neutral topics that he’s more than happy to answer. He settles himself on the sofa, in front of one of large windows where the sunlight’s streaming in and casting a lovely glow over the apartment, then begins filming answers to the questions.

Robert’s about fifteen minutes in, when a flurry of notifications pop up on his screen to let him know that he’s received even more messages to his inbox. His eyes widen as he reads through the latest ones and gasps in surprise.

_‘OMG!! Was that Aaron?’_

_“Oh wow. Aaron is_ _🔥_ _🔥_ _🔥_ _🔥’_

_‘Your boyfriend is so fit!!’_

He has no idea what anybody’s talking about so looks back through his last few posts to his stories. Lo and behold, in one that was only posted a couple of minutes ago, Aaron can be seen wandering through from the bathroom and towards their bedroom, wearing nothing but a towel. Robert has no idea how he didn’t hear him and is sure that Aaron wouldn’t have willingly let himself be filmed half-naked.

“Aaron!” He shouts. “Can you come here?”

“You all done?” Aaron asks with a smile, emerging from the bedroom and draping his strong arms over Robert’s shoulders. popping himself down on the sofa beside Robert. “What is it?” He asks when Robert doesn’t say anything.

“Did you know that I was filming?” Robert asks hesitantly. Aaron looks blankly at him. “You were in the background on one of my stories. Half-naked.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry!” Aaron laughs. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“No, but I thought you might.”

“Hmm.” Aaron shrugs. “Anyone can find photos of me half-naked on the internet if they want to.”

“Well everyone’s loving it.” Robert shakes his head, relieved that Aaron’s not annoyed about having his privacy invaded. “Wait a sec.” He says when Aaron starts to leave, finding the message with all of the fire emojis, showing it to Aaron and then starting to film again.

“What do you think, Aaron?” Robert speaks to the camera, then turns the phone so that Aaron’s in shot. Aaron pauses for a second but Robert gestures at him to say something.

“Whoops.” Aaron quips cheekily. “It must be the model in me – always wanting to show off when there’s a camera around!”

Robert laughs and turns the camera back on himself, smiling at Aaron for a little longer than necessary. He watches the video back and okay, maybe it’s a little bit flirty, but in that moment he doesn’t care. He posts the video without further thought, then ends his Instagram session with a final story thanking everyone for their questions. Let people think what they want. It won’t be long until they all know the truth anyway…

~~~~

“Oh my god… fuck… right there, right there…” Robert lets out a strangled gasp as Aaron pulls out and thrusts back inside him again.

It’s early morning and they’ve been going at it for twenty minutes already, Aaron wanting to savour the experience as much as possible before he has to leave for his job in Spain. They’d started off spooning, Aaron holding their bodies tightly together so that he could engulf Robert with as much of his warmth as possible. And then Robert had guided Aaron’s hand into his underwear and pushed his arse back against Aaron’s crotch, his arousal evident and wanting. 

If the days that have followed Robert bottoming for the first time have taught Aaron anything, it’s that they’re nothing if not versatile. To fill or be filled, that’s always a question for both of them now. It’s certainly opened up a lot of doors for them and Aaron’s living for it.

But Robert had made his intentions very clear this morning, whimpering as Aaron mouthed at his neck and telling him to fuck and fill him as hard and deep as possible so that the memory would last for as long as Aaron was away for. And who was Aaron to deny his boyfriend’s request?

“You feel so good.” He moans, his grip on Robert’s hip so firm that he’s sure it will leave bruises; but Robert’s not complaining, groaning deeply at every squeeze as he strokes his own cock in tandem with Aaron’s thrusts.

“I’m so close. Your cock’s gonna make me come so hard.” Robert groans, taking Aaron’s hand and placing it at the end of his cock.

Aaron knows exactly what he wants and obliges, rubbing his thumb over the head of Robert’s cock and wiping at the pre-come there, then putting it in Robert’s mouth so that he can taste himself. Robert whimpers like a man having his first taste of water after being parched for weeks, so Aaron repeats the move, every touch on Robert’s cock more slippery than the last.

“Come for me, Rob.” Aaron grunts in Robert’s ear, pushing so deeply into Robert that he can’t tell where his own body ends and Robert’s begins. “Come hard for me.”

Robert cries out and shakes through his orgasm as Aaron continues his unrelenting pace, his thighs aching from the exertion, until Robert squeezes his arse against Aaron’s cock and Aaron comes so hard that his vision goes blurry. He could quite happily stay buried inside Robert’s arse all day, waiting to grow hard again, but Robert’s always incredibly sensitive afterwards so he only gets to enjoy the feeling for a few seconds before Robert’s gently easing himself away, moaning as Aaron’s cock slips free.

“I wish you didn’t have to go.” Robert pouts sadly as he lays in Aaron’s arms once Aaron’s disposed of the condom, stroking his fingers over Aaron’s scars in a way that Aaron finds strangely comforting.

“Because you won’t get sex for two and a half days?” Aaron asks jokingly.

“No. Well, kind of.” Robert laughs, getting a dig in the ribs for his cheekiness. “I’m just going to miss you.” Robert groans in annoyance at the sound of his phone ringing suddenly. “Oh shit, it’s Vic.”

“Answer it.” Aaron tells him. “Ask her about dinner. I need to get a shower anyway.”

Aaron kisses Robert firmly, enjoying his taste, and watches as Robert answers the phone breathlessly, still clearly recovering from his orgasm.

“Vic, hi.” Robert gasps as Aaron shuffles down the bed and takes his cock between his lips. It’s cheeky, he knows, but he can’t resist. Robert tries desperately to bat Aaron away as he listens to whatever Victoria’s saying, but Aaron lingers for a few more seconds before getting off the bed and sending Robert a parting wink as he goes to get into the shower.

“Naughty.” Robert mouths at him.

“You love it.” He mouths back.

Robert’s still in bed when he gets out the shower, looking both pleased and slightly worried.

“Vic, okay?” He asks concernedly. “You sorted the dinner?”

“Yeah, she’s free on Friday afternoon.” Robert replies absently. “It’s odd though. She was calling to ask if I wanted to meet _her_ for dinner at the restaurant she works at. Said that she had something to talk to me about, but she wouldn’t say what it was on the phone. I definitely think she suspects something because she kept asking how you were and how we were getting on living together.”

“Maybe she was just genuinely interested.” Aaron points out. “Where does she work again?” He asks, subtly trying to prevent Robert from ruminating too much about what his sister does or doesn’t suspect. 

“It’s called Nineteen. It’s a really good place, actually. She’s done well to get a job there considering she didn’t have much experience before.” Robert smiles proudly. “That’s one thing I can thank my dad for – it was his connections that helped her get the job.”

“Oh, I’ve been there. It was one of Ed’s favourites…” Aaron says before he’s even thought about it. He doesn’t like to think about Ed if he can help it, and the memory of their fancy dinners and nights out instantly brings a sourness to the atmosphere which he knows Robert can detect too. “Surprised I never saw her there,” he adds quickly, with a thoughtful smile.

“Well, I guess you wouldn’t have done if she was in the kitchen, would you?” Robert replies, ignoring the mention of Aaron’s ex, which Aaron is relieved about.

“I guess not,” Aaron shrugs, sitting on the edge of the bed. He can see that Robert’s still pre-occupied with thoughts of what Victoria wants to talk to him about. “Try not to worry, yeah? It’s not like you’re having to come out to her - she already knows you’re bi. And if she suspects anything about us then it’ll just make telling her a lot easier.”

“I know.” Robert nods. “I just can’t stop thinking about how my dad will react. I hope she’ll agree to tell him for me.”

“Do you think she has any idea what he’s like?” Aaron asks curiously. It’s something he’s been wondering about recently: whether Jack’s explicit about his distaste of gay people or if it’s something that only Robert knows about.

“I doubt it. As far as she’s concerned, he’s the perfect dad. She’ll probably think I’m being ridiculous for asking her to tell him for me.” Robert stares blankly down at his hands. “I’m sorry that I’m not normal and that I have to do this at all.”

“Hey, don’t be silly. You _are_ normal.” Aaron strokes his fingers down Robert’s arm gently. “It’s not your fault that your dad’s the way he is. Just think, in a few days’ time then everyone who matters will know about us and we can get on with our lives. No more hiding. Just try to hold on to that, yeah?”

“How is it that you always know what to say to make me feel better?” Robert smiles shyly at Aaron.

“It’s just one of my many talents.” Aaron quips back before checking the time and seeing that he’s only got a couple of hours until he needs to leave for the airport. “You’ll be okay whilst I’m gone, won’t you? You could still come with me…” he adds hopefully.

“I wish I could, but I’ve got work to do here. And you’ll be so busy that I wouldn’t see you much anyway. I’ll be absolutely fine.” Robert opens his arms and gestures for Aaron, squeezing him in a tight hug that Aaron doesn’t want to ever end. “I’m just going to miss you so much.”

~~~~

Robert really wishes he had the ability to sleep in late when Aaron was working away. He’s been up since seven o’clock this morning and despite trying to take as long as possible to complete all of his work, there’s still four hours until Aaron’s flight is due to land back in London. It’s been a good day so far though, and he’s excited to tell Aaron about the follow-up conversation he had with his agent this morning after his meeting with her yesterday. It’s one positive thing that’s distracted his otherwise pre-occupied mind.

For now though, he’s sat on the sofa, headphones on, and doing the same thing that he’s been doing whenever he’s not been working or talking to Aaron on FaceTime. He’s surprised that he’s not gotten bored of it yet, but something keeps bringing him back to the same websites and the numerous browser tabs open at once.

“Guess who.” Aaron’s voice creeps into Robert’s ear as Robert’s eyes are covered by his hands.

“Jesus! You scared the life out of me!” Robert yelps embarrassingly on the sofa. “I thought you weren’t back until this evening?”

Robert scrambles to close the browser on his laptop, both delighted to have Aaron back sooner than expected and embarrassed that he’d been caught looking at something he’d rather have kept private. He’d been so lost in what he’d been watching that he hadn’t even heard Aaron come in and his heart starts to race instantly.

“Got an early flight back, didn’t I? Were you watching porn?” Aaron leans over the sofa and asks with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“No!” Robert retorts defensively, knowing that the tone of his voice makes it sound as though he’s lying. He takes a deep breath as Aaron sits down and reluctantly reopens the browser tab, turning the laptop towards Aaron so that he can see what he’s been watching.

“Coming out videos?” Aaron asks curiously.

“Yeah,” Robert admits shyly, scrolling down through the comments under the video he’s just been watching. “I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about telling my dad about us whilst you were gone, reading loads of stuff online and trying to figure out whether I’m brave enough to tell him or not. A video got recommended and I’ve fallen into a YouTube hole of watching them.”

“Any of them good?” Aaron asks with interest, running his fingers through Robert’s hair in a move that makes Robert lean into him.

“Yeah, they all are actually.” Robert replies confidently, recalling a few that he’s nervously watched several times. “Most of them are about coming out as gay rather than bi, but there are so many guys with dads like mine, who seemed like they’d have a massive problem with it. But then when they told them it wasn’t as bad as they thought. Like this guy,” Robert goes to his saved videos and opens one up to show Aaron. “He’s American and his dad’s a really conservative Christian who’d always had a problem with gay people. He didn’t react brilliantly at first, but now he’s totally fine with it. I dunno, maybe it’s stupid, but it’s made me think that maybe I should give my dad a bit more credit. Maybe he’ll be okay with it…”

Robert looks to Aaron for his reaction, to try and see whether Aaron thinks he’s being delusional or not. He’s happy to see that Aaron looks hopeful too.

“I wish I’d thought to watch stuff like that before I came out. Might’ve made it easier for me too.” Aaron ponders sadly.

“What was it like for you?” Robert inquires, realising that he and Aaron have never really spoken much about his coming out. He’s always known Aaron as not being confident about his sexuality, but he knows that it’s not always been that way.

“Well I never had to tell my dad. Thank god.” Aaron says bitterly. “But my mum was totally fine with it. Shocked, obviously-”

“That her chavvy son was gay?” Robert can’t help but interrupt, thinking of an old photo of Aaron that Aaron had shown him.

“Yeah!” Aaron laughs, rolling his eyes. “But once that wore off then she was absolutely fine. She tried to help me accept it. It kind of worked, but it took me more time than it should have done.”

Robert doesn’t push any further. He knows that it was Ed who really helped Aaron to come to terms with his sexuality, but he doesn’t want to mention him. The thought of Aaron’s mum makes him feel sad though. He’s been thinking about his own a lot more than usual recently.

“I wish my mum was here.” He admits quietly. “I think she’d understand… she was always so caring and accepting of everyone. I can remember, when I was thirteen or something like that, she had this friend who was gay. She saw him in a supermarket when I was with her. He was with a man and I asked afterwards who the man was. My mum didn’t try to lie about it, she just said ‘his boyfriend’ like it was the most normal thing in the world.”

“That’s exactly how it should be.” Aaron nods.

“I know.” Robert agrees, recalling the memory fondly. “But then when we got home, she mentioned him to my dad and suggested inviting him to a dinner party they were having that weekend. I can remember him looking at her like she’d suggested inviting a murderer round for dinner. He said that he didn’t want people ‘like that’ in the house, and that was the end of that conversation.” Robert pauses thoughtfully. “I guess it doesn’t matter what she’d think though – it’s her that’s dead, not my dad.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron pulls Robert into a hug. His body’s warm and smells gorgeous, as always. Robert wishes his mum was here to see them together, and to see how happy Aaron makes him. Life can be so unfair sometimes, he thinks, but at least he has Aaron. “I’m gonna unpack and get a shower, okay?”

“Okay.” Robert replies, holding on to Aaron for a few seconds more. “Do you think you could maybe come with me to tell Vic?”

“Do you want me to?” Aaron asks, looking like he’s unsure about whether it’s a good idea. “Would you not rather tell her by yourself?”

“I thought I did, but I want you to be there too. It seems like the right thing to do. And maybe if I bottle it when it comes to asking her to tell dad then you could ask her for me?”

“As long as you’re sure then I’d love to come with you. It’ll give me a good excuse to dress up for you too, won’t it?” Aaron winks knowingly before disappearing into their bedroom.

~~~~

“You look really good, by the way.” Aaron tells Robert as they exit the taxi. He really does too… blonde hair coiffed and styled to perfection, white shirt perfectly ironed, smelling beautifully of heavy sandalwood. Aaron had joked earlier that he acted more like a model than Aaron himself did.

“Thanks.” Robert replies, straightening himself up. “Right, let’s do this then.” He says confidently, holding the restaurant door open chivalrously for Aaron and letting him pass through ahead of him. “Table booked under Sugden,” he tells the maitre d’, who nods in acknowledgement and gestures for them to follow him.

For a moment, Aaron’s not sure if his eyes are deceiving him, because as he gets closer to the table that they’re being directed to then he sees another person sat next to Victoria who looks distinctly like Adam. Robert’s walking behind him and he looks back at him to see a similarly puzzled look on his face.

“Is that-” Robert starts.

“Adam?” Aaron finishes, turning back in the direction of the table and confirming that it is indeed his best friend who’s tucking a stray piece of hair behind Victoria’s ear and looking at her like he’s enchanted by her.

Victoria and Adam both look up as the maitre d’ approaches, Victoria immediately standing up with a beaming smile and embracing Robert like she’s not seen him in years. Aaron takes the opportunity to glance over at Adam and their eyes meet, Adam greeting Aaron with a slightly furrowed brow and questioning glint in his eye as he cocks his head towards Robert.

Aaron doesn’t have any time to provide a silent response though, as Victoria also engulfs him in a similarly overwhelming hug to the one that she’s just given Robert.

“Well this is a surprise! Why didn’t you tell me that you were bringing Aaron?” Victoria asks Robert inquisitively as they all take their seats at the table. Aaron’s not sure if he’s just imagining it, but he’s sure that he detects a hint of trepidation in her voice. _She knows_ , he thinks, _she already knows_.

“I only knew an hour ago.” Robert begins explaining, rubbing the back of his neck tensely as he does so. Despite his bravado, he’s stressed already, Aaron can tell. “Aaron wasn’t meant to be getting back from Spain until later tonight, but he ended up getting an early flight home. Didn’t you?” He says pointedly, addressing Aaron directly.

“Hmm,” Aaron thinks quickly, keen to continue the lie and let Robert guide the conversation, hating the way that Adam’s unexpected presence has already shaken up the way that Robert planned to reveal their relationship. “I had a craving for lobster tortellini they do here, so kind of invited myself. Sorry.” He adds awkwardly.

“No need to be sorry. It’s good to see you both.” Victoria smiles happily, the apprehension from her voice gone now as she turns to the maitre d’ who’s still waiting by their table. “Tom, could we get another bottle of the Chablis, please? Unless you two fancy something different?”

“Uh, no that’s fine. Although could I get a whisky too please?” Robert adds quickly. “Whatever you recommend.”

The maitre d’ nods approvingly. Aaron suddenly fancies the same, a wave of nervousness hitting him surprisingly. “I’ll have one as well.”

“Certainly, I’ll have a waiter bring them over in a moment.”

The four of them look bemusedly between each other for a few moments, the atmosphere somewhat strained as though they’re all internally asking themselves questions about the real reasons for them all being in the restaurant together.

“So, you two are together, aren’t you?” Robert states obviously, breaking the silence. Aaron has no doubt that that’s the case - there’s no other likely reason for Adam to be here. “Come on, I saw you both when we came in. There’s no point denying it. How long’s it been going on for, then?”

“Uh,” Adam looks sheepishly back at Robert, then to Victoria. “I think Vic wanted to be the one to tell you, actually.”

“After Italy and Chas’s birthday we started hanging out a bit and spending some time together.” Victoria interjects enthusiastically, smiling coyly at Adam. “It just developed from there, really. Don’t be mad, Rob. We’re really happy.”

“Why would I be mad?” Robert enquires disbelievingly. “As long as he treats you properly, which I’m sure you will, won’t you Adam?” He asks like a father interrogating his daughter’s first boyfriend. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy.”

“Yeah, nice one mate.” Aaron reaches over the table to give Adam a friendly pat his bicep. “I know that I’m probably not the best-placed man to say it, but she’s a pretty good girlfriend.” He jokes.

“Ugh, thanks for that reminder.” Adam screws up his face in mock distaste before laughing.

“I was hardly your girlfriend!” Victoria complains.

“I really don’t want to have to think about that.” Robert joins in, and Aaron sticks his tongue out teasingly at him. They’ve only spoken about Aaron’s brief encounter with Victoria once and it was an awkward, albeit amusing, conversation that Aaron rather wouldn’t repeat.

The conversation pauses briefly as their waiter arrives with their drinks. Aaron catches Victoria glancing inquisitively between him and Robert. _She definitely knows_ , he thinks.

“Well, that’s one bit of my news out of the way.” Victoria declares after taking a sip of her wine. “Your turn now, Rob.”

“Okay, well-” Robert pauses nervously like he’s searching for the right words, taking a large glug of his whisky and nearly finishing the entire lot with one gulp. He looks to Aaron like he wants his help, but Aaron just smiles back encouragingly at him. _‘You can do this’_ he wants to say to him.

“Sorry, Rob.” Victoria apologises suddenly, looking over Robert and Aaron’s head. Aaron turns to see a waitress walking behind them. “Hey Chloe, you okay? Yeah, this is Adam. I’ll catch up with you later, yeah?” She turns her attention back to Robert. “Sorry, Rob, I’m all ears now.”

“I just want you to know that I wasn’t keeping this a secret for any reason.” Robert begins, stuttering slightly. Aaron had heard him rehearsing this in the mirror earlier, not knowing that he was being listened in on. “Not because I’m ashamed or anything like that. I, or rather we, just wanted to keep it between ourselves for a bit.”

Aaron feels like snapping when he sees Victoria’s eyes drift away from the table again and assumes that she’s had her attention caught by another colleague by the way that her eyes light up in recognition. Robert doesn’t seem to notice though, apparently focused only on getting out his pre-prepared speech.

“Me and Aaron,” Robert starts confidently but quietly, taking hold of Aaron’s hand unexpectedly in his clammy palm. “Aaron’s… my-”

Robert now seems to realise that Victoria’s distracted as he looks up and stops talking. Both Victoria and Adam aren’t paying any attention to Robert now, preoccupied by the distinct presence behind him, casting a shadow over the table that seems to engulf it. Aaron’s not sure why, but something about the atmosphere feels suddenly ominous; Victoria swallows nervously as she continues to look behind them.

“Hi dad.” She says quietly. “Hi Andy.”

~~~~

Robert drops Aaron’s hand like it’s made of molten glass. The fight-or-flight response kicks in straight away as he turns and sees his father and brother stood just inches behind him, both clocking Aaron and exchanging a knowing look between them. Jack’s expression immediately changes to one of distaste, like he’s just stood in vomit or dog’s mess.

 _Why, why, why…_ Why are they here? Why didn’t Victoria think that he deserved to know that Jack and Andy would be joining them too? It can’t be a spontaneous decision - this had to be planned. It all feels so unfair. He had his coming out all mapped out: a confident and happy announcement to Victoria, followed by an awkward conversation where he asked her to explain his and Aaron’s relationship to Jack, and finally the nerve-wracking wait for her to call and reveal what his father’s reaction had been.

It wasn’t meant to be like this – so public and brazen, where he’d have to experience Jack’s reaction first-hand. But strangely enough, despite the way that time stands still as though he’s waiting for a firing squad to fire their first shot, there’s no reaction at all. Instead, Jack and Andy take their seats, one at each end of the table, and barely acknowledge Robert or Aaron at all.

Robert hopes, more than he’s ever hoped for anything before, that he’s gotten away with it. There’s a glimmer of optimism that Jack and Andy didn’t hear what he’d just said or see his and Aaron’s interlinked hands. Aaron’s remaining expectedly silent, but Robert can feel the tension thrumming from him, and he’s sure that Aaron’s wondering the same thing.

Adam seems pretty oblivious to the stiffness in the air, clearly occupied by thoughts of meeting Jack properly for the first time and sitting up a little straighter in his chair. Robert’s loathed to admit it, but he knows just how intimidating Jack can be - it’s no surprise that Adam’s nervous.

Robert wants the ground to swallow him up as his eyes meet Jack’s in silent greeting. There’s a look of warning in Jack’s eyes, like he’s challenging Robert not to say or do something that’s going to disappoint him. Robert feels as though he’s in purgatory, waiting for the moment that Jack reveals that he knows what’s going on between him and Aaron.

“Andy, dad, this is Adam-” Victoria beams, ignorant to Jack’s frosty reception, introducing Adam like he’s a prize that she’s just won.

“Adam.” Jack acknowledges Adam with a stoic greeting. “It’s good to finally meet you. Sorry, did me and Andy just interrupt something that Robert wanted to say?” He asks the mock sincerity that Robert knows only too well, although he also sounds as though he’s genuinely curious.

 _Phew,_ Robert thinks, relief overcoming him like a ten-tonne weight that’s just been lifted from his shoulders, _he doesn’t know_.

“Oh yeah, sorry Rob. Dad and Andy distracted me again! Go on.” Victoria smiles excitedly, naïve to the awkward atmosphere between her father and brothers. 

Robert’s mind goes blank as he looks around the table, desperately searching for something else to say so that he doesn’t have to make his admission right now. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth, like he couldn’t speak even if he wanted to. He must appear as though he’s lost his mind. Everyone’s looking expectantly at him, but it’s Adam’s face that catches his attention most of all – Adam’s brow is furrowed as though he’s trying to work something out, and then his eyes widen in realisation as he looks swiftly between Robert and Aaron, then Jack and Andy.

“No, babe.” Adam says obtusely, “Robert can wait, eh? This dinner is about you. Why don’t you tell everyone your other news?”

Victoria pauses, like she’s fighting between her own eagerness and imposed selflessness of letting Robert speak. The former wins out as she relentingly says “Oh, okay! So, obviously I wanted you all to meet Adam properly, but you’re also looking at the new sous chef of Nineteen. I got a promotion!”

“Vic, that’s amazing.” Robert smiles widely, genuinely pleased for her and simultaneously wanting to reach over the table and kiss her in thanks for providing such a huge distraction.

Jack and Andy look just as delighted, congratulating Victoria warmly, and beaming with pride. It hurts Robert to think that Jack’s never appeared particularly proud of Robert, choosing instead to find flaws in any good news that Robert’s ever had about his career before.

“Well done, Vic.” Robert hears Aaron say beside him. “You’ve come a long way from making us cheese and pickle sandwiches after school.”

Everyone laughs. Apart from Jack and Andy, obviously. Their faces remain still and unemotive, as though Aaron hasn’t spoken at all, souring the atmosphere. 

“Sorry Victoria, but I just need to ask Robert what on earth Aaron is doing here?” Jack asks coolly, as though Robert’s brought a stranger off the street with him.

“Well I want to ask Victoria what you and Andy are doing here.” Robert snaps back, surprising himself with the amount of attitude in his voice. “Eh, Vic? You never mentioned that our dinner was going to be a family reunion.”

“And you never said that Aaron was going to be coming either.” Victoria retorts naggingly.

The waiter returning to the table brings a welcome distraction as he takes Jack and Andy’s drink order. Robert feels quietly embarrassed by them as they both order ale, because of course neither of them can appreciate the fact that they’re in a Michelin star restaurant with a fine selection of some of the best wine that London has to offer.

“How was Paris, you two?” Victoria asks Aaron and Robert, her tone betraying the fact that she’s finally picked up on the strained atmosphere and is trying to alleviate it.

“Yeah, it was good, thanks.” Aaron nods back, biting nervously at his thumb.

“Oh mate, you looked amazing.” Adam chips in. “I’m gutted I didn’t get booked for anything this year.”

“So, you’re a model too then, Adam?” Jack asks curiously, and Robert braces himself for some kind of negative reaction or disappointment that Victoria’s in a relationship with a model rather than a _good ol’ hard grafter_ , or whatever the hell Jack would prefer.

“I am, yeah. Not as successful as Aaron here though.” Adam gestures at Aaron with brotherly pride.

“Don’t put yourself down, babe. Adam’s going to be in GQ next week, dad.” Victoria tells Jack enthusiastically.

“And that’s good, is it?” Jack retorts cluelessly.

“It’s really good! It’s the same magazine that Robert worked for during Fashion Week. Oh, and you were amazing too, obviously.” Victoria smiles at Robert, but all he can think about is the disdainful way that Jack had spoken to him about his work.

“Oh, _that_ one.” Jack states bitterly.

“You’ve still not answered dad’s question.” Andy interjects rudely, staring directly at Aaron. “What’s he doing here, Robert?”

Robert shifts nervously in his chair, grateful when the waiter reappears with Jack and Andy’s drinks and providing him a moment to compose himself.

“Well go on then.” Andy’s insistence is starting to annoy Robert now. He’s sure that Andy knows exactly what’s going on but is just trying to make it as difficult and awkward as possible. “Is Aaron just your shadow now? Living with you in London, following you to Paris, by your side for a family meal.”

“He didn’t follow me to Paris. Did you not just hear the conversation, Andy? He was working there too.”

“Doesn’t explain why he’s here though, does it?”

“For god’s sake.” Robert snaps irately, willing himself to try and stay calm. “Why do you think he’s here? What possible reason could there be? Why would I have wanted to bring him here with me, to see Vic?”

“You tell me.” Andy sits back in his chair cockily, arms folded across his chest.

“You don’t need to do this now,” Aaron leans in and says quietly beside Robert. Robert can tell that he’s resisting the urge to reach out and touch him.

“No, I do. This is getting ridiculous now.” Robert takes a deep breath, preparing himself for the worst possible outcome to what he’s about to say. Deep down he knows that he’s only going to be confirming what everyone already suspects, but that doesn’t stop his heart from hammering in his chest and his palms sweating. “We’re together, okay?” Robert says casually, barely daring to look between Jack and Andy, who are both looking back at him blankly. “Aaron’s my… boyfriend.”

There’s a series of reactions: the distinct semi-whoop of congratulations from Adam, the _‘I knew it’_ sound of celebration from Victoria, the stunned gasp of speechlessness from Andy, and finally, the loudest of all reactions despite no sound leaving his mouth, the look of hatred and disgust from Jack.

“Don’t be so ridiculous, Robert.” Jack spits after a few seconds, like venom leaving his mouth. It’s not as extreme of a response as Robert was expecting, but it’s still not the one that that he was hoping for.

“I’m not being ridiculous. Aaron’s my boyfriend.” Robert states calmly, feeling a brief and welcoming flitter of liberation. “Something funny, Andy?” He asks when he clocks the look of bemusement on his brother’s face.

“No,” Andy shrugs. “This is just so typical of you, Robert.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you can’t bear for your sister to have all of the attention, so you have to say something to bring it back to you again.” Jack says clearly and disdainfully. “Very selfish of you Robert.”

Robert wonders whether he’s actually hearing clearly or if his mind is dissociating to cope with the stress of the situation. _What exactly is his father suggesting?_ Tempted as he is to take hold of Aaron’s hand or swoop over and kiss him in some kind of confirmation or proof that he’s not lying, he resists.

“Don’t be silly, dad.” Victoria says passively, trying to diffuse the tension. “I knew that Robert had something to tell me. It doesn’t bother me at all. Can we all just try to calm down a bit?”

“You’re staying quiet, aren’t you?” Andy says to Aaron, ignoring Victoria and clearly intent on not letting the subject drop so easily. It’s not like Robert expects anything different – he was naïve to think that there was a possibility that Jack or Andy would accept his relationship with Aaron with no issue.

“I need some air.” Aaron stiffens beside Robert, his hand squeezing his glass of whisky tightly, as though he could break it if he wanted to. He scrapes his chair back quickly without another word and Andy and Jack both scoff as they watch him leave the restaurant.

Robert notices that some of the other diners have caught wind of the drama unfolding at the table. The restaurant is a favourite of the rich and famous and he has no doubt that he, Aaron, and Adam to a lesser extent, have probably been recognised by some of them. He wouldn’t be surprised if someone had taken a covert photo of them all.

“Look, I didn’t want to tell you now.” Robert addresses his father and Andy. “But Aaron and I are done with hiding our relationship.”

“Relationship.” Jack mutters, shaking his head disdainfully. Robert’s about to bite something back at him when Aaron reappears at the table, flustered.

“There’re photographers outside.” Aaron says to Victoria. “Is there somewhere out the back I can go?”

“Uh, yeah sure.” Victoria replies, catching the eye of the waitress who she’d greeted earlier. “Chlo, can you show Aaron out the back?”

“Course.” Chloe replies. She must be used to observing awkward family dinners, but the tension at the table must be even more detectable than Robert imagines as she looks at everyone strangely and gestures at Aaron. “It’s this way.”

“I’ll come too.” Adam offers, picking up his and Aaron’s drinks as he leaves the table.

There’s something off about Aaron, Robert can tell. The photographers surely haven’t helped - he bets the taxi driver had called the paps and let them know that he and Aaron had just arrived at the restaurant – but there’s the same strain in his shoulders that he always has whenever he’s stressed and is struggling to deal with it.

Robert wants to follow them too, to get away from the oppressive stares of Jack and Andy, but he also doesn’t want to give them the opportunity to bad-mouth him to Victoria. So instead, he forces himself to remain at the table and finishes his whisky, before pouring himself a large glass of wine and taking a large sip of it too. He looks up to see Jack and Andy rolling their eyes at each other. 

“Well that was nice of him, wasn’t it?” Andy quips sarcastically to Jack.

~~~~

“You alright mate?” Adam asks, before quickly adding. “Sorry, stupid question.”

“It’s all fucked up now, isn’t it?” Aaron replies, kicking his foot against the brick wall in the alleyway behind the restaurant.

“What do you mean?” Adam enquires, looking as though he’s still not fully understanding of exactly what’s just happened.

“Me and Robert. That’s us over.” He knows he sounds as though he’s being dramatic, but that’s exactly how he feels.

“I’m confused.” Adam says, furrowing his brow. “He literally just told his family about you two.”

“Yeah and look at how they reacted! He’s been dreading this for so long. I think he’d convinced himself that Jack and Andy would be okay with it, but they’re not. He cares so much about what that arsehole of a dad thinks of him.” Aaron can tell that his thoughts are running away with him now. “No, he’ll end it with me. Go back to playing the good, straight son.”

“Mate, you’re getting carried away now. Just take a breath. Have a smoke. Drink this.” Adam hands over his unfinished glass of whisky and Aaron finishes it, welcoming the burn in his throat. “Look, I know I’ve only just found out about you two, but there’s no reason for Robert to dump you. He didn’t have to tell them, but he obviously wanted to.”

“I guess.” Aaron rubs his eyes harshly, annoyed at how he’s reacting to all of this.

He wasn’t expecting open arms and smiles from Jack or Andy, but their harsh reaction had thrown him. He feels bad for leaving Robert in the restaurant with them, but the whole situation had reminded him of his own coming out and he felt as though he’d been transported back to a time where he disliked every part of his existence. He knew that Robert coming out was never going to be easy for him, but he hates that he lives in a world where it even has to be announced at all.

“How long’s it been going on for?” Adam asks with a coy smile. “You and him weren’t, you know, before you and Ed split up?”

“God, no! I’m nothing like Ed.” Aaron says seriously. The last thing he needs right now on top of everything else is to think about Ed. “Or maybe I am, I don’t know. We’d been flirting a bit, but nothing serious. Then we slept together when I stayed with him at Home Farm, but I was so messed up by the break-up. We got together properly when we moved in together in London.”

“Not gonna lie, I’m kind of shocked that Robert’s even into guys.” Adam says disbelievingly. “Never would have thought he was gay.”

“Why? And he’s not gay, he’s bi.”

“Ooh.” Adam sucks in an anxious breath. “And you’re okay with that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Aaron asks curiously.

“Well, guys and girls…” Adam starts hesitantly. “Bi people can be a bit…”

“Oh, because there’s double the number of people that I have to worry about him cheating on me with?” Aaron interjects with annoyance. It’s not as though he hasn’t thought about that himself, especially because of Ed, but he’s had a few stern words with himself about his prejudiced opinions. “If someone’s gonna cheat then it doesn’t matter how many options they have. I trust him, Ads. He’s stuck around through all my shit and he’s still-”

Aaron’s stopped mid-sentence by the back door of the restaurant crashing open and Andy emerging, followed closely behind by Robert. Andy looks enraged and Robert looks like he’s halfway between collapsing on the floor with defeat and starting a fight with him.

“Are you happy with yourself?” Andy asks, getting in Aaron’s face. “My dad knew that this was going to happen. Just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”

“Listen, mate,” Aaron begins. He doesn’t want to give Andy the time of day, but he’ll be damned if he’s not going to defend himself.

“I’m not your mate.” Andy interrupts and Aaron rolls his eyes in response.

“Fine. Listen Andy, I don’t know how to explain this to you, but it’s the twenty-first century and Robert can choose to be with whoever he wants. I haven’t forced him to be in a relationship with me. I didn’t force him to sleep with me.” Aaron can’t resist adding that last sentence - so what if he wants to make Andy feel uncomfortable?

“So, what is this then?” Andy gestures between Robert and Aaron. “Women have grown tired of you, so you’ve moved onto blokes?”

Aaron hears Robert scoff beside him. It’s funny, because when he and Robert had run through how his coming out was going to go then they’d gone through a list of the likely questions that were going to be asked of him. Luckily, that had also given them the opportunity to prepare some answers.

“God Andy, I know that you live in a little bubble of ignorance and farming and tractors back home, but surely even you can understand the concept of bisexuality?” Robert asks. Aaron’s comforted by the fact that his confidence seems slightly bolstered now that he’s away from Jack.

“Yeah, yeah. This is classic attention-seeking Robert.” Andy turns to Aaron, addressing him directly when he says. “You know that right, this is just a phase for him?”

“No.” Robert says insistently. “Being straight was a phase. Lying to myself was a phase.”

“Oh, Robert. Don’t be so bloody dramatic about it.” Jack pipes up from behind them, appearing suddenly and silently. Aaron can’t help but wonder what Victoria’s colleagues must be thinking of seeing all of her party disappear out the back entrance of the restaurant, but he’s relieved that they’re doing this in relative privacy rather than in full view of all of the restaurant diners. “I know that some people your age might experiment, but Andy’s right. This is just a phase, Robert.”

“ _Me_ being dramatic? Have you both heard yourselves? I’m with a man. Big fucking deal!”

“Not here in London, but back in Emmerdale it’s not like that, Robert.” Jack says condescendingly.

“Oh, I forgot that you were an expert in the LGBT community in Yorkshire.” Robert quips sarcastically. “It’s a good job that I’ve got no intention of going back to Emmerdale then, isn’t it? You know what, you can find someone else to run Home Farm, because there’s not a chance that I’m going to spend another day working and making money for you.”

“Oh, is that right?” Jack retorts challengingly, looking taken aback that Robert would consider quitting his job.

“And why him?” Andy gestures at Aaron again.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Aaron asks angrily.

“You know exactly what I mean, mate.” Andy states, making no attempt to elaborate.

“I wasn’t your mate two minutes ago.” Aaron snaps back, feeling his anger rising. He can’t believe that Robert and Victoria are part of the same family as these two. “Go on, what do you mean by that?”

“You were in our house what, a couple of months ago, and then cut yourself and took an overdose because you couldn’t handle a break-up. Congratulations, Rob. When you act out then you really do a stellar job of it.” Andy states smugly.

It’s a low blow to bring that up. Aaron knows that he was a mess without someone like Andy reminding him of that fact. But he’s not going to stand for Andy basing his whole opinion of him on one bad period in his life.

“I suggest you shut up now, unless you want me to wipe that smug smile off your face.”

“Oh, yeah, and what are you gonna do, eh?” Andy asks, squaring up to Aaron and causing Aaron’s fists to clench up in response.

“You really don’t wanna push me.” Aaron replies seriously. It’s taking every fibre of his being to control his anger and not punch Andy. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“I think everyone should calm down.” Adam urges. “Come on, Aaron.”

Something about the concern in Adam’s tone makes Aaron pause and look around him. The scene is almost laughable – like some low-budget film, the five of them stood about like an alleyway brawl is about to happen, Jack in Andy’s corner and Adam and Robert in his. Aaron takes a step away from Andy and tries to calm himself down by taking a few deep breaths.

“Let’s go.” Robert says to Aaron, laying a hand on his shoulder which Aaron immediately relaxes into. This isn’t what Robert needs right now – if Aaron’s going to be putting his energy into anything then it will be comforting Robert, not starting a fight with his brother.

They’re just about to go back inside and Aaron’s relieved that he’s managed to keep his temper under control when he hears Andy mutter words that make his blood boil again.

“What would mum think of this, eh Robert?”

He acts without thinking and sees red. He thinks about what Robert had said about his mum being accepting and turns on the spot, rushing at Andy and pushing him up against a wall without a second’s consideration. Andy grapples with him for a few seconds before getting the upper hand and pushing Aaron back with such force that he nearly falls over.

“Oi. Get off each other.” Adam shouts, holding Aaron back as Robert tries to get between him and Andy. “Think what you’re doing, mate.” Adam says quietly in his ear. “This isn’t going to do Robert any good, is it?”

“Oh yeah. I forgot he was a thug too!” Andy shouts over Robert’s shoulder.

“Fuck you both.” Aaron shouts back, feeling annoyed at how quickly he’d lost his temper.

He doesn’t mean to punch the wall, but he feels that if he doesn’t then it will be Andy’s face that he uses to vent his anger instead. Andy’s actually done a good thing by calling him a thug because it reminds him that he went to prison for similar behaviour – it might feel good for a few minutes, but it’s not going to change his attitude towards Robert or make the situation any better…

The burn comes straightaway, and he feels the bliss wash over him at the pain of it. Robert gasps, then grabs his wrist to stop him from doing it again. He’s shaking all over, vibrating with adrenaline and rage. He knows the shame will come soon and he’d prefer to be at home when it does, not on full display in front of Jack and Andy.

“We’re done.” Robert says to Jack and Andy, putting his arm around Aaron and guiding him back inside. He turns at the door and warns them both. “You stay away from us.”

~~~~

“I’m so sorry.” Aaron says shamefully. “I didn’t mean to react like that…” He trails off when Robert doesn’t react, looking out from their balcony at the sun setting over the London skyline like he wants to disappear into it.

They’d gotten out of the restaurant quickly and it all feels like a blur to Aaron. Victoria had been shocked and speechless, tears in her eyes as she offered Aaron some ice for his scraped knuckles. He can’t remember what her and Robert had said to each other, but they’d parted with a hug at least.

The bastard photographers had still been outside the restaurant when they’d left, and Aaron had had to hide his fist under his jacket. He’d walked ahead of Robert though, trying to protect him from the camera flashes. He had no doubt that the looks on both of their faces were going to raise plenty of questions from the press and public. 

“Are you okay?” Aaron asks, knowing it’s the most pointless question when Robert’s clearly anything but.

“No.” Robert replies quietly. Aaron’s heart almost breaks at the dejected look on his face. “That couldn’t really have gone any worse, could it? I really thought-” Robert pauses, his lip quivering like he’s about to cry. “I thought he’d be angry at first, but that he’d see us together and see how happy I am, and at least try to understand it. I wasn’t expecting him to, like embrace you or something, but I didn’t think he’d be like that. So dismissive. So not understanding. And Andy too… I just don’t get it…”

“Sometimes people are who they are. Nothing will change their opinion or make them see things any differently.”

“I’m pissed off!” Robert slams his fist down on the patio table. “That’s not how I wanted it to be.”

“I know you didn’t.” Aaron agrees. The evening was meant to be a happy one that would have filled Robert with hope… not one ending with Robert close to tears and Aaron with an aching fist and scuffed knuckles.

“I promise that I’m not pushing you away, but do you think I could be by myself for a bit?” Robert asks, pouring himself another whisky from the bottle on the table. “I need some time to try and process what’s just happened.”

Aaron’s not sure if that’s the best idea. He doesn’t feel comfortable about leaving Robert with his own thoughts, but he also doesn’t know how best to bring him any comfort right now either. He knows from his own struggles that a person sometimes needs time by themselves.

“Okay.” He reluctantly agrees. “I’ll be in bed if you need anything, yeah? Even if you just want a hug or something, we don’t have to talk.”

“Hmm.” Robert says distractedly, like he’s not really listening. “I won’t be long.”

Aaron hesitates as he goes back inside, stopping himself from kissing or embracing Robert. He doubts that Robert wants any physical affection with the hateful words of his father and Andy still rattling around in his head. He hopes that Robert having time to himself isn’t going to make him reconsider their entire relationship and reluctantly retreats to their bedroom. There’s no way he’ll be able to sleep now though, not until he knows that Robert’s safe and sound in bed with him.

Instead, he lays down and starts looking at his phone, which is now lit up with Twitter notifications. It’s not a surprise to see numerous photos of him and Robert leaving the restaurant earlier. Robert looks exhausted in the photos, watery-eyed and emotional, and Aaron looks furious, still in pain from punching Andy and trying to shield his scraped fist.

It really couldn’t have gone any worse. He hates Jack. He hates Andy. He hates the world and the poison which seems to linger in every crack of it. But then he’s reminded that not every person is filled with the same intolerance that seems to fester in people like Jack and Andy, because there are so many comments of support and hope that Aaron and Robert together too.

He has no idea where they go from here though. His agent will probably call him first thing tomorrow and ask him to explain what the hell had happened. They surely can’t just go back to normal and pretending to be housemates after tonight…

He’s been scrolling for less than fifteen minutes when another notification pops up that makes him wonder if he’s fallen asleep already and is dreaming. _Robert Sugden has tagged you in a post_ , Instagram announces. He immediately taps the notification and is greeted by a photo that Robert had taken in Paris of the two of them in bed, messy-haired from fooling around in bed together, their eyes full of happiness and… love, Aaron supposes.

 **rjsugden** The rumours are true. Love is love. @aarondingle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah, Jack and Andy know at last! I've always wanted them finding out to be dramatic and an announcement to the public never felt fitting with everything that's happened so far. I'd love to know your thoughts and to know whether people are still interested in reading more, so let me know! Xx


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